Okay, so it's a poem, but it's my first Lit publication

[JayJams78]

My first Lit publication is up and posted. I know, this is a story forum... But the theme builds out of Alice in Wonderland so that counts, right? Just trying to get as much good honest feedback as I can. It's my first Lit piece, but far from my first piece or even first published piece. I hope many of you will check it out and let me know what you think, on the profile and on here.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6271247&page=submissions

 

[lovecraft68]

This was excellent and the message is pure truth...and you'll know that when others shoot it down.

Infallible solutions....poignant and perfect.

Twitter and texts being a suicide note also right on.

If I had one suggestion I'd toss in selfies and the shallow narcissism of today's herd of clueless lemmings.

I'm going to send the link to your poem to some friends.

 

[JayJams78]

Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful observation. I know a piece like this only hits closest to a limited audience because it demands something of the reader. Hopefully the hip-hop rhythms, internal rhyme, and crafted wordplay become that "spoonful of sugar" for a few at least.
As to the suggestion, while I get why you suggest it, one of the most important pieces of advice I have received as a writer is to trust your readers. You don't need to tell or spell everything out for them. Often the implied has more power than openly saying something. It sticks in the craw and digs deeper that way.
But again, thanks for your kind words and input.

 

[SexualisPhantasia]

I wish I could give your poem ten stars. You're saying what I've been thinking about society for years. You're a very talented writer!