Ode to Deborah

[Guest]

Deborah wanted something to do
She settled on visiting the zoo
She didn't take care
At the ape she did stare
And broke an important taboo

The keepers warned the crowd
Telling them all plainly aloud
He's in an awful great rage
Stay away from the cage
But her mind was off in a cloud

Deborah took a much closer look
Never one to go by the book
She felt a tug on her hair
She started to swear
But a moment was all that it took

It pulled her into it's cage
The bars being of the right guage
Tightly he gripped her
Then totally stripped her
And committed on her an outrage

She could see the ape's member quite well
Terrified as it started to swell
That thing's way too large
It's as big as a barge
Deb then started to mutter Oh! Hell!

The crowd watching let out a great cheer
As he fondled her lily-white rear
He caused a commotion
Cause he didn't use lotion
And the pain she felt was severe

My sphincter I'd better relax
Or my ass he will overly tax
He shoved it right in
Then started to grin
I'm relating only the facts

The keepers all finally did show
To Deb they were awfully damn slow
They pulled her right out
And she started to shout
This is going to cost somebody dough

It's bad enough that it was a rape
But the fact that it was a great ape
Has got me so mad
I'll never be glad
Til I wear his fur as my cape

Deb suffered in the hands of the brute
The promise of some money was moot
Treating her that way
The beast had to pay
Her shotgun she would get out to shoot

She arrived at the zoo very late
And proceeded to climb the front gate
With gun by her side
O'er gate she did slide
For that monkey she did feel a hate

At the cage she arrived fairly soon
Deb scouted by light of the moon
That monkey is mine
He acts like a swine
And my life he did fucking well ruin

To the front of the cage she did sneak
Slipping inside to have a good peek
The great ape had muscle
It gave her a tussle
She found herself surprisingly weak

When the great ape grabbed Deborah's gun
She decided it was now time to run
She found herself nude
And totally screwed
Because all night that monkey had fun

They found Deborah inside next morn
Looking abused and totally worn
Her fate she did face
With air of good grace
And a new monkey lover was born

 

[Deborah]

LFMAO! Not. At least do something original. You will already find this plot in my stories "Roger that, Scotsquatch" and "Where's MY Roger."

 

[Merelan]

It's pretty good, whoever did it.

 

[Deborah]

I don't think it's Todd. The spelling and grammar is too good.

 

[Madame Pandora]

You know...

Okay, you'll think I'm crazy...

But hum this to the tune of "Thick As A Brick"

It rocks!

MP

 

[Deborah]

Now what would make me think Madame Pandora at this very moment is off doing another audio poem.

 

[Dillinger]

I don't think it's Todd. The spelling and grammar is too good.

Unless he is a truly literate and evil mastermind who has purposely been employing incorrect grammer and bad spelling all this time just to fool us all and set us up for this one post insuring that we don't believe its actually him, precisely because of the misleadingly correct grammer?

Nah...

 

[Deborah]

Nah. It's not Todd. No "Deborah is God" religious diatribe.

 

[Deborah]

He has a tutor and gay lover despite his virginal protestations. Ask Expertise.

 

[Madame Pandora]

*humming*

And she broke an important taboooooooooo

And your wise men don't know how it feeeeeels...
To be thick as...

Ooops. Sorry.

Audio poem? On that crap? I get enough 1s as it is. Even *I* couldn't make that sound good...

Diddum a Doo a Ding A Ling
Diddum a Doo a Ding A Dong
The trollies are trying to fucking sing
So sit yaself back and pass the bong.

I think it's clear that I need coffee.

MP

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Did anyone else stop reading after the tenth line? That was badly constructed and boring.

 

[Whispersecret]

<raises her hand> Yep, Dix. I was scanning downward shortly after the beginning just to verify that it was going where I thought it would go.

 

[Deborah]

That's how they talk north of the border.

Hey Expertise, when you are done giving Todd private lessons please return my red wig and, you know.

 

[Guest]

For a limeric, the meter is wrong
The many syllables make it too long
I can totally agree
But verse should be free
And what's this about singing a song?

DCL claims that after line ten
He wouldn't ever read it again
It was such a bore
It caused him to snore
Just think if you'd gone to the end

Some suspect that the author was Todd
Think you not that exceedingly odd?
To make such a verse
And not do it worse
And not even mention dear God

They want to really nit-pick
To rules they say I should stick
My poem in rhyme
Is not such a crime
Deb's hide I just wanted to prick

Limericks want you to see?
Ask and I'll see what can be
So off here we go
It just goes to show
I can follow your rigid decree
_______________________________________
I was sitting here reading the board
The posts most of which I abhored
The devil he came
And gave me her name
Inspiring my only reward
________________________________________
Whodunnit wants you to smile
Pick substance o'er style
You might know my name
I'm just playing a game
So don't go raising your bile.

 

[Madame Pandora]

I don't like the second one. I can't sing it to Jethro Tull.

I can't believe you had 12 hours and that's the best you could do. Don't you have a paper route to rest up for or something?

MP

 

[DarlingBri]

Actually, as obnoxious, slanderous, stupid, cowardly, trolling poems go, it's really very good.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Thick as Theives...

Interesting, but I haven't a clue as to where to begin to look for someone who's trolling Deb. Or else I would suspect someone as well. I don't know who her enemies are. Interesting poem... a bit of filth now and then never hurt anyone, and I know that Deb is strong enough not to care much about this all.

 

[Guest]

I will now slip quietly back under the bridge.WTF! Doesn't anybody have a sense of humor anymore. DCL, I'm disappointed.You of all people I expected to"get" it. It was just a little piece of mischief-making. I thought you would see through the nonsense immediately.(sigh)
Deborah can dish it out so I wondered if she could take it as well. No harm, no foul. Deb's a big girl and can look after herself!
< disappears into the ether muttering

There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who got her foot caught in a bucket
She tried to kick it away
For a night and a day
And finally said Oh! fuck it!.......>

 

[Laurel]

Whodunnit - did you do both poems, or just the first? Are you both Whodunnits or is there a Whodunnit imposter? See, that's the annoying thing about the Guest names - we could have 12 Whodunnits on the site and I would just think it was one person who changes his/her mind a lot.

 

[KillerMuffin]

The poem sucked. You just can't play fast and loose with the meter in a limerick or it's utterly unreadable. I'm with Kerrie on this one. It should have went with a freeform.

 

[Tabby432]

I liked it.

 

[Guest]

Laurel:

Yes, I'm guilty of both. Would you people please get off the limerick thing. It wasn't intended to be a limerick. I do know the difference. It was an inspired creation all of my own. And as you can tell;
I don't work too hard
At being a bard.
I never examine'er
For iambic pentameter.

 

[Tabby432]

Cheers........

to inspired creations!

 

[jcgirl]

At least it was inventive.

 

[Flagg]

LOL! What the fuck does it matter whether it was a limerick or not! Talk about anal-retentive tedium!

I think it was light hearted and made me smile. Funny that Deborah was the only one who took it as it was intended.

I'm surprised the blame wasn't placed at my doorstep after the "confession about flagg and me" thread.

I hasten to add that it wasn't me by the way. I seem to recall my response on that thread as being sufficiently inventive.