OK folks I need something to pick me up..please
- Thread starter Kat-44
- Start date
Johnny Cool
Cooler than You
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2001
- Posts
- 1,216
Uhhh, I like the number after your name. It reminds me of Chris Pronger, Reggie Jackson and The St Louis Browns.
RosevilleCAguy
Unsane
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2002
- Posts
- 12,331
Kat-44 said:
How's about I send over the private limo?
G
Guest
Guest
GEORGE CARLINISMS
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
27. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
28. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
29. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
32. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
33. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
34. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
35. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
36. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
37. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song.
38. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
39. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
27. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
28. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
29. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
32. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
33. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
34. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
35. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
36. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
37. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song.
38. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
39. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Liontamr
*insert random title here
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2002
- Posts
- 18,511
Because I'm a hella nice guy tonight...
You kick ass
And now a funny:
America's most famous mouse and his wife are in divorce court. The judge said to the mouse, "You claim that your wife is insane." The mouse replied, "No no - I said she was fuckin' goofy!"
You kick ass
And now a funny:
America's most famous mouse and his wife are in divorce court. The judge said to the mouse, "You claim that your wife is insane." The mouse replied, "No no - I said she was fuckin' goofy!"
Liontamr said:Because I'm a hella nice guy tonight...
You kick ass
And now a funny:
America's most famous mouse and his wife are in divorce court. The judge said to the mouse, "You claim that your wife is insane." The mouse replied, "No no - I said she was fuckin' goofy!"
lol.....thank you hella nice guy.........moonwolf.......rosevilleguy, jonny.......nasty1 and siren.......
well siren out of words? i guess so * does a whistling sound* look at your posts *G*
Nice to meet you all
G
Guest
Guest
Kat-44 said:
Hope it helped.....I tend to go find jokes in my email when I get depressed.....and ya can't beat George Carlin. I had to laugh re-reading it.
Moon
Freya
gmilf
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2002
- Posts
- 42,367
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more costly?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more costly?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
AzureAngel
Love is Life
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2002
- Posts
- 2,212
Watch "What Dreams May Come". I heart that movie.
teddybear4play
better when i'm drunk
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2002
- Posts
- 12,906
Golden Eyes
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2002
- Posts
- 3,868
Kat !!
Mwahhhhh sweet lady. All I want to say is, you have always been ther for me. From the first day I came to lit, syds tub, you helped me out, made me laugh. You are funny, sweet, kind, and everyone loves you.
I dont know what is bringing you down, why you need cheering up, but know that all your friends are here for you. No matter what, just talk here on the boards, email us, pm us etc. LOL. And know that better days are just around the corner.
Love
GE 
Mwahhhhh sweet lady. All I want to say is, you have always been ther for me. From the first day I came to lit, syds tub, you helped me out, made me laugh. You are funny, sweet, kind, and everyone loves you.
I dont know what is bringing you down, why you need cheering up, but know that all your friends are here for you. No matter what, just talk here on the boards, email us, pm us etc. LOL. And know that better days are just around the corner.Love
GE
Mav Unlimited
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2002
- Posts
- 13,637
Hey Kitty, how about we exchange AVs? You can be my master for the day Otherwise...ummm...well...we can always do the usual routine...
*bends Kitty over and slides his hands down her sides...and over her ass cheeks, squezing them gently..pulling her closer as i grab her hips...then raising my hand high up in the air...i bring it down with a loud SMACK on her sweet ass...then rub it gently with my palm and kiss her sore butt...then, turning her around, i bow before her*
Now, how may i serve you today, Mistress Kat?
Otherwise...ummm...well...we can always do the usual routine... *bends Kitty over and slides his hands down her sides...and over her ass cheeks, squezing them gently..pulling her closer as i grab her hips...then raising my hand high up in the air...i bring it down with a loud SMACK on her sweet ass...then rub it gently with my palm and kiss her sore butt...then, turning her around, i bow before her*
Now, how may i serve you today, Mistress Kat?
hatara
Sensual Vixen
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2001
- Posts
- 3,629
Kat honey you are the absolute best in the world!!
So grab a girl friend and tequila and chocolate cheesecake and have fun. Leave the men home they won't die and give yourself a break.
As for the av hun try this site.
http://www.visualinfinity.net/WolfCastle/Avatars.html
They have a bunch of really good ones.
So grab a girl friend and tequila and chocolate cheesecake and have fun. Leave the men home they won't die and give yourself a break.
As for the av hun try this site.
http://www.visualinfinity.net/WolfCastle/Avatars.html
They have a bunch of really good ones.
Blue Dolphin
Back home again
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2001
- Posts
- 20,658
hi Kathy love
long time no see sweetheart
*walking up to you. take you in my arms*
big hug love,and a soft kiss om your cheek
oh yes
and before I forget Kathy
"are you still saving thatnipple for me????"
WEG
long time no see sweetheart
*walking up to you. take you in my arms*
big hug love,and a soft kiss om your cheek
oh yes
and before I forget Kathy
"are you still saving thatnipple for me????"
WEG
