OK so here's your chance to give advice

[sb2009]

I've been wanting to go to a Black Rose Gateway meeting for a couple months. Initially my husband was in the "oh no not for me camp" and I was going to go with a friend, and then they have a tour of a local club "Dungeon 101" either the next day or the next month, whichever you prefer.

Dress for the Gateway meeing is just streetclothing. I can do that.

But honestly, i have no really fun sexy clothing to wear to a club event. Don't laugh at me, help me! We won't be doing the club thing until Feb, so I have time.

I like black LOL. I have largish breasts and am on the chubby side but losing weight. I can probably find something decent.

BUT WHAT DOES A MAN WEAR? And before you call me stupid...this man wears a uniform all day. he comes home and puts on jeans and a t-shirt. He has one suit for funerals/weddings. He started golf so now has some collard shirts.

I need ideas for "sexy urbane man" but nothing freaky, because he's doing this for me and I want him to feel comfortable.

Plus he needs to learn to dress anyway.

 

[Homburg]

I usually just dress business casual and choose my colours from the darker end of the spectrum. So black slacks and a dark shirt with a collar. No, it's not impressive, but I'm not trying to impress anyone with my fashion sense. I let the ladies I'm with handle that end of things.

 

[intothewoods]

I've not heard about a Dungeon Tour. I guess it's the Crucible? Anyway. Some men do the leather thing - black jeans, black shirt, leather jacket. Some do what Homburg described.

 

[WriterDom]

You pick out something because men don't give a shit. About how they look or how other men look. Yeah, it needs to be appropriate for the occasion but beyond that who gives a fuck? I don't do the leather thing but I'd dress fairly nice in a informal way.

 

[JMohegan]

I actually do give a shit, in the sense that there's a lot I would flatly refuse to wear. The motorcycle gang member wannabe or goth/fetishwear looks just aren't my thing.

And "he needs to learn how to dress" would not go over well with me. At all.

At the type of events described by the OP, I have typically worn jeans and a button-down oxford shirt, rolled up at the sleeves.

 

[intothewoods]

I actually do give a shit, in the sense that there's a lot I would flatly refuse to wear. The motorcycle gang member wannabe or goth/fetishwear looks just aren't my thing.

And "he needs to learn how to dress" would not go over well with me. At all.

At the type of events described by the OP, I have typically worn jeans and a button-down oxford shirt, rolled up at the sleeves.

Fwiw, I feel like it looks a little better than motorcycle gang wear, but I can't really explain why. The people who pull it off seem to have been around forever and have some connection to the leather scene.

What you are describing sounds like what Homburg is describing, except without black. And I think that look is common and a very safe bet.

Oh, to the OP, I'm going off private parties/events and not the Crucible, but I'm assuming it will be similar. I've never been to the Crucible, but the pictures have always made it look a little run down to me.

For a guy, I think you basically just want to avoid looking creepy, especially if you're single (which obviously isn't the case here!).

 

[WriterDom]

Yeah most guys care some but not enough to ask on a message board. I think they could figure it out themselves. I'd want to look nice but not overdressed.

 

[JMohegan]

Fwiw, I feel like it looks a little better than motorcycle gang wear, but I can't really explain why. The people who pull it off seem to have been around forever and have some connection to the leather scene.

What's wrong with motorcycle gang wear?

I'm not offering commentary about what other guys wear. What I'm saying is that those looks don't fit me. I'm not a motorcycle guy or goth fan or leather daddy, and have no interest in pretending to be any of those things.

 

[WriterDom]

Motorcycle gang wear would be about as comfortable as a dress to me. It would be like dressing up at a Renaissance fair. But if you are into that, more power to you.

 

[sb2009]

"he needs to learn how to dress" is not my opinion, it's pure fact. He has spent 20 years wearing a uniform. He knows he needs to learn how to dress....

 

[LtDanFD]

Samantha - I have no idea nor knowledge of the scene you're discussing.....But - as a man who's worn a uniform ( both on and off duty) for even longer I will tell you this....
Find out what he's comfortable and confident in.... I wear polos and oxford shirts w/khakis in daylight, grey/black knit shirts w/dark trousers after dark...
But whatever he likes...Buy him some items that match his current off duty stuff but that are Wayyyyyy MORE expensive.....That 75 dollar shirt from Brooks Bros is worth it....Fit = comfort =Confidence = FUN.....IMHO

 

[JMohegan]

BUT WHAT DOES A MAN WEAR? And before you call me stupid...this man wears a uniform all day. he comes home and puts on jeans and a t-shirt. He has one suit for funerals/weddings. He started golf so now has some collard shirts.

I need ideas for "sexy urbane man" but nothing freaky, because he's doing this for me and I want him to feel comfortable.

Plus he needs to learn to dress anyway.

"he needs to learn how to dress" is not my opinion, it's pure fact. He has spent 20 years wearing a uniform. He knows he needs to learn how to dress....

The "fact" is that the way he dresses now doesn't meet your personal standards or image of whatever a "sexy urbane man" on your arm might look like or be.

He may appreciate a makeover, or he may not. As with most things, the manner in which you convey your dissatisfaction with him now is likely to have a big impact on the chance that he'll be willing to make any change.

 

[intothewoods]

What's wrong with motorcycle gang wear?

I'm not offering commentary about what other guys wear. What I'm saying is that those looks don't fit me. I'm not a motorcycle guy or goth fan or leather daddy, and have no interest in pretending to be any of those things.

Hmm, I think of it as somewhat dated, which is why I guess it seemed like a negative to me.

 

[intothewoods]

Yeah most guys care some but not enough to ask on a message board. I think they could figure it out themselves. I'd want to look nice but not overdressed.

Mine does not particularly care, but he has no interest in leather or kilts (BOO!), and would probably find goth to be too girly.

 

[JMohegan]

Hmm, I think of it as somewhat dated, which is why I guess it seemed like a negative to me.

Can't say I've noticed much change in what motorcycle guys wear over the past 40 years.

Of course, there hasn't been much change in button-down oxfords, either.

If the point is that neither are stylish or trendy, I agree. But since I don't see stylish & trendy as a plus, I don't see the absence thereof as a negative.

Not that there's anything wrong with stylish & trendy, of course! If you're into that sort of thing. This is where I'm with WD. As long as no one's trying to tell me what to do, on the subject of men's clothing I just don't give a fuck.

 

[midwestyankee]

SB, one look that might appeal to both you and the hub would be a nicely proportioned turtleneck shirt in a fine material (think silk or a fine wool, like this one), worn with a pair of dark slacks. I'm guessing that your husband is fairly fit and such a shirt can accentuate the physique while giving a guy an urbane air.

 

[subish2009]

I don't get the impression that sb is trying to necessarily "make over" her husband...I read the op as her trying to figure out how to dress them both so that they're appropriate-looking, comfortable, and attractive. Yes?

If so, I agree with many of the others...slacks/trousers with a button-down shirt, all in darker neutrals. Doesn't sound like he should be too uncomfortable with that, given what you've described. And in the interest of full disclosure, I've never been to an event like that, but that's what I would do if I were in your shoes. Also, I always tend to be more comfortable erring on the side of slightly over- than underdressed.

 

[sb2009]

The "fact" is that the way he dresses now doesn't meet your personal standards or image of whatever a "sexy urbane man" on your arm might look like or be.

He may appreciate a makeover, or he may not. As with most things, the manner in which you convey your dissatisfaction with him now is likely to have a big impact on the chance that he'll be willing to make any change.

whoa there...the interwebs certainly give rise to misunderstandings! I'm fine with how he dresses in general, but fitting in for different occasions is something important in his new role as a civilian. It is generally felt that how one dresses can be an important part of image. The clothes we wore 16 or 17 years ago clubbing probably won't be quite in style.

He's also more of a "put the clothes on the bed and I'll wear them" person, anyway - not so interested in choosing anythign for himself.

 

[WriterDom]

SB, one look that might appeal to both you and the hub would be a nicely proportioned turtleneck shirt in a fine material (think silk or a fine wool, like this one), worn with a pair of dark slacks. I'm guessing that your husband is fairly fit and such a shirt can accentuate the physique while giving a guy an urbane air.

Thank you MWY. I mentioned a mock turtleneck and nh23 acted like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

 

[Homburg]

Can't say I've noticed much change in what motorcycle guys wear over the past 40 years.

Depends. There's a lot of difference in what some hard-ass 1%'er that rides a busted old rat-bike wears (which hasn't changed much in 40 years, yeah) and what the latte-swilling accountant with the $30k chrome monstrosity of a Harley wears. From what I've seen at some events, the latter is more common than the former.

In my own case, I wear black slacks because I own them, not because I want to wear black. And I wear dark shirts to events because, frankly, there's usually a lot of people in close quarters and I am often working something, and that means sweating. A black/dark blue/maroon shirt shows the sweat stains off a lot less commonly than something colourful.

 

[JMohegan]

whoa there...the interwebs certainly give rise to misunderstandings! I'm fine with how he dresses in general, but fitting in for different occasions is something important in his new role as a civilian. It is generally felt that how one dresses can be an important part of image. The clothes we wore 16 or 17 years ago clubbing probably won't be quite in style.

He's also more of a "put the clothes on the bed and I'll wear them" person, anyway - not so interested in choosing anythign for himself.

My apologies for misunderstanding.

I'm not sure why you're assuming that "sexy urbane man" = "fitting in" at the local club Dungeon 101. Can't say I've ever been to a kinky club in which that description fit the majority of male participants. But it's been a while, so perhaps these venues have become more sophisticated.

If the club has a website, perhaps it would be helpful to see if pictures from similar events have been posted.

 

[rosco rathbone]

He should dress like Mick Fleetwood on the cover of the Rumors album. A nice white duelist's shirt with puffy sleeves, a tight vest, form-fitting breeches and a tasteful ponytail.

 

[intothewoods]

Can't say I've noticed much change in what motorcycle guys wear over the past 40 years.

Of course, there hasn't been much change in button-down oxfords, either.

If the point is that neither are stylish or trendy, I agree. But since I don't see stylish & trendy as a plus, I don't see the absence thereof as a negative.

Not that there's anything wrong with stylish & trendy, of course! If you're into that sort of thing. This is where I'm with WD. As long as no one's trying to tell me what to do, on the subject of men's clothing I just don't give a fuck.

Button-down oxfords = classic. I wouldn't be offended by motorcycle wear or anything. I just thought you were implying that leather types look like Harley riders. And they look different than that to me. Of course, I'm not close friends with anyone who is either so, who the heck knows.

He should dress like Mick Fleetwood on the cover of the Rumors album. A nice white duelist's shirt with puffy sleeves, a tight vest, form-fitting breeches and a tasteful ponytail.

Ha ha ha haha.

Thank you MWY. I mentioned a mock turtleneck and nh23 acted like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

No comment.

 

[BiBunny]

Ok, we don't do the club thing at all, but sometimes we do private play party-type things at my Owner people's house (and sometimes here, too). None of us really get into fetish wear or anything. I think the farthest we've ever gone into that territory was the time Mistress wore a matching white corset and panty set, and I wore pigtails and a pink little girl skirt on the same night. But that's neither here nor there.

The Masterly one tends to wear, like, polos and jeans/khakis when it's warm and sweaters and jeans/khakis when it's cold. This is pretty much standard out-in-public gear for him, but I don't think he looks odd in a play/dungeon situation in those types of clothes.

Of course, when it's just us, he's more likely to be seen in a t-shirt and jeans. There IS something to be said for being tortured by a big, burly country boy in a John Deere t-shirt, jeans, and work boots. It's MY favorite look of his, for sure.

 

[Netzach]

The "fact" is that the way he dresses now doesn't meet your personal standards or image of whatever a "sexy urbane man" on your arm might look like or be.

He may appreciate a makeover, or he may not. As with most things, the manner in which you convey your dissatisfaction with him now is likely to have a big impact on the chance that he'll be willing to make any change.

After spending a year something in pajamas, I need to re-learn how to dress - it happens easily, I'm afraid.

I honestly urge people to dress their fetish. If it's mainstream presentability, rock on. Don't develop a look around a fetish you don't actually feel a strong affiliation to. Fitting in is overrated when 9 in 10 guys are rocking the look RR descibed for reasons they themselves probably can't explain half the time. My own fetish wardrobe has included everything from chaps to spandex dancewear, and I still show up to many many events in business less-casual, because it's what I like.

I've seen people doing jeans and a T and looking hot as fuck because it's them, and they know it, and I've seen other people wearing near-identical outfits that gave off an air of "I couldn't be bothered to care" in a not-cool way. What's his fantasy life like? Is SM a spontaneous fling that happens inside normal life? I think I dress because it dovetails with my style of play - there's almost always a kernel of planning ahead of time.