On line domination/submissiveness

[zekealicious]

Kinda curious about the whole notion of online domination/sumission. Seems that there are many people (mostly men) who want to find a Master/Mistress for an online relationship, but I use the term loosely. Many requests are along the lines of "guy with cam wants to be dominated by Mistress"..to me that sounds more like an exhibitionist who is looking for a specific audience. ( I find myself more in that category. ) Aside from the immediate gratification of watching someone masturbate or being watched, I'm curious as to what the parties get out of such a relationship/arrangement?

Thanks!

 

[boobsqueeezer]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=474456

<- There are also females seeking the same. Many just 'seek' it in discretion. Some like in the above post be open. Why? I think it is because a female can easily get an "online" master since she just will have to offer herself through a PM and most probably she will be accepted! Whereas, for a male, it is hard. So they seek it in open forums mostly! But, it is just my opinion. And yes, I have found many females posting in literotica seeking online masters!!! Just a search for "online slave" or "online master" would give us lots of results! Still just as you rightly mention 'men' mostly outnumber the women when it comes to seeking online/distant domination and women usually can get and easily settle mostly for r/l relation!

And yes, there are many like me who seek ONLINE subs/slaves too .

Still searching for one....

--
Boobsqueezer
Online Orient Master of East (India)

 

[zekealicious]

I knew that there are women seeking online masters as well, but thanks for pointing it out. I referred to men seeking Dommes because that seems to be the majority...in any event, I'm still interested in hearing what each party gets out of the arrangement....

 

[boobsqueeezer]

I knew that there are women seeking online masters as well, but thanks for pointing it out. I referred to men seeking Dommes because that seems to be the majority...in any event, I'm still interested in hearing what each party gets out of the arrangement....

There is always a fight between the 'cultural ethos' and the 'preferences' of the individual!

For eg; it is not 'culturally acceptable' to the society to actually see a male being dominated. Some who are NOT comfortable to fully accept their wish to submit but still wish to submit are the ones who seek online mistresses mostly! For others as just neoflux(I guess I got the name right since I am quoting from my memory the one with the kimono) has mentioned in one of the previous threads about online domination, this is the case when r/l domination is not possible for reasons including cultural or societal, but still this person wants to find a Mistress/Master to own him!

But more so, for some 'fakes' it is a way to just talk to a female(no matter if the female talks of castrating him even!). I am NOT being critical but just stating the simple facts! If any offended, it is unintentional!

What each party gets in this particular setting? Well, it depends on what they decide mutually and strive to achieve, failing which the set up fails and each start their search again for another! The is a virtual dominance and a virtual submission ... so a sense of power exchange though not in real, atleast mentally!But it is difficult to get genuine people online easily! The true ones hide themselves and need to be fished out most of the time!

--
Boobsqueeezer
Online Oriental Master of East (India)

 

[FurryFury]

I think men are more likely to be looking for a no strings online thing in general. They are involved or married and often hiding it from the online person or the person they are involved with.

I tried to please a man in that area once or twice but I'm not really a Domme or top and it didn't work out too well. Of course they might not have been so genuine. So many men seem to want to be dominated but only their way which often includes unrealistic physical overpowering by the female and in my opinion is not really about being a sub at all.

I do think that culturally men are more likely to think it's "okay" to be dominant than women do.

Fury

 

[i_love_myself76]

There is always a fight between the 'cultural ethos' and the 'preferences' of the individual!

For eg; it is not 'culturally acceptable' to the society to actually see a male being dominated. Some who are NOT comfortable to fully accept their wish to submit but still wish to submit are the ones who seek online mistresses mostly! For others as just neoflux(I guess I got the name right since I am quoting from my memory the one with the kimono) has mentioned in one of the previous threads about online domination, this is the case when r/l domination is not possible for reasons including cultural or societal, but still this person wants to find a Mistress/Master to own him!

But more so, for some 'fakes' it is a way to just talk to a female(no matter if the female talks of castrating him even!). I am NOT being critical but just stating the simple facts! If any offended, it is unintentional!

What each party gets in this particular setting? Well, it depends on what they decide mutually and strive to achieve, failing which the set up fails and each start their search again for another! The is a virtual dominance and a virtual submission ... so a sense of power exchange though not in real, atleast mentally!But it is difficult to get genuine people online easily! The true ones hide themselves and need to be fished out most of the time!

--
Boobsqueeezer
Online Oriental Master of East (India)

I totally agree with you Me being a domme I find most guys just want to talk to a woman online for play or they are new and dont think they can go any farther is what i find too when we start talking and I am one of the nicer Dommes I have meet a few of my friends are very strict and very harsh To the point of humiliating their subs/slaves everyday for no toher reason but they feel they can. I dont mind telling the guys who want to learn or to find out what it is about what I as a Mistress does. But I am into R/L I want to know when I enact punishment they feel it

 

[zekealicious]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses....Imy general impression was that it was a way for guys to get a woman to engage with them...when I'm on cam I prefer the experience to be interactive..not necessarily in a domination snese (but that has its upside!) but in some manner other than merely entertaining someone... guess there is much more to it than I had realized!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I met My slave on-line, but we have transitioned into real time quite well

 

[FraterElijahIAO]

Online Miscommunication

i have a question about the online thing. ive never met anyone for this kind of relationship online and have some problems with it.
because i moved to a small city there is no set place to find anyone interested in this; i met my former Master in real life but have lost Him to the great beyond(RIP *M-AVN) and will never replace Him but..
when i came across a self-proclaimed Dom online who was living in my city i inquired. there was miscommunication from the start. He said He was looking for straight or bisexual males, and kept referring to me as a slave. i told him i was not because i thought this meant 24-7; but he didnt like the idea of me being a sub thinking it meant i was just a bottom femmy guy and had nothing to do with BDSM. was i wrong in differentiating between the two? i feel like i screwed up because i didnt know how to talk to him online. i wanted to meet him in person but not at his place. i dont know who the heck he is. so how do you go about it i feel like such a novice but was in a strict relationship for almost five years, im like a widow trying to get a date again; how lame!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Kinda curious about the whole notion of online domination/sumission. Seems that there are many people (mostly men) who want to find a Master/Mistress for an online relationship, but I use the term loosely. Many requests are along the lines of "guy with cam wants to be dominated by Mistress"..to me that sounds more like an exhibitionist who is looking for a specific audience. ( I find myself more in that category. ) Aside from the immediate gratification of watching someone masturbate or being watched, I'm curious as to what the parties get out of such a relationship/arrangement?

Thanks!

Many of the same things that R/L D/s's get. online does not mean 'fake' Master and i have been 'together' for 3 years, and until recently it was all long distance/online/phone. Our bond is a strong one, and honestly i believe it is stronger than it would have ever grown r/l, does this mean it's right for everyone, or that everyone feels the same as me? nope, but it IS the way i feel. for me anyway, it's not about the 'online sex' or 'watching someone masturbate on cam' that is a VERY small part of what Master and i are to each other, and not something i can really explain *shrugs*

 

[myinnerslut]

it seems to me that a lot of people are online becuase they are in a LDR. the other group is online and plans to remain only online. there are big differences between these groups, IMO, and they often get grouped together.

im in the first group, in a LDR with an amazing Sir, but due to school am left with online.

as to those in the second group, i wouldnt try to speak for them excpet to say that i think that it can very much be a "Real" BDSM experience, not just fake shallow role play.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

it seems to me that a lot of people are online becuase they are in a LDR. the other group is online and plans to remain only online. there are big differences between these groups, IMO, and they often get grouped together.

im in the first group, in a LDR with an amazing Sir, but due to school am left with online.

as to those in the second group, i wouldnt try to speak for them excpet to say that i think that it can very much be a "Real" BDSM experience, not just fake shallow role play.

Very well said and i agree that there is a difference between these two types of 'online' relationships. and they DO get lumped together, though actually i think there are 3 types, those who are LDR and will someday be r/l, those who are LDR/online and never plan on being R/l but still have that same bond, love, etc....and then those who want nothing more than the online 'shallow role play' as you put it. and that, is my two cents

 

[osa23]

however -

the internet represents a tool to be learned and mastered:

the problem has nothing to do with which category you are in but how you approach this most valueable tool -

my problem has been observing many individuals acting like complete morons when using the internet - as such, the internet hasn't been utilised fully and deeply but has become another means of distraction by lesser minds that choose to remain lesser despite the accessibility to such a powerful tool as the internet.

currently - my wife and i are involved with a lovely young woman from london who seeks sensual understanding. through the internet and our webcam - we are able to create a most powerful bond that continues to influence her each moment of every hour given to her. however - my wife and i are highly intelligent individuals and recognise the strength and influence of the internet..... versus the rather shallow approach that many chose to pursue.



Osa -

 

[FraterElijahIAO]

the internet represents a tool to be learned and mastered:

the problem has nothing to do with which category you are in but how you approach this most valueable tool -

my problem has been observing many individuals acting like complete morons when using the internet - as such, the internet hasn't been utilised fully and deeply but has become another means of distraction by lesser minds that choose to remain lesser despite the accessibility to such a powerful tool as the internet.

currently - my wife and i are involved with a lovely young woman from london who seeks sensual understanding. through the internet and our webcam - we are able to create a most powerful bond that continues to influence her each moment of every hour given to her. however - my wife and i are highly intelligent individuals and recognise the strength and influence of the internet..... versus the rather shallow approach that many chose to pursue.



Osa -

Thankyou for the passive aggressive response. But I respect those who are much more forward when thinking someone is a complete moron.

 

[ChromeCollar]

i have a question about the online thing. ive never met anyone for this kind of relationship online and have some problems with it.
because i moved to a small city there is no set place to find anyone interested in this; i met my former Master in real life but have lost Him to the great beyond(RIP *M-AVN) and will never replace Him but..
when i came across a self-proclaimed Dom online who was living in my city i inquired. there was miscommunication from the start. He said He was looking for straight or bisexual males, and kept referring to me as a slave. i told him i was not because i thought this meant 24-7; but he didnt like the idea of me being a sub thinking it meant i was just a bottom femmy guy and had nothing to do with BDSM. was i wrong in differentiating between the two? i feel like i screwed up because i didnt know how to talk to him online. i wanted to meet him in person but not at his place. i dont know who the heck he is. so how do you go about it i feel like such a novice but was in a strict relationship for almost five years, im like a widow trying to get a date again; how lame!

You were not lame there at all. Everyone has a different take and perspective on BDSM, and yours being different than his did not make it wrong. As for him calling you slave, I've met an amazing amount of Dom/mes online that walk around calling every sub they talk to slave. In reality, I've never had a Dom/me I met at a gathering or club do that, it is the height of rudeness to just spout out slave to everyone and everything. There does seem to be a code of sorts to people that pick up others constantly online, but when people follow that code, they leave out the basic common decency and politeness needed to associate in reality with real people. Good luck, and if you are trying to find a partner online, welcome to rocky waters.

 

[FurryFury]

i have a question about the online thing. I've never met anyone for this kind of relationship online and have some problems with it. Because I moved to a small city there is no set place to find anyone interested in this; I met my former Master in real life but have lost Him to the great beyond(RIP *M-AVN) and will never replace Him but..
when I came across a self-proclaimed Dom online who was living in my city I inquired.

There was miscommunication from the start. He said He was looking for straight or bisexual males, and kept referring to me as a slave. I told him I was not because I thought this meant 24-7; but he didn't like the idea of me being a sub thinking it meant I was just a bottom femmy guy and had nothing to do with BDSM. Was I wrong in differentiating between the two? I feel like I screwed up because I didn't know how to talk to him online. I wanted to meet him in person but not at his place. I don't know who the heck he is. so how do you go about it I feel like such a novice but was in a strict relationship for almost five years, I'm like a widow trying to get a date again; how lame!

When there is miscommunication, you try to communicate to fix it. It sounds like you attempted that. Personally it would not please me to feel unheard. That's what it sounds like you may have both felt. Discussing rather than arguing over terms would be my preference. The next step would hopefully be finding terms you could both be comfortable with, a compromise if you will.

Had I told someone I was not a certain term and why, yet they insisted on referring to me by that term, I'd assume we were not compatible. I prefer to be heard and to listen. This person sounds like he didn't do that, am I right?

You were not wrong in attempting to discuss the terms IMO. In fact if it bothered you to be called a term and you didn't say so you'd be more wrong to keep quiet about it. Of course I don't know the tone either of you took in discussing this.

Also IMO if someone is too difficult to talk to online, they are either making it difficult by a rotten attitude or simply not on the same wave length with you. It's likely this self described Dom was acting on protocols he thinks are correct from erroneous information he's gotten online or through porn as well. A lot of self proclaimed online Doms and subs are simply jerks. This is one of those you have to kiss a lot of frogs things.

Meeting in a public place the first time with a safe call in place is the generally accepted safe method for these sorts of first meetings if I'm not mistaken.

Never give up on finding what you seek.

Good luck to you,

Fury

 

[zekealicious]

Ya know, I lost track of this thread for a little while, rediscovered it today. I was very pleasantly surprised at the thoughtfulness of all of your answers, and I appreciate your taking the time to participate!

 

[i_love_myself76]

You were not lame there at all. Everyone has a different take and perspective on BDSM, and yours being different than his did not make it wrong. As for him calling you slave, I've met an amazing amount of Dom/mes online that walk around calling every sub they talk to slave. In reality, I've never had a Dom/me I met at a gathering or club do that, it is the height of rudeness to just spout out slave to everyone and everything. There does seem to be a code of sorts to people that pick up others constantly online, but when people follow that code, they leave out the basic common decency and politeness needed to associate in reality with real people. Good luck, and if you are trying to find a partner online, welcome to rocky waters.

i totally agree Im adomme and have never called anyone a slave unless that is the title they wanted
most are my pets or my son or daughter or something else we both agree on it is rude to just assume that they wish to be a slave

 

[Etoile]

i totally agree Im adomme and have never called anyone a slave unless that is the title they wanted
most are my pets or my son or daughter or something else we both agree on it is rude to just assume that they wish to be a slave

I agree. A slave is something that a person must be willingly. You cannot force someone into slavery without abusing them. That said, in some scenes "slave" is just a term of humiliation (or endearment?) and not meant as a serious label for someone.

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[Etoile]

Yeah I don't know the different dynamics among gay vs. straight leather communities but to me, that Top sounded like he was trying to sell you a bridge.

The differences are huge like whoa, but you're still right on every count. This isn't wrong because the gay leather community has different dynamics...it's wrong because the top seems to be a little over the top.