OCC Fairy Havoc.
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Maid of Marvels
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Mallory Sheldrake walked into Clancy's, pausing to let her eyes adjust from the bright sunlight of outdoors to the dimness inside the corner pub. It had been a bitch of a day, and she needed a drink -- or ten -- bad.
"Hiya, Sam" she called out to the bartender as she pulled up a stool at the bar. "Gimme a scotch, will ya? Neat. Make that a double."
Mallory wasn't exactly what you'd have called a head-turner. She was medium height, with dishwater blonde hair that she wore scooped up in a perpetual ponytail when she was off work. Her eyes were an unremarkable hazel, though they changed with her moods and what she was wearing at the time. She had a good body, but a better mind -- and tended to be condescending toward those less cerebrally endowed.
In short, she was the type of person you either loved or hated. There was no in-between where she was concerned. Her friends -- the few she had -- thought she was put upon, those that didn't like her said she was a bitch (or worse). Frankly, Mallory didn't really care what people thought. Just so long as they didn't cross her. And today somebody had.
She'd been overlooked for a promotion. Again. This time it went to that chesty redhead on her team who'd been coming on to old Mr. Jenkins like nobody's business. Well, she guessed, it had paid off. Linda Foster, who couldn't figure her way out of a paper bag, had gotten the raise. In more ways than one.
Mallory downed the scotch, wincing as it burned her throat. They'd be sorry, she knew. She just hoped it would be sooner rather than later. "Gimme another, Sam. Same thing." She swatted at a no-see-um that kept droning in her ear. If she didn't know better, she'd have said it sounded like a voice. "Oh, and turn on the bug zapper while you're at it, too. Persistent bugger."
"Hiya, Sam" she called out to the bartender as she pulled up a stool at the bar. "Gimme a scotch, will ya? Neat. Make that a double."
Mallory wasn't exactly what you'd have called a head-turner. She was medium height, with dishwater blonde hair that she wore scooped up in a perpetual ponytail when she was off work. Her eyes were an unremarkable hazel, though they changed with her moods and what she was wearing at the time. She had a good body, but a better mind -- and tended to be condescending toward those less cerebrally endowed.
In short, she was the type of person you either loved or hated. There was no in-between where she was concerned. Her friends -- the few she had -- thought she was put upon, those that didn't like her said she was a bitch (or worse). Frankly, Mallory didn't really care what people thought. Just so long as they didn't cross her. And today somebody had.
She'd been overlooked for a promotion. Again. This time it went to that chesty redhead on her team who'd been coming on to old Mr. Jenkins like nobody's business. Well, she guessed, it had paid off. Linda Foster, who couldn't figure her way out of a paper bag, had gotten the raise. In more ways than one.
Mallory downed the scotch, wincing as it burned her throat. They'd be sorry, she knew. She just hoped it would be sooner rather than later. "Gimme another, Sam. Same thing." She swatted at a no-see-um that kept droning in her ear. If she didn't know better, she'd have said it sounded like a voice. "Oh, and turn on the bug zapper while you're at it, too. Persistent bugger."
Maid of Marvels
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Mallory felt a bit like Chicken Little, her mind screaming "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" as she caught a glimmer of something in her peripheral vision. Not unlike a slo-mo instant replay, a peanut was suddenly soaring in a destructive arc toward the bug zapper, initiating a catastrophic domino effect that, for all intents and purposes, destroyed most everything on the shelves behind the bar.
A cacophony of shattering glass and splintering shelves compounded by a chorus of screams and shouts from patrons filled the air. and underneath it all, Mallory Sheldrake could swear she heard a man's high pitched maniacal laughter. Now why would anyone find this even remotely funny, she wondered -- even as she began to chuckle at the ludicrousness of it all.
"My kinda woman!"
Mallory looked around to see who had said it. No one. Just that blasted no-see-um droning near her ear again. "See what you've done? Why don't you go buzz someone else for a change" she groused, fanning at the air around her head as if that would at last rid her of the tenacious pest.
A cacophony of shattering glass and splintering shelves compounded by a chorus of screams and shouts from patrons filled the air. and underneath it all, Mallory Sheldrake could swear she heard a man's high pitched maniacal laughter. Now why would anyone find this even remotely funny, she wondered -- even as she began to chuckle at the ludicrousness of it all.
"My kinda woman!"
Mallory looked around to see who had said it. No one. Just that blasted no-see-um droning near her ear again. "See what you've done? Why don't you go buzz someone else for a change" she groused, fanning at the air around her head as if that would at last rid her of the tenacious pest.
Maid of Marvels
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Just when Mallory thought everything had stopped bouncing and crashing, a bottle levitated, wobbled, tipped -- as if to pour?? -- and finally plummeted to the floor at her feet splattering her with its amber contents. "What the fuck!" she hollered, nearly losing her perch on the bar stool.
Before it was funny, but now she was mad. Hopping mad. "What in the hell is going on here, Sam? You have poltergeists or something? Maybe you should call Ghost Busters. We've got another one, Egon!" All this while dabbing at her sodden jeans and shoes with napkins from a stack she'd grabbed off the bar. "And don't expect a dime from me. These shoes cost me over a hundred dollars and they're ruined!"
Of course they weren't, but Mallory had already been in a mood when she came into Clancy's to relax -- only to find that the exact opposite had happened. And that only served to darken it further. Talk about days when she should have stayed in bed -- this was one. And what was it about the only luck she had lately being bad luck?
"You know, one of these days," she grumbled under her breath. "Just one of these days I'm gonna... " Suddenly noticing the still full glass on the bar in front of her, she paused for a second. Hadn't she drunk that already? Maybe she hadn't in all the excitement.
Mallory looked around. No one had been sitting immediately to her right or left, so it had to be hers. But she could swear... Well, too bad if it wasn't, she shrugged. It was hers now. She tipped it up and drank it down like water. Sam could just try to take it back if someone complained. And the way she was feeling, no one had better dare.
Before it was funny, but now she was mad. Hopping mad. "What in the hell is going on here, Sam? You have poltergeists or something? Maybe you should call Ghost Busters. We've got another one, Egon!" All this while dabbing at her sodden jeans and shoes with napkins from a stack she'd grabbed off the bar. "And don't expect a dime from me. These shoes cost me over a hundred dollars and they're ruined!"
Of course they weren't, but Mallory had already been in a mood when she came into Clancy's to relax -- only to find that the exact opposite had happened. And that only served to darken it further. Talk about days when she should have stayed in bed -- this was one. And what was it about the only luck she had lately being bad luck?
"You know, one of these days," she grumbled under her breath. "Just one of these days I'm gonna... " Suddenly noticing the still full glass on the bar in front of her, she paused for a second. Hadn't she drunk that already? Maybe she hadn't in all the excitement.
Mallory looked around. No one had been sitting immediately to her right or left, so it had to be hers. But she could swear... Well, too bad if it wasn't, she shrugged. It was hers now. She tipped it up and drank it down like water. Sam could just try to take it back if someone complained. And the way she was feeling, no one had better dare.
Maid of Marvels
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"Well, so much for a relaxing evening after a helluva day, Sam" Mallory said and mumbled something about nothing like this ever happening to Lusty Linda or Jenkins either for that matter. "I'm outa here. Toodle-oo!"
She waggled her fingers over her shoulder as she let herself back out of Clancy's and decided maybe she should call it a night. Pulling her car keys out of her purse, Mallory just about had them in the lock when they slipped from her grasp and fell into a lake-sized pothole inconveniently located beside her car.
"Fuck!" She stamped her foot in frustration. "Why the hell don't these things ever happen to anyone else? Just once I'd like to see it. Jenkins caught with his pants down or... "
She continued to grumble aloud as she searched for a stick to fish her keys out of the puddle with. "Couldn't be clear rainwater. Oh, no. Only the murky, muddy kind for me, doncha know?"
If she wasn't so frigging mad and fed up, this would almost be laughable. "One of these days, dammit! One of these days!"
It soon became quite clear that she wasn't going to get her keys any other way except by sticking her hand down into the muck -- which only served to add fuel to her already fiery temper. Just as she reached down, a no-see-um buzzed her yet again.
"Frigging flies!" Mallory swore as she swatted and lost her balance, landing in the oil-slick-covered asphalt pond with a splash. "Always me. Always fucking me! Just once... "
Angry, frustrated and thoroughly disgusted -- Mallory Sheldrake sat in the puddle and started to cry, the buzzing in her ear growing steadily louder and louder.
She waggled her fingers over her shoulder as she let herself back out of Clancy's and decided maybe she should call it a night. Pulling her car keys out of her purse, Mallory just about had them in the lock when they slipped from her grasp and fell into a lake-sized pothole inconveniently located beside her car.
"Fuck!" She stamped her foot in frustration. "Why the hell don't these things ever happen to anyone else? Just once I'd like to see it. Jenkins caught with his pants down or... "
She continued to grumble aloud as she searched for a stick to fish her keys out of the puddle with. "Couldn't be clear rainwater. Oh, no. Only the murky, muddy kind for me, doncha know?"
If she wasn't so frigging mad and fed up, this would almost be laughable. "One of these days, dammit! One of these days!"
It soon became quite clear that she wasn't going to get her keys any other way except by sticking her hand down into the muck -- which only served to add fuel to her already fiery temper. Just as she reached down, a no-see-um buzzed her yet again.
"Frigging flies!" Mallory swore as she swatted and lost her balance, landing in the oil-slick-covered asphalt pond with a splash. "Always me. Always fucking me! Just once... "
Angry, frustrated and thoroughly disgusted -- Mallory Sheldrake sat in the puddle and started to cry, the buzzing in her ear growing steadily louder and louder.
Maid of Marvels
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Mallory's mouth opened in a wide "O" as her car keys levitated and then dangled in mid-air. Well, that wasn't exactly right, was it? There was someone -- some thing -- holding them. A shimmering silhouette whose pellucid substance was not unlike the oily, rainbow whorls that had floated on the surface of the water-filled pothole.
"These yours?"
That incessant buzzing!
It was the same high-pitched, sibilant whirring she'd heard in Clancy's and attributed to a flying insect. It wasn't buzzing after all. It was a voice. A voice!.
"Be gone!" Scrambling to her feet, she snatched her keys and uttered the words as if they would banish this... this... whateveritwas and send it back to Clancy's or where ever it belonged. Never having believed in a 'higher power', Mallory Sheldrake knew now what it meant when people said there was no such thing as an atheist in a fox hole.
"Whoa! You can hear me?"
She knew she wasn't really losing it. Well, maybe she was. Nothing a visit to a good shrink wouldn't take care of -- and her regular visit was tomorrow. Voices had never been a problem before now though and she could hear the voice a little more plainly with every word "it" spoke.
"Look, whateveryouare... " Mallory said as she fumbled to get the slippery keys into the lock. "Go haunt someone else, okay? I've had a bitch of a day and you are the last thing I care to bother with right now. I said Be gone, dammit so get lost!"
"These yours?"
That incessant buzzing!
It was the same high-pitched, sibilant whirring she'd heard in Clancy's and attributed to a flying insect. It wasn't buzzing after all. It was a voice. A voice!.
"Be gone!" Scrambling to her feet, she snatched her keys and uttered the words as if they would banish this... this... whateveritwas and send it back to Clancy's or where ever it belonged. Never having believed in a 'higher power', Mallory Sheldrake knew now what it meant when people said there was no such thing as an atheist in a fox hole.
"Whoa! You can hear me?"
She knew she wasn't really losing it. Well, maybe she was. Nothing a visit to a good shrink wouldn't take care of -- and her regular visit was tomorrow. Voices had never been a problem before now though and she could hear the voice a little more plainly with every word "it" spoke.
"Look, whateveryouare... " Mallory said as she fumbled to get the slippery keys into the lock. "Go haunt someone else, okay? I've had a bitch of a day and you are the last thing I care to bother with right now. I said Be gone, dammit so get lost!"
Maid of Marvels
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Mallory had finally started the car and was just about to put it in gear when the back door opened and closed. She absolutely refused to look. There wasn't anyone there. There wasn't! It probably just hadn't latched right.
Curiosity being what it is and against her better judgment, she glanced into the rearview mirror and right into the leering grin of some drunken sot who must have decided the back seat of her car was the perfect place to sleep it off. Mallory screamed.
The man screamed back.
Then they screamed together.
Furious at having her space invaded -- not to mention how she felt about that thing in the parking lot -- Mallory spun around in her seat to confront the interloper. There was no one there! She blinked. And blinked again. She glanced back into the mirror. He was there! She turned around. He was gone!
This was someone's sick idea of a joke, she was having no part of it. She squinted into the backseat once more. Maybe it was just her imagination.
No. That wasn't quite right, was it? There was something there. Someone. Well, sorta. And whatever it was, was beginning to take a shape that was slightly more solid than that shimmering eidolon she'd seen outside a few moments earlier. And it was talking. A buzzing drone, reminiscent of a staticky radio -- and she was beginning to be able to pick out the words, which were becoming clearer and clearer.
"You shouldn't ought to scare a bloke like that! You could really do a damage!"
"Why you asshole!" This was too much. Way too much.
"You are the one haunting me and you have the cheek to holler? I said be gone, dammit! What part of that didn't you understand?"
Mallory waggled her fingers as if she were flicking away a fly or a gnat. "Scram! Shoo! Scat! Beat it, bubba!"
She turned around again, prepared to drive off -- certain that he wouldn't stick around now for sure. And then she remembered something she'd thought she'd heard just after the car door opened and closed. It had sounded something like: "Okay, Dearie, this fairy is at your service. Rip’s the name. Ill-wishing is my game."
Curiosity again and all that crap, Mallory looked into the mirror and stared him straight in the eyes. "What exactly did you mean by that?"
Curiosity being what it is and against her better judgment, she glanced into the rearview mirror and right into the leering grin of some drunken sot who must have decided the back seat of her car was the perfect place to sleep it off. Mallory screamed.
The man screamed back.
Then they screamed together.
Furious at having her space invaded -- not to mention how she felt about that thing in the parking lot -- Mallory spun around in her seat to confront the interloper. There was no one there! She blinked. And blinked again. She glanced back into the mirror. He was there! She turned around. He was gone!
This was someone's sick idea of a joke, she was having no part of it. She squinted into the backseat once more. Maybe it was just her imagination.
No. That wasn't quite right, was it? There was something there. Someone. Well, sorta. And whatever it was, was beginning to take a shape that was slightly more solid than that shimmering eidolon she'd seen outside a few moments earlier. And it was talking. A buzzing drone, reminiscent of a staticky radio -- and she was beginning to be able to pick out the words, which were becoming clearer and clearer.
"You shouldn't ought to scare a bloke like that! You could really do a damage!"
"Why you asshole!" This was too much. Way too much.
"You are the one haunting me and you have the cheek to holler? I said be gone, dammit! What part of that didn't you understand?"
Mallory waggled her fingers as if she were flicking away a fly or a gnat. "Scram! Shoo! Scat! Beat it, bubba!"
She turned around again, prepared to drive off -- certain that he wouldn't stick around now for sure. And then she remembered something she'd thought she'd heard just after the car door opened and closed. It had sounded something like: "Okay, Dearie, this fairy is at your service. Rip’s the name. Ill-wishing is my game."
Curiosity again and all that crap, Mallory looked into the mirror and stared him straight in the eyes. "What exactly did you mean by that?"
Maid of Marvels
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Mallory began to wonder whether someone had slipped an hallucinogen into her drink at Clancy's. Either that or she had totally lost it. No. Maybe she hadn't. Ill wishing, he'd said. Interesting. Maybe he could do something with Miss Busty and that horny old goat Jenkins. The sheer prospect of it boggled the mind.
Mallory chuckled and then sniffed the rancid air that seemed to permeate her car. What was that smell? She glanced in the rearview mirror again -- just to be sure. He was still there! Maybe he wasn't a figment after all. Figments didn't stink. Did they?
Ripping the pine-scented air freshener from where it hung, she tossed it into the back seat. "Here. Put this round your neck or something til we get to my house and you can bathe. You reek!"
"Reek? Bathe??? Me???"
"Oh, don't try to sound all indignant. You stink!! When was the last time soap made contact with your skin? And your clothes! I've seen better things get rejected by street people."
"Why I never!"
"That is quite obvious from the stench of you. And what did you say your name was again? Drip?" Mallory didn't wait for him to answer. "Well, Trip. Just how badly do you want a job? I believe in fairies. My burning nose and watering eyes will attest to that. I might even clap for you like I did Tinkerbell. But I will not make a deal with you while you smell like Eau de Le Peu. Frankly, Chip, you look like you need me a lot worse than I need you. So waddya say?"
Mallory chuckled and then sniffed the rancid air that seemed to permeate her car. What was that smell? She glanced in the rearview mirror again -- just to be sure. He was still there! Maybe he wasn't a figment after all. Figments didn't stink. Did they?
Ripping the pine-scented air freshener from where it hung, she tossed it into the back seat. "Here. Put this round your neck or something til we get to my house and you can bathe. You reek!"
"Reek? Bathe??? Me???"
"Oh, don't try to sound all indignant. You stink!! When was the last time soap made contact with your skin? And your clothes! I've seen better things get rejected by street people."
"Why I never!"
"That is quite obvious from the stench of you. And what did you say your name was again? Drip?" Mallory didn't wait for him to answer. "Well, Trip. Just how badly do you want a job? I believe in fairies. My burning nose and watering eyes will attest to that. I might even clap for you like I did Tinkerbell. But I will not make a deal with you while you smell like Eau de Le Peu. Frankly, Chip, you look like you need me a lot worse than I need you. So waddya say?"
Maid of Marvels
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It was interesting, actually. At first Mallory hadn't been able to see Rip at all. Then he was that shimmery rainbow thing -- why did she know he would hate her referring to him as shimmery or anything having to do with rainbows? Anyhow... In the rearview mirror of the car she could see him plainly. And now -- she watched as he got out of the car -- he was almost completely solid. And he wasn't too hard on the eyes either. Well, what she could see so far and IF you could get past the smell.
"You know... " she said over her shoulder as she walked into the house. "Fairy has a completely different meaning to some folks. Is there a connection etymologically?"
He was screeching something again that she didn't quite get. "I thought only banshees screeched?"
Not waiting for an answer, Mallory closed the door behind Rip as he followed her in. "The bathroom is... " she pointed down the hallway, "first door on the left. I think we should burn those things you're wearing, too. Well, it's illegal to burn things within the city limits, but we can get them right out to the curb for the garbage guys to pick up. There's a robe hanging on the back of the door that you can put on while I figure out what you can wear in the meantime. How long exactly have you been wearing those... things?"
Every time he opened his mouth she had something else to say to shut him up. "You do know how to work a shower, right? Well, call me if you need help. And don't forget to wash behind your ears."
"Go. Shoo! Get on with it." Mallory waved him down the hall and turned toward the kitchen to make coffee. She'd have to get him some clothes and she wanted to think over his proposition as well. What exactly was and ill wishing fairy?
"You know... " she said over her shoulder as she walked into the house. "Fairy has a completely different meaning to some folks. Is there a connection etymologically?"
He was screeching something again that she didn't quite get. "I thought only banshees screeched?"
Not waiting for an answer, Mallory closed the door behind Rip as he followed her in. "The bathroom is... " she pointed down the hallway, "first door on the left. I think we should burn those things you're wearing, too. Well, it's illegal to burn things within the city limits, but we can get them right out to the curb for the garbage guys to pick up. There's a robe hanging on the back of the door that you can put on while I figure out what you can wear in the meantime. How long exactly have you been wearing those... things?"
Every time he opened his mouth she had something else to say to shut him up. "You do know how to work a shower, right? Well, call me if you need help. And don't forget to wash behind your ears."
"Go. Shoo! Get on with it." Mallory waved him down the hall and turned toward the kitchen to make coffee. She'd have to get him some clothes and she wanted to think over his proposition as well. What exactly was and ill wishing fairy?
Maid of Marvels
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Mallory was still sitting at the kitchen table sipping the coffee she'd made when Rip made his grand entrance wearing her bathrobe. She tilted her head and gave him the once-over, then tilted her head to the other side and looked a second time. And a third. Not bad. Not bad at all. She couldn't help grinning.
"You washed up nice, Rip, and you smell infinitely better. Good legs, too. Pink suits you," she said with a chuckle. "However, we're going to have to find you something else to wear. You can't go flouncing around in that. Any idea what size you are?"
The look on Rip's face was defiantly vainglorious as he gave a quick tug to the sash that held the robe closed. Mallory couldn't believe her eyes, but refused to acknowledge the fact. He would have to learn sooner or later that he was not all that -- even if he was.
"Yes. Yes. Very nice to know you are anatomically correct. Now close the robe and tell me what size clothes you wear."
Rip's face turned red and he began to splutter, but Mallory lifted her hand to hush him before he got much further. "I'm assuming no one can see you but me? From the look of the last outfit you had on, it's not something we're likely to find at WalMart -- and that's the only thing open right now."
Mallory reached for her purse and headed for the door. "Coming?" she asked over her shoulder. "You can try something on there."
"WalMart? WalMart??"
"Oh, and don't forget to buckle up. It's the law," she added as she slipped into the car and proceeded to fasten her own. "Once you've got clothes, we can discuss business. I just might have a job for you. Depending on your terms, of course."
"You washed up nice, Rip, and you smell infinitely better. Good legs, too. Pink suits you," she said with a chuckle. "However, we're going to have to find you something else to wear. You can't go flouncing around in that. Any idea what size you are?"
The look on Rip's face was defiantly vainglorious as he gave a quick tug to the sash that held the robe closed. Mallory couldn't believe her eyes, but refused to acknowledge the fact. He would have to learn sooner or later that he was not all that -- even if he was.
"Yes. Yes. Very nice to know you are anatomically correct. Now close the robe and tell me what size clothes you wear."
Rip's face turned red and he began to splutter, but Mallory lifted her hand to hush him before he got much further. "I'm assuming no one can see you but me? From the look of the last outfit you had on, it's not something we're likely to find at WalMart -- and that's the only thing open right now."
Mallory reached for her purse and headed for the door. "Coming?" she asked over her shoulder. "You can try something on there."
"WalMart? WalMart??"
"Oh, and don't forget to buckle up. It's the law," she added as she slipped into the car and proceeded to fasten her own. "Once you've got clothes, we can discuss business. I just might have a job for you. Depending on your terms, of course."
Maid of Marvels
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Mallory raised her eyebrows and shrugged at the greeter who was staring accusingly as though she had been the one to toss the tags. "I doubt I will be returning," she said haughtily, trying to gain some measure of composure. "This store is way too weird for my taste."
Once outside, she glared at Rip who was laughing uproariously as he leaned nonchalantly against her car. "Get in!" she ordered through clenched teeth as she fumbled to unlock her door. "What are you like?? Not only have you shoplifted, you practically assaulted that poor old woman at the door! Are you sure no one can see you but me? Christ!"
She ranted and raved and flailed her arms the whole way home. So caught up in her tirade, Mallory didn't even notice until the car swung into the driveway that Rip had his fingers in his ears and was singing. Off key, but singing nonetheless.
"Oh! Oh! OH! And now you're ignoring me to boot? You know what? I'm not sure I can make a deal with you after all. You'd probably bungle it or get me arrested somehow. Enjoy your new clothes."
Not waiting -- or even caring -- if he followed, Mallory flounced into the house and threw her purse down on the sofa. Maybe it was better this way. She'd been so tempted to just tell Rip yes. Now she saw there could be definite consequences if she let him just do his thing. Whatever that thing was.
Then again...
Mallory turned back to open the door, only to bump into Rip as he stepped through. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" he said with an indignant tone.
She just blinked. First he was invisible. Then she could see him. Now he was walking through doors and she could feel him, too. Oh, this was getting to be a bit much after all.
"In the kitchen," she snarled to cover her discomposure and that nagging doubt that was in the back of her mind. "When did you last eat? You must be starving." That was the ticket. She'd feed this fairy and get the real scoop on the deal and either send him off or... Well, that remained to be seen.
Once outside, she glared at Rip who was laughing uproariously as he leaned nonchalantly against her car. "Get in!" she ordered through clenched teeth as she fumbled to unlock her door. "What are you like?? Not only have you shoplifted, you practically assaulted that poor old woman at the door! Are you sure no one can see you but me? Christ!"
She ranted and raved and flailed her arms the whole way home. So caught up in her tirade, Mallory didn't even notice until the car swung into the driveway that Rip had his fingers in his ears and was singing. Off key, but singing nonetheless.
"Oh! Oh! OH! And now you're ignoring me to boot? You know what? I'm not sure I can make a deal with you after all. You'd probably bungle it or get me arrested somehow. Enjoy your new clothes."
Not waiting -- or even caring -- if he followed, Mallory flounced into the house and threw her purse down on the sofa. Maybe it was better this way. She'd been so tempted to just tell Rip yes. Now she saw there could be definite consequences if she let him just do his thing. Whatever that thing was.
Then again...
Mallory turned back to open the door, only to bump into Rip as he stepped through. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" he said with an indignant tone.
She just blinked. First he was invisible. Then she could see him. Now he was walking through doors and she could feel him, too. Oh, this was getting to be a bit much after all.
"In the kitchen," she snarled to cover her discomposure and that nagging doubt that was in the back of her mind. "When did you last eat? You must be starving." That was the ticket. She'd feed this fairy and get the real scoop on the deal and either send him off or... Well, that remained to be seen.
Maid of Marvels
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"I coulda been a contender," Mallory said as she pushed her sleeves up. "But... I'm not now, nor have I ever been, anyone's piece of fluff. You can call 976-BABE for "personal services" if you have need of them. Now out with it... Or don't ill-wishing fairies tell the truth? What exactly is your payment?"
"Now, why'd you have to go and do that? That was the truth. Personal services. And what's this 976-BABE thing?"
"It's erm... well... phone sex. Only $4.99 a minute and the first two are free. You probably have a lot of minutes stashed in your little pot of gold." Mallory paused and squinted suspiciously at Rip who was rubbing his jaw. "Hey! Don't try to change the subject."
"Ill-wishing fairy. Ill-wishing fairy. Am I dressed in green? Do you see a funny hat on my head? Do I have a pipe sticking out of my mouth? Do I have on pointy shoes? Though I do have a lucky charm you might like." Rip stopped to catch his breath. "Get your fey folk straight, will you? And how come you know so much about this phone sex stuff?"
Mallory could see the wheels turning in his head. He probably didn't even know what a phone was and if he did, she could almost picture him trying to figure out how to have sex with it. The thought soothed her temper a bit and she almost felt guilty for clocking the poor guy. Almost.
"Sit down at the table and we'll talk more after we eat. But no dessert if you don't finish it all!" She did chuckle this time as Rip eyed the bowl of salad with a look of utter disgust.
"Now, why'd you have to go and do that? That was the truth. Personal services. And what's this 976-BABE thing?"
"It's erm... well... phone sex. Only $4.99 a minute and the first two are free. You probably have a lot of minutes stashed in your little pot of gold." Mallory paused and squinted suspiciously at Rip who was rubbing his jaw. "Hey! Don't try to change the subject."
"Ill-wishing fairy. Ill-wishing fairy. Am I dressed in green? Do you see a funny hat on my head? Do I have a pipe sticking out of my mouth? Do I have on pointy shoes? Though I do have a lucky charm you might like." Rip stopped to catch his breath. "Get your fey folk straight, will you? And how come you know so much about this phone sex stuff?"
Mallory could see the wheels turning in his head. He probably didn't even know what a phone was and if he did, she could almost picture him trying to figure out how to have sex with it. The thought soothed her temper a bit and she almost felt guilty for clocking the poor guy. Almost.
"Sit down at the table and we'll talk more after we eat. But no dessert if you don't finish it all!" She did chuckle this time as Rip eyed the bowl of salad with a look of utter disgust.
Maid of Marvels
Lurking with Intent
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- Jul 30, 2001
- Posts
- 5,184
Mallory arched an eyebrow as the salad was transmogrified into a bunch of pathetic looking orange roses. "Nice trick, Mandrake. Not that it wouldn't be a hoot, but you don't make people's parts fall off like that, do you?"
Rip started to protest, despite the fact he looked suitably chagrinned as petals fluttered to the table. Mallory, however, had made her decision even before his miscued display of hocus pocus.
"Okay, Rip" Mallory said, sounding far more resolved than she felt. If he flubbed this, it would be as much on her as it would be on him -- maybe more so. "As you may or may not know, I was turned down for a promotion today -- again."
Rip sat forward eagerly. Arms propped, he rested his chin in his hands. "Do tell... "
Mallory wrinkled her nose and continued. "It's happened before even though I was the most suitable for the position. I just wouldn't spread my legs for Jenkins like the others did. Oh, she'll be gone when he tires of her, but there will be a new chippie in position by then and it will happen all over."
"Am I boring you?" Mallory spat as she noticed a glazed look come over Rip's eyes. "For someone who wants a job, you look incredibly disinterested. Look. Do you want to do this or not? Can you?"
"Erm... "
"Never mind. You can tell me when I finish. The Office Manager where I work has a wife and a passel of kids to boot. Lusty Linda wouldn't have gotten this promotion or the raise if she hadn't put out. Just once... Just once I'd like to see Fred Jenkins get his comeuppance. He shouldn't be able to keep doing this and get away with it."
Mallory stared intently at Rip. "Can you handle it? I mean -- no one gets physically hurt, right? No falling off parts?" She looked pointedly at the roses which had now shed most of their petals.
In answer, Rip sat upright and grinned in a way that made Mallory wonder what exactly she had gotten herself in for. She guessed she'd find out soon enough. They all would.
Rip started to protest, despite the fact he looked suitably chagrinned as petals fluttered to the table. Mallory, however, had made her decision even before his miscued display of hocus pocus.
"Okay, Rip" Mallory said, sounding far more resolved than she felt. If he flubbed this, it would be as much on her as it would be on him -- maybe more so. "As you may or may not know, I was turned down for a promotion today -- again."
Rip sat forward eagerly. Arms propped, he rested his chin in his hands. "Do tell... "
Mallory wrinkled her nose and continued. "It's happened before even though I was the most suitable for the position. I just wouldn't spread my legs for Jenkins like the others did. Oh, she'll be gone when he tires of her, but there will be a new chippie in position by then and it will happen all over."
"Am I boring you?" Mallory spat as she noticed a glazed look come over Rip's eyes. "For someone who wants a job, you look incredibly disinterested. Look. Do you want to do this or not? Can you?"
"Erm... "
"Never mind. You can tell me when I finish. The Office Manager where I work has a wife and a passel of kids to boot. Lusty Linda wouldn't have gotten this promotion or the raise if she hadn't put out. Just once... Just once I'd like to see Fred Jenkins get his comeuppance. He shouldn't be able to keep doing this and get away with it."
Mallory stared intently at Rip. "Can you handle it? I mean -- no one gets physically hurt, right? No falling off parts?" She looked pointedly at the roses which had now shed most of their petals.
In answer, Rip sat upright and grinned in a way that made Mallory wonder what exactly she had gotten herself in for. She guessed she'd find out soon enough. They all would.
