Notes to School

[ElizabethWest]

I laughed my ass off at some of these. Scary, very scary. Tennesseans come out and defend your state.



Notes to School

Woe is public education. Me is worried . NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.

1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.

2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT

3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.

4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.

5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.

6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.

7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.

8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.

9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.

1 0-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.

11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT. (Love it!)]

12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.

13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.

14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You know, this could be legit!}

15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.

16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET& nbsp; THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.

17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}

18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.

19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.

20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.

21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.

22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAS T NIGHT.

NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Okay, nothing against incest, but they might want to skip a few generations of it.

 

[Guest]

Okay, nothing against incest, but they might want to skip a few generations of it.

That's just not right.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

That's just not right.

What isn't? And how are you "high maintenance"? In what way, dear Sarah?

 

[Guest]

What isn't? And how are you "high maintenance"? In what way, dear Sarah?

What do YOU think?



(I'm off - goodnight!)

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

What do YOU think?



(I'm off - goodnight!)

Must be needing a lot of attention or maintenance to your bottom....or is that just my dirty mind influenced by plenty of Canadian whisky?

Of course, if I were hubby, that kind of maintenance wouldn't be a problem.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Scary, very scary. Tennesseans come out and defend your state.

It's not MY state. They can keep it.

 

[ElizabethWest]

Vanna, can I buy a loose vowel?

 

[Guest]

 

[carsonshepherd]

I Jammies.

 

[Guest]

 

[TxRad]

'cos I'm a big fat spoilsport?

(I you too, carson)

Nope.... because ya know so much and keep us straight.... Well, as straight as we'll ever be anyway......

 

[ElizabethWest]

Damn, just when I thought KY had the upper hand for a second.

Oh well, we did win Miss USA last night. Beauty pageants. Don't get me started.

 

[Guest]

 

[carsonshepherd]

Nope.... because ya know so much and keep us straight.... Well, as straight as we'll ever be anyway......

ditto what he said (except the straight part )

 

[TxRad]

ditto what he said (except the straight part )

We're all straight in our own ways....

 

[TxRad]

Not knowledgeable, just old enough to have seen this stuff the first time around.

Look at the gray in my beard and smile when ya say "old"......

 

[Lonely Knight]

Not knowledgeable, just old enough to have seen fit to wipe out a lot of plants last year...

Edited for accuracy.

 

[Guest]

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I think #17 was written by my mom, btw. LOL.

 

[sophia jane]

That's really funny.

But can I just be the voice of reason and say that some of those were probably written by kids trying to get away with forging for their parents. At least, I hope that's the case.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Must be needing a lot of attention or maintenance to your bottom....or is that just my dirty mind influenced by plenty of Canadian whisky?

Of course, if I were hubby, that kind of maintenance wouldn't be a problem.

Did I actually say that last night? Well, I was a little plastered, it is a porn site, and it was meant as friendly flirting. I am, after all, a "shameless flirt", in the words of English Lady.

I'm guessing that she objected more to the insinuation of multi-generational inbreeding than the other anyway. Though that was meant tongue-in-cheek.

Being a hillbilly, I can tell who is inbred and who isn't better than most. I used to get asked, teasingly in college, whether my parents would still be cousins if they got divorced. My answer was "actually, they are". That usually shut them up. (They are 5th cousins, pretty remote, and the same degree of kindred as FDR and Eleanor.)

 

[oggbashan]

Sick Notes

At one time in my career, I had to review employee's sicknotes to see if there was a pattern of absences that might indicate that the sickness wasn't genuine, or that there might be an underlying problem that wasn't being dealt with.

Genuine: A woman who had two/three days with 'upset stomach' about 6 times a year that roughly plotted on a lunar cycle. Her GP was dismissive of 'women's problems'. It was a long time ago... A talk to the company nurse, a change of doctor, and the upset stomach reduced to once or less a year.

False: An apprentice who self-diagnosed himself with 'Brain Tumour' for a one day absence on Monday. Actual: Participated in amateur football match Saturday night, celebrating unexpected win all through Sunday and still happily drunk Monday morning... Reprimand from tutor for stupidity. Not for being drunk but for writing 'brain tumour'.

False: Another apprentice who telephoned sick with a sprained ankle and asked for three days off. He was seen at lunchtime PUSHING a friend's broken-down van. Reprimand for stupidity.

False: Half-day absence most Thursday mornings in winter. Actual: He was in his Public House's darts team, playing matches every Wednesday night and drinking too much to be able to get up for an early shift on Thursdays. Action: transferred to late shift Thursday. He could have a hangover in his time, not the company's. (We had a policy of supporting sports people... Darts is a sport.)

True: Sick note sent in by wife: 'He is too drunk to write his own sick note after 'Wetting the baby's head' last night. Anyone would think he had given birth himself, stupid bugger.' Action: Sick Note accepted and supervisor suggested to the employee that some apology to the new first-time mother was necessary.

Og

 

[mlady_france]

Being a hillbilly, I can tell who is inbred and who isn't better than most. I used to get asked, teasingly in college, whether my parents would still be cousins if they got divorced. My answer was "actually, they are". That usually shut them up. (They are 5th cousins, pretty remote, and the same degree of kindred as FDR and Eleanor.)

*giggles* since you admited to this I guess I'll admit mine. My grandmother married the eldest brother to the wife of her eldest brother. So my grandma and her brother married another brother sister set. Making for a number of double second cousins for me and not so many but a lot of double first cousins for my mom. Then when I had my cousin living with me (the only son of my mother's only sister), the rumor around work was that we were dating (he works at my little McHell with me). Well when we explained that we were cousins, that didn't seem to matter. One person said "We're too close to the KY border for that to be any type of excuse". *giggles*

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

*giggles* since you admited to this I guess I'll admit mine. My grandmother married the eldest brother to the wife of her eldest brother. So my grandma and her brother married another brother sister set. Making for a number of double second cousins for me and not so many but a lot of double first cousins for my mom. Then when I had my cousin living with me (the only son of my mother's only sister), the rumor around work was that we were dating (he works at my little McHell with me). Well when we explained that we were cousins, that didn't seem to matter. One person said "We're too close to the KY border for that to be any type of excuse". *giggles*

Ouch! Damn! Oh, well, sounds like what they would say about me being originally from West Virginia.