Nothin Like Jello

[perks]

Hi, I submitted a new story to Lit. It is for a competition on the General board. Guidelines 600-800 words<one page> and has to be set on a college campus.

Please read and vote for my story. I will be very appreciative.

Thanks,
perky

see link below

 

[karmadog]

I promise

I will give it a read, but I'm too buzzed at the moment to give you an "in-depth", but I promise I will today. Your first paragraph told me that I needed my wits about me. It's surreal and beautiful. I am looking forward to it, perky.

I'm not saying I'm messed up, its just that I think it deserves full faculties.

 

[Guest]

thanks k-dog. If the feedback is favorable, I will be adding to it.

 

[rigged4dive]

Tightly written, as good a job of character development as 800 words could allow, nice imagery, and not one unnecessary word.

Impressed the hell out of me.

 

[perks]

Tightly written, as good a job of character development as 800 words could allow, nice imagery, and not one unnecessary word.

Impressed the hell out of me.

thankyou very much. I have started working on the rest of it. I like the characters too much to let them go.

 

[karmadog]

yeah baby

I like this one. I particularly liked the opening imagery of her frozen like a piece of fruit in jello. Connotations of quivering go nicely with the scene.

One quibble, but it's just me. I've never liked it when people "profess" their love or lust. That word seems too scholastic to me. But like I said, I think it's just me.

 

[perks]

Re: yeah baby

I like this one. I particularly liked the opening imagery of her frozen like a piece of fruit in jello. Connotations of quivering go nicely with the scene.

One quibble, but it's just me. I've never liked it when people "profess" their love or lust. That word seems too scholastic to me. But like I said, I think it's just me.

it does sound a bit contrived and cliche, doesn't it?.....hm....will have to edit that when I get published

 

[Natalie Nessus]

It was good

 

[perks]

It was good

Thankyou Nessus