Not quite a shameless plug

[Star of Penumbra]

This is the first story that I submitted to Literotica. Yeah, I know, plugging yourself is considered bad form, but I really want some feedback on this one.

I originally intended it to be a short romance story, but it just kept getting longer and more and more twisted.

WARNING! This is a somewhat long story (5 pages), and, as I mentioned above, quite twisted.

NOTE: I'm looking for feedback on writing style, not plot. I am quite aware that the plot rather sucks. I'd still like some feedback.

Thank all of you in advance for taking the time to read this, as well as my story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=49497

 

[ladyphoenix]

Star's first story

Well....I'm glad you wanted to know about writing style more than anything else. In short, it's excellent. You write very well. Clearly, precisely, and with a nice flow.
As for the subject matter, I started really liking the raets from the first description, and thought the life forms you created were very interesting; I wanted to like the story because of them, but I found myself cringing at the first scene of her being abused. Regardless, while the material was disturbing, it kept me reading and that was your style. I look forward to the next piece.

 

[Star of Penumbra]

Thank you sincerely for the feedback. That's the kind of response I was looking for.

The story came out quite a bit darker than I had originally intended, and parts of it I dislike. I can't change them, however, without more or less completely rewriting the story.

ladyphoenix: I might try my hand at writing romance and not letting the story develop a life of it's own (like this one did). If I ever manage to write some decent romance, I'll be sure to let you know.

As for the species I created, I'll probably use them again in a later story (I must confess though, that none of them were original, though my take on some of them was).

Also: I apologize for the rather horrible plot (it didn't all come together in quite the way I had wanted).

Keep the feedback coming please!

 

[damppanties]

Enjoyed it

I just finished reading it and I liked it a lot. It flowed quite effortlessly and I loved the main character. It was a little hard to digest in some places but near the end I was okay with it. The style is great and the plot is too.. wonder why you do not want to talk about it. There was nothing wrong with it.

Keep writing and let us know about future stories.

-DP.

 

[Star of Penumbra]

Re: Enjoyed it

I just finished reading it and I liked it a lot.

<snip>

Keep writing and let us know about future stories.

-DP.

Thank you, and I shall.