Nursery Rymes that didn't make the cut....

[Mistress]

Sent to my email by my mother


Jack and Jill went up the Hill
To have a little fun
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread.

Little Miss Muffett
Sat on a tuffett
Her clothes all tattered and torn
It had not been the spider
That crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman to Simple Simon
"Pies, you dumbass!"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horse and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

Hey diddle diddle
The cat did a piddle
All over the bedside clock
The little dog laughed to see such fun
When the cat died of electric shock.

Georgy Porgy pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a curl
Right in the middle of her forehead....
When she was good, she was very very good
And when she was bad she got a fur coat, jewels, and sports car.

 

[navarre]

Mistress,
I am now wiping the espresso and spit off of my expensive monitor.
Thanks.

ROFLMAO

 

[Mistress]

Ad

Hehehe.....

 

[Mistress]

Mistress,
I am now wiping the espresso and spit off of my expensive monitor.
Thanks.

ROFLMAO

Grins brightly...

Welcome

 

[Ice Cold]

LOL... just like you Mistress, they are too cute.

 

[Sillyman]

Melancholy Tommy sat all alone.
Melancholy Tommy never left home.
He cried in his room,
He cried in his sleep,
Whatever the day,
Tommy would weep.
He never went out,
or got of bed
Poor little Tommy
Better off dead.

 

[InnocentAngel81]

thanks i needed a laugh been feeling sore and sick since thursday

 

[joolushko]

Great, now I had to go off and listen to Dice.

 

[Mistress]

Melancholy Tommy sat all alone.
Melancholy Tommy never left home.
He cried in his room,
He cried in his sleep,
Whatever the day,
Tommy would weep.
He never went out,
or got of bed
Poor little Tommy
Better off dead.

That one wasnt funny :-/

 

[Phoenyx]

Sex is evil
Sex is a pain
2 hours of pleasure
For nine months of pain
Kids an Idiot
Mommas a git
All because
MY FUCKING CONDOM SPLIT

 

[DevilBoy79]

heard these before still funny

 

[DevilBoy79]

Sex is evil
Sex is a pain
2 hours of pleasure
For nine months of pain
Kids an Idiot
Mommas a git
All because
MY FUCKING CONDOM SPLIT

60 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
momma's in the hospital
baby has no name
daddy's a bastard
momma's a whore
baby wouldnt be here if the rubber hadnt tore

saw this way back when in highschool on one of the playground slides near the bike trail behind the school's greenhouse, hope i remembered it right

 

[Mistress]

There was this young couple very much in love, and were planning to get married.
Right before the wedding they were in a car accident and went to heaven.
When they got to the Gates and saw St. Peter they asked," Could you help us...we were going to get married and we are very much in love. Is there any way we could get married still?"

St. Peter looked them over and thought for a few moments then said, "I'll see what I can do."

So three weeks go by and finally he approaches the young couple,"Your in luck I have everything arranged now, you can get married."

The young girl nervous speaks up, "What if something happens and it doesn't work out? Would it be possible to get a divorce as well?"

St. Peter sighs shakes his head and throws down his clip board, "I GIVE UP!"

"Whats wrong? "They both ask the frusterated man.

He replies, "It took me three weeks to find a priest up here, how in the hell do you think I'd be able to find a lawyer?"

 

[InnocentAngel81]

There was this young couple very much in love, and were planning to get married.
Right before the wedding they were in a car accident and went to heaven.
When they got to the Gates and saw St. Peter they asked," Could you help us...we were going to get married and we are very much in love. Is there any way we could get married still?"

St. Peter looked them over and thought for a few moments then said, "I'll see what I can do."

So three weeks go by and finally he approaches the young couple,"Your in luck I have everything arranged now, you can get married."

The young girl nervous speaks up, "What if something happens and it doesn't work out? Would it be possible to get a divorce as well?"

St. Peter sighs shakes his head and throws down his clip board, "I GIVE UP!"

"Whats wrong? "They both ask the frusterated man.

He replies, "It took me three weeks to find a priest up here, how in the hell do you think I'd be able to find a lawyer?"

i love that one

 

[InnocentAngel81]

60 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
momma's in the hospital
baby has no name
daddy's a bastard
momma's a whore
baby wouldnt be here if the rubber hadnt tore

saw this way back when in highschool on one of the playground slides near the bike trail behind the school's greenhouse, hope i remembered it right

oh so thats what u think

 

[DevilBoy79]

oh so thats what u think

now you know it isnt that way *sniffle Sniffle*

 

[InnocentAngel81]

now you know it isnt that way

i was joking

 

[DannyBoyUK]

"Jack" said Jill, "I'll get the pill
I think I better oughta"
But Jack the Clown
Would not get down
And now he's got a daughter