Ode to a Right Handed Pitcher

[Vincent E]

‘Twas the morning of game seven, and all through the town
Every Red Sox fan was smiling. There was nary a frown.
Ball caps embossed with Bs sat atop every fan’s head
In hopes that talk of curses would soon wind up dead.
College kids in Kenmore Square dropped classes that morn,
For the excitement was building and their concentration was gone.
The tension of the series was more alive that day
Than any fan had imagined it could be way back in the month of May.
The bats, they came alive in game six for a change;
The record-breaking offense was back – that was strange.
The pitching had carried this team through the week,
But the runs tallied up. So much for the cold streak.
And when Nixon belted a ninth inning blast
Every tavern and bar rose up in a gasp.
“We Believe, we believe, we never doubted our team!
Now Cowboy Up, and live out the dream!”
Red Sox Nation has risen for the decisive game
They’re urging them on and calling their names.
“On Pedro, on Wakefield, on Timlin and Lowe! On Embry and Williamson, it’s time for the show!”
From the north at Presque Isle to the Block Island Sound
“Strike ‘em out! Strike ‘em out! Strike ‘em out now!”

 

[MathGirl]

Peeeeeeeeeedrooooooo!!!

[BNow Cowboy Up, and live out the dream!”
On Embry and Williamson, it’s time for the show!”
[/B]

Dear V,
Two observations:
1. "Cowboy up" is one of the dumber things ever said in regard to a sporting event. It sort of embarrasses me to pull for the RSox.
2. Alan "Gopher Ball" Embree pitched (?) for the Giants one year. I don't recall him ever getting anyone out.
MG

 

[pop_54]

Oh sorry

Oh sorry, when I saw the thread title I thought it was about wanking, I know fuck all about baseball

 

[Seattle Zack]

Here's hoping Fox cues up the old "Nyuk Nyuk" Three Stooges soundtrack when Pedro, Manny, and Zim get into it this time ...

 

[MathGirl]

Peeeeeeeeeedroooooooooo!!

WARNING!!
There's an ugly rumor going around that you all should be aware of. If the Yankees lose tonight, Don Zimmer has vowed to pull a train with the Red Sox bullpen staff immediately after the game. On the pitcher's mound.

Be ready to unplug your TV set after the final pitch to avoid something that NOBODY wants to see.
MG

 

[Seattle Zack]

Booney at the Bat

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the pinstriped nine that day;
The score stood five to two with but three innings left to play.
With Pedro on the mound the ending never seemed in doubt;
Without fail, every Yankee seemed to ground into an out.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast.
They thought if only Booney could but get a whack at that
We'd put up even money now with Booney at the bat.

But Ruth preceded Booney, as did Bucky Dent
And the former was a whacko, the latter was quite bent.
The knuckleball of Wakefield was confounding batters now
Floating past, they swung and swung, each Yankee muttering "how?"

The sneer is gone from Booney's lips, his teeth are clenched in hate.
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball and now he lets it go.
And now the air is shattered by the force of Booney's blow.

Oh! Somewhere in New England town the sun is shining bright!
The band is playing somewhere and somewhere hearts are light.
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout.
But there is no joy in Beantown -- Boone hit that fucker out.

 

[Vincent E]

Re: Oh sorry

I know fuck all about baseball

That makes you more qualified than the asshole managing the Red Sox last night. Unfuckingbelievable.

Cute poem Zack.

I think I am going to go into hibernation for a while. This is just too much fucking stress for a man to take.

 

[Guest]

 

[OldnotDead]

Dear Vincent,

I wish I were more cleve or creative to write a poem as you and Zack did. But I will risk the ire of Dr. M. and others by wandering away from the theme of writing to the source of so much writing in New York and Boston.

As a long time Cubs fan and the father of a family of Yankees fans, I can only echo some sympathetic feelings for your plight. But at the same time, as an ardent fan of baseball, I have to say that there was never a more potent time to say, "Wait until next year!", for both our teams, but especially yours.

I would compare your team very favorably to the '95 Yankees that were finally putting everything in place, but could not seem to 'get it done' in the playoffs. A change in management and the addition of a few key players put them over the top the following year. But in '96 the Yankees did not have a strong team that was already established at the top of their division.

Additionally, your team did not 'beat themselves' as so often happens in playoff matches. Two superior teams met each other, tied things up and literally slugged it out to the end. There is a fire in both teams for the top spot. Last night it burned a little brighter for the boys wearing pinstripes. I think some of the motivation included the disappointments of '01 and '02. I remember in '96 when the disappointments of '95 also motivated that team.

Your Red Sox will come back next year with such additional motivation. Not winning for years does allow both fans and players to accept second or third or worse place status. Coming in a very close second is very different.

It is with much anticipation that I remind you it is only a few short months to 'pitchers and catchers'. Here's hoping that OUR teams meet in October of next year.

 

[MathGirl]

Thank God the Yankees won. What Don Zimmer threatened to do was too horrible to even contemplate.

I don't know what to do about the World Series. I don't like either team. I hope they both lose.
MG
Ps. Is that possible?

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I'm a long time cubbies fan. Have to say loosing never hurt as much as it did in the post season. I am pretty used to happy meaningless games by..oh... the all star break

I feel for you sox fans, I was pulling for them. I now face the most unpalatable chocie imaginible. Root for the yanks or root for the team that beat my cubbies.

My father was a brooklyn dodger's fan, so rooting for the Yanks would get me disowned. I now hate the marlins. I think I will check out completely and see how my saints are doing

p.s. if anyone notices a trend I also root for the Mississippi State Bulldogs.


-Colly

 

[MathGirl]

p.s. if anyone notices a trend I also root for the Mississippi State Bulldogs.

Dear Col,
Let me guess ........ You're from Oregon.
MG

 

[Colleen Thomas]

MG,

LOL, nope. Mississippi. Just cannot help but root for the one with no chance. Playing so hard when you know it's futile seems noble somehow.

-Colly

 

[Guest]

Playing so hard when you know it's futile seems noble somehow.

I like you, Colly.

Perdita

 

[OldnotDead]

One more link for Vince

Hello, again,

Found this little quip.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/playoffs2003/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=1640029

It's on ESPN's website and is one sports columnist's attempt to put The Moment into histerical perspective.

Recommended for anyone that likes to occasionally take a stab at satire. Not the best I've read, but far from the worst.

 

[Vincent E]

Zack, with your permission I'd like to reprint your story at an unrelated site where the playoffs is a strong topic of conversation. Props to you of course. No links here. I'll understand - and won't do it - if you decline.

MG, sorry you're down on "Cowboy Up," but I wish I had the concession for T-shirt sales here. As for Embree, in the "What have you done for me lately" column he was playing lights-out for the Sox. It is just a matter of peaking at the right time.

Oldnotdead, this might be this first time a playoff game was not lost on the field, but in the dugout. The thing that has us climning out onto ledges is that it did not have to happen this way; we had the fucking thing won.



Half an inning, half an inning, half an inning longer.
Into the House that Ruth Built rode the Bosox 25.
"Cowboy up!" "Cowboy up!"
Into the House that Ruth Built rode the Bosox 25.

Yankees to the right of them,
Yankees to the left of them,
Yankees behind them jeered and thundered.
Pelted with insults while pitcher Pedro threw.
They that played so well came thro' the dreaded curse
Back from the mouth of the Bronx,
All that was left of them, left of the Bosox 25.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild game they played!
All the league wondered.
Honor the season they played,
Honor them who played,
Noble Bosox 25.

Okay, it is a shitty knockoff of a classic peom, but if I don't do this I'll go out of my fucking mind.

Me writing two poems in one thread. I am seriously fucked up.

 

[Seattle Zack]

Naw, have at it Vincent, I certainly don't mind. I was PWD (Posting While Drunk) when I came up with it anyway ...

Bill Simmons is a humor writer for ESPN.com (and a lifelong Sox fan) -- you might enjoy his column about the Game 7 debacle.

--Z

 

[Vincent E]

Zack, I can guarantee you there is never anything I will enjoy about game seven.

As Clemens left the mound, there was a smile upon my face.
True he was a legend, but he slinked off in disgrace.
Knocked around for three innings, he gave up four big runs
And Torre yanked him out knowking he had other guns.
Mussina settled things a little, and Wellsie should have worked
Except when Ortiz hit a homer as if his bat were corked.
And even though Giambi knocked out a couple shots
Every Red Sox fan knew Pedro had the rest tied up in knots.
But in the eighth a thing happened that makes us wonder, all;
Grady left him in the game, though nary a strike would fall.
And when Jeter smacked a shot to take his fatefull base
I was screaming at the TV, "Change the pitcher without haste."
Grady walked out to the mound, and I knew his next move,
"He'll put in Embree or Timlin, since both are in a groove."
But our manager dropped the call, he gave in to his ace
And Grady left the mound with Pedro still in place.
All New England wondered, "What the hell is going on,
We've relievers in the bullpen. Put them in and get it done."
But stubborn Grady decided that he would play a hunch,
He left his ace in the game thinking strikeouts by the bunch.
The dreaded Yanks did tie things, then the change was made too late,
And the game draged on and on; no one leaving for the gate.
By the time Tim Wakefield got out upon the mound
I thought for sure he'd get 'em out with knuckleball so sound.
But things they did not work out for Wake's baffling pitch
A ham and egger knocked one out to left. "Sonofabitch!"
And now I'm left wondering of promises unmet,
Of World Series dreams and championships we may never get.
And through it all I sit and wonder, "Why did it work this way?
To come so close and lose so much in the early hours Friday."
So in bars across the region, fans are crying in their beer,
And saying to each other, "Oh well, there's still next year."


HMFS, Three poems in one thread. What's going on.

 

[MathGirl]

Series, schmeries

Dear Zack and Vince,
I've decided to boycott the World Series. I'm sure that really ruins the day of Major League Baseball.

Instead of watching the WS, my Auntie and I are going to share a bottle of Stolichnaya and watch "The Gods Must be Crazy" and "A Shot in the Dark."
MG

 

[pop_54]

Re: Series, schmeries

Dear Zack and Vince,
I've decided to boycott the World Series. I'm sure that really ruins the day of Major League Baseball.

Instead of watching the WS, my Auntie and I are going to share a bottle of Stolichnaya and watch "The Gods Must be Crazy" and "A Shot in the Dark."
MG

Watch the Rugby world cup luv, you yanks have a team in it this time, bit tame compared with baseball I know, but you never know you auntie and the mutt may enjoy it

If you're curious Rugby is a bit like American Football but not played by poofters with body armour and helmets.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Series, schmeries

Watch the Rugby world cup luv, you yanks have a team in it this time, bit tame compared with baseball I know

Dear Pop,
I think you have the wrong impression about baseball. It's probably the tamest of all sports, with the possible exception of bowling. Figure skating is much more dangerous.
MG

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Re: Series, schmeries

Dear Pop,
I think you have the wrong impression about baseball. It's probably the tamest of all sports, with the possible exception of bowling. Figure skating is much more dangerous.
MG

Yea I was probably thinking of the things they use baseball bats for over here where we don't actually need them to play the game

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Series, schmeries

Originally posted by pop_54 Yea I was probably thinking of the things they use baseball bats for over here where we don't actually need them to play the game

Dear Pop,
To a man without one, a baseball bat is quite a formidable weapon.
MG

 

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Series, schmeries

Dear Pop,
To a man without one, a baseball bat is quite a formidable weapon.
MG

So's a 357 Magnum luv, hehe!! slightly better range as well

 

[Vincent E]

Re: Re: Series, schmeries

If you're curious Rugby is a bit like American Football but not played by poofters with body armour and helmets.

Any sport that has players duct-taping their ears down to prevent them from being ripped off has my respect.