October Poetry Challenge

[Angeline]

From our unpredictablebijou, and I'm repeating it here so it has its own thread:

Okay then I will go so far as to UNOFFICIALLY propose the October challenge.

Form: Terza rima
Theme: Costumes and disguise. And sex.
Deadline: um, how does November 1st grab ya?

wow i feel so powerful and famous now.

bj

 

[Guest]

Whatsa Teramrizza M'jig?

 

[DefianceBlack]

Whatsa Teramrizza M'jig?

That's what I said...

Apparently...

Terza rima is a three-line stanza using chain rhyme in the pattern a-b-a, b-c-b, c-d-c, d-e-d. There is no limit to the number of lines, but poems or sections of poems written in terza rima end with either a single line or couplet repeating the rhyme of the middle line of the final tercet. The two possible endings for the example above are d-e-d, e or d-e-d, e-e. There is no set rhythm for terza rima, but in English, iambic pentameters are generally preferred.

And then I said...

"Okay. I get it, but... can I see it?"

I have been one acquainted with the night. (a)
I have walked out in rain—and back in rain. (b)
I have outwalked the furthest city light. (a)
I have looked down the saddest city lane. (b)
I have passed by the watchman on his beat (c)
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain. (b)
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet (c)
When far away an interrupted cry (d)
Came over houses from another street, (c)
But not to call me back or say good-by; (d)
And further still at an unearthly height (e)
One luminary clock against the sky (d)
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right. (e)
I have been one acquainted with the night. (e)

And then I said...

"Well that's not so bad... yea? Yea."

 

[FifthFlower]

Strange Feelings Tonight

He thought he felt a demon in his mind
Reminding him, he'll never pay it all,
Since no one can leave any stain behind.

His wife sews costumes for their kids this fall,
But neither of them speaks much any more,
Because of something, neither would recall.

Of course, each one would blame the other for
The reason why she went away that night
All dressed for Halloween like a cute whore.

The kids got candy. Drink made her feel light
Enough to think that it would be all right.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Witches Sachet

* * * * *

 

[Guest]

There is no set rhythm for terza rima, but in English, iambic pentameters are generally preferred.

Oh, I can't do anything iambic pentameter.

btw, hi DefianceBlack. I haven't met you yet.
Same with you PandoraGlitters, hi.

 

[The_Fool]

Reminds me of a fucking sonnet....

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Reminds me of a fucking sonnet....

Challenge 1a: write a Fucking Sonnet.

I'm outie.

back in a bit. I will do more terza rima research real soon. Promise. But thanks, defianceblack, for the intro. Haven't had time yet.

bj

 

[The_Fool]

Challenge 1a: write a Fucking Sonnet.

I'm outie.

back in a bit. I will do more terza rima research real soon. Promise. But thanks, defianceblack, for the intro. Haven't had time yet.

bj

Damn....did that one. Did a blues sonnet too.

 

[Angeline]

Oh, I can't do anything iambic pentameter.

btw, hi DefianceBlack. I haven't met you yet.
Same with you PandoraGlitters, hi.

Yeah you can. Here's how I figured it out:

1) Think of the line from the famous Shakespeare sonnet: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day

2) Repeat a whole bunch of times

3) Now say some nonsense syllable instead of those words but use the same stresses and number of syllables

4) Now replace the nonsense syllable with your own words. If it helps you to get the rhythm in your head, sing the words instead of saying them.

That's it. You wrote iambic pentameter.

 

[DefianceBlack]

Oh, I can't do anything iambic pentameter.

btw, hi DefianceBlack. I haven't met you yet.

Hey there, mate.

Don't worry about the pentameter. Angeline's method is the same one I use when I want to write with a certain style and need to remind myself of how that style goes.

If you don't want to use nonsense syllables, just hum it to yourself. Sort of like how you can hum the tune of a limerick.

Although, I'm sure you've probably tried a number of times to write in iambic. But, if you've never tried those steps before... might as well give it another go along those lines... and then you can write in terza rima -and- iambic pentameter.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Fifth flower and Pandora, those are both lovely. You go, grrrls.

I've always found terza rima a really graceful form, because the rhyme scheme sorta rolls over itself. It reminds me of wave wash on a beach. And somehow it seems to be a less obnoxious way to use rhyme than many other forms.

Dante was the first to use it, as far as I've seen, and he did use iambic pentameter, but the literal definition seems to imply that that particular meter is optional. Hexameter might be an interesting choice as well. One might even try a sort of "free verse" version, without a meter. It would be tricky to make that work since the rhyme scheme's pretty important, but anybody feeling ambitious could go there.

Length is also optional. Terza rima is good for longer pieces because it gives them a certain fluidity and continuity. So if one had a story to tell, it would be a good style to choose.

I'm ambivalent about Wikipedia for some things but in this case the entry is very helpful. It has several good examples. Find it here.

Good luck! (Fiercely chipper)

bijou

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I've been doing a little more reading on rhyme and terza rima, and one thing that I noticed that really made an impression is that this form, like so many forms, was originally invented in Italian, which is an inflected language. Inflected languages are those which use word endings to denote things like tense, case and person. English has very few inflections, compared to many other languages.

here's a link on this: http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/definition/inflected+language

Rhyme is easier and more graceful in inflected languages because there are many more choices for rhyming words than there are in English. But that info helps us too, because we do have sets of suffixes that are used frequently, and those can offer a good mine for words that rhyme in a slightly more complex way than the cat-bat-mat variety of rhyme.

If you think about those sets of words when you're working, you come up with things like the "-ation" suffix, or "-ending" or "-ated" just as examples. Donation, creation, automation, nation, intimation. Defending, spending, comprehending. Isolated, terminated, correlated. You see what I mean.

When I started thinking that way, not only did the task of finding rhymes become much easier, it also gave the work a lot more grace. Using monosyllabic rhymes in a piece makes it hard to make it look like anything other than "I AM WRITING A POEM WHICH RHYMES" but when you move to working with rhymed suffixes, you find that lines may move naturally into one another, which is the next trick:

Don't let your brain automatically end a phrase or sentence with the end of a line. That's the only danger in the otherwise very helpful techniques that Angeline was recommending, of letting your mind noodle on the rhythm, la LA la LA la LA and so on, which is a most excellent way to start. (Read some Shakespeare first and you won't be able to write in anything BUT iambic pentameter for a while.) But when you allow yourself to work the rhyming word into the middle of the sentence the lines flow more gracefully into one another.

OOo I get to use the concept of ENJAMBMENT here. Can I be in the oval yet?

I hope that helps as everyone plays with this challenge.

bijou

 

[FifthFlower]

Rhyme is easier and more graceful in inflected languages because there are many more choices for rhyming words than there are in English.

I hear this so often, but I never seen any hard evidence justifying it. Even if one came up with a measuring technique that showed that English was not as adequate as Italian, say, for iambic end-rhyme meter, English has plenty of words that rhyme to meet the needs of these short poems.

There is, supposedly, a more natural alliterative meter that fits English better. I'm not sure that it does, but it does make it easier to scan some of those nursery rhymes.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I hear this so often, but I never seen any hard evidence justifying it. Even if one came up with a measuring technique that showed that English was not as adequate as Italian, say, for iambic end-rhyme meter, English has plenty of words that rhyme to meet the needs of these short poems.

There is, supposedly, a more natural alliterative meter that fits English better. I'm not sure that it does, but it does make it easier to scan some of those nursery rhymes.

I'm not nearly fluent enough in any language to confirm this, either by reading the poems in their native language or by (gods forbid) trying to write one. It's just what I've heard.

The alliterative link is also helpful; thanks!

bijou

 

[ShyErraticTable]

Circular

There is no costume. No surprise. Just sex.
You’re clothed the way God made you, no disguise,
Or maybe one: your eyes. Their green, their flecks

Of stone—how they encourage and deny
My heavy, central feelings, sway and slap
My softly tentative emotion. Why,

I wonder? Is desire made a trap
In which to catch the consciousness of me,
Make of my mind and blood a treasure map

Where ‘X’ marks you as winner? I can’t see
You’ve either need or reason for such jest.
Take off your pose, and let me fuck you free.

 

[RisiaSkye]

There is, supposedly, a more natural alliterative meter that fits English better. I'm not sure that it does, but it does make it easier to scan some of those nursery rhymes.

I think rhyme is a question of personal aesthetic preferences more than of the language itself. Though, that said, German is sometimes very tough to rhyme because of a dearth of long vowel sounds *not* followed by percussive consonants.

Anyway...

Just wanted to praise the use of alliteration as a linking rhythm. Anyone who's read my stuff over the years could probably easily spot just how reliant upon alliteration I often am. It's one of the great underused strategies, I think.

JMO, JMMV.

 

[normal jean]

I'm not nearly fluent enough in any language to confirm this, either by reading the poems in their native language or by (gods forbid) trying to write one. It's just what I've heard.

The alliterative link is also helpful; thanks!

bijou

bijou-

I posted one a while back, my very first attempt at using a foreign language in a poem. I never really got any FB on it, even though the words I used in Spanish are simple, easily read and most people, I thought, would understand it. I was obviously wrong, lol...

Maybe you could look at it and tell me what you think? I don't mind my work being dissected because it helps so much.


I think I might start a thread....and then abandon that thread...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

bijou-

I posted one a while back, my very first attempt at using a foreign language in a poem. I never really got any FB on it, even though the words I used in Spanish are simple, easily read and most people, I thought, would understand it. I was obviously wrong, lol...

Maybe you could look at it and tell me what you think? I don't mind my work being dissected because it helps so much.


I think I might start a thread....and then abandon that thread...

I wouldn't be a good judge of anything in Spanish. I know exactly two phrases: donde esta casa de Pepe? and --phonetically, since I have no idea how to spell it: -- kee-tay la ropa y besame. That's it for my spanish fluency.

this challenge is kicking my ass. I'm writing a lot of terza rima and a lot of stuff about disquise and costumes, but none of it actually overlaps yet. arg.

how's everyone else doing?

bj

 

[Liar]

how's everyone else doing?

Quite terribly, thanks for asking.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Quite terribly, thanks for asking.

I would bet that it's completely permissible for this to be the bitch-about-the-challenge area for a bit, while everyone is banging on their work. Of course SET and Pandora and FifthFlower can just relax and laugh at us now...

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Edit Profile


We meet beyond the flesh, within a costumed screen,
both real and unreal, as our bodies are,
and with the common faith I give to things unseen,

I touch the Real through distant, echoed avatar.
As gods who choose descent into this plane
can wear this heavy body, knowing who they are,

so you and I, however much we may complain
of distance as it separates the skin,
would be as disconnected, even in the plain

expanse of any bed, as Shakti would within
her fleshly emanation, as she meets
a human life and hates the barrier of skin

when she and Siva play. Though nothing is as sweet
as flesh to us, we have these avatars
as gods do. Our electric dance with words defeats

the distance. So I offer you the same desire
through pure ideal and perfect measured frame,
the flesh of gods translated on a singing wire.

 

[Angeline]

Carnivale

The days that now grow shorter soon will turn
to meat redolent nights that carry song
to the canals dipped by oars. Voices burn

their secret whispers, churn with lies along
these ancient streets, brush mystery to silk.
Columbina’s shaking hands do no wrong

to lift the masque, display the tender milk
of skin, the fair neck bared to Saturn’s lips,
soft and sickle curved. Others of his ilk

caper with clouds, approve these mortal sips
of human flesh, loosening dress, the bite
to harvest her desire, draw her hips

to pulsing flesh and seed her in the night
of her pale thighs. Her smile as clouds sail by.

 

[twelveoone]

Carnivale

The days that now grow shorter soon will turn
to meat redolent nights that carry song
to the canals dipped by oars. Voices burn

their secret whispers, churn with lies along
these ancient streets, brush mystery to silk.
Columbina’s shaking hands do no wrong

to lift the masque, display the tender milk
of skin, the fair neck bared to Saturn’s lips,
soft and sickle curved. Others of his ilk

caper with clouds, approve these mortal sips
of human flesh, loosening dress, the bite
to harvest her desire, draw her hips

to pulsing flesh and seed her in the night
of her pale thighs. Her smile as clouds sail by.

very good, perfect rhyme, love the bad word play

 

[twelveoone]

I hear this so often, but I never seen any hard evidence justifying it. Even if one came up with a measuring technique that showed that English was not as adequate as Italian, say, for iambic end-rhyme meter, English has plenty of words that rhyme to meet the needs of these short poems.

There is, supposedly, a more natural alliterative meter that fits English better. I'm not sure that it does, but it does make it easier to scan some of those nursery rhymes.

Thanks for the link