OC's SRWQ #3: Seemless alternatives to pronouns

[Op_Cit]

Any advice on description and dialog without pronouns?

To me pronouns are like stealth words. They don't stand out to me and serve to link things or describe seemlessly. If you took the average story and replaced every pronoun with the character's name it quickly begins to sound awkward.

However, when one gets into describing dialog/action between two characters of the same sex this gets difficult. The same sentence can refer back and forth to the two but it's confusing to use "she" and "her", and then awkward repeating names.

This then makes me go back and add detail about the characters: haircolor, profession, race... to make it easier on me the writer (so I can say "the blonde replied").

(I know many think those details should be there to start, but sometimes they seem too much to me and superfluous.)

So maybe that's it then, maybe that's the only option. But I'm hoping others have some ways/techniques besides that.

 

[BlackShanglan]

So maybe that's it then, maybe that's the only option. But I'm hoping others have some ways/techniques besides that.

No, it's just damned awkward

Of course, it's a lot easier writing from the first person. If you've got a third person perspective with two of the same gender, I think you've pretty much covered the options - using a name in the sentence, or a descriptor. The best I can suggest is remembering that you only need one name to clarify the situation, and you can use a little she/she so long as the action hasn't changed so much that it obscures the action.

Shanglan

 

[inkstain]

i assume you're talking about personal pronouns, not "it"!

i don't see what the problem is, to be honest. there was a thread about dialogue here a few days ago, where people showed how personal pronouns could viryually diappear from it.

admittedly i haven't written any orgies, where i can see your point: it would be like a game of twister, where the reader could become easily confused as to who was doing what to whom.

but come to think of it, that's part of the point of orgies anyway!

so i would write something like

'a cock spurted its hot semen onto a navel, where a tongue lapped it up...' -- or maybe not.

 

[Sherry Hawk]

Admittedly, it's tough...and I think you've covered the options available. I've only written one story where I ran into that, and that was the worst part to me: all the "she"s and "her"s that tended to run together. Fortunately for me, one was a blonde and one was a brunette, so that made it a tad easier.

 

[inkstain]

Fortunately for me, one was a blonde and one was a brunette, so that made it a tad easier.

you know, we authors are allowed to play god, (or hairdresser) once in a while and dye our protagonists' hair, and there's very little they could do about it!

 

[Sherry Hawk]

you know, we authors are allowed to play god, (or hairdresser) once in a while and dye our protagonists' hair, and there's very little they could do about it!

Yeah, it worked out that way, although I originally made them that way because I liked the contrast of an olive-skinned character next to someone paler. *shrug*

 

[nushu2]

There is a middle ground between third person and first. I'll call it third person compassionate for ignorance of the proper term.

In my Gothic story, I had three women and I think I was able to convey "she" as being the main character. In other cases, the dialogue was self-tagging and distinct to the character.