Nothing is funnier than

[Rosebud]

The truth
**Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
**Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
**Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the
store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front
**Only in America...do banks leave both doors open but chain the pens to the counters.
**Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the
first place.
**Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of 10 and buns is packages of 8
**Only in America...do they have drive-up automatic teller machines with Braille
lettering.
**Only in America...can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.


anyone have any others?? I did not write these, a cousin sent them to me.

 

[Bobtoad777]

ONLY IN AMERICA ... Can a black boy grow up to become a white woman....Micheal Jackson.

http://www.jokes4laughs.com/gfx/160546.gif

 

[Flagg]

**Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front

Ok how about: Only in America do drugstores actually SELL cigarettes?!?

*Only in America do they play a game called FOOTball with their hands

*Only in America can you sue McDonalds because you stupidly spilt a coffee on your lap after having gone through a drive-thru and consequently driven into a lamp post.

 

[Cheyenne]

Wow, what a great country it is, huh? Thanks for all the reminders of why we love it so!

 

[Xander]

*Only in America you can sue a company for not telling in the manual that you're not supposed to dry your puddle in the microwave*

*Only in America you can drive at 16, and not be held legally responesible before 18*

*Only in America you can be sued when somebody fall where you've just cleaned away the snow. But not if you just leave the snow there*

 

[Aranian]

*Only in America you can sue a company for not telling in the manual that you're not supposed to dry your puddle in the microwave*

Woah, dry your puddle? I havn't heard this one. Elaborate.

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

*Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front

Ok how about: Only in America do drugstores actually SELL cigarettes?!?

Flagg's love affair with the land of the free and the home of the brave continues. What say we all chip in and buy him a red, white, and blue, star-spangled blazer?

Then, whenever he yearns for America, he could put it on, close his eyes, and hum "God Bless America" while blissfully picturing himself paying less than $5 for a gallon of gasoline and wondering what it would be like to live in a country that didn't sell alcoholic drinks out of vending machines.

 

[Rosebud]

LMAO...oh doc...that was funny....very good doc now come here and take my temp....

 

[Fallen Angel]

okay let's see

where else can you get sued for discriminating because of sex but the government only makes the guys register for the draft?
where else are you considered old enough to go die for your country but too young to buy beer or cigs because they might be bad for you?
where else is it illegal to have the government owe you money and be late asking for it?
where else do they vote to send the sex fiends and idiots all to one spot and pay them money to vote on the laws of the land? Oh wait we got that from the British huh Flagg?

Doc, Rosebud's temp does seem hot. I checked it the best way I know of.

 

[Rosebud]

Hey Fallen love, you have mail. and those are very good comments. and doc he did pretty good, better watch it , he might try to take your job away

 

[Weird Harold]

*Only in America you can sue a company for not telling in the manual that you're not supposed to dry your puddle in the microwave*

Woah, dry your puddle? I havn't heard this one. Elaborate.

A typo, refering to a lady who sued a microwave manufacturer because her poodle exploded when she put him in the microwave after his bath. One of the classic urban legend type tales illustrating how silly the lawsuits can get in this country.

[Edited by Weird Harold on 09-11-2000 at 11:12 AM]

 

[Flagg]

Fallen - why are you even bothering? Its a fucking joke thread.

*stupid fucking yank*

Oh I suppose you'll be taking offense to that aswell will you?!

 

[poohlive]

OK, here it goes. My own original one, what do you think...

Only in America... can you actually be told NOT TO EAT THE YELLOW SNOW!!!!

 

[Renegade]

You're not supposed to eat the yellow snow? Why not? It tastes better then regular snow.

 

[poohlive]

no no no no no no no No No NO NO NO NO NO
WAY WRONG ANSWER!!!!

lol, actually, renegade, try the brown snow, i hear it is better

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Threads like this should never have been allowed to drift away !

 

[SINthysist]

GREAT THREAD!

And urine is good for your health. Ask the Chinese...

And BTW - in America (at least Kansas) you can drive at 14.

 

[Shaq]

Threads like this should never have been allowed to drift away !

Damn danny you weren't even registered when this was made! LOL....

 

[DannyBoyUK]

I found it while hunting down threads made by or contributed to by leading posters who no longer seem to be active !