Nothing left except the climb

[CandiCame]

I know that this isn't sexual or particularly gay or anything, but a lot of people here have been really supportive of me, and know that I'm trying, really, really hard to get over a series of addictions. I have a pretty bad substance abuse problem, and I've been doing really well going cold turkey- but a lot of the time I still have a lot of trouble- physical and mental symptoms that want to break me down. I had a really bad spell tonight and I wrote this poem... I thought that I would stick it here, so that the people who have been so supportive, who have helped me and encouraged me to get help could see it- I don't know how many frequent the poetry forum... If you don't care to read it, that's fine. It's just an outpouring of emotion, really...

But anyway, thanks guys- thanks for everything.

I'm like a pinball stuck between
Those rubbers bumpers at the top of the machine
The past has closed right up for me
And the bluest grass looks green
There's a future I can't see
Looming ahead, mocking me.

Everything's gone so dark
Lost all of the innocence that was once in my heart
And a part of me can see
All of my brand new enemies
Lined up right in front of me
Like I'm on a killing spree
And I'm anything but free

I'm like a pinball stuck between
Those rubbers bumpers at the top of the machine
The past has closed right up for me
And the bluest grass looks green
There's a future I can't see
Looming ahead, mocking me.

My past is lost in the Abyss
Along with all the opportunities I missed
And every time I've gotten pissed
Over every stupid thing I hissed
Wasn't was good enough for me
If I could only look ahead and see
The road I would have to take
For every dumbass mistake
Every stupid choice I'd make
And the destruction in my wake

I'm like a pinball stuck between
Those rubbers bumpers at the top of the machine
The past has closed right up for me
And the bluest grass looks green
There's a future I can't see
Looming ahead, mocking me.

I can't see the path ahead
But don't we all end up dead?
I've nothing left to fear or dread
I'm at the bottom looking up
Without a penny in my cup
Nothing left to do but wait
And I can't procrastinate
I feel a fading of the hate
That I've always kept inside
That just won't let me die

I'm like a pinball stuck between
Those rubbers bumpers at the top of the machine
The past has closed right up for me
And the bluest grass looks green
There's a future I can't see
Looming ahead, mocking me.

Nothing inside me but despair
I need a breath of fresh air
I don't even remember where
I managed to get myself to care
But fate won't let me die
And I've stopped wondering why
Because it's such a waste of time
There's nothing left except the climb
There's nothing left except the climb.

 

[jackstud]

No one bats a 1000. We all make bad choices. Live one day at a time. Be healty, be sober, the only way to enjoy a long life. So keep on keeping on. How are all these sayings? All true tho. We are in your corner

 

[Deleted member 1215945]

I appreciate your fight...

.


=.=


Never give up! Never stop trying... You've taken your first steps, the walk will be long. Just stay strong =)



X15


=.=

 

[Fmature2play]

Then climb. Don't talk about it, spend time looking for the strength for it, wonder where it leads, or even sit around and think about it. Just start climbing. Climb until your arms are too tired and weak to pull you any further. When you fall flat on your face and haven't the strength to stand and climb any more, wiggle along on your belly or pull yourself with your teeth. That is after all what makes this life worth living and we were never promised an easy route. Perhaps I should join ya. *tosses her margarita glass over her shoulder and hitches up her britches*

 

[robbie_boy1]

hi,

Don't do it alone. Join a 12 step group and go forward. You have a mental obsession coupled with a physical compulsion that wants to kill you. If you really feel the urge to stick something in your mouth ummm ... errr..try something natural like Cock.. Good luck.

Be safe my friend...

 

[CandiCame]

hi,

Don't do it alone. Join a 12 step group and go forward. You have a mental obsession coupled with a physical compulsion that wants to kill you. If you really feel the urge to stick something in your mouth ummm ... errr..try something natural like Cock.. Good luck.

Be safe my friend...

He says that he gets sore after he cums and "needs a few minutes" which I've discovered is roughly equivalent to an entire 30-minute TV show.

hehe- that was my first thought to.


I can't do the 12-step thing. I tried NA, actually at the suggestion of a poster here who has been extraordinarily kind and understanding, but it did more harm then good. I think I'm to cynical/self absorbed to do that.