Now for something completely different - I need advice from readers

[Fyrewing]

I have several scenes written for a magical fantasy tale - but I think it is now time to develop more of a true story framework than what I had originally considered developing. I mean really - I wrote it because I had a crazy idea for a magic sex-toy, but somewhere along the way, bits of a story started creeping in.

So, what I would like to do is this - I will post the material I have currently written and then I will follow that with the list of story notes I have written after going back and rereading the original goodness. At that point, I would love to hear from interested readers what they think is the most plausible - or most enjoyable, since magic can dispense with plausibility - approach to turning it into a story. Fair enough?

Here goes...

 

[Fyrewing]

Jannen stood leaning against the railing of the library's second-story balcony and searched the faces in the quad below, fingers idly worrying at one of his rings. With the heat of the summer starting to break, more students and faculty were willing to sit on the benches under the sprawling limbs of the campus oaks and it took him a bit to locate the face he wanted. He'd picked her out carefully to test the ring.

There, curled against the huge trunk of an ancient tree and all but hidden from sight, she sat with several texts arrayed in front of her. Jannen could see from the crease on her forehead she was deeply engrossed in her studies. He smirked as he pulled the ring off his finger. That will change soon enough, he thought. He cupped the ring between his palms and blew gently across it, watching her the entire time. At a murmured Word from him, the ring's magic finished coming to life.

He blew across the metal again and watched in satisfaction as she blinked several times, her concentration on her studies beginning to crumble. At the lightest touch of his tongue to the ring, she squirmed uncomfortably and looked at the ground around her. Finding nothing amiss, she went back to her reading.

Jannen counted silently to ten and blew again, with slightly more force. He was rewarded with the sight of his quarry moving her hand from the ground beside her to brush distractedly at her lap. Again he touched the ring to his tongue, licking lightly for a brief way around the edge. This time, she picked up her books and searched underneath them, no doubt convinced she was feeling some sort of insect moving about.

He studied the ring as she did so. Vellia had shown him a small treatise on magic rings she had found in the library stacks. It had described a way to ensorcel a ring so as to create a link between two places – letting the wearer's hand be where the ring was bonded to and letting the bonded location be at the wearer's hand. She was convinced such a ring would bypass the chastity belt her father had paid to have placed on her before she began attending the academy.

Vellia commissioned the ring made from rose gold imported from the mines of Gevel, to better match the section of anatomy it had been crafted to resemble. In exquisite miniature detail, the ring he'd pulled from his hand was shaped to mimic a woman's nether lips, spread open around the wearer's finger. There was even the swollen bud of an aroused clitoris where the lips came together at the top. For now, Jannen's attention was focused on the rim opposite the metal swell.

For a moment, he turned the ring over and considered it. Just as the opposite side of the ring had been artfully contrived to resemble one entrance, the back of the ring was shaped to resemble the other. No, there will be time enough for that later, he told himself.

Slowly, he licked the edge of the ring from the smooth gap opposite the miniature clit a quarter of the way around its side. He watched in amusement as she dropped a book in her lap as the magicks in the ring took the sensations he was applying to it and transferred them to the matching spot of her own body. She pressed down on the book, while looking frantically about. The confusion and frustration on her face made Jannen chuckle out loud.

He let her get settled again before doing the same thing on the opposite side of the ring. As the subject became more aroused, the ring would mimic this to a degree, as well - Jannen had already felt the first hint of a softening in the metal. Now he ran his tongue around the lower half of the ring and tasted a slight wetness on the metal that wasn't his. He watched as she pressed her back against the tree, trying to conceal the slight squirming of her hips.

The ring began to close in around his tongue and Jannen muffled a curse as he snatched his hands away from his face. He glanced down at the ring and blinked in astonishment. The opening of the ring had all but sealed itself off and now looked exactly like a miniature vagina, carefully removed from its body. Eyes wide, he slowly raised it to his lips, attention torn between the ring and his quarry. She was still leaned back against the tree, eyes closed and her lower lip caught between her teeth.

Gently, he ran his tongue along the now-closed center of the ring and watched her shudder slightly. He probed lightly and discovered the metal to be yielding. As he did so, he could see her take a deep breath. Emboldened, he flicked the tip of his tongue over the tiny metal clit on the ring. She clapped her hands over her mouth and pushed herself back against the tree.

Satisfied, Jannen began to work his tongue over every crevice and fold of the ring. The girl below had lost touch with her surroundings, letting the sensations push her away from everything. The ring had gotten damp in Jannen's hands to the point he had trouble holding onto it. Finally, the girl arched slightly against the tree and the ring quivered against Jannen's face, a thicker stream of fluids oozing from it.

Excitedly, he left the girl to her aftershocks and hurried off. He wasn't ready to share this with Vellia just yet, but he was convinced her father's chastity belt wouldn't be proof against the ring's magicks.


The girl didn't show up in the quad again for two days. Jannen assumed she was terrified by the idea of being serviced by a ghost. Finally, though, she reappeared in her place at the tree. Jannen smiled and pulled the ring off his finger. Activating it, he simply held it in one hand with his fingers curled loosely over it. Gradually, he increased the pressure on it until she started to squirm. He stopped there and held that pressure for a few minutes, enjoying watching her. Finally the ring began to dampen in his hand. When it did, he began lightly stroking it with a fingertip, following the curves and valleys so artfully worked into the metal.

He saw her gasp and put both her hands over her lap, pushing down slightly. The sudden increase in wetness told him she'd hit her break-point. The first of the day, he thought.

Using his other hand to hold the ring, he slowly eased the ring onto his finger. He was rewarded with her eyes popping open to look wildly about her, convinced she was being physically violated. Slowly, he eased his finger back out of the ring and began stroking the tiny clit. She was shaking all over and arched against the tree-trunk, mouth open and panting.

He slipped his finger back inside the ring, enjoying the odd sensation of fingering a tiny, metallic vagina. He worked her over slowly, watching her reactions as his spectral digit plumbed her depths. She squirmed desperately against the tree-trunk until he slid his thumb over the ring to press on the clit. When he did, she arched hard enough to almost stand up and his hand became slick with hot fluids. Slowly, he pulled the ring from his finger and watched her slump back against the tree. With a Word, he deactivated the ring and slid it back onto his finger, only a slight lingering hint of damp clinging to his hand.

There was one more test to go, but that would wait until next time.


The next day found the balcony that was his vantage point occupied by a bevy of neophytes on their first library assignment. So rather than get to pursue his final test of the ring's properties, he simply leaned against the railing and watched the girl who had become his test-subject. Nothing about her interested him, other than she preferred to sit in a location that shielded her from general view and allowed him to discreetly observe her. Getting her bonded to the ring had taken some doing, but the thought of overcoming – or at least bypassing – the chastity belt Vellia's father made her wear had driven them both ever on.

She looked disappointed, glancing up from her texts occasionally, or reaching back to idly caress the trunk of the tree. Jannen's eyes narrowed in thought. Between his legs, his phallus began to harden as he considered how he now controlled the girl's feelings. He raised the ring to his lips and kissed it, thinking.

Finally, he pulled it off and spoke the Word to awaken it. Blowing softly on it, he watched the girl below melt against the tree in obvious relief. Jannen wondered for a moment what might be going through her mind, what she thought might be happening to her. In the end, it didn't really matter, he told himself. What mattered was that the ring worked on both subjects.

He held the ring and began rubbing his thumb around it. Below, the girl bent forward, wrapping her arms around her knees and hiding her face. It took him a minute to realize she was fondling her breasts in this position, pinching her own nipples through the fabric of the dress. The realization left him inexplicably giddy. He roughly brushed his thumb over the ring's clit and watched her strain against her invisible – and nonexistant – lover. He pressed his thumb down on it and rolled it back and forth, watching her hips rock in response, against the tree and the ground.

He glared over his shoulder for a moment at the group of students who were so inconveniently located so as to prevent his taking the trials to their last step. Then something occurred to him – there was still another facet of the ring he'd not yet tested.

He eased the pressure off his thumb gradually and stroked it down the damp opening of the ring. He worked the tip of his thumb inside, feeling her wetness soak his skin. He slid his thumb in and out several times, then curled it and made a rolling motion with his wrist. The girl's arms tightened around her legs in response and a gush of hot fluid pumped across Jannen's thumb and wrist.

Satisfied, he rolled the ring over in his hand and watched the girl carefully. His thumb, slick with her own phantom juices, began circling the opening on the ring's reverse. The girl began shuddering and shaking her head. Jannen changed holds on the ring so that his thumb could still circle the rear hole while his index finger could rest on the metallic pearl in the front.

She was still shaking her head, but she was kneading her breasts furiously, pulling on her nipples. She was grinding her hips back against the tree-trunk in time to the motions of his fingers. Slowly, he centered his thumb on the tight hole and began pressing, while he traced the swollen marble with his index finger.

At his push, she arched and almost stood up. Jannen didn't relent and she gradually relaxed into it, easing back to the ground and again burying her face.. Slowly, his wet thumb sank partway into the opening. He dipped the tip of his finger into the front opening and began flicking it back and forth, just behind the clit. When her juices flowed again, his thumb sank completely into the opening. When that happened, a hot flood poured out across his finger and the back of his hand. He let the slickness flow down and lubricate his thumb again and started moving it.

The girl was sitting still, rigid but for the waves of sporadic convulsions that racked her body. She still had her face hidden, her shoulders shaking. The sensation of wet sphincter around his thumb and even wetter lips around his finger was exquisite. He wondered if Vellia knew what it felt like and decided he'd surprise her with it. He leaned against the stone railing, trapping his hardness against the unyielding stone. Soon, he thought. Very soon.

He worked his thumb against her phantom flesh, then began alternating between that and using his fingertip to stroke just behind the clit or directly rubbing it. He saw her gather up a handful of her skirts and stuff them into her mouth. Through the magicks of the ring, he could feel her muscles clenching against him as she moved steadily.

Intrigued, he tried pushing two fingers into the ring's opening and was pleased when the opening expanded enough for them both to fit, although just barely. She jerked against the expanded intrusion and quickly fell back into her rhythm. Soon, Jannen was pumping both his fingers and his thumb deep inside her in unison. Suddenly, the ring clamped down hard around Jannen's digits. Below, the girl snapped upright just as a gout of hot fluid began pumping across the back of Jannen's hand.

She sat up so fast that her head hit the tree-trunk and Jannen watched her slowly topple over sideways, the wad of skirts still clenched in her teeth. On his fingers, the ring gradually relaxed, although it still trembled and pulsed. As soon as he could, Jannen snatched it off and whispered the Word to render it quiescent.

Hesitantly, he slipped it back onto his finger, relieved to feel only hard metal. Wiping his hand on his leg, he quickly made his way out of the library. Someone will find her, he thought. And I really don't want to be in direct line of sight when they do.


She didn't come back for several days. Jannen wasn't sure if it was due to being knocked unconscious or from fear or exactly what. He thought about trying to use the ring on her without being able to see her, but he wasn't sure about the range of effect it had. Plus, there was the chance that magicks used blindly would turn on the user. So he waited and watched.

He and Vellia had talked about the tests the night following the accident. He'd tried to keep the details vague, as he feared she might think he was more interested than he ought to be in a nameless experiment. He did tell her the ring seemed to be working exactly as they had anticipated, based on the details from the treatise, so far as he had been able to test it.

Jannen also mentioned the problem he had encountered with the presence of bystanders exposing the tests. Vellia promised to work on that, even as he continued the tests. She was eager to help - the chance to sidestep the chastity belt's confines had her almost insane with desire.





He also prepared for the eventuality of having company at his vantage point. Vellia procured a cloak for him that would allow viewers to see only an image of him leaning against the railing, reading a book.

 

[Fyrewing]

Nasty Twist options for Magic Ring story


A) Ring makes Jannen fall for test-subject.
1. Formulae used were part of an ancient culture's wedding rituals and was intended to promote and ensure marital fidelity upon using the ring to consummate the marriage. (Vellia may or may not know)
2. This may have been the plan & Vellia could be the girl's fairy godmother.
3. This may have been planned by Vellia's rival. (borders on too many characters)
B) Ring emasculates Jannen.
1. Vellia may be getting even with Jannen for some sort of incident.
a. Target-girl is innocent bystander.
b. Target-girl is Vellia in disguise.
2. Vellia may be a hired hitman.


here's a VERY VERY DARK approach that wouldn't fly on Lit, but some of the elements could be used to good effect.


Need to play up Jannen's conniving ways. He is after Vellia to insert an influence into her family. Except Vellia is a double, replaced by a hired assassin. Jannen has become a blot on his family's honor and reputation after leaving for the Academy. He uses his family's wealth and influence for his own hedonistic interests. He ends up responsible for someone's death and spends a lot of the family's political capital to stay out of trouble for it.

The family of the deceased convinces the family of the true Vellia to fake sending her to the Academy Jannen is attending while secretly sending her someplace else. Hitman double takes over as Vellia and does Jannen in, using his own appetites against him.

An interesting twist would be if the scion of Jannen's family were the one who orchestrated the dead girl's family handling the assassination, in order to clean up the family name.


Play up the Vellia-copy as being deliberately naïve and kittenish with Jannen. Make her the test-subject as well, so that she maintains control of the whole operation. She is actually something of a sex-addict and enjoys utilizing the ring's magicks as she terminates her marks. The supposed cloak of illusion is an intelligent item that is something like a vampiric creature but leaves effectively no trace of the victim.

 

[lovecraft68]

Nasty Twist options for Magic Ring story


A) Ring makes Jannen fall for test-subject.
1. Formulae used were part of an ancient culture's wedding rituals and was intended to promote and ensure marital fidelity upon using the ring to consummate the marriage. (Vellia may or may not know)
2. This may have been the plan & Vellia could be the girl's fairy godmother.
3. This may have been planned by Vellia's rival. (borders on too many characters)
B) Ring emasculates Jannen.
1. Vellia may be getting even with Jannen for some sort of incident.
a. Target-girl is innocent bystander.
b. Target-girl is Vellia in disguise.
2. Vellia may be a hired hitman.


here's a VERY VERY DARK approach that wouldn't fly on Lit, but some of the elements could be used to good effect.


Need to play up Jannen's conniving ways. He is after Vellia to insert an influence into her family. Except Vellia is a double, replaced by a hired assassin. Jannen has become a blot on his family's honor and reputation after leaving for the Academy. He uses his family's wealth and influence for his own hedonistic interests. He ends up responsible for someone's death and spends a lot of the family's political capital to stay out of trouble for it.

The family of the deceased convinces the family of the true Vellia to fake sending her to the Academy Jannen is attending while secretly sending her someplace else. Hitman double takes over as Vellia and does Jannen in, using his own appetites against him.

An interesting twist would be if the scion of Jannen's family were the one who orchestrated the dead girl's family handling the assassination, in order to clean up the family name.


Play up the Vellia-copy as being deliberately naïve and kittenish with Jannen. Make her the test-subject as well, so that she maintains control of the whole operation. She is actually something of a sex-addict and enjoys utilizing the ring's magicks as she terminates her marks. The supposed cloak of illusion is an intelligent item that is something like a vampiric creature but leaves effectively no trace of the victim.

Fantasy tales do not grab me in anyway shape or form. However the reason for my post is to never say dark will not fly on Lit. Take a look at the non human category it is doing very well. There is a non-consent section as well as some very heavy BDSM tales. Dark is just fine.