On BDSM and Chatting

[stephb]

I have to rant about this one thing before I get on to the real meat of this post.

I went into the bondage.com chat recently under another name, aeriana. I believe it was a name I used here long ago. Anyway. Every few minutes, someone has to PM you. Some of the PMs are just asking to talk...which wouldn't really be annoying...except usually, at least in my limited experience thus far, it ends up with me being asked to do some sort of online play.

Not that there is anything wrong with online play. At the moment, Sir and I have just that to go on. Phone and online. Nothing else. I have nothing against online play. I just don't want to be bugged with that stuff every fifteen minutes.

So, my question. Are there any BDSM chatrooms out there geared more towards education and discussion rather than a forum to meet people? Being relatively new to the scene, I'm not ready to start meeting other people yet and Sir wouldn't like that anyway. I just want a place where I can chat, in real time, with other like-minded folks and not get blatently flamed, asked to be collared, or other things.

I love this forum and I've lurked, exclusively almost, for two years. But I want some real time interaction and, considering my age is not 21, the munch groups that are even CLOSE to here aren't really that accepting of the idea of having me join. I don't have long, but considering I've had these feelings since before I was 16 years old, it's been a long time without some sort of support.

So, any suggestions or am I pretty much SOL?

 

[Dionysus2003]

Internet has proved to be both a blessing and a curse for the lifestyle.

On one hand it has brought people closer together, and made the information as well as possibility to contact others so much easier.

The downside is that it has made it easier for trolls and predators to take advantage of people coming online to find people with the same interests and feelings. When you are starting up and looking for people it is not always easy to see the difference between a genuine person and a troll/predator. Many of them are smooth talkers, and know what buttons to push, what words to say to a newbie.

This has ruined many peoples approach to the lifestyle, and turned them off it for good. Which I find a great pity. There is always room for new people with a genuine heart for this lifestyle, and every time I hear about people that has experienced trolls/predators I get really sad.

I wish more beginners would find a place like this right away, because here there is a huge archive of things to read, and there are many good people, that can give a nice input and help the person along the way.

As you say there is nothing wrong with online play. If you play with a person you trust and have a good relation with. But exposing yourself on camera for a troll/predator that sits on the other end watching you and jerking off - that has got nothing to do with this lifestyle. At least not in my eyes. There are people out there happy with that, but I am not among them. I think it takes a bit more trust and devotion towards someone before opening up that way, and going to those steps.

Regarding your question about good places to chat with people in the lifestyle without getting trolled. I think those places are very hard to find. Just because of all the trolls and predators those safe havens have become very secluded and private - just to avoid shit like that. Maybe the best thing is to find a chat over in Europe, where you only need to be 18 to participate, and not 21 like in the US.

For the time being though I would recommend you to stay here at LIT, read the library, post in the discussions, and make threads when you have questions and just enjoy yourself - this is a very nice place to be.

And finally - welcome

 

[WriterDom]

I haven't been to bondage to chat, but have on aol. Usually there are regulars and it is just a lot of chit chat between them. Don't see much serious discussion. And I'm sure if you are female you get a lot of uninvited pms. But the same is true of non-bdsm areas. I have to be really bored to go in a chatroom. And then it is only to read profiles.

 

[stephb]

I was curious. One of my downfalls as a sub is that I'm way too curious for my own good.

I love to chit chat, but sometimes I'm in the mood for a serious discussion. Hrm. Maybe I'll just stick around here more, then. Interesting enough if I actually get out and POST something.

I think I need a punishment for when I don't post.

 

[Desdemona]

Steph, I agree with what the others have said. If I want to chat with other people in the lifestyle, I do it with people I know. I find the bdsm chat sites to be pretty silly and a place where you get alot of unappreciated attention. Stay with us. It's a good place to learn and to make friends.

 

[FungiUg]

MSN used to run some Australiasian chat rooms that I would frequent. Met a lot of people there. We tried to keep the room friendly and discussion-oriented, rather than a meat market or for play. Which I appreciated. Cyber so doesn't work for me.

MSN has closed them all now though. Ah well.

 

[stephb]

I thought about maybe creating an IRC room a while ago, but the whole problem with that is the fact that I really don't want to use EFNet because of some of the server problems and I also don't think that Freenode would appreciate an 18+ channel on that network (It's an Open Source Software network). My main problem is that being on dialup, it's harder to keep up with the boards. This loads slow. Bah.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I thought about maybe creating an IRC room a while ago, but the whole problem with that is the fact that I really don't want to use EFNet because of some of the server problems and I also don't think that Freenode would appreciate an 18+ channel on that network (It's an Open Source Software network). My main problem is that being on dialup, it's harder to keep up with the boards. This loads slow. Bah.

I chat in a very small chat. The D/s BDSM room is a user created room and we all know each other well. We have great convos about great topics also. We dont get too much trolling because we are all very close and kinda defend each other from them. Ive been to the larger chats, not just BDSM related rooms and they seem to me as if they are kinds like a meat market....if you like chatting find something small with regular ppl, it might be nicer.

 

[Saint_Sinner]

I don't know about any places to go that you won't get hassled, but I believe that if you can't go ten minutes talking to a sub without bringing up online play, then you haven't got the self control it takes to be a true Dom.

 

[stephb]

The interesting thing is that I've had subs come up to me too and ask for online play. I suppose that stems from the fact that I don't act like the stereotypical submissive type online: I capitalize everything, I don't go around calling everyone who comes into a channel sir or ma'am before I even know who they are, and I'm rather blunt...I don't apologize for saying something that others may feel is out of line.

Is there such a thing as too submissive sometimes?

 

[MrChips]

Well there is one right here, the D/s room on Lit chat.

We try to keep the Trolls out and it's a lifestyle discustion room. Check it out, mabe it will work for you.

I use the nic C-n-B when I am there, and there are a lot of good people there that are will to share and help.

 

[Vixandra]

Is there such a thing as too submissive sometimes?

YES!!! Being submissive is, in my opinion, not about giving up everything you are and becoming a completely different creature just because your Dom/me said so. They shouldn't ask for that either. I can't stand the "whipped" yes to everything type person, be it in a BDSM fashion or in an everyday life situation.
Now there's a difference between fetching Mistress' slippers at her command as part of "play" or "training" and fetching Mistress' slippers because you're just a human dog, with no higher intellect of your own anymore. Does that make sense? Give me spunk and spirit over simpering complacency any day.

On topic: Don't know of any strickly BDSM learning chat rooms. Though if you've a question, the Lit Cafe has, either in its Library or its member, the answer to just about everything you could want to know or the knowledge to find it.
And very very few pushie people too, unlike many other places. *cheers for Lit* LOL