Ok, i need some help, please!!!

[SierraMoon]

Hello all... i need some input from you... here goes....
I met a prospective Dom yesterday at his apartment... we've been talking online for about a month... He's a very nice man, but i'm unsure of what he is asking of me... IF it happens, our relationship is to be that of just play... but he has told me that in return for him "making my body burn in ecstasy" i will be required to do some "chores" around his apartment... Is this common? For a play partner to have to do "housecleaning" and such for a Dom? Or is he just looking for a maid? As a side note.. his apartment is a "pigsty" so, i don't know if that is why he's requiring this of me....I'd really like some input from all of you, please, before i go any further with him.. HELP please!!! Thank you in advance... sierra

 

[cellis]

Sierra... this is just my opinion, but I say... RUN... RUN very fast away from this man... unless of course domestic servitude excites you.

When I was looking for a Dom, if someone had suggested that to me, I would never spoken to them again (and some did and others suggested things even more disgusting).

There are too many good Doms out there, Sierra, to let yourself be used by this one. Read the sticky on on-line predators and apply those questions to this person...

Take care, dear.

 

[FdiskIt]

I see what you are concerned about. Sounds to me like he wants a maid he can play with. I believe that he would be taking advantage of you.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[SierraMoon]

Thank you cellis... as this would be my first play experience with a Dom, i wasn't sure if it is common to be asked to do things like this...
thanks again... sierra

 

[SierraMoon]

I see what you are concerned about. Sounds to me like he wants a maid he can play with. I believe that he would be taking advantage of you.

Just my 2 cents.

ty for those 2 cents, FdiskIt... that's what i thought also... i think i need to talk to him, and work this out.... either way... sierra

 

[BBD]

It's not uncommon, but it's one of those things that comes up on checklists. Is it something that excites him? Is it something that excites you? It all comes down to communication as always. I'm sure you know by know that if it makes you uncomfortable in any way then it doesn't really matter if it's common or not.

My opinion, with very little to go on so take it for what that's worth, you don't seem too enthused by the prospect of housecleaning. And a "pigsty"...well that's just wrong.

 

[SierraMoon]

It's not uncommon, but it's one of those things that comes up on checklists. Is it something that excites him? Is it something that excites you? It all comes down to communication as always. I'm sure you know by know that if it makes you uncomfortable in any way then it doesn't really matter if it's common or not.

My opinion, with very little to go on so take it for what that's worth, you don't seem too enthused by the prospect of housecleaning. And a "pigsty"...well that's just wrong.

Well, one of my "chores" would be cleaning his cat's litter box.... i don't know how anyone could be excited by that prospect.... lol
I don't believe that the idea of me doing housecleaning excites him.. i think it's a way of getting his house clean.. in return for him showing me the exciting ways of BDSM.... i believe he would be a good Dom in that respect... he constantly repeats the SSC rule... and he has a good personality, just this one thing has me second guessing if i should get into it with him or not....
hope this makes sense....
Thanks for replying BBD
sierra

 

[cymbidia]

sierra? It's common in very settled and established BDSM relationships for one of the partners to take on such duties. It is not common, in my experience, for someone to make such a suggestion at the very beginning.

Did the subject of personal service of this kind come up during all the online talking you and this prospective Dominant did? If not, when, precisely, did he inform you of his expectations regarding your duties with regard to housecleaning services? Perhaps your cleaning his house holds some kind of erotic allure for him? Would you be required to do it while he watched, perhaps, with you in fetish clothing or something? However, if you don't want to do it, if you are not interested in doing it, if it doesn't excite you in the same way it excites him, then you can say no.


Most importantly in all this: sierra, did you go into this Dom's house without a safe call in place? Someone new to you? Someone you hadn't really ever met, face-to-face, before? Someone from online? Please, please tell me you did not do that.

Listen: i will be your safe call if you need one. Any of us will, if we can. Do not, sierra, do not go into a private situation with someone you don't know without first having a safe call set up way in advance.

Now go find the thread where we talked about safe calls, and bump it up, and read it, sierra. Read it as if your life depended on it - which it could.

 

[SierraMoon]

sierra? It's common in very settled and established BDSM relationships for one of the partners to take on such duties. It is not common, in my experience, for someone to make such a suggestion at the very beginning.

Did the subject of personal service of this kind come up during all the online talking you and this prospective Dominant did? If not, when, precisely, did he inform you of his expectations regarding your duties with regard to housecleaning services? Perhaps your cleaning his house holds some kind of erotic allure for him? Would you be required to do it while he watched, perhaps, with you in fetish clothing or something? However, if you don't want to do it, if you are not interested in doing it, if it doesn't excite you in the same way it excites him, then you can say no.



Now go find the thread where we talked about safe calls, and bump it up, and read it, sierra. Read it as if your life depended on it - which it could.

Most importantly in all this: sierra, did you go into this Dom's house without a safe call in place? Someone new to you? Someone you hadn't really ever met, face-to-face, before? Someone from online? Please, please tell me you did not do that.

Listen: i will be your safe call if you need one. Any of us will, if we can. Do not, sierra, do not go into a private situation with someone you don't know without first having a safe call set up way in advance.

*cym, thank you for your concern... i would not, and did not go to his apartment without a safe call in place... my brother was about 10 mins away from this Dom's apt... so i had him place a call to me, after an hour of me being there... everything was fine... the Dom and i chatted, and ate White Castle's... lol...
As far as the housecleaning is concerned... it was not brought up until yesterday, after i got home, and got online...
I think i will have a talk with him, and let him know that i am uncomfortable with performing housecleaning duties in return for "play"... if he doesn't understand, or accept it, i guess i have my answer as to whether to pursue this or not....
thank you again for caring!! hugs.. sierra

 

[RawHumor]

<snip>and ate White Castle's...

He made you eat at White Castle?

That sadistic bastard!!!

Get out while you still can!

 

[BBD]

He made you eat at White Castle?

That sadistic bastard!!!

Get out while you still can!

I think sadistic is a good thing here.

And don't diss the castle, man. lol

 

[RawHumor]

And don't diss the castle, man. lol

It's a tolerance thing, and I have NO tolerance for it right now because there's none near me.

I once was on a road trip to Indy with a friend of mine, and he had the drunken munchies (and wouldn't THAT make a great name for a band? LOL) and someone suggested White Castle.

He, like me, didn't have one near him, so... let's just say they tasted better on the way down.

 

[Trainerman]

from a real 'newbie'.....for what it's worth:-

To address SierraMoon's original question, a couple of points occur to me :-

1) I have NEVER been in ANY type of sexual relationship without having an emotional feeling for the person. In other words, I need to know her and like her (to say the least) first. If there are other facets (like housekeeping for example) then that is a bonus !! I hope that is the way that the dice eventually fall for everyone. By that yardstick therefore, I wonder whether he is after a housekeeper he can play with.

2) to paraphrase "this is the price for him making you burn with ecstasy !!! " Oh really !! He won't get any fun himself huh?? He is just doing this to make YOU feel good cos he is a nice guy..oh but you can say thanks by being an unpaid skivvy !! pardon my sceptisim !!

Also, I would echo Cym's comments about a safe call.

I apologise if I have been a little forthright, no offence is intended but this one DOES sound risky to me..and Sierra you must put safety first.

I hope the future turns out as you would want it

 

[Shadowsdream]

Jumping in with both feet!

It is not uncommon for submissives to have the DESIRE to do housecleaning and cooking for a Dominant that they hope to have a long term relationship with or if they are service oriented.
BUT
It is not a trade off that a Dominant generally makes for giving a submissive sexual or kinky pleasure.
If you have had a long online dialogue with this Dom he should have made it clear BEFORE a meeting that the most you could hope for was some play now and then with a *kitty litter* reward.
I must echo the RUN word...your gift of submission is too valuable
and beautiful to have it compromised

 

[SierraMoon]

Thanks for your replies, Shadowsdream, Sir-to-k and Rawhumor.... i appreciate all of your input... and agree with it, wholeheartedly... i think i knew it all along, but was unsure how to approach him concerning it.. now that i have all of your opinions backing me up, i know that i must address it. Thanks again... hugs to all of you great people!! sierra

 

[James Blandings]

Sierra, I live in the Ferndale/Royal oak area. If you need anyone for a safe call, or even to escort you when you go to meet someone, please let me know.
There is a group in the area that is specifically about helping novices make safe connections within the scene. If you would like info on it, please PM me, and I will be happy to provide it.