Not a gay issue- but I thought I'd post here anyway

[CandiCame]

So... I took out an EPO on my mom. I have to go to trial on the 28th.

It did suck pretty bad though. She got it in her head that I was sleeping in my car- and for some reason, took offense to that (which is weird, considering that she never cared about me before) and decided that she was going to remedy it. So she called me- I explained to her that she was being crazy and to call me when she came down off whatever she was on and I would talk to her.

So she got on my facebook. She found out who all my friends were and started calling them, threatening to shoot/attack them if they didn't turn me over to her, since I had stopped taking her calls. Well, no one wants to deal with that pill-head bullshit, and filed harassment reports (for some people, she also found out where they worked and started calling there). She fully plans on finding and kidnapping me so that she can take me back to my hometown- a cesspool of drugs, violence, and coal, and force me to stay there.

I found out that she's also back with my biological father- who is a pretty violent man and really doesn't care at all to just stab or shoot folk. He's shot me before. I was in the hospital. There are records. And so then he started making those calls. So more police reports.

So the cops finally told me that I needed to go get EPOs on them. So I did. Apparently, all that is is a legal document that says they have to leave me the hell alone. So I did. With the previous records of all their arrests/violent behavior/child abuse & neglect & whatnot, the judge didn't even talk to me before he signed the emergency one. I have to go to court to make it permanent.

So I called my grandpa (the man who actually raised me) to let him know what was going on- and he lit into me. He's pissed at me. For trying to protect myself. He said that he was dieing of black lung (see my other posts- I don't think that he is) and I should come back and take care of him (to the same town I don't want to be in because it's a cesspool). That he's taken care of me- and now he wants me to take care of him. He said that there was no way his daughter would do that, that I had let someone, "put these ideas in my head" and a bunch of other stuff that made me feel like absolute shit. So I don't know what to do about that.

But I can't keep friends because of her. She's been calling the temp agency where I work and telling them all kinds of stupid shit- I've had to miss work because of the police/court stuff- and she's called some of my friends 20+ times at work during a single shift, screaming and carrying on about how she knows where they live and they need to turn me over before she comes down here and "puts them in the ground".

I'm 20, not 14. I don't see a reason that I need to live like this anymore.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Wow,what a fucking mess. How did you even turnout halfway decent, with all that going on as you grew up?

And update your privacy setting on facebook, y'all. Defriend the friends of friends you don't actually know. If you have troublesome family members, they don't need to read your shit or your friend's shit, on facebook. Hell, I love my cousins, and they would never ever hurt me-- but they are fundies and I do not friend them, because that would be putting my queer friend's in their faces and I like to provide safety to my friends.

 

[Kurokami]

Welcome to the wonderful world of restraining orders, Candi! Or Apprehended Violence Orders, or whatever the hell else they call them. The kind of legal document that only works if the violent bastard in question agrees that it does. Not that I'm trying to make you nervous or anything; I think my dad's pretty much gotten the message, by now. Though it did take some time.

My trick is to ensure it's relatively hard to find me. I don't even have Facebook, specifically for that purpose, and I'm selective with the folk, even within my family, that I give my address to. Because there are definitely some folk- like my grandparents- who don't give a fuck about what happened, and instead are happy to pass along messages from the deadbeat to me, even though I've made it clear that's not on.

Ah, but this isn't about me, it's about you, Candi. I'd suggest that once you've got your protective order in place, make sure they enforce it strictly. If your folks breach it, even a little, make sure law enforcement knows about it, and will do something about it. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and you need to be about the squeakiest just to make sure people know you aren't screwing around with this. If you'll forgive the cutesy proverb.

I wish you the best of luck in resolving this thing, since you don't deserve this kind of crap. Oh, and if you think there's ever a real chance of you being kidnapped, as you indicate in your OP, please make sure there's always someone reliable who knows where you're supposed to be at any given moment of the day and can raise the alarm if things are amiss. That's a pro-tip from someone who once thought (fruitlessly, thank god) he was in the same boat. Or maybe that's just the paranoia talking, on my part.

In any case, best wishes

 

[CandiCame]

Yeah, I'm really worried about that. It's a piece of paper, not a cop. I'm kind of just... Tired of being a drug-addled trailer trash little shit. I'm selfish, violent, prone to addiction and always, always scared. To the point that I literally TWITCH. And I'm not going to do it anymore. I went to college-I quit everything but weed. I can be a good person. People can change and I can will and work my way into something different then them. Something better then them.

Bill, in his ever optimistic way, says that flowers grow out of dirt, and I told him that the shrooms that get you the highest grow out of shit. He sighed and held me until I stopped crying, then bought me a cheeseburger.

 

[priapusone]

oh man, you go guy!

 

[Neonurotic]

You're right, that piece of paper isn't a cop. The only real good it does is when that someone breaks it, but sure as shit doesn't stop whatever from happening. All it is is a threat and a lot people just ignore threats.

A concealed carry is a better threat.

Anyway, sometimes, you have to cut out and disappear. You can do that without going anywhere. Just don't make yourself so visible and low for awhile. Whatever has your Mom's unwanted attention to you will wane since as you said she never paid you much mind before.

 

[LucyH]

That sounds horrible. You have my sympathy - I've dealt with stuff that was a tiny fraction as psycho as that, and lost a lot of sleep over it. I'd twitch too if I had a family like that.

You come across as a pretty nice person online, and I'm impressed with how much you've managed to pull yourself together. You must be strong to have made it this far.

Be safe.

 

[jackstud]

Candi, what a bag of shit huh. You will make it man. Big sexy hug and a double cheesburger

 

[CandiCame]

So now my Gramps keeps calling trying 2 get me to, "come home". He says that I don't even sound like myself anymore, and that I've got, "a devil in me" which has always been his code for, "you're listening to someone who isn't me."


I love my grandpa. His heart is already weak and he says that I've killed him. With this.

Bill's been shockingly unsupportive. He says that gramps needs to deal with his kid. And he doesn't want to, and that's why he's throwing such a fit. Because he expects everyone to ignore her & let her do whatever she wants. Because that's how he raised her. He said, "I know you love him, V, but he DID this. He did this by never raising her right. He did this by spoiling her, and not teaching her right & wrong. And he doesn't want to deal with it. Because HE fucked up. HE did this to YOU. And if any of them set foot on my property, I'm calling the cops or beating the living shit out of them. This is MY buisness now- and if they call me- I'm telling them off. They're not treating MY boy like this."

So of course I was all, "First off- I'm not "yours". Second off-you hit my grandpa and I'll-"

Then I looked at him- up at him, and realized, not for the first time, that I couldn't hurt him if I wanted to- so instead I screamed and punched, of all things, my PS3. I sprained my wrist and broke the hell out of the Playstation. But shit is already bad enough. I don't need him making it worse- belittleing my relationship w/my grandpa and threatening the fucking elderly. WTF? So now, when I REALLY need some fucking support, I get to fight with him.

And my roommate is going to be PISSED when he finds out I broke the ps3...

I'm freaking the fuck out. I feel abandoned. None of my friends will help me- no one will go to court w/me. And my boyfriend picks right now 2 b a fucking dick? Why?

 

[LucyH]

People get mad when the people they care about are harmed. It's perfectly natural want to lash out at the person they feel is responsible. I've certainly felt that way, and I once had to talk an otherwise sane person down from crazy talk about killing a guy after he found out his girlfriend had been raped and abused by an ex. What eventually got him to snap out of it was "Who's going to be there for her if you fly off the handle and get yourself arrested or land in the hospital?"
Try cutting him a little slack and being super clear about what would be helpful. People have a hard time dealing when their loved ones are suffering and they don't know what to do.

 

[reachedme]

it took me so long to write a reply I was logged out and lost my post

your gramps sounds like he grew a beautiful flower out of a pile of rotten shit, but don't feel guilt because is old lonely and afraid, your mother,his daughter is probably puttting pressure on him as well
good luck it sounds like your doing marvelously with everything that has happened to you

 

[Somehowyou]

So now my Gramps keeps calling trying 2 get me to, "come home". He says that I don't even sound like myself anymore, and that I've got, "a devil in me" which has always been his code for, "you're listening to someone who isn't me."


I love my grandpa. His heart is already weak and he says that I've killed him. With this.

I'm freaking the fuck out. I feel abandoned. None of my friends will help me- no one will go to court w/me. And my boyfriend picks right now 2 b a fucking dick? Why?

I have a friend that says the best example of socialism is the American family. Since Gramps raised you and he raised your mom you are both really his kids. In the socialistic system the most shiftless seems to get the most help so now Grampa has to protect your mom. She is way more fucked up than you and he feels she probably needs more help than you. So what do you get? the short end of the stick.

I feel bad for you I wish I could help you. You seem like a nice person. Maybe your BF can't deal with it right now....maybe lit is a good place to blow off steam. I hope it helps. Stay strong.

 

[Stella_Omega]

"The Elderly" can hurt the fuck out of you, Candi. Your grandpa can hurt you, and your boyfriend knows this.

Last week you were all pleased and proud because he got violent to protect you, well-- he's the same guy, with the same reactions this week. You can, possibly, negotiate with him to place certain people in the 'hands off" category, but you can't expect him to turn himself on and off like a light switch.

 

[CandiCame]

"The Elderly" can hurt the fuck out of you, Candi. Your grandpa can hurt you, and your boyfriend knows this.

Last week you were all pleased and proud because he got violent to protect you, well-- he's the same guy, with the same reactions this week. You can, possibly, negotiate with him to place certain people in the 'hands off" category, but you can't expect him to turn himself on and off like a light switch.

Yeah, I was actually thinking about that. I think I overreacted, but I'm really sensitive about my grandpa. Plus, now my entire hand hurts. It's stupid, but I can't get myself to calm down about it. I really do feel abandoned. Almost no one will talk to or interact with me because of this- and right now is when I need friends the most. I have so much frustration over it and I really don't know what to do. I want to just stand up and scream, "HELP ME! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT ME?"

I feel so alone...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, well, they are all of them worried about their own skins, thanks to your monster of a mother.

You could ask all of your friends to come to the station with you, and have all of them file against your mother. When she's spread her malice this far-- i think there's an aggravated mischief charge or something that a judge could find against her.

 

[CandiCame]

Yeah, well, they are all of them worried about their own skins, thanks to your monster of a mother.

You could ask all of your friends to come to the station with you, and have all of them file against your mother. When she's spread her malice this far-- i think there's an aggravated mischief charge or something that a judge could find against her.

None of them will help me. Bill's the only one who's even agreed to go to court w/me, and I KNOW he's going to do something stupid and/or gay- out of spite, so that my gramps will find out I'm gay. He's in a vengeful mood about it. He's already said so. I really don't undersyand why he's doing this to me when he knows I need him.

No one will go to the fucking cops, so I went & got the witness reports 2 try & get them 2 fill them out. But that pissed a lot of people off b/c they say on them that witnesses may be called on to testify in court. No one wants to go to court. No one wants to go to the cops. No one will help me, yet several people have told me that this is MY fault, MY doing, that I brought this redneck drama on them & I need to fix it. How the FUCK is this my fault? I know this is playing the victum, but they should feel fucking sorry for me, not blame me. I'm so fucking frustraited right now. I mean, bad. I was suicidal in high school and I never felt this lonesome. I called Mt Comp (low income therapy) but they can't see me until Jan. I'm really fucked up right now. I don't know what to do.

 

[Somehowyou]

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT ME?"

I feel so alone...

Just so you know it for sure, I for one care about you. For what it's worth, you have my support and you are in my thoughts. feel free to PM me.

 

[jackstud]

We all here care about you V. All advise is given out of love. V there are some things you have NO CONTROL OF. Take it slow

 

[Kurokami]

Just so you know it for sure, I for one care about you. For what it's worth, you have my support and you are in my thoughts. feel free to PM me.

Seconded. If you ever feel like you wanna vent, my PM box is always open, dude.

 

[CandiCame]

Sitting listening to old radio podcasts, old mysteris, by myself- making wearable shirts out,of turtlenecks. Promised I'd have the bathroom clean by the time my roommate gets back @ 9:30. Everyone hates me- to the point that I've almost gotten this haircut http://www.hairstylesnew2012.tk/resimler/short-emo-hair-boy-16.jpg

Seriously though, I am really pissed off. No one is talking to me over this thing with my mom. WTF? Everyone loved me when I was happy and slutty. Now that I need them, no one is standing by me. Thinking of saving up for my own apt. Saying "fuck you" to the family I'm abandoning, and the friends who abandoned me. I think I might need some motherfucking alone time.

Yeah- and the reason Bill can't hang out with me tonight? He's playing D&D. With a group that I played w/a while back. Really hoping he can convince them to back me up in court.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Might be time to make a move, Candi-- like, to IL, or MA, or NY.

 

[Ike_The_Spike]

This thread has been hard to read the last few days. My family dynamics have always sucked but this is ridiculous. As far as your Grandfather goes, this is harsh but you may just need to give up that relationship. It really sounds like it won't be safe for you, never mind if it's healthy.

I'm with Stella on this, you need to consider a move. A fresh start could do a world of good. My initial thought, when I started reading this thread, was that you needed to just drop completely out of sight. I'd seriously look into ways to make it at least hard as hell for my family to find me. I doubt a simple name change would accomplish that though.

Given you're in KY, I probably wouldn't go to IL, it just seems to close. It's within easy enough driving distance, I'd be looking over my shoulder all the time. And I'd lean in the opposite direction of Stella, I'd probably go to Portland or Seattle. I'd get as far away as I possibly could.

I don't tend to tell people to put their own welfare above someone else's. This is a time where I would though. You can't do anybody any good if you fear for your safety. And it makes it worse if the people that should help protect you in times of need (your family), are the ones threatening your safety.

Whatever you choose to do, good luck. And be sure to take care of yourself.

 

[janeyruth]

. Everyone hates me. No one is talking to me over this thing with my mom. WTF? Everyone loved me when I was happy and slutty. Now that I need them, no one is standing by me.

In case you didn't realize it, you know you've hit bottom when you have to go on the Internet to get your warm fuzzies from total strangers, all of whom (except me) are using fake names....

 

[LucyH]

In case you didn't realize it, you know you've hit bottom when you have to go on the Internet to get your warm fuzzies from total strangers, all of whom (except me) are using fake names....

If that's your idea of hitting bottom, you've been fortunate in life.

<tossing out a fresh armload of warm fuzzies>

 

[Missouribiguy]

Well, Janeyruth has been ignored

Anyway, I hope things clear up for you. If I was you, I would distance myself away from your crazy ass family.