On my knees...

[carsonshepherd]

Begging. Please, could someone help me? I'm about halfway into this story and the sex scenes are getting repetitive.... I'm afraid I'm losing my touch.... does anyone have time to offer me a brief critique of a few short chapters?


*warning* explicit gay sex as always

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Begging. Please, could someone help me? I'm about halfway into this story and the sex scenes are getting repetitive.... I'm afraid I'm losing my touch.... does anyone have time to offer me a brief critique of a few short chapters?


*warning* explicit gay sex as always

I'd help carson, but you already know I'd be out of my depth. I'll be glad to take a look, but I'm afraid I won't be of much use.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I'd help carson, but you already know I'd be out of my depth. I'll be glad to take a look, but I'm afraid I won't be of much use.

PM your way.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

PM your way.

Okies

 

[mack_the_knife]

Food. I recommend food.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Begging. Please, could someone help me? I'm about halfway into this story and the sex scenes are getting repetitive.... I'm afraid I'm losing my touch.... does anyone have time to offer me a brief critique of a few short chapters?


*warning* explicit gay sex as always

"A few short chapters" sounds ominous.

Without seeing it, I'd suggest this: Each act of sex has a different mood, a different expression, and a different result. Is this a first time, or a second time, or the 100th time, or what? What are these people to each other and what are they trying to achieve through sex?

Remember that the things that people do sexually are actually expressions of their feelings for each other. They may make love with tenderness, or anger, or jealousy, joy or hatred. They might be trying to convince the other, or dominate them, or appease them, or use them, or whatever. The way they feel determines the things they do, and if you can't figure out what it is they're doing, it's probably because you're not sure of how they're feeling.

 

[carsonshepherd]

"A few short chapters" sounds ominous.

Without seeing it, I'd suggest this: Each act of sex has a different mood, a different expression, and a different result. Is this a first time, or a second time, or the 100th time, or what? What are these people to each other and what are they trying to achieve through sex?

Remember that the things that people do sexually are actually expressions of their feelings for each other. They may make love with tenderness, or anger, or jealousy, joy or hatred. They might be trying to convince the other, or dominate them, or appease them, or use them, or whatever. The way they feel determines the things they do, and if you can't figure out what it is they're doing, it's probably because you're not sure of how they're feeling.

Yeah. You're right. I've had more trouble with character development than I normally do. I even know why. I just don't know how to fix it

 

[carsonshepherd]

thanks to Colly I think I've got it sorted for the moment

thank you Colleen

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Does that mean you're getting off your knees?

 

[carsonshepherd]

Does that mean you're getting off your knees?

never

 

[impressive]

never

 

[a.j.angel]

don't know how much help i would be,but i sure would like to read it.

 

[carsonshepherd]

don't know how much help i would be,but i sure would like to read it.

not when you find out how long it is

 

[a.j.angel]

not when you find out how long it is

the longer the better

 

[Colleen Thomas]

thanks to Colly I think I've got it sorted for the moment

thank you Colleen

Glad I could help Carson

*HUGS*

 

[CharleyH]

Begging. Please, could someone help me? I'm about halfway into this story and the sex scenes are getting repetitive.... I'm afraid I'm losing my touch.... does anyone have time to offer me a brief critique of a few short chapters?


*warning* explicit gay sex as always

ALWAYS happy to get get up early for a brief sex scene with explicit gay sex. Send the questions and the scene (but don't tell Cloudy and Stella I am doing yours before theirs!) Sshh.

Seriously, I will do something brief, if you want my op.

Cheers and best otherwise.

EDIT: Just read the remainder of the post and see Colly gave some good advice, as well as Doc and also see it's longer than a morning quickie!

 

[carsonshepherd]

the longer the better

14 chapters, 40K+ words? I thought not.

 

[Guest]

14 chapters, 40K+ words? I thought not.

i love this word...
prolific
i here by dub thee, Carsonshepherd, knight of all things wordy and producer of prolific pontifications.

*im so proud*

 

[carsonshepherd]

i love this word...
prolific
i here by dub thee, Carsonshepherd, knight of all things wordy and producer of prolific pontifications.

*im so proud*

not so prolific.... i've been working on it since August

 

[Guest]

not so prolific.... i've been working on it since August

erm... HELLO, my friend.
ive written one story since last year.
so, dont argue with me, i am older and wiser... you are prolific (and a wonderful human bean)

 

[elsol]

Don't you have better things to do on your knees than beg for someone to help on a story?

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[a.j.angel]

14 chapters, 40K+ words? I thought not.

your too cute.
i know, i know, your gay, your still too cute!