Ok all you bad boys &bad girls....

[RedHotMamaTN]

Do any of you use safe words during sex. When things get too intense or painful you use a special word to let your partner know to stop or back off? If so... what is it?

I think its only fair I tell mine first. Tree. I know SILLY but it has nothing to do with sex and it just came to me one day. hehe

 

[xBuxombabex]

Ours is giraffe!! Also silly but it has to be something you wouldn't normally say during sex!

 

[klippert]

only when we did bondage... Yellow.... when we have sex...which is far and in-between.....if I remember correctly...all she has to do is move against the grain...and I know something isn't right

 

[SissyKatie]

Ours is giraffe!! Also silly but it has to be something you wouldn't normally say during sex!

You don't know what fun you are missing out on!

 

[Texguy84]

The wife and I don't have a formal safe word, but we've joked about it being either "Banana" or "Platypus".

I think the word being silly is probably better, because that is more likely to take both partners out of the mindspace which was getting them in trouble. I don't know about some of you guys, but I have a hard time continuing to rail a chick if I'm laughing about the absurdity of someone shouting "BANANA!"

If she can't say anything (like if I have her mouth covered), she'll tap out instead. For whatever reason, we pretty much are never doing something where she is both restrained and gagged. Mostly because I only have two hands and we don't currently have a bedpost.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I use green yellow, red...

Which is too easy to remember, sometimes

 

[the captians wench]

I use green yellow, red...

Which is too easy to remember, sometimes

That's the system I use, and I've had moments when I couldn't remember what to say. It's only happened a few times, but my head gets so full of happy feel good chemicals that I can't remember how to talk, like I couldn't find my lips. I remember thinking (for what seemed like hours but was probably only seconds),"something's wrong...I need to stop...there's something I'm suposed to do...say something...what was it? something's wrong! I need to speak! WHERE'S MY MOUTH?!?!" before I blurted out "RED!" at the top of my lungs.

But I'm usually a talker, so when I get quiet, my top of the moment usually checks in on me.

 

[MellowTone]

During sex/playtime, we use the phrase "for serious." During time that's got a role-play flavor but isn't necessarily foreplay, if we need to hit the pause button, we say "Can we step outside for a minute?"

 

[_Stardust]

I can go decidedly non-verbal at times, so I'm more likely to tap 3 times if I have a problem than say the safeword, which is 'safeword'. We can be disgustingly original sometimes

 

[CamRew]

options

parsnip (although repeated mentioning of 'safe word! safe word! safe word!' seems to work also)

We also have a system with a small bell for gag times and one can't 'speak' ... the bell is held in one hand and if it's dropped, game over.

 

[Daxaeha]

I'm still just a sub on paper. No RL experience BUT..

..I've thought about it and decided that I want a safe word that will halt everything because I am feeling unsafe or maybe panicking for whatever reason

AND

The word "mercy" which means "Whatever you're doing right now is just a little much, so ease up or switch it up for a second because I need a break."

It allows you to communicate while not breaking character (if role playing) and can be used in the form of a question for your dom/me to help prevent an interrupting of the flow.

It might sound stupid but I like the idea.

 

[submissive_fire]

Yellow and red ... no green.

I had a play partner once who would always ask what color I was on ... and I mean always. It would completely ruin the mood. After a few times of play, he asked one too many times and I told him BLACK, got dressed and left. .... NOT that this has anything to do with the original question, just thought of it when I read the question.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Stoplights

Also green, yellow and red.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I've always used either red-yellow-green, or for a while, a five-color variation: red-orange-yellow-green-blue. The latter got too complex, so I decided to just stay with something everyone of driving age should be familiar with.

I've told this story before - a couple of times, I think - so those who have already "heard" it can skip on to the next post.

I took my then-sub (later wife #3) to her first ever play party at which we were going to play. (She'd been to one or two where we just observed other folks playing.) She and I discussed what we planned to do: spanking, some paddling, flogging, and if things were going well, caning. We discussed safewords (again). Sooo... she's finally up on the spanking horse, I spank, her butt turns pink, then red. I check with her every few minutes: "Color?" "Green." All good. Paddles. Butt turns redder. "Color?" "Green." Floggers. Butt and backs of thighs and upper back an interesting variety of pinks and reds. "Color?" "Green."

I switch to the cane. Now, we *have* played with the cane before. She loves/hates it. She hates the sting. She loves the cold that rises up from underneath. She hates the sting. She loves the welts. She hates the sting. She loves the bruises that show up a day or two later. You get the idea. I give her six well-spaced-out strokes over a period of four minutes or so. She's squirming, as usual; darker red stripes appear on her cheeks; welts rise. "Color?" "Green."

Another ten strokes. After the eighth, I notice she's not squirming as much. After the ninth, she barely twitched when the cane came down. After the tenth, she didn't move a muscle. Not one. Is she breathing??? Yes. I can see her back rise slowly, gently. Whew!

"Color?"
No response.
"Color, honey?"
"Huh?"
"Give me a color."
[Long pause; I'm reaching to unstrap her from the horse.] "Purrrrpllle."
(What? Purple? That's never been ANY kind of safeword!)
"Honey? Green, yellow, red? Give me a color."
"Ohhhh... greeeeeeeeeeeen."

Yeah, her first trip to subspace, and my first time ever getting "purple" as a response to a safeword request. She later told me my voice was coming from a long, looooongggg way away...

 

[Netzach]

I like to use a stop word only, and it stops action for 24 hours, that's generally how I roll. A safe word in my ethos literally means "I believe I am IN DANGER in some way if this goes on" not "this is yucky pain make it stop ow" - that's the POINT of a scene, to me.

Depends on what the other person's adamant about too - if they're married to their own set of safewords, ok, whatever, cool. I can definitely play in the general red-yellow-green way.

I think this not because I'm a badass, but because I believe you can use your words. If you don't have them, I'll stop till I can figure out what the hell you're trying to say. I'll generally stop and check whenever I'm in doubt.

Have I stopped scenes? Tons o times. Action? Sure. Because of a safeword? I'm trying to remember a time...

I don't like them because I think they're insufficient on the information thing. I'm much more sensitive to information doing it my way, I think.

 

[the captians wench]

I like to use a stop word only, and it stops action for 24 hours, that's generally how I roll. A safe word in my ethos literally means "I believe I am IN DANGER in some way if this goes on" not "this is yucky pain make it stop ow" - that's the POINT of a scene, to me.

Depends on what the other person's adamant about too - if they're married to their own set of safewords, ok, whatever, cool. I can definitely play in the general red-yellow-green way.

I think this not because I'm a badass, but because I believe you can use your words. If you don't have them, I'll stop till I can figure out what the hell you're trying to say. I'll generally stop and check whenever I'm in doubt.

Have I stopped scenes? Tons o times. Action? Sure. Because of a safeword? I'm trying to remember a time...

I don't like them because I think they're insufficient on the information thing. I'm much more sensitive to information doing it my way, I think.

I like this, but it's usually not practical for me. I have a tendancy to space out quickly, when allowed. I go off to my own little happy place and enjoy the endorphines letting my head get all fuzzy.

I can only remember using red a couple of times. And there's only one person who every had me calling yellow. I still can't decide fully if he really was just testing my limits or if he was just an ass. He liked to go at me hard and fast and so I didn't want to stop for the day but he'd get so close to my limit I'd "owe Owe OWe OWE OWE!!! Damn it! FUCK! *giggle* YELLOW!!!!" in about a 3 minute span.

I think Jounar's the only one I've ever used green on, and that's cause he likes to check in on me most of the time. I remember the first time he asked me :how are you doing, baby?" and me off in happy space sighed out "green" to which he replied "huh?" and I came back and giggled and explained to him that my (then very limited) experience had trained me to use traffic light responces. IT was just natural.

Then again, I'm one of those people who hate to use a safe word and would rather talk it out because I have "safeword=fail" burned in my brain. It's nothing that any one put there, really, it's just my own need to be perfect at everything, and pleasing at every turn, that makes me so damn deturmined to take what ever your giving me. Even the bastard that made me yellow so much knew that even calling yellow would break me down and make me feel like I was letting him down. Asshat that he was, that one was all me.

 

[Ropebunny]

Our safe phrase is 'not fun'. It originates from our pre-kink days when we I would tickle him mercilessly, he would do icky stuff like wet willies to annoy me and we both enjoyed a good power struggle. As the whole point was to bug each other, neither of us would stop when we heard stop so 'not fun' was a good way to say I can't take anymore and if you don't stop I'm going to wet myself/punch you in the face/cry etc.

So when we started doing kinkier things it made sense to use it for that too. I like it because it doesn't feel like an admission of weakness if either of us needs to use it; more like a reminder that what we do is supposed to be enjoyable and if it's not then the situation needs to be remedied before continuing.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I've always used either red-yellow-green, or for a while, a five-color variation: red-orange-yellow-green-blue. The latter got too complex, so I decided to just stay with something everyone of driving age should be familiar with.

I've told this story before - a couple of times, I think - so those who have already "heard" it can skip on to the next post.

I took my then-sub (later wife #3) to her first ever play party at which we were going to play. (She'd been to one or two where we just observed other folks playing.) She and I discussed what we planned to do: spanking, some paddling, flogging, and if things were going well, caning. We discussed safewords (again). Sooo... she's finally up on the spanking horse, I spank, her butt turns pink, then red. I check with her every few minutes: "Color?" "Green." All good. Paddles. Butt turns redder. "Color?" "Green." Floggers. Butt and backs of thighs and upper back an interesting variety of pinks and reds. "Color?" "Green."

I switch to the cane. Now, we *have* played with the cane before. She loves/hates it. She hates the sting. She loves the cold that rises up from underneath. She hates the sting. She loves the welts. She hates the sting. She loves the bruises that show up a day or two later. You get the idea. I give her six well-spaced-out strokes over a period of four minutes or so. She's squirming, as usual; darker red stripes appear on her cheeks; welts rise. "Color?" "Green."

Another ten strokes. After the eighth, I notice she's not squirming as much. After the ninth, she barely twitched when the cane came down. After the tenth, she didn't move a muscle. Not one. Is she breathing??? Yes. I can see her back rise slowly, gently. Whew!

"Color?"
No response.
"Color, honey?"
"Huh?"
"Give me a color."
[Long pause; I'm reaching to unstrap her from the horse.] "Purrrrpllle."
(What? Purple? That's never been ANY kind of safeword!)
"Honey? Green, yellow, red? Give me a color."
"Ohhhh... greeeeeeeeeeeen."

Yeah, her first trip to subspace, and my first time ever getting "purple" as a response to a safeword request. She later told me my voice was coming from a long, looooongggg way away...

Great story, and you must have told it when I wasn't around, it's the first time I've heard it

 

[graceanne]

When we first started to play, we set up safe words (red, green, yellow), but we don't use them cause we don't get off on saying/hearing 'no, don't do that', so if I say OW or STOP IT, I always mean it and he doesn't have to wonder if I really mean it.

 

[rexhame317]

We use "game off". Stops the scene comepletely. Though I can say "red" and that works too. never safeworded with my current Sir.

 

[Netzach]

I like this, but it's usually not practical for me. I have a tendancy to space out quickly, when allowed. I go off to my own little happy place and enjoy the endorphines letting my head get all fuzzy.

I can only remember using red a couple of times. And there's only one person who every had me calling yellow. I still can't decide fully if he really was just testing my limits or if he was just an ass. He liked to go at me hard and fast and so I didn't want to stop for the day but he'd get so close to my limit I'd "owe Owe OWe OWE OWE!!! Damn it! FUCK! *giggle* YELLOW!!!!" in about a 3 minute span.

I think Jounar's the only one I've ever used green on, and that's cause he likes to check in on me most of the time. I remember the first time he asked me :how are you doing, baby?" and me off in happy space sighed out "green" to which he replied "huh?" and I came back and giggled and explained to him that my (then very limited) experience had trained me to use traffic light responces. IT was just natural.

Then again, I'm one of those people who hate to use a safe word and would rather talk it out because I have "safeword=fail" burned in my brain. It's nothing that any one put there, really, it's just my own need to be perfect at everything, and pleasing at every turn, that makes me so damn deturmined to take what ever your giving me. Even the bastard that made me yellow so much knew that even calling yellow would break me down and make me feel like I was letting him down. Asshat that he was, that one was all me.

This is almost universal, which is another reason I don't like red yellow green and I like telling tops STOP and ASSESS whenever you have a doubt. Because you can tell people a million times safeword isn't FAIL and they still believe it is because it's very human nature, it's very NATURAL to feel that way about wanting to do something and not quite getting there.

 

[Netzach]

Our safe phrase is 'not fun'. It originates from our pre-kink days when we I would tickle him mercilessly, he would do icky stuff like wet willies to annoy me and we both enjoyed a good power struggle. As the whole point was to bug each other, neither of us would stop when we heard stop so 'not fun' was a good way to say I can't take anymore and if you don't stop I'm going to wet myself/punch you in the face/cry etc.

So when we started doing kinkier things it made sense to use it for that too. I like it because it doesn't feel like an admission of weakness if either of us needs to use it; more like a reminder that what we do is supposed to be enjoyable and if it's not then the situation needs to be remedied before continuing.

Love this.

 

[Allyourbase]

Me and my partner don't play with safewords. We have been together for about 15 years now or so, and he's tied me down before we even had sex, so we're pretty tuned in to each other. I've noticed a couple of effects of how we play.

First is that intonation has started to matter a lot and, also, some words or phrases start acting as safeword-like things, even if we didn't formally agree on those. When I say 'careful', I always use it in a serious way, and it's never disregarded.

Second is that without the formal agreement on safewords, our play does not tend to get very close to the edge. Sometimes, I might want genuine discomfort disregarded. Because we rely on nonverbal cues though, we never get to that point.

Third is that I noticed that even though I had the ability to say things weren't o.k., sometimes I'd stubbornly deny that, ending up having to break off playing because of a break down. I wonder if having 'real' safewords would've made a difference.

Sidenote: one of the moments I do recall really wanting to have had a safeword, was after some intense cyber play. Did not expect that.

Our safe phrase is 'not fun'. It originates from our pre-kink days when we I would tickle him mercilessly, he would do icky stuff like wet willies to annoy me and we both enjoyed a good power struggle. (...)

So when we started doing kinkier things it made sense to use it for that too. (...)

I love this!

(...) my first time ever getting "purple" as a response to a safeword request.

And that, Sir, is the first time I've heard it too, though for a long time lurker I do kinda suck at lurking well.

 

[knot_sweet]

I'm one of those horribly non verbal people. I tell partners to watch for the nonverbal cues. When my hands start clenching, you're getting close to the line. If my shoulders get tense and my jaw clenches, you're on the line. If I get very very still, you've crossed the line and you have about five seconds to bring me back before I literally try to beat you unconcious.

I've only had one partner ignore the signs. It wasn't pleasant for him.

 

[Netzach]

I'm one of those horribly non verbal people. I tell partners to watch for the nonverbal cues. When my hands start clenching, you're getting close to the line. If my shoulders get tense and my jaw clenches, you're on the line. If I get very very still, you've crossed the line and you have about five seconds to bring me back before I literally try to beat you unconcious.

I've only had one partner ignore the signs. It wasn't pleasant for him.

How bout noises? I think reading non-verbal noises is also a good cluebook for a lot of people. In fact, when I do super crazy bondage I stole a three nasal alarm noise sound for "red" or "help" from a domme who does lots of crazy hood play