Odd question...

[kitten]

I consider myself bisexual, but I have never even kissed a woman or been with one intimately. I have been with two men, and I would love to be with a woman in a relationship, however... I have this odd question.

I don't get off easily from oral, at all. In fact, I have never been able to get off from oral, and I've had many people try. It's not that I don't like it. It feels good, it just doesn't feel as good as penetration to me.

To me, it just seems odd though to be with a woman and only be able to get off with strap-ons, toys, and fingers. I have never doubted my being bisexual before, as I have been attracted to women since as long as I can remember, but I'm curious as to whether this means anything, or it's just simply my sexual preferences (not preference.)-- that I like things entering me, and get off that way.

I would really like to hear any opinions on this.
Thanks!

 

[none2_none2]

Sexuality is really an individual thing. You cannot lump a subdivisions "all women", "all guys", "all gays", "all lesbians", "all bi's" or any such subdivisions and get some valid response as to what they are attracted to, or what gets them off.

My perspective will be from a guy's, of course; but your posting just reinforced the same thing from the male side. A lot of Gay/Bi' guys tend to say there is nothing better than a BJ or only a man knows how to please another man (typically referring to oral). I've had a lot of gay sex over the last 25 years with a lot of partners. I either have a severe case of alzheimers, or I can positively say that I have NEVER had an orgasm due to oral sex. It has felt VERY pleasant, and I won't turn it down; but it doesn't have that "edge" (for lack of a better term) that I need to actually get off on it. Quite frankly, I need to penetrate a guy. Anything less than that is not real sex for me; I might as well just J/O by myself.

Note that this wasn't "learned" behavior either. I didn't get to fuck a guy for the first two years of starting sex. (I was young and naive when I started, and most of the guys I was with were older and I think they took advantage of the situation. The typical comments were that I wasn't "hung" enough to penetrate. The old saying was that "bigger ones glide, smaller ones poke" which I finally learned isn't true. Anyway, I seriously questioned my gayness as the sex REALLY sucked (pun intended).) I supposed if I hadn't masturbated for a few MONTHS, then just MAYBE I would be so desperate for release that anything (including oral) might get me off. Still that is speculation and a long shot in my view.

I really struggled with my "gay" identity. How can I be "gay" if I find guys VERY attractive, but the sex is so unfulfilling. Anyway, one day a guy actually let me fuck him. It was a life changing event. For the first time in my life, I had earth shattering sex that couldn't even compare to masturbation or any of the earlier sorry attempts at gay sex. It also wasn't because I "loved the guy" as I really didn't know him. It was that I found MY nitch or sexual calling.

So from my advice for you, is don't beat yourself up if you don't fit into some mold that people said you should be in or that some voice within you says you must fit in to be "normal". What is normal? What is important is that you find whatever it is that you enjoy and make sure whomever you have an encounter also gets something out of the encounter or relationship.

 

[thetwolezz]

Orgasmmmmmmmmmmms

I don't get off easily from oral, at all. In fact, I have never been able to get off from oral, and I've had many people try. It's not that I don't like it. It feels good, it just doesn't feel as good as penetration to me.

I would really like to hear any opinions on this.
Thanks!

We are a lesbian couple and I am the same as you. Oral is WONDERFUL...but I don't think I could ever orgasm from it. Just because you love penetration and it "does it for you" doesn't mean you should question your sexuality. Maybe...just perhaps...sexual orientation is NOT related to how you orgasm.

 

[ApprenticeApril]

For a long time, I had the misconception that penetration was for hetero or gay couples only. So, even though I'm uncomfortable with oral, I let girlfriends do it to me regularly. (I love giving it however.) I could get off, but I felt so akward about it that it made it not really worth it.
It wasn't until much later (a little over a year ago) that I discovered penetration was absolutely acceptable among two women. It took a while for me to break down the wall of "gender-specific activities" but once I did it was so much better. I enjoy sex with female partners more now, and I would like to think now I'm a better partner for them.
I agree with thetwolezz, the activity you like doesn't always have to do with the gender you like.

 

[gloriann]

It's important to know what you like and you don't like, what works for you and what doesn't. I has nothing to do with the gender of the person doing those things for you; it only has to do with you knowing your body.