Not really... but...
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damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
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It is not an easy thing to explain, so bear with me. There is part of me, a substantial part that remains optimistic that somehow we will pull through this, Lord knows I have support and encouragement from family and friends, including the dear and wonderful people I have met here. Equally, a part of me is aware that a severe decline is happening. You try to ignore it, pretend it is a bad day, and that tomorrow will be better but it isn't easy and it grows progressively harder to keep the fears and demons at bay.
Bless her socks, Ines is wonderful but I try her patience and I can't abide being told each morning what I can do, what I can't do, what I did wrong... it is not that she is being harsh or cruel or unkind, she's trying to keep me focussed and I can feel how hard she tries to control her patience. She used to rely upon me for everything (technical & financial) and I've tried hard to get her independent from me, to the extent where she has other people she now turns to to get help and assistance, which is great in so much that I don't have to worry about her managing what she needs to do, but it has left a void in my life, not that I regret it... she must be independent, she must continue to achieve the goals we set ourselves all those years ago.
We came close as might be possible to achieving the ideal, though it has never been easy; each of you has to fight every inch of the way for both of you, and there is a real sense of fulfilment in seeing a loved partner achieve their goals, in seeing a family raised sharing an ambition. It ought be enough... but it never is.
It is easy to see invincibility... and so hard to accept vulnerability and admit the truth of what is happening.
My daughter, my wife, and I spent last evening together... and together with our unborn grandchild. It was a magical evening... the baby kicking out marking its presence, the wondrous knowing that life is a continuous thread and that no matter what, part of us lives on and the ideas, the love, and the enchantment of sharing is never-ending no matter what comes to past. My daughter, as I've mentioned before, works with the mentally disabled. She knows better than any of us the difficulties individuals experience... she was telling us last night about a young man she is working with, a self-proclaimed Nazi, heavily tattooed, in serious legal problems for breaking the law, abandoned by his parents when he was nine and in care ever since now working as part of a group to achieve small incremental goals; she was telling us how working with him, and a group of similarly disadvantaged youngsters, she has been able to give them a small sense of self-fulfilment, and glimpse of what might be possible. One girl in the group hadn't spoken to anyone for four years, but cried and pleaded with our daughter not to leave now that the period she had working with them had finished.
I take great pride in raising a daughter who can impart such love and support to others... so when she tells me. from her inside knowledge of mental health problems, I need treatment... it isnot to be ignored. Of course I clammed up, withdrew to digest the information, was silent on the 45 minute drive home, and stayed awake most of the night pondering and considering her words. I'm sure Ines put her up to it, knowing I'd react badly if it came from the person I most trust.
At 6.00am this morning, I wrote to the Doctor requesting help before I changed my mind, emailed and them later delivered a letter to the surgery. I would like you to understand that I am not 'mad'. I am very, very angry to the point of being utterly helpless in controlling my emotional outburst; I do manage to control most of them but each day is becoming more difficult, so I think our daughter is absolutely right to insist I get professional help.
I have much to be grateful for and only hope this can be resolved without too much anguish and for my part, the concern I see in the faces of the ones I love and the expressions of concern and love felt from my many friends here indicate it is time to accept the need for professional treatment before I actually begin to believe I can fly/float/vanish and return.
A friend of ours is married to a great guy, a moderately successful business manager. They are happy, they have grandchildren, yet in the thirty years they have been married, he has never told his wife he loved her. Other friends have the most beautiful fourteen year old daughter... I mean staggeringly beautiful... who was recently hospitalized because 'voices' keep telling her to harm herself. Other friends express incredulity that people can live that way, for me, the sadness is that it is all too real, that I can understand what they are experiencing all too clearly... so I guess it is time
Thanks 
Bless her socks, Ines is wonderful but I try her patience and I can't abide being told each morning what I can do, what I can't do, what I did wrong... it is not that she is being harsh or cruel or unkind, she's trying to keep me focussed and I can feel how hard she tries to control her patience. She used to rely upon me for everything (technical & financial) and I've tried hard to get her independent from me, to the extent where she has other people she now turns to to get help and assistance, which is great in so much that I don't have to worry about her managing what she needs to do, but it has left a void in my life, not that I regret it... she must be independent, she must continue to achieve the goals we set ourselves all those years ago.
We came close as might be possible to achieving the ideal, though it has never been easy; each of you has to fight every inch of the way for both of you, and there is a real sense of fulfilment in seeing a loved partner achieve their goals, in seeing a family raised sharing an ambition. It ought be enough... but it never is.
It is easy to see invincibility... and so hard to accept vulnerability and admit the truth of what is happening.
My daughter, my wife, and I spent last evening together... and together with our unborn grandchild. It was a magical evening... the baby kicking out marking its presence, the wondrous knowing that life is a continuous thread and that no matter what, part of us lives on and the ideas, the love, and the enchantment of sharing is never-ending no matter what comes to past. My daughter, as I've mentioned before, works with the mentally disabled. She knows better than any of us the difficulties individuals experience... she was telling us last night about a young man she is working with, a self-proclaimed Nazi, heavily tattooed, in serious legal problems for breaking the law, abandoned by his parents when he was nine and in care ever since now working as part of a group to achieve small incremental goals; she was telling us how working with him, and a group of similarly disadvantaged youngsters, she has been able to give them a small sense of self-fulfilment, and glimpse of what might be possible. One girl in the group hadn't spoken to anyone for four years, but cried and pleaded with our daughter not to leave now that the period she had working with them had finished.
I take great pride in raising a daughter who can impart such love and support to others... so when she tells me. from her inside knowledge of mental health problems, I need treatment... it isnot to be ignored. Of course I clammed up, withdrew to digest the information, was silent on the 45 minute drive home, and stayed awake most of the night pondering and considering her words. I'm sure Ines put her up to it, knowing I'd react badly if it came from the person I most trust.
At 6.00am this morning, I wrote to the Doctor requesting help before I changed my mind, emailed and them later delivered a letter to the surgery. I would like you to understand that I am not 'mad'. I am very, very angry to the point of being utterly helpless in controlling my emotional outburst; I do manage to control most of them but each day is becoming more difficult, so I think our daughter is absolutely right to insist I get professional help.
I have much to be grateful for and only hope this can be resolved without too much anguish and for my part, the concern I see in the faces of the ones I love and the expressions of concern and love felt from my many friends here indicate it is time to accept the need for professional treatment before I actually begin to believe I can fly/float/vanish and return.
A friend of ours is married to a great guy, a moderately successful business manager. They are happy, they have grandchildren, yet in the thirty years they have been married, he has never told his wife he loved her. Other friends have the most beautiful fourteen year old daughter... I mean staggeringly beautiful... who was recently hospitalized because 'voices' keep telling her to harm herself. Other friends express incredulity that people can live that way, for me, the sadness is that it is all too real, that I can understand what they are experiencing all too clearly... so I guess it is time
Thanks 
JagFarlane
Gone Hiking
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2003
- Posts
- 9,713
Good luck to you. Its a very long, hard road you are imparting on. Be true to yourself, and realize that while you may not see progress for a while, after say, a year, you will be able to look back and be surprised at your progress.
christabelll
Too...Gone Baby Gone
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2007
- Posts
- 1,801
x10 million x10 thousand
one of the biggest I have ever been honored to meet...We're pulling for you, Will.
OhMissScarlett
Mrs. Aggravation
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2004
- Posts
- 9,103
Will*megahugs*
You Peeps are the best... never keeping quiet, even when specifically requested 
I'm a little calmer today, which may possibly be the result of finding the papers on my desk are actually supported by a desk, with legs, but I doubt it. I suspect it is actually coming to terms with the situation.
Today I signed the statement of evidence and outline of the financial claim against the negligent neurologist... which might be at other times a cause for celebration, except Ines has poured all the alcohol down the sink! (Well not quite... but I'm under very strict orders).
I'm going to Portugal next Monday to collect legal papers I need for the law-suit, it will be a relief to get away from the continual paperwork that crowds the door anxious for answers and explanations. There are none guys... I have to preserve my liquid assets so you ain't getting no money until someone pays me.
Today we went to where Vana lives, something specific to buy from JL (V will know) and I looked and looked for a glimpse of Vana... but none was forthcoming.
Today we signed up for a local gym. My weight has gone from 74/75 kilos to 89/90. I'm hoping the gym might help the weight problem. We will go together 2/3 days each week.
This afternoon, I posted the signed documents back to the lawyer. Longest walk with my stick! Slightly downhill going, and visa-versa. It is possibly the furthest I've walked in a month or so... as we reached home, my right leg started hiccuping, that is sometimes it would move, other times it wouldn't and I'd stagger. The doc was right, I need the stick. I'll get used to it but justr at the moment I feel like Sea Cat in denial of assistance... i.e. it would do me good, but I don't want to be seen to need it.
By the way, the Doc called; he's initiated the Behavioural Treatment. I'm due into hospital on 14th Feb... typical... it's the only day in the year when I can summon the strength for a shag
I'm a little calmer today, which may possibly be the result of finding the papers on my desk are actually supported by a desk, with legs, but I doubt it. I suspect it is actually coming to terms with the situation.
Today I signed the statement of evidence and outline of the financial claim against the negligent neurologist... which might be at other times a cause for celebration, except Ines has poured all the alcohol down the sink! (Well not quite... but I'm under very strict orders).
I'm going to Portugal next Monday to collect legal papers I need for the law-suit, it will be a relief to get away from the continual paperwork that crowds the door anxious for answers and explanations. There are none guys... I have to preserve my liquid assets so you ain't getting no money until someone pays me.
Today we went to where Vana lives, something specific to buy from JL (V will know) and I looked and looked for a glimpse of Vana... but none was forthcoming.
Today we signed up for a local gym. My weight has gone from 74/75 kilos to 89/90. I'm hoping the gym might help the weight problem. We will go together 2/3 days each week.
This afternoon, I posted the signed documents back to the lawyer. Longest walk with my stick! Slightly downhill going, and visa-versa. It is possibly the furthest I've walked in a month or so... as we reached home, my right leg started hiccuping, that is sometimes it would move, other times it wouldn't and I'd stagger. The doc was right, I need the stick. I'll get used to it but justr at the moment I feel like Sea Cat in denial of assistance... i.e. it would do me good, but I don't want to be seen to need it.
By the way, the Doc called; he's initiated the Behavioural Treatment. I'm due into hospital on 14th Feb... typical... it's the only day in the year when I can summon the strength for a shag
Nirvanadragones
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2005
- Posts
- 14,399
You Peeps are the best... never keeping quiet, even when specifically requested
I'm a little calmer today, which may possibly be the result of finding the papers on my desk are actually supported by a desk, with legs, but I doubt it. I suspect it is actually coming to terms with the situation.
Today I signed the statement of evidence and outline of the financial claim against the negligent neurologist... which might be at other times a cause for celebration, except Ines has poured all the alcohol down the sink! (Well not quite... but I'm under very strict orders).
I'm going to Portugal next Monday to collect legal papers I need for the law-suit, it will be a relief to get away from the continual paperwork that crowds the door anxious for answers and explanations. There are none guys... I have to preserve my liquid assets so you ain't getting no money until someone pays me.
Today we went to where Vana lives, something specific to buy from JL (V will know) and I looked and looked for a glimpse of Vana... but none was forthcoming.
Today we signed up for a local gym. My weight has gone from 74/75 kilos to 89/90. I'm hoping the gym might help the weight problem. We will go together 2/3 days each week.
This afternoon, I posted the signed documents back to the lawyer. Longest walk with my stick! Slightly downhill going, and visa-versa. It is possibly the furthest I've walked in a month or so... as we reached home, my right leg started hiccuping, that is sometimes it would move, other times it wouldn't and I'd stagger. The doc was right, I need the stick. I'll get used to it but justr at the moment I feel like Sea Cat in denial of assistance... i.e. it would do me good, but I don't want to be seen to need it.
By the way, the Doc called; he's initiated the Behavioural Treatment. I'm due into hospital on 14th Feb... typical... it's the only day in the year when I can summon the strength for a shag
And you didn't stop by for tea?? I have apple pie
Much love to you, Will
Medusa Head
Having rushed back to the UK with legal papers, the Tribunal hearing reserved a decision because the government side chose not to submit evidence or appear at the hearing. It was more than a little agitated when I left the court but managed to conduct myself with decorum. Met my pro-bono solicitor for the first time, she's a lovely young lady, out of New Jersey, who just completed her legal studies in London. I think she was more nervous than me in the courtroom.
So... charged with my usual enthusiasm, the wife and I attended the gym where we signed up a couple of weeks ago for an induction session on using the equipment. Once the staff were aware of my medical condition I was told there insurance would not cover me for using the machines without a letter from my doctor. No problem, he is concerned at my fitness levels, so I'd have to wait a few days.
'Does the ban extend to the swimming pool?' I asked.
'No... you can use the pool immediately.'
After being shown around the equipment and mapping out a training programme neatly stored on electronic key fobs, we went to the pool.
Trousers off, swimming trunks on, I went to find a clothing locker, hung my trousers up, turned and went ass over elbow. I came down glancing my head against a door frame, bounced off a projecting electrical socket and landed on the tiled floor. The route was mapped by a trail of damage, hair caught on the door frame, blood on the socket and a huge amount of blood on the wall and floor. I lay there with both hands around my head going 'fuck, fuck, fuck' as two young children, escorted by their father came from the pool into the changing room. The kids raised the alarm... well their screams did.
The gym staff were very professional and efficient, getting the blood off the floor before anyone else fainted, and within twenty minutes I was in emergency care at QE2 hospital. Fortunately, there appears to be no brain trauma just a very nasty cut on the back left side of my head that required twelve staples to hold together. If you've not had staples fired into your head, it is exactly like you imagine, a staple gun pushed against the skull straddling the cut and fired. In the confusion of an immense amount of blood and inadequate mopping facilities both the doctor and the nurse thought the other had given me a local anaesthetic, so I had the treatment 'live' as it were.
I have a head of hair in matted rusty snake like form that has emerged from under the temporary bandage this morning, and a swelling the size of half a small avocado. I'm not really sure who to sue next, the gym for having slippery floors or the hospital for stapling my skull without anaesthetic. Probably neither, I just actually want to reach an end to these traumas, preferably one that leaves me still able to function.
Having rushed back to the UK with legal papers, the Tribunal hearing reserved a decision because the government side chose not to submit evidence or appear at the hearing. It was more than a little agitated when I left the court but managed to conduct myself with decorum. Met my pro-bono solicitor for the first time, she's a lovely young lady, out of New Jersey, who just completed her legal studies in London. I think she was more nervous than me in the courtroom.
So... charged with my usual enthusiasm, the wife and I attended the gym where we signed up a couple of weeks ago for an induction session on using the equipment. Once the staff were aware of my medical condition I was told there insurance would not cover me for using the machines without a letter from my doctor. No problem, he is concerned at my fitness levels, so I'd have to wait a few days.
'Does the ban extend to the swimming pool?' I asked.
'No... you can use the pool immediately.'
After being shown around the equipment and mapping out a training programme neatly stored on electronic key fobs, we went to the pool.
Trousers off, swimming trunks on, I went to find a clothing locker, hung my trousers up, turned and went ass over elbow. I came down glancing my head against a door frame, bounced off a projecting electrical socket and landed on the tiled floor. The route was mapped by a trail of damage, hair caught on the door frame, blood on the socket and a huge amount of blood on the wall and floor. I lay there with both hands around my head going 'fuck, fuck, fuck' as two young children, escorted by their father came from the pool into the changing room. The kids raised the alarm... well their screams did.
The gym staff were very professional and efficient, getting the blood off the floor before anyone else fainted, and within twenty minutes I was in emergency care at QE2 hospital. Fortunately, there appears to be no brain trauma just a very nasty cut on the back left side of my head that required twelve staples to hold together. If you've not had staples fired into your head, it is exactly like you imagine, a staple gun pushed against the skull straddling the cut and fired. In the confusion of an immense amount of blood and inadequate mopping facilities both the doctor and the nurse thought the other had given me a local anaesthetic, so I had the treatment 'live' as it were.
I have a head of hair in matted rusty snake like form that has emerged from under the temporary bandage this morning, and a swelling the size of half a small avocado. I'm not really sure who to sue next, the gym for having slippery floors or the hospital for stapling my skull without anaesthetic. Probably neither, I just actually want to reach an end to these traumas, preferably one that leaves me still able to function.
Vermilion
Original Flavour
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2006
- Posts
- 7,379
Just to offer you hugs, a heart shaped brownie and a strip tease to gove you something else to think about...
xxx
V
Chantilyvamp
Confidently Neurotic!
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2006
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{{{{{{{{{{HUGS LOADS}}}}}}}}}}}}rgraham666
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2004
- Posts
- 44,107
Oi. Friday the 13th indeed.
OhMissScarlett
Mrs. Aggravation
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2004
- Posts
- 9,103
Oh, jeez. How horrible. Hope you heal very soon.
Nirvanadragones
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2005
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Feel better soon, Will.
G
Guest
Guest
Will -
Why is everyone and everything fucking with you?
I suppose this means you won't have to work out for a week or so, though.
Maybe that's a good thing?
Why is everyone and everything fucking with you?
I suppose this means you won't have to work out for a week or so, though.
Maybe that's a good thing?
sophia jane
Decked Out
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 15,225
Oh sweetie. Massive hugs and love.
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
OhMissScarlett
Mrs. Aggravation
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2004
- Posts
- 9,103
*hugs* Will. Let us know how it goes.
