not funny...

[Shankara20]

You Are Too Old for BDSM When...

Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid batteries.

Your nipple clamps have training wheels.

Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker.

When you tell your sub to get the cane, you have to specify "walking" or "beating".

You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age spots.

You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR!" for electrical play.

Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygen hose.

Your idea of suspension is an UltraLiftTM bra.

You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me.... back into the paddle....HARD!"

Age play really is 24/7.

 

[snowy ciara]

and watersports involve someone standing on your catheter.

 

[Shankara20]

Aging and Your BDSM Relationship: Growing Old and Enjoying Your Kinks
How to Enjoy Your BDSM Relationship, for Life

In a way, Aging BDSM relationships are no different at all from any human relationships. In fact, the mere fact that your BDSM relationship IS aging is such a positive thing! It means your are aging with a chosen lover. The thing that IS different is that in BDSM Relationships, our sexual play often includes implements which can, if incorrectly or badly used, injure one or both parties. As we age along with our partners in a BDSM Relationship, each of us may have to deal with a disability, or, as I prefer to call them, different abilities. That rock music you loved to crank up high enough to vibrate windows may damage hearing. Eyesight may diminish, or cease. Strokes, medications and a myriad of other common conditions of aging can pop into your relationship. So, what are some things you can do in your BDSM relationship to minimize their effect? Diminishing physical status in an aging BDSM Relationship can be handled to enhance your long term BDSM Relationship. How can you stay happily kinky as you age?

- Hearing Loss-

When your partner is tied to a St. Andrews cross, facing away from you, waiting expectantly for the caress of the flogger is NOT the time to pretend you can hear just fine, and possibly miss her cues and signals that all is not well. Communicate! Talk with her before the scene begins, to set up hand signals or other methods of letting you know that she wants to end the session, or that she needs to run to the Little Submissive’s Room. For some people, a crowded and noisy club, where quite often loud music and other kinky players make for difficult conversation anyway, is the perfect place to practice non-verbal communication. One trick that works for me is that I hold a small cat toy in my hand. If I wish to stop the scene for any reason, or just to get my Top’s attention to ask for something different, I simply toss the brightly -colored, lightweight ball over my shoulder – at his head! Not really, that would be a bit much, but dropping the brightly colored ball does the trick.

(to be continued)

 

[Shankara20]

and watersports involve someone standing on your catheter.

and when Top asks "need help getting up?" no one is talking about cocks....

 

[Shankara20]

Aging and Your BDSM Relationship: Growing Old and Enjoying Your Kinks
How to Enjoy Your BDSM Relationship, for Life

(continued)
- Eyesight Issues-

Aging lovers often experience diminished eyesight, and this could be a significant challenge during a BDSM play scene, but there are many possible aids to consider using, although, again, communication is key. You probably would rather not have a Dominant flicking a singletail whip at your very tender and naked back, if he can’t see his nose in front of his face, but there are other play techniques that can be just as exciting, and much safer! A suggestion is to set up the scene very carefully and to do only BDSM play that is more body-to-body contact, such as over the knee (OTK) spanking with his hand or an implement such as a paddle with a short, manageable handle. This precludes the danger of a whip or other implement striking an area that could cause the bottom (receiver) injury or damage. Aging in a BDSM Relationship can help you be creative about working out the ‘kinks’ – be creative with your partner.

- Joint Pain, Muscles and Flexibility Issues-

Ok, so everyone knows that submissives spend their entire life on their knees, right? I mean, heck, all the books say that! Well, those are fiction! Yep, fiction. All submissives don’t spend their lives chained to the foot of the bed naked either, but let’s try not to wreck the fantasy, ok? The truth is, many of us are happily aging in our BDSM relationships, with our aging partners, and as happily aging women (or men, I don’t want to leave the male submissives out in the cold!) we have aches and pains, and, most of us can’t bend in those low scraping bows, with even a modicum of grace anymore. Oh, well. We adapt. Strategically placed pillows are wonderful for achy knees. Changing position often helps keep muscles from freezing into painful, uncomfortable, rock-hard blobs. One of the most wonderful things about being with a partner for a long time, and knowing each other, is communication skills are often developed along the way. Tell your partner, “Uh, this is so not working for me!” and work together to find what DOES work. Instead of a St. Andrew’s cross, position yourself across a nice, plush, upholstered chair. Rather than cleaning the bathroom floor on your hands and knees with his toothbrush (oops, did I say that?), use a long handled mop! That is why mops were invented!

(still more on the way)

 

[Shankara20]

(continuing)

- Menopause-

Thank heaven for lubricants. Not all women will need additional lubricants after menopause, and you can do some easy things to alleviate vaginal dryness even without lubricants. Stay well hydrated. Take your time arousing and exciting your aging and oh, so sexy BDSM partner. Take MORE than your time, take the time to make her feel loved and appreciated, sexy and sultry. And, for heaven’s sake, there is no shame in needing bottled lubricant. You can even make lube application erotic, if you relax and enjoy each other!

-Erectile Dysfunction-

Medications are one cause of erectile dysfunction, but normally aging bodies change response as well. Again, taking the time to arouse and excite your male partner is great, and sometimes, it isn’t enough. But it IS enough. Men can feel aroused and excited and sexually stimulated without an erection. And, isn’t that why there are adult toy stores? You can buy a fleshtone vibrator or dildo (whatever the heck fleshtone is, I mean really, WHO’S flesh is really that awful color?) for a few bucks at just about any adult store. Make it fun. Men are not their penis. They have hearts and minds (and fingers, tongues, toes, elbows, etc.) Your aging partner can use their intimate and longterm knowledge to please you and tease you in delicious ways well into the autumn of your BDSM Relationship.

-and so -

Medical conditions and disabilities can certainly interfere in your preferred BDSM relationship style, and often simply aging creates its very own challenges in a BDSM relationship. I believe that the best way to deal with changes is to face them head on, together. Being able to adapt is a great source of comfort for everyone, and can actually lead you into whole new worlds of fun and adventure. BDSM Relationships and Aging don’t have to be incompatible. Everybody ages, just be sure you choose to live until you die, and celebrate your aging BDSM relationship, for life.
When Robert Browning wrote, “Grow old with me, the best is yet to be”, he knew what he was talking about!

 

[Shankara20]

You Are Too Old for BDSM When...

for me pampers are a better idea than panties...

 

[Ebonyfire]

(continuing)

- Menopause-

Thank heaven for lubricants. Not all women will need additional lubricants after menopause, and you can do some easy things to alleviate vaginal dryness even without lubricants. Stay well hydrated. Take your time arousing and exciting your aging and oh, so sexy BDSM partner. Take MORE than your time, take the time to make her feel loved and appreciated, sexy and sultry. And, for heaven’s sake, there is no shame in needing bottled lubricant. You can even make lube application erotic, if you relax and enjoy each other!

I am post menopausal, and have no problems in this area. I am the dreaded juicylicious Domme

EB

 

[SweetCherry]

I have a Dom friend with failing vision. He doesn't do whips at all. His favorite way of spanking his sub is to put a hand on her lower back to get a handle on where he's locating before taking the paddle or crop to her. It works well for them.

 

[shy slave]

ROFL

Andante should read this thread.

He isn't that old....but he isn't getting any younger either LOL

 

[Shankara20]

One more in my "old folks fuck" public service announcements....

Nine Oldsters Booted Out of Nursing Home -
For Trying to Have an Orgy!

Seems that a bunch of old goats, ranging in age from 73 to 98, schemed a secret sex party to celebrate the 90th birthday of one of the "girls."

As a British newspaper reported, "The let-it-all-hang-out party took place just after midnight on October 28. The three wrinkly Romeos and six sagging seductresses gathered together in the rec room and stripped to the buff."

Well, you can imagine the staff's alarm and embarrassment when orderlies investigated rumba rumbling from the rec room. There, surrounded by candles and dressed in birthday suits slathered with baby oil, the horny nine were wing-dinging to lay canes in dusty corners.

"They hadn't got too far," a staffer was reported to say. "I guess it was taking some of the gents a while to started. But they were all naked. Believe me, it was the scariest thing I've ever seen."

Well, get used to it!

Gramps and grannies have been doing the wild thing since Adam and Eve were deep into their Golden Years. That old leech Methuselah was 187 years old when he fathered Lamech. And that was long before either Viagra or the Internet.

These days, old coots are turning on to the Web in more ways than one. It's but a click from Google to photo sites like "Old Tarts. The Secret Sex Lives of Old Women," "Old 'n' Horny," Gorgeous Grannies," "Hot Gummer Babes" and "Nasty Old Widows" One site opines, "Some guys just like their women aged like fine wine." To which another adds, "Grandma has been around the block and back again, aged to perfection."

Science backs this up.

According to a recent Janus Report, "Seventy-four percent of women age 65 and older engaged weekly in sexual activity compared with 68 percent of women ages 18 to 26. And get this: Four of 10 old biddies claim they'd like to have sex even more often.

Wow! Kind of makes you regret that you wasted all those years being young, doesn't it?

But here's the dirty little secret: What older women want, men can't deliver! At least that's what the experts at SeniorSite believe. A global survey of 27,780 aged 40 to 80 from 30 countries found aging women become sexually dysfunctional at half the rate of men.

But isn't that why God created Viagra?

And, yes, coffee. The Archives of Internal Medicine tells us that drinking a cup of Joe translates into "a higher rate of sexual activity in elderly women and a decreased prevalence of impotency among elderly men." No one knows why. Some speculate that the brew promotes more liberal behavior, but if that were true, the Democrats would have won the last election.

Whatever, coffee can't hurt.

Even if it's only because it keeps you awake longer, have a cup of java tonight before turning in with your creaky better half. May be just what you need to get a leg up on the situation. Remember, though, if you encounter an erection lasting four hours or more, don't blame me.

And next time you happen onto an orgy and need yet another cane, please don't call me. I'm trying to cut back on caffeine.

 

[shy slave]

I was a 'mature' student nurse.

One of the younger students (she was 19) used the term 'Bumping Uglies' for anyone over the age of 35 who had sex

Its remains one of my favourite expressions

 

[Shankara20]

I was a 'mature' student nurse.

One of the younger students (she was 19) used the term 'Bumping Uglies' for anyone over the age of 35 who had sex

Its remains one of my favourite expressions

christ - my kids are both over 35!!!!

 

[shy slave]

christ - my kids are both over 35!!!!

ROFL

 

[SirFace]

How many of you can claim "great grandpa" status?. Says the very sick and I hope I dont have pneumonia, SirFace. Old is all a state of mind (until you're sick).

I see a new use for the race boat personel intercom in our future, so we can communicate during play.

 

[Shankara20]

How many of you can claim "great grandpa" status?. Says the very sick and I hope I dont have pneumonia, SirFace. Old is all a state of mind (until you're sick).

I see a new use for the race boat personel intercom in our future, so we can communicate during play.

I hope you don't have pneumonia, SirFace.

Play is not just for the young, but also for the young at heart...

 

[Ebonyfire]

christ - my kids are both over 35!!!!

My daughter is only 26 much younger than all my friends. I did not have her until I was 29.

I was the oldest first time mother they had at the hospital where I had her.

LOL I turned 30 when she was 5 months old.

 

[Ebonyfire]

How many of you can claim "great grandpa" status?. Says the very sick and I hope I dont have pneumonia, SirFace. Old is all a state of mind (until you're sick).

I see a new use for the race boat personel intercom in our future, so we can communicate during play.

Not me but my family is not long lived people. We pop like tarts.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Well I have always said that to me sex is sex, and I have dated younger and older. I had a lover who are retired,over sixties who looked better naked than half the 30 year olds I used to date when I was 45. He also was very a randy and virile man who was shall we say nicely endowed and he definitely knew how to use it, more than twice, lol.

I supposed it is all in how you look at things.

Right now I have a 30 year old and a 21 year old chasing me. I think 21 is too young but he met me (he is a cutey) cause I am training him to find a Domme closer to his own age. He keeps saying he wants me, but I just do not have the energy cause slave keeps me pretty well occupied.

Age is relative. But energy may be related. I am getting tired.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Well I have always said that to me sex is sex, and I have dated younger and older. I had a lover who are retired,over sixties who looked better naked than half the 30 year olds I used to date when I was 45. He also was very a randy and virile man who was shall we say nicely endowed and he definitely knew how to use it, more than twice, lol.

I supposed it is all in how you look at things.

Right now I have a 30 year old and a 21 year old chasing me. I think 21 is too young but he met me (he is a cutey) cause I am training him to find a Domme closer to his own age. He keeps saying he wants me, but I just do not have the energy cause slave keeps me pretty well occupied.

Age is relative. But energy may be related. I am getting tired.

Sir Face age is how you feel didn't you? Well I feel like a need another nap.

 

[Shankara20]

You Are Too Old for BDSM When...

the smell of Tiger Balm is not from sphincter torture play...

 

[Ebonyfire]

You Are Too Old for BDSM When...

the smell of Tiger Balm is not from sphincter torture play...

If you say so.

But you ain't too old for those panties, and that matters more, lol.

 

[Ebonyfire]

ROFL

Andante should read this thread.

He isn't that old....but he isn't getting any younger either LOL

And neither are you, lol!

 

[Ebonyfire]

My hip hurts when I sit for too long. Where's the Aleve?

 

[Shankara20]

If you say so.

But you ain't too old for those panties, and that matters more, lol.

I'll take my panties with me to the old folks home.....


damn right I will......