Not sure what i am now

[MancColin]

This is my 1st post and I hope it reads ok.

I have often read the stories about bdsm, anal play and femdoms stories and have enjoyed them. I have had a few good dreams too. So i decided to go one step futher and try it out. Nothing to bad, just a few things i have found in the stories that seem to spark a reaction in my head. The dressing up, the ladies being in command, tel me what to do ect.

The fateful day came and off I went to see a Mistress. She was good looking, had lots of experience (I think) and have lots of things to show me. I learnt alot from her in just a few hours. She only did light to mild things to me and made sure i was ok through out. But here is the problem.

It didnt seem to push the right buttons for me although it was fun, it wasnt anything special. It might be I just like to read about these things and form my own mental picture.

I feel i would like to have another go, but i also enjoy the basic pleasures of the flesh as well and would love to try again. As you can tell, im now a very confused person lol

I guess my Question is this.

Is it normal for ppl to like reading about anal play, ladies being in charge, but when it comes to the real thing, it just isnt for them. Or, is it I havnt found the right lady for me yet?

I hope this makes sense to some out there.

Thanks for any comments

 

[MotorCitySam]

Maybe it didn't give you what you wanted because the experience was not with someone you felt close to. Maybe if you met someone to form a relationship with, based on your desires, that might work better for you.

 

[Cirrus]

It could be what Sam said, or it could be that it's just something you enjoy in fantasy alone. I fantasize about a lot of things I'd never do "in the flesh". Experiment a little (SAFELY of course) before you decide one way or the other.

 

[Sandia]

Echoing Sam

Did you pay her?

 

[Pure]

Sandia and Motor City made good points:
1) If you paid and/or had no relationship, it's bound to be different. Consider: Someone who says, "I read about sexual intercourse, and it was exciting, but I tried it and it was nothing."
If they dealt with a certain type of professional, it would perhaps be understandable. Suppose the someone further said, "I don't know if intercourse is for me, because of this." We would say, "Try finding someone you connect with, who does it for the pleasure." This isn't to say 'paying' is wrong, but just that it gets you a particular kind of experience. (after all, some paying customers come back for years.)

2) But you are right that many things in the mind have a different excitement value. Consider those who read about being overpowered/raped. Even the play, not to say the reality might have a different valence.

One reads about whip hitting flesh, and it's terrific. **Feeling the whip strike is different.** Being struck by someone who's not just play acting is different yet again.

Some extremes are a fine read, imo. For instance, flogging with a knotted bunch of cords till the blood runs. Alas, I just don't think I'd really like that, in the flesh. At any rate, I should count on it being rather different from the 'read.'

So then, whatever you end up liking in person, there will always be some things that are best in your fantasy, and perhaps best left there. Also, it's just damn hard to arrange being taken by ten Cossacks on horseback.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Magic Magic Magic

For the experience to surpass your dreams there must be a feeling of magic between you and the Domme. you should feel weak in the knees just by looking at Her.

It sounds bizarre perhaps but if you are looking for the ultimate experience and memories that you can't get out of your head you must choose the Domme for the magic.

It is usually Her mind that will take your body to heaven.

I am one of the few that does not think BDSM begins in the relationship...BDSM can grow from a relationship if both parties have an interest or a deep need to be all they can be for their partner.

I always say try everything twice...whether the first time was wonderful or not. Good luck on your adventure to discovering yourself.

 

[MancColin]

Thank you all for your replies.

You all made some very good points and i never even thought of getting to know someone 1st before embarking on a journey like this. But it makes perfect sense.

I will go out into the big wide world and see what i can find to stimulate my mind and body. But i think I will carry on reading too.

 

[Merelan]

There are things I read about that make me wild with that certain hunger...... but I know, deep in my heart I would never enjoy them for real. It is fun and fantastic in fantasy, but in real life would drive me, quite literally, crazy and into the nearest nut house.
But it is better for you to try a few things, experience them and know, then to spend life wondering what you missed.

 

[Guest]

some things are better left in our heads than acted on, but i think i'd like to be toed up.......will have to read more about it.

 

[WillowPuss]

I will go out into the big wide world and see what i can find to stimulate my mind and body. But i think I will carry on reading too.

I think there is a manchester group that meets in one of the Bondage.com chat rooms. You might like to go there and listen and learn.

Before you go out into the 'big wide world' please take time to learn some of the pitfalls ... read the sticky at the top of this forum - it has some great pointers and advice. Some that could literally save your life!

Good luck in your search ... hope you will drop in on us occasionally and let us know how it is going.

 

[monster666]

Re: Echoing Sam

Exactly what came to my mind when I read his post, Sandia.

The idea of a pro domme is a huge turn off for me, because my desire for things BDSM are driven largely by my desire to please HER. A pro domme is more likely to be pleased thinking about how you are going to help cover her rent than she is that you are allowing her to grind her spiked heel into your nuts. Call me crazy, but I think the only way to be sure a woman wants to be with you is if the only motivation for her being there is being in your company.

Did you pay her?

 

[MancColin]

These replies are great. Thank you all for being able to read this post, however badly it is writen and spelt, and for taking the time to replie.

I have not seen this Manchester group or Bondage.com but will go and look for it and see what i can learn.

In response to the question, Did i pay for it. Im afraid yes i did as all the ladies ive mention this area of fun to, tend to run awy screaming So i took the plunge and I know realise, it doesnt work thhis way, it has to be a 2 way street.

Thank you all for opening my eyes and ill let you all know how i get on.

 

[WillowPuss]

Be safe
Have fun

and check back occasionally with the many questions you are bound to have. The one thing I have found on this forum is that there is a wealth of knowledge here .. and the more experienced are very willing to give us newer members the benefit of their wisdom.

Ohh ... and go slowly! Don't try and rush things; take your time to find what you truly want.