Okay...I'm Lost.

[Chibi Nao]

I'm a highschool girl, one of those 'in my graduating year just turned eighteen and ready to go' girls. But I'm seeming to be running into big problems lately..

See, I'm supposed to be straight. But lately as I've been moving up in school and setting my sights, I'm most certainly leaving behind the childish-fads and finding more particular interests, the serious type about everything. The thing is, I've got about fifteen different reasons why I try and convince myself I'm not bi or lesbian. For one, I'm of asian and black heiratage. Everything in my family has to do with tradition. From marriage to when to brush your hair.

For another, I'm the leader of my group of friends. And the final, how would my parents take it? I mean, even though I've already got my own apartment, even my college plans worked out, I'm totally lost. Because I'm surrounded by gay and bi friends almost all the time. We joke around and stuff, but well, I'm beginning to wonder if it's joking at all.

See, my best friend is bi. And over the years I've grown closer and closer to her, with her and all of my friends thinking I'm as straight as they get. And she knows it. So she's already expressed how she finds no interest in me that way. Well, recently I've been getting more jealous of who she's around, like, well, 'boyfriend jealous of their girlfriend's guy-friends' jealous. And even though I've been trying to think less of it it's driving me crazy. I really like her. But I don't know how to tell her, or anyone else close to me.

Hehe, sort of ranting there. So I'm wondering, is this alright? Is it just a faze, will it go away? Is this a common problem? Or am I losing my mind even considering this? Any type of advice or helpful hints, anything would be helpful right now.

Thanks! ^_^
Naomi

 

[neonflux]

Hello, congrats on your courage + possible web sites to help...

Hey Chibi!

As someone who has taken your journey myself, and who has worked with a lot of questioning youth, it sounds like everything you're going through makes sense. It's difficult to come to terms with sexual / affectional feelings that go against what you've learned from your family and cultures. One thing, trust me coming from the diverse Bay Area, leaders come in all sexual orientations, and lesbian/gay/bi/trans/queer/questioning people from all cultures/societies...

I would say don't feel pressured to label yourself right now... Can you talk to any of your gay/bi friends about your feelings?

Meanwhile, some youth-oriented web sites to help (could even allow you to make contact with other questioning youth):

The Gay/Straight Alliance Network (they also have a links page + check out their photo gallery and you'll see people of all different ethnicities/cultures!)
http://www.gsanetwork.org/

Queer Asian Youth (lots of additional links)
http://www.acas.org/QAY/links.shtml

Youth Resource (a project of a larger youth organization called Advocates for Youth)
Check out their youth of color section:
http://www.youthresource.com/community/youth_of_color/index.htm

Congratulations on your bravery in taking the first steps on this journey of self discovery and good luck on your journey, wherever it takes you! Would love to read updates here on how everything goes!

~ Justine

 

[silat]

Honestly my advice would be love as thou wilt.
I know it sounds trite but it works for me

 

[Tymeless]

its okay its good that your questioning stuff against what you've been taught means u get to make up your own mind and decide what to do for yourself and the thing is your parents don't have to know a thing unless your relationship gets serious.

 

[gypsywitch]

Considering your background, I'm really glad that you have so many nice friends of various types. Its a generational thing too since self-pleasure and other pleasures are much more accepted these days. My only advice is for you to watch out for getting drunk and doing things you might regret. I'm very modern but still am old school when it comes to real love and respect between sex partners. We were just talking about this on the General Board in my thread about being able to name every person you've ever had sex with. It just blows my mind that people give their bodies away to total strangers so easily. And the thought of having like twenty or more sex partners in one's short life really makes me gag.

May you someday enjoy a relationship that deepens to the point that you mutually want to give each other the most intimate of pleasures.

 

[Etoile]

Hi Chibi Nao, welcome to Lit.

Only time will tell if this is a phase for you or not, but meanwhile rest assured that it is okay. neonflux already provided some super links so for now I'll just leave it at that and say welcome once again.

 

[senses11]

And clearly, one impediment to your self-discovery is the notion of labels, particularly when it comes to sexuality. Sexual identity seems to be more of a spectrum than a series of definitive points. Probably, some people are exclusively and entirely heterosexual. They have absolutely no interest in romantic or sexual liaisons with people of their own sex. Some, on the other end, are exclusively and entirely homosexual and have no interest in the opposite sex. But a large number of people fall SOME place along that long line between the ends. In today's world, at least in the relatively civilized west, and I use that term advisedly, we have opportunity to explore our own interests and desires and take some time to sort these feelings out, to our own comfort. Fortunately, there is no date by which you must publicly declare your definite sexual identity. For one thing, it's likely to shift around a little all through your life, anyway. In any case, wondering about sex, feeling unusual and unfamiliar feelings and emotions and desires, all of this is healthy - particularly in your case, in which you are cognizant of your own feelings, as confusing as they might be. It is this questioning that will allow you to discover who you are at this point, and at the next point, and the next, etc. Nothing wrong with being attracted to the lives of others - it's one way we experience the complexity of the world. The author Wilson Mizner once had a character say this: "I respect faith, but doubt will get you an education." Ask as many questions as you can, and answer them in as many ways as concern for yourself and others will allow. xo, S.

 

[neonflux]

To senses11

thank you!

 

[CharleyH]

I'm a highschool girl, one of those 'in my graduating year just turned eighteen and ready to go' girls. But I'm seeming to be running into big problems lately..

See, I'm supposed to be straight. But lately as I've been moving up in school and setting my sights, I'm most certainly leaving behind the childish-fads and finding more particular interests, the serious type about everything. The thing is, I've got about fifteen different reasons why I try and convince myself I'm not bi or lesbian. For one, I'm of asian and black heiratage. Everything in my family has to do with tradition. From marriage to when to brush your hair.

Hi Chibi Nao,

I have been with many girls like you. You cant move until you are happy with yourself, and thats hard with so many demands. I cannot give you advice and no one can, other than: to love you and be at a place where you are comfortable ... is to be in a place where nothing matters but the love around you ... as you are happy enough with yourself to have what you want - if that makes sense?