Old urges surfacing

[Marquis]

Sometimes I don't know if I'm a D or just a sex addict. I guess I'm both, which makes things a bit complicated.

The real problem is that I lack the tools to communicate effectively. I want to be able to say, in a buttoned-down sort of way, "no, I have no real interest in anything even slightly regarding an equitable relationship or any kind of relationship you may be familiar with. Not with you, at least."

I could just tell a girl straight up that I need a sex slave. I think this is what I used to do, back when my game was a lot stronger.....

OK, going to give it a try.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Rock her world, dude.

And I have a feeling that many of us in BDSM could be called "sex addict"

 

[eastern sun]

Marquis, there are a lot of us out there just waiting for someone to tell us they're looking for a sex slave. Go for it.

 

[Marquis]

Thanks for the encouragement guys!

So here's an interesting question.....

When I've gone into relationships the vanilla way and brought up the idea of sexual subjugation slowly.... I find myself with a strong partner but a damn shitty sub. When I go into it in a specific D/s context, I tend to get attached to women that make greats subs but ultimately shitty partners for my other, non D/s, non sex related needs.

What do?

Teach me, wise ones.

 

[ecstaticsub]

How much time are you giving these "strong partners" to learn how to learn to be better subs? Are you sure they even want to be a sub?

I don't think I was a shitty sub at the beginning but it took me a number of months, maybe even the first year, before I really understood what it meant to be a submissive. It is quite a transition from kinky vanilla to giving up all control to someone else.

 

[Marquis]

How much time are you giving these "strong partners" to learn how to learn to be better subs? Are you sure they even want to be a sub?

I don't think I was a shitty sub at the beginning but it took me a number of months, maybe even the first year, before I really understood what it meant to be a submissive. It is quite a transition from kinky vanilla to giving up all control to someone else.

I don't think I'm looking for someone to give up all control. Sounds like way too much responsibility.

To be totally fair, I think the largest reason none of my relationships have worked out is that at the end of the day I just haven't wanted to be with anyone forever. Maybe that will change at some point. I do look at my friends in stable marriages with kids and stuff and sometimes envy the love and support they have, but I appreciate my freedom a bit more every day.

For me, when push came to shove and it was time to make the big compromises, I always backed out. I whinged and pined like no one's business, but eventually I always went on my way.

 

[eastern sun]

Are you willing to invest some time and energy into your relationships?

It's quite possible to "train" a stronger sub, as long as you have patience and a plan.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Thanks for the encouragement guys!

So here's an interesting question.....

When I've gone into relationships the vanilla way and brought up the idea of sexual subjugation slowly.... I find myself with a strong partner but a damn shitty sub. When I go into it in a specific D/s context, I tend to get attached to women that make greats subs but ultimately shitty partners for my other, non D/s, non sex related needs.

What do?

Teach me, wise ones.

Teach the great sub what you need for her to be a great partner?

 

[Marquis]

Are you willing to invest some time and energy into your relationships?

It's quite possible to "train" a stronger sub, as long as you have patience and a plan.

I can't say I'm too motivated for this right now. I've become a big advocate of professional counseling in my old age. I think in the future I would involve a relationship counselor early if my beau and I were getting serious.

Teach the great sub what you need for her to be a great partner?

Or teach the great partner what I need for her to be a great sub?

All while learning what her needs are as well?

Sounds hard.

 

[ownedsubgal]

lazy is as lazy does. maybe all you truly want at this point in time is getting laid conveniently, regularly, and the way you want it, sans any relationship/commitment drama. that wouldn't even qualify as a sex slave...more like a sexually submissive(ish) fuck buddy.

of course it still takes effort to go out and actually find/meet that person. can't get around that one. but you can save a lot of time and energy when meeting potentials by communicating your desires bluntly from the get-go.

 

[SirLeo]

but does one do when there life partner, after many years, decides they no longer want to be the s to your D? I am dealing with this (for the last 6 months) and it sucks. Not certain I would trade with you though, M.
Leo

 

[Marquis]

but does one do when there life partner, after many years, decides they no longer want to be the s to your D? I am dealing with this (for the last 6 months) and it sucks. Not certain I would trade with you though, M.
Leo

I don't know that I would either.

I hope you have the choice.

 

[subwannabe]

Just like any dating relationship, you are not at a phase in your life where you are ready for a swingset in the backyard. There's no crime in that but then you can't expect a long term relationship of any kind if that's not what you want in the first place. When that time comes then you need to put forth a lot more effort.

 

[missgiter]

Wait -- we are admitting to being sex addicts? Damn shame that is

 

[eastern sun]

My father played the field until he was 70, when he finally settled down and got married "until death do us part."

 

[ownedsubgal]

but does one do when there life partner, after many years, decides they no longer want to be the s to your D? I am dealing with this (for the last 6 months) and it sucks. Not certain I would trade with you though, M.
Leo

what do they want to be (in relation to you)?

 

[Keroin]

Do you feel you are a sex addict? Has this negatively affected your life in any way?


Also, off topic, did you ever come up with names for your blogs/shows you wanted to pitch?

 

[Marquis]

Do you feel you are a sex addict? Has this negatively affected your life in any way?

I think it's one of those things that is very hard to say. Based on my behavior I would say there are many people who would think I am a sex addict and many people who would slap me on the back for my conquests. My own opinion varies.

I do seek a greater level of harmony with feminine.

Also, off topic, did you ever come up with names for your blogs/shows you wanted to pitch?

I did.

I don't have much content up yet, but adding soon.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Maybe what you are looking for does not easily exist in one person? What qualities do you seek in a sub and similarly in a life patner? Maybe you need both a sub and a partner.
No real answers, but do have fun funding Ms Right!

 

[Keroin]

I think it's one of those things that is very hard to say. Based on my behavior I would say there are many people who would think I am a sex addict and many people who would slap me on the back for my conquests. My own opinion varies.

I do seek a greater level of harmony with feminine.

Interesting. I can see that.

You didn't really answer my second question.

I did.

I don't have much content up yet, but adding soon.

Excellent!

 

[Noor]

How much time are you giving these "strong partners" to learn how to learn to be better subs? Are you sure they even want to be a sub?

I don't think I was a shitty sub at the beginning but it took me a number of months, maybe even the first year, before I really understood what it meant to be a submissive. It is quite a transition from kinky vanilla to giving up all control to someone else.

I agree, not that I am into slavery, but it does take time to explore and transition. My most recent experience was that by the time my boundaries were really beginning to dissolve, the dom was not there.

 

[Marquis]

You didn't really answer my second question.

Sometimes when I am not able to accomplish all of the goals I set forth for myself in a given month or year, I look back and think about all the time I dedicated to sex and wonder if it was really worth it.

I read somewhere that a struggle between the masculine and the feminine is that it is the nature of the masculine to desire control and order, and it is the nature of the feminine to be chaotic and mysterious. I think the happiest men are those that completely relinquish their desire to control the feminine and just open their hearts to accepting and appreciation the love that comes, whenever it chooses to.

I'm pretty far from that, so I would say that my state of frustration in many ways resembles an addiction.

 

[Noor]

Maybe you should look at what makes a great sex partner and what makes a great life partner and see if you can find any overlaps. Maybe you just haven't met the right person, or maybe you aren't the right person yet.

If I was looking to be a slave, I would be looking for a very good master who would take care of any worries or needs I had that I could not in the position as a slave. Perhaps you are not providing that? There is always an exchange of some sort. Money, love, sex, intimacy, escape...

I tend to look at sex as something two people define between themselves, I don't really go for set roles, or fitting into societal boxes. Its agreement between sex partners, which I suppose is also how I look at relationships in general.

I don't search out Doms, subs, or any particular definition of partner, I just stumble upon people I like and enjoy. I can go many ways, there are somethings that I am usually beyond uncomfortable with but with certain people I find can become comfortable.

 

[Noor]

Sometimes when I am not able to accomplish all of the goals I set forth for myself in a given month or year, I look back and think about all the time I dedicated to sex and wonder if it was really worth it.

I read somewhere that a struggle between the masculine and the feminine is that it is the nature of the masculine to desire control and order, and it is the nature of the feminine to be chaotic and mysterious. I think the happiest men are those that completely relinquish their desire to control the feminine and just open their hearts to accepting and appreciation the love that comes, whenever it chooses to.

I'm pretty far from that, so I would say that my state of frustration in many ways resembles an addiction.

That is amusing, I always thought women wanted order and control in their lives and men were more chaotic and mysterious. Perhaps it just depends which side of gender you were born on.

If you are an addict, what are you trying to escape?

 

[Keroin]

Sometimes when I am not able to accomplish all of the goals I set forth for myself in a given month or year, I look back and think about all the time I dedicated to sex and wonder if it was really worth it.

This I understand. I will say that a less ambitious person probably wouldn't give a damn.

I read somewhere that a struggle between the masculine and the feminine is that it is the nature of the masculine to desire control and order, and it is the nature of the feminine to be chaotic and mysterious. I think the happiest men are those that completely relinquish their desire to control the feminine and just open their hearts to accepting and appreciation the love that comes, whenever it chooses to.

Meh.