You Might Be A Nurse If...
You do the "only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell happy-dance"
You believe air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing
You believe if you drop the baby, pick it up
You believe when dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say
You believe any family member who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient, is the real problem
You can't cure stupid.
You believe if it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
There is no such thing as a bad code, only codes that didn't go the way you planned
You believe in the underwear theory of charting: Keep your ass covered!
Your immune system has reached out and bitch slapped someone visiting the ED because of a head cold.
To you the phrase "divide and conquer" means getting two co-workers to help you change the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400 pound patient.
You ever, secretly, wanted to mix crazy glue into the lube while inserting a foley on a patient that has pulled out three catheters on your shift while restrained
You believe the best patients are SIR...Sedated, Intubated and Restrained
You never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience
You believe God and hard work made us Nurses, Prozac made us friends.
You no longer have a gag reflex
You hide on Thursday nights to you don't have to translate all the terms on "ER" for your friends/relatives.
You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning
You want to throttle anyone that states: Night shift must be so boring, all the patients do is sleep.
You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine
You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.
You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead
Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
You have told a patient to "get some rest now" and they die right then and there in front of you and all of their family members.
You have ever wolfed down a sandwich while emptying your bladder. ( Tried and true method for desperate ER nurses
Half of your wardrobe has bloodstains on it.
You can intubate your friends at parties.
You can comfort anxious patients with, "I know just how you feel. It's my first IV, too."
.Ever told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to HOLLER if they need help
Ever passed on the green stuff at the buffet because you are certain you suctioned it from a patient earlier
Ever referred to KY jelly as "Goober Grease"
You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn't bother you.
When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.
You've ever pretended to sneeze and at the same time thrown KY jelly on a co-workers sleeve to make them think they got shot with a hocker.
A trained physician can't recognize the proper anatomy of a female for a catheter, but you get it on the first try.
Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat
You say to yourself, "Great veins!" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store
Your immune system is well developed that it has been know to attack and kill squirrels in the backyard.
You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status
You do the "only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell happy-dance"
You believe air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing
You believe if you drop the baby, pick it up
You believe when dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say
You believe any family member who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient, is the real problem
You can't cure stupid.
You believe if it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone!
There is no such thing as a bad code, only codes that didn't go the way you planned
You believe in the underwear theory of charting: Keep your ass covered!
Your immune system has reached out and bitch slapped someone visiting the ED because of a head cold.
To you the phrase "divide and conquer" means getting two co-workers to help you change the bedsore dressing in the crack of a 400 pound patient.
You ever, secretly, wanted to mix crazy glue into the lube while inserting a foley on a patient that has pulled out three catheters on your shift while restrained
You believe the best patients are SIR...Sedated, Intubated and Restrained
You never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience
You believe God and hard work made us Nurses, Prozac made us friends.
You no longer have a gag reflex
You hide on Thursday nights to you don't have to translate all the terms on "ER" for your friends/relatives.
You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning
You want to throttle anyone that states: Night shift must be so boring, all the patients do is sleep.
You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine
You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.
You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead
Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
You have told a patient to "get some rest now" and they die right then and there in front of you and all of their family members.
You have ever wolfed down a sandwich while emptying your bladder. ( Tried and true method for desperate ER nurses
Half of your wardrobe has bloodstains on it.
You can intubate your friends at parties.
You can comfort anxious patients with, "I know just how you feel. It's my first IV, too."
.Ever told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to HOLLER if they need help
Ever passed on the green stuff at the buffet because you are certain you suctioned it from a patient earlier
Ever referred to KY jelly as "Goober Grease"
You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn't bother you.
When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.
You've ever pretended to sneeze and at the same time thrown KY jelly on a co-workers sleeve to make them think they got shot with a hocker.
A trained physician can't recognize the proper anatomy of a female for a catheter, but you get it on the first try.
Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat
You say to yourself, "Great veins!" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store
Your immune system is well developed that it has been know to attack and kill squirrels in the backyard.
You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status
