Oh yes, this is DIVINE!

[Guest]

On another thread, a discussion regarding frangipinni (sp?) began. The comment was that while it is supposed to be the alt of fragrances, many people want to gag when the smell it.

Soooo....

I thought it would be interesting to list other "divine" things that are in fact a great disappointment or just downright gross.

Mine would be caviar and oysters.

I have learned to fake the caviar orgasm, but in reality I would just as soon skip both. Caviar reminds me of sand getting in my pimento cheese and oysters just look like phlegm to me.

So when a story talks about setting a romantic scene and it includes caviar and oysters, I just want to gag.

b

 

[Guest]

fish eggs and shell flesh

Bridge: Have you had Beluga? Fresh? I was a guest at a posh place in L.A. and the little black pearls were near divine; others too of varying colors.

I'm in a city by the sea where all manner of oysters can be tried on platter selections. I love them with just a bit of lemon juice. My grandmother introduced me to this ocean divinity.

On the other hand I do not 'get' liver or grits.

Perdita

 

[Quasimodem]

Somebody once conned me into eating Sushi. More precisely, somebody once conned me into tasting Sushi.

It tasted just like a fish smells, even covered in herbs and sauces, and it had the consistency of an art gum eraser.

It’s not original, but for me, Sushi is the Japanese word for ‘bait.’

 

[gauchecritic]

Romantic settings

a Candlelit bathroom. (I've just re-written that line 3 times) Definite turn off for me. I just know that sooner or later I am going to either be covered in hot wax or suddenly notice the distinct acridity of burning hair.

Gauche

 

[Guest]

I loved all sorts of fish

cooked!

(Note: caviar and oysters not included here; first are fish eggs, second are some long latin name thingy.)

Yes, sushi was a disappointment. I had a workmate who was always dropping 100 bucks on sushi for lunch. Finally I joined him and could NOT figure out why he was throwing his money away AND losing so much weight on the stuff.

I know plenty of sushi lovers (not to mention the Japanese) so I don't make fun of it, but it was a sore anti-climactic culinary event for me.

Yet, I love bagels and lox and ceviche; go figure.

 

[Quasimodem]

Oh! I simply must mention Liverwurst!

All the bits of flesh adhering to the bone (including some of the marrow) and anything too disgusting to be contemplated whole is ground up fine, cooked to mush, and suspended in a jellied sort of aspic.

Trying to eat a slice of it cold - the way it is mostly eaten, here - is an experience akin to chewing on a dead man’s tongue.

Heat it up until it returns to a semisolid state, and you have a surprisingly tasty meat sauce, but the natives all think you are off your nut.

 

[MathGirl]

Smells good, tastes bad

My uncle smokes a pipe. Some sort of aromatic tobacco. I always loved the smell. He let me smoke it once, and ...... Ugh!
MG
Ps.
Dear Gauchie,
I disagree about the candle lit bath. With bubble bath and the right person, it's lovely.

 

[Quasimodem]

Re: Smells good, tastes bad

My uncle smokes a pipe. Some sort of aromatic tobacco. I always loved the smell. He let me smoke it once, and ...... Ugh!
MG

Rule of thumb! The only pipe tobacco that tastes good, is something that reminds others of incinerated automobile tires and mustard gas.

 

[Alex De Kok]

As Quasimodem said

Rule of thumb! The only pipe tobacco that tastes good, is something that reminds others of incinerated automobile tires and mustard gas.

I have to agree. The only aspect of smoking I actively miss, my pipe. It's almost twenty-seven years since I smoked anything!

Alex

 

[TheEarl]

Well there was this thing with a credit card and a small rubber band...

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Well there was this thing with a credit card and a small rubber band...

Huh?

 

[Guest]

gentle reminder

Quasi-

While your observations are always insightful and amusing, I was hoping for people to mention things that are supposed to be erotic/divine.

I cannot claim to have read lots of german or japanese erotica, so perhaps sushi and liverwurst are part of those genres, but I have never read of either in straight up 'Merican erotica. Perhaps I have missed something.

*only way to eat liverwurst: with raspberry jam on white bread*

Gauche-

I am with you, hon. The only reason you need a candle in the bathroom has nothing to do with anything erotic or divine.

b

 

[DVS]

The only things I like that are raw is sex and vegetables. Everything else should be cooked. Ah, and when sex is cooking, it's good, too.

Sushi is nasty stuff. Yes, it does taste like it smells, if you ask me. I have friends that like it a lot, and they all know I don't. Fish breath isn't my idea of fun.

Never had the chance to try good caviar, so I agree that it is sandy mud that has made it's way into my creamed peas. Why it is so expensive, I will never know.

Now, when it comes to oysters, there is a way to enjoy them. COOKED! My sister, via my aunt (or was that the other way around?) has an oyster casserole that is wonderful. And, it gets even better. My aunt loves it, and so do I. But, nobody else cares for it, so we get it all!! Good stuff. And, they aren't runny, or yucky, or anything. Just as any other good seafood, cooked oysters are great. But, then I like chicken gizzards, too.

Speaking of oysters, rocky mountain oysters are good. Yes, I know what they are. That doesn't bother me, as long as I still have mine. Only had them once (beef), and I liked them. It was about 20 years ago. I don't know how I would react to them now.

I like liverwourst. But, I assume it has nothing to do with liver, because I HATE liver. Strange, I love the smell of liver and onions cooking, but the taste is repulsive.

When I was younger, we used to get high and eat Kipper Snacks. If you don't know what that is, it is basically sardines in the can. Kippered Herring, actually. I don't know if I could handle it now, but back then, it was good.

Our tastes do change. I never used to like hot peppers, but now I do. I hated Mexican and Chinese food when I was a kid, and now they are two of my favorites!

 

[DVS]

I am basically a very carnivorous person. But, I used to work in a vegetarian restaurant, when I lived in Atlanta. I found several different tastes in the veggie group that are good.

Bean sprouts on a sandwich, and cucumber slices are great. The only problem is, the sprouts must be fresh, and that makes it difficult to keep them on the sandwich. There is always something difficult about anything good.

I was one of the cooks in this restaurant. We also served oysters on the half shell. Ha, the menu said FRESH, but the oysters came out of a can, and we always washed and reused the half shells for the next customer.

It was really something to make up a dish of fresh oysters...
1)get a nice clean platter.
2)lay a nice fresh leaf of lettuce in the middle of the platter, and put a saucer of tangy sauce on top.
3)lay the freshly cleaned half shells in a pleasing manner on the plate, around the saucer.
4)open the can, or get the can out of the frig.
5)stick hand in can and find nice plump oysters to place on the shells in an appetizing way.
6)add a sprig of green stuff on the plate to top it all off.
7)serve without snickering.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

"Don't criticize what you don't understand" said Bob Dylan. You people have had bad sushi. Sounds like very bad sushi.

But yes, the candlelit bathroom sounds one hell of a lot better than it is, and two people trying to get comfortable in the kind of tubs you find in most places is about as sexy as watching walruses mate, and as efficacious.

I finally admitted that I don't care for the whole licking-food-off-someone thing. If you don't want to eat a woman, then pouring Hershey's syrup on her is not going to make it any better, and it's going to make a terrible mess. It gets stuck in her pubes, smears all over your mouth, and the same is true of honey, and, worst of all, those artifically flavored love oils. They'd gag a maggot.

If your going to engage in oral sex, engage in oral sex. Don;t be licking some greasy or sticky foodstuff off there. That's like putting a target inside her and trying to hit it with your dick instead of making love.

Let me mention one more thing that I wonder if anyone's ever had any trouble with: anal sex. You know, it's a very snug fit, and when the man pushes in, that trapped air has to go somewhere, usually out. And you know what air passing from that orifice sounds like. Pretty anti-sexy. Has this ever happened to anyone else?


---dr.M.

 

[The_old_man]

ESCARGOT: Rubber in garlic sauce.(I like the sauce)

I, too, do not like sushi in any form, although I do like Dim-Sum.

Raw Oyster: Has already been described. Cooked, see Escargot.

 

[Chicklet]

eggplant

it always looks and smells so good...but to me it's like chewing sand. yuckyuckyuck. pass the oysters, please...

 

[MathGirl]

You know, it's a very snug fit, and when the man pushes in, that trapped air has to go somewhere, usually out.

And YOU'RE the one who said he drew the line at a discussion of farts. Brrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttt
MG

 

[Guest]

And YOU'RE the one who said he drew the line at a discussion of farts. Brrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttt

I was resisting saying you were a bit off the mark here, Doc.

Perhaps the gods fart divinely, but let's stick to food, at least down here.

Pear (a very nice fruit)

 

[Guest]

all things unsexy

While I started this thread with two foods that I don't find sexy, I think that I agree with dr_m regarding syrups et al as an accoutrement to oral sex.

Another one would be sex in the shower. I always end up COLD. Only one of us can fit under the spray at a time. Give me a nice warm, dry bed, thanks.

b

 

[jfinn]

Re: gentle reminder

Quasi-

While your observations are always insightful and amusing, I was hoping for people to mention things that are supposed to be erotic/divine.

b

Hey Bridget,

Making love on a beach comes to mind, not only disapointing, but downright painful. Same can be said for taking a roll in the hay or any hanky panky in a barn (splinters, bugs and poop) for that matter.

Jayne

 

[The_old_man]

Barns aren't too bad if you can find an old horse blanket.

 

[Guest]

ESCARGOT: Rubber in garlic sauce.(I like the sauce)

Got that right! Yech!

 

[Quasimodem]

Barns aren't too bad if you can find an old horse blanket.

So some poor sodding horse must get the croup so your roll in the hay won't actually be a roll in the hay.

That's how the SPCA got started, not to mention PETA.

Which reminds me!

I'm willing to bet that a goodly number of people, who enjoy the literature, wouldn’t enjoy the real life experience of being handcuffed, harassed and intimidated.

 

[Guest]

law and order tactics

I'm willing to bet that a goodly number of people, who enjoy the literature, wouldn’t enjoy the real life experience of being handcuffed, harassed and intimidated.

Well, that depends on the owner of the handcuffs, not to mention one's ethnicity if we're talking RL law officers.

Perdita La Mexicana