OK America...this your last chance...

[p_p_man]

PRESS RELEASE

Diplomatic Note No: 45,876

2 July 2001

In recognition of the 225th celebratory year of what is commonly known as the American War of Independence and due to the total split in American society over many internal issues, Her Britannic Majesty's Government has passed the Act of Reconciliation.

This Act proclaims that all United States citizens who wish to receive full British citizenship will be able to do so over a period of four days beginning on Monday 2 July 2001.

As from Monday 2 July 2001 the British Embassy in Washington and Consulate-Generals and Consulates throughout the country will be open to all members of the public who wish to redeem themselves and become members, once again, of the British Commonwealth of Nations.

In order to expedite what Her Britannic Majesty's Government confidently expects to be the majority of people currently holding US Citizenship to avail themselves of this offer all standard immigration laws and regulations have been suspended in respect of the United States only and for the period in question.

To ease congestion Her Britannic Majesty's Government have arranged for the transfer of citizenship to be as swift as possible and with that in mind have arranged with the American authorities that all Fax, e-mail, postal and telephone services within the USA will be suspended for normal use for the period in question.

In order to become a British Subject with Citizenship just fax, e-mail, or telephone your name and address, and the name and address of any dependents under 21 to the British Embassy in Washington or to any British Consulate-General or Consulate within the recognised borders of the United States and your new United Kingdom passports (which also include full membership of the European Union) will be sent to you by return.

It is with regret that Her Britannic Majesty's Government is unable to relax the regulations governing the importing of animals into Great Britain. If any US citizen wishes to bring their pets then they should be aware that all animals are kept in especially designated animal areas for six months before being allowed into the country. This is to stop the spread of rabies, and more recently Foot and Mouth disease, and has been a successful policy for over 150 years. All care and protection of the animals whilst under British responsibility will be met by Her Britannic Majesty's Government.

Her Britannic Majesty's Government wishes to welcome all those of you who will be accepting your new status and to those few Americans who will no doubt wish to remain behind Her Britannic Majesty's Government would like to avail itself of this opportunity to:

Wish You All A Happy Independence Day.

Her Britannic Majesty's Government remains at all times

Your Honourable and Obedient Servant

HBMG

 

[Problem Child]

bugger off.

 

[doctor_insanus]

Okay... but you're gonna have to call every one of us "sir," or else we'll have no choice but to make you the 51st state...

Out of principle!

 

[TigerClaw]

.....

 

[WriterDom]

God save our NASDAQ Fuck your own nappy queen. Be grateful we don't charge to defend your Islands.

 

[Always]

*laughs* what American would wanna be a brit? *finds this hilarious* this is bullshit. we'd have gotten some warning on the news about the shut-down. and they wouldn't do it. it's politically incorrect; they've got no reason to fuck with us right now.

 

[morninggirl5]

British Arrogant Bastards

 

[rambling man]

They would love to become the 51st state I think. Their highways are in horrible shape, from what I hear as well as their railroads. The American economy thrives on roadbuilding and just give the railroads to Amtrack.
Americans seem to like the royal family more than many British, or at least have more respect...maybe familiarity breed contempt there. All we would have to do is change the Constitutional mandate that all states have a republican form of government, then force each of their cities to accept at least two Applebees franchises. In America, states even have more sovereignty than nations will in Europe eventually if some people have their way.

Also, y'all will have to get rid of those strange diseases that keep popping up there. Finally, you will have to put "Hee Haw" on at least one BBC station regularly to familiarize yourselves with American high culture.

 

[doctor_insanus]

Uh... does that mean they're not gonna call me Sir?

Damn!

 

[morninggirl5]

then force each of their cities to accept at least two Applebees franchises

Also, y'all will have to get rid of those strange diseases that keep popping up there. Finally, you will have to put "Hee Haw" on at least one BBC station regularly to familiarize yourselves with American high culture.

What about Waffle House, no way do we let them in until they have the appropriate representation scattered, smothered, and covered.

 

[rambling man]

they will have to call you sir for the privilege of letting them in..hahaha

We've absorbed entire countries before, one was bigger and even more nationalistic (still is in some parts) than Britain...we can certainly swallow Britain. After all, I predict when Castro's gone, the Miami Cubans will go back and bring them in as a state, so why not the mother country, too

 

[rambling man]

waffle house kicks ass, next to Shoney's the best breakfast in the South

 

[Curious Guy]

Millions of Comedians Out of Work

And,p_p_man wants the job.

 

[Andra_Jenny]

Why's everyone always slamming Hee Haw?

That there's some FINE art. Like that Dukes of Hazzerd show. God I love that and Green Acres...

 

[Cheyenne]

Re: Millions of Comedians Out of Work

And,p_p_man wants the job.

I hope he doesn't quit his day job though. His future just isn't in comedy.

 

[OUTSIDER]

Nice wind up PPM

 

[Cheyenne]

Nice wind up PPM

It is actually a very old piece- I think it was even posted at Lit once before as a joke. Maybe by Golden about a year ago? It got more comments on the "humor" in it the first time around. Of course, we Americans consider the source, too.

 

[OUTSIDER]

I have seen something like it before but not on here, still it's good for a laugh.

 

[CelticsHeart]

Sad really...

I thought the original thread was quite tongue in cheek..but I am hoping the replies were also.

It would be sad to think that all Americans felt so vehement about the British. There are so many commonalities between the nations, so many common blood lines.

Be happy all!

Heart

 

[doctor_insanus]

Well, my tongue was planted firmly in cheek... as usual!

Don't know about everybody else...

 

[registered "^^"]

crumpets

at last clinton could be queen

 

[Valdimer]

Hey, they have good tea, but we got better beer. I'll stay american. Now where's my moosehead........

 

[Guest]

Hey, they have good tea, but we got better beer. I'll stay american. Now where's my moosehead........

LOL, my arse you've got better beer

 

[OUTSIDER]

LOL, my arse you've got better beer

LOL, that was me, I was in such a hurry I didn't notice I wasn't logged in.

 

[rambling man]

Honestly and all kidding aside, I love the Brits. They are our one true friend in this world. They can't cook for shit, but you gotta love them.