Ok,a kind of legal-like question about a divorce...

[lovetoread]

My soon to be totally ex husband as of Dec has told me that his 18 year old girlfriend has problems,may have cancer and he wants to marry her.

The problem is this. In SC unless you have a valid reason for divorce, you have to wait a year for it to be final. I at the time,begged him to say that he or I cheated so that it would be over with in 3 months. He refused. Got nasty about it even.

Now we have already been before the judge,got all those papers signed,the judge agreed that we could have the seperate maintence<however you spell it> and those papers have been signed.

Can he now go back and change it?

He says he doesnt want to change the agreement that we have,with includes my kids,child support,and all that.

If it is possible,then,I dont mind being accused of the adultery,but Tiger thinks that if I change now,he may be able to come back later and fight me on custody. (I have them all the time,he gets them when he can) So he thinks I should stick with what we got and make him wait till Dec.

So can someone tell me if I do this,will it in anyway affect my custody in the future?

 

[KillerMuffin]

I have no bloody idea.

1) I agree with Tiger. He can suck it up.
2) Consult a locally practicing lawyer. First consultation is free.

 

[lavender]

 

[SexySlut2]

I would be finding out if I were you. I know every state has different laws about divorce, but it could affect your custody. It wouldn't hurt him to wait until December anyway. Talk to a lawyer and find out for sure.

 

[lovetoread]

Thank you all. He keeps pushing me about it.

 

[SexySlut2]

Look at it this way, you begged him to do it to begin with and he didn't want to, oh well. Let him deal with that now.

 

[Texan]

If he wants the divorce in a hurry, let him pick up the tab for you to refile. Let him accept the "adultery" rap.

If I were you, I would not let him file against you for "adultery". If for no other reason than what he could tell your kids in the future. And he would have the papers to prove it.

I've had an "EX" for 19 years. I thought she would evaporate when our son turned 18, but that was almost 4 years ago, and she's still a pain-in-the-ass.

just a thought.....

 

[Chuckus]

If you go back and refile, he must bear the burden of whatever it takes to get it out. (i.e. changing the terms of the divorce decree and the reasons thereof.........)

I was divorced in SC and am quite familiar with how things work from that standpoint, don't really know about the "legalities" but I do know this, IF YOU bear the rap of "adultery" it will definitely affect your custody and could come back to bite you in the butt. Don't do it, make him be the one to be the adulterer.

I wouldn't change a thing, rather I would make him squirm. Too bad his 18 year old girlfriend yadda yadda yadda yah........

Is the seperation/divorce decree being based on "irreconcilable differences" and living seperate and apart for one year? If so, I would stick with that and whatever maintenance agreement you had. I wouldn't change a thing......just IMHO.

As a matter of opinion, I don't think you can change the seperation agreement once it is filed, though I could be wrong. I think there would have to be some pretty big reason why........but that again is just IMHO.

PM me if I can help in a friendly way, I am not a lawyer but maybe could shed some light on how my divorce in SC went........

 

[lovetoread]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

He is now talking about wedding arrangements to the kids.

 

[Samuari]

bump to give the lawyers a chance to see it.

 

[bored1]

If he wants the divorce in a hurry, let him pick up the tab for you to refile. Let him accept the "adultery" rap.

If I were you, I would not let him file against you for "adultery". If for no other reason than what he could tell your kids in the future. And he would have the papers to prove it.

I've had an "EX" for 19 years. I thought she would evaporate when our son turned 18, but that was almost 4 years ago, and she's still a pain-in-the-ass.

just a thought.....

I agree 100% The more you give the more they take, it never ends. Xspouses....The gift that keeps on taking.

 

[Shaq]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

He is now talking about wedding arrangements to the kids.

Poor cancerous fiance....have a pity on her....I think he's a good guy for making that commitment....you "adulterer"...hey I'm trying to help you out...

 

[LukkyKnight]

Thank you all. He keeps pushing me about it.

Totally intuitive reaction:
If he's pushing you should move slowly. All the advice about getting a legal opinion is great. Marrying her in a hurry because she has cancer sounds like a pretty odd damn plan, IMHO. Your yardstick should be "What's best for the kids."

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Totally intuitive reaction:
If he's pushing you should move slowly. All the advice about getting a legal opinion is great. Marrying her in a hurry because she has cancer sounds like a pretty odd damn plan, IMHO. Your yardstick should be "What's best for the kids."

Hugs LTR

In my non-legal, non-experienced opinion, I must agree with LK's idea that something's not "right" with him pushing the idea all of a sudden. Legal advice wouldn't hurt though. It might just be another way of him not "letting go" since you've made your move. Good luck!

 

[lovetoread]

I will go get some advice when he sends me these papers about it.

I am not buying the whole she is dying part,but if that is how she wants to get him married to her,then I think he may deserve it.

Thanks everyone for the advice,I appreciate it.

 

[Chuckus]

*bump*

So what's the hap's there LTR ?????

 

[SexyChele]

Definitely get some legal advice. As stated, usually a consultation is free.

I work in Children's Protective Services, and though situations change from state to state, if you take the "adultery" rap it might be something he can use against you later. He may not be able to get custody on that alone, but he may be able to give your life hell in the process. Not to mention using this little bit of info on the kids. ("Hey, kids, I had to divorce mommy, cuz she was seeing another man, it's even in the divorce papers." - seen it happen too many times!)

Get a lawyer, and move slow. Unless his fiance has only 6 months to live, they'll be able to have a December wedding just fine.

Good luck!

 

[Ebonyfire]

LTR

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

He is now talking about wedding arrangements to the kids.

I am not a lawyer but I know a set up when I see it. He is already using the kids to put pressure on you. Doesn't this strike you as strange? And as for his girlfriend, if it is true, that she has cancer, that is sad, but it is not your concern. He made his bed, so let him lie in it.

Like everyone has said, he can come back later and wreak all kinds of havoc on your life. If she has a "miracle" and gets "cured" you are screwed.

Good luck to you; you are good people, and are too nice to be taken advantage of.

Ebony

 

[Ishmael]

Admit nothing.

Ishmael

 

[lovetoread]

I am thinking about not going along with this,as according to him,he doesnt need to send me any money till June for the kids.

Because I wasnt supposed to leave until June.

What the kids dont need anything because I dont live in SC anymore?

If this man cannot even do for his own kids,why the hell should I help him?

He cant pay for his kids,but he can pay for a new wife.

Ohh the man makes me mad. I wish I had done this along time ago.

Thanks everyone for the help. I really appreciate it.

 

[Closet Desire]

Who...

..."owns" the problem? Not you.

You don't need any legal advice on this.

I divorced over seven years ago and the toughest thing both of us learned (I remarried right away) was to extricate ourselves from the other person's life and problems. You don't want to still be dealing with their problems and choices when you're trying to get on with a new life. No this doesn't mean cut them off from the kids (we have three from our previous marriages). It only means to finally separate from this other person.

Fiance is ill? It's sad BUT--it's not your problem.

One of my most lasting memories is of a phone call my current wife had with her ex's new wife. They were upset because we no longer tolerate his abusive behaviour towards his own children. She told my wife that she should understand him and accomodate his problems.

Her response was "I'm not married to him anymore--it's not my problem now--it's yours. Good bye."

Hope it helps a bit.

 

[lovetoread]

It does,thank you very much.

I took care of everything when we were married and I guess now he still wants me to do that.

I had not thought of it in that way till you brought it up.

Thanks again.