Noobie writer needing help/feedback

DrPhilxxx

Virgin
Joined
May 9, 2009
Posts
27
Hey everyone, love this place for years now and thought I'd throw my hat in the ring with a story. I'm no writer, just like erotica and wanted more stories like the one following.

Thanks in advance.

"Working Title"


“Seven p.m. honey, better get ready” Troy yelled to his wife Anna. “Don’t want to be late for your best friend’s bachelorette party.” Anna smirked as she finished dabbing on her last bit of makeup. Anna felt more comfortable at home curled up on the sofa, watching a movie with her hubby, Troy, than at the bar with friends. “I can’t miss my best friend’s party though…” she thought to herself.
Anna and Troy met in college at a frat party. Anna was 18 and innocent, only having a couple of boyfriends in high school and never doing more than some kissing here and there. Troy was her first and she immediately knew she would marry him. Occasionally she wondered what it would have been like to be with another man, but she usually dismissed those thoughts as quick as they entered her mind. Anna and Troy were married a few years after college and have been happily for the last ten years. Mandy, Anna’s best friend; was now taking her turn at the altar and decided to have a girls night with her close friends to celebrate.

“What to wear?” Anna tapped her lip as she rummaged through her closet. “Wear those nice pink thong panties I bought you!” Troy hooted. Anna giggled. Troy was such a man, he only thought of one thing! Sexy clothes were strangers in Anna’s conservative wardrobe. “What the heck!” Anna said as she grabbed the pink thong panties and matching bra. Although daring in her choice of undergarments, she chose to wear a simple green t-shirt and denim skirt, and some flip flops. “All set!” she triumphantly proclaimed as she walked up to Troy who was sitting on the couch drinking a beer. “You look great honey!” The channels on the TV changed in flurry as Troy didn’t even look up from his bottle of beer.

Anna arrived at Mandy’s house. “Ready to party tonight?” Mandy asked her Anna and her other friend Nadia who was a little on the conservative side, at least until you got some booze into her. They arrived at the first bar, Clickety Clickers, and sat around talking about their marriages and relationships, taking a few shots of tequila with each funny story. Anna started to feel the effects as the buzz of tequila and rum kicked in. Nadia was the wildest of the bunch, she was heading back from the bar with five more shots of tequila. “Let’s hit Blaster’s!” she half slurred. “The male strip club?” Mandy and Anna both shockingly questioned. Nadia laughed. “You girls need to loosen up! C’mon it’ll be fun.” Anna gave a half smile to Mandy and half heartedly voiced, “Whatever you want, it’s your day.” Mandy slammed her shot and yelled, “Let’s do it!” “We should call a cab; I’m not feeling to designated to drive!” Anna chuckled.

The cab stopped in front of a bright red and purple neon sign. “Blaster’s Female Entertainment” the neon sign glowed. Nadia threw a couple bucks to the cabbie and they slowly staggered from the cab. The alcohol was starting to kick in as they stumbled to the door. They slowly followed Nadia in like innocent schoolgirls going to their first dance. “Let’s sit in the back Nadia.” Anna pleaded, “I don’t want anyone I know to see us.” Nadia laughed, “I’m sure if they’re here enjoying the scenery they won’t care what you’re doing!” Anna half smiled, as she looked around for a good table. When she turned her head, she saw a tall, tan stripper with long dark brown hair walking past them. He was almost nude, save for his g-string. She gulped as she noticed the rippling chest and abdominal muscles and almost gasped out loud as her eyes traveled lower. She noticed an extraordinary large bulge in the stripper’s g-string. “That can’t be real can it?” She whispered to Mandy. Mandy checked out the package in question. “Yeah probably, but that’s gross. Nice butt though”. “Yeah that is pretty icky”, Anna said, although she kept staring as he walked off more fascinated than anything. Troy had an average size cock; it was short but had girth, although Anna didn’t know any different since she had never been with another man. She tried to picture it in her mind, but she kept thinking of different versions of Troy’s cock. “Down the hatch ladies!” Nadia whooped as she sat down three more shots of tequila for each lady.

Anna was already starting to feel drunk, but she saw Mandy down the shot so she proceeded to follow suit. It burned as it went down her throat and hit her stomach. “Oh I hope I don’t get sick!” Anna slurred unusually loudly. Mandy and Nadia just giggled. “Let’s get some action over here!” yelled Nadia as she pulled out a wad of one dollar bills. “Had Nadia planned to come here tonight?” thought Anna. Anna looked over as the tall stripper she noticed earlier made his way over. “I think we have a winner!” shouted Nadia. Mandy and Anna both started to noticeably blush as the handsome stripper strolled up next to them. “Good evening ladies, you are some of best looking gals I’ve seen in here in awhile! My name is Dillon; would you like a lap dance or perhaps a better show in the private rooms?” Mandy and Anna both smiled and continued to blush embarrassingly as they tried not to stare at Dillon’s crotch.

“This young lady has decided to settle down!” Nadia whispered to Dillon as she felt on his bicep. “Congratulations, it’s too bad someone is taking you off the market. It’s twenty for a lap dance and fifty for ten minutes in the private room.” Nadia pulled Dillon close, whispered something in his ear, and handed him a wad of cash. He looked puzzled at first, but looked down at the cash and said “Okay it’s your money.” Dillon reached two hands outward to Mandy and a shocked Anna. “C’mon ladies, you’re getting a private show.” Mandy gave a quick glance to Anna, but just as quickly turned back and grabbed Dillon’s forearm. Anna was hesitant, she was a married woman after all, but she thought, “It’s just a dance, and maybe I’ll get a peek at that monster in his g-string”. She burst out in a short laugh then grabbed Dillon’s other hand.

Dillon led all three ladies to a room close to the back of the club It was quite nice for a club, much less a strip club. The room was dimly lit, save for a few candles. There were two big fluffy red love seats in the room, one which Nadia and Mandy plopped down on. Anna decided she would be safer away from the bride since she figured all the action would be happening there. She tried to slowly sit down on the fluffy seat and clumsily fell backwards into it. “Whoa!” Anna’s legs flew into the air as she did a funny gymnast roll backwards pulling up her skirt and exposing her pretty pink thong. “Looks like I’m getting a show too!” Dillon said jokingly as he reached over and pulled Anna up. “How embarrassing” Anna thought as she sat up on the fluffy couch. She felt her cheeks turning red. “Don’t worry about it sweetheart. You are a gorgeous woman I wish I could see those panties every night!” She smiled as Dillon said this. She could feel her embarrassment start to subside, and she actually felt a little turned on that another man got a view of her panties.

The music started playing, it was some pop-rock song that Anna heard on the radio a million times but never remembered the name of the song or who sang it. Dillon started over towards Mandy and Nadia. He started moving slowly with the music, muscles oiled up, rippling in the dim candlelight. Mandy and Nadia were both giggling as they took another sip of their drinks. “Okay ladies here are the rules. Rule number one; feel free to touch but no grabbing my cock or balls. Rule number two; speaking of cock and balls, they don’t come out of the g-string, club rules. Now if you happen to get a peek while putting a dollar or two in there…” Dillon smiled as he trailed off. Nadia had already leapt out of her seat and was open palming Dillon’s rock hard ass. Mandy on the other hand, was a little more reluctant. She slowly reached up and touched Dillon’s abs. “It’s okay sweetie, you can touch more!” Dillon smiled again as he started thrusting his pouch towards her, monster cock rocking back and forth in the g-string.

Anna sat quietly to the side and observed Dillon’s movements. She watched his back arch, muscles contract, ass squeeze, as he thrust back and forth. She noticed the power in each thrust, and she closed her eyes and started wondering if he would fuck someone with the same power as he danced. She quickly popped into reality as she heard Nadia’s voice. “Holy shit! Anna, you have got to see this cock, it’s enormous!” Nadia was stuffing a couple of ones in Dillon’s open pouch as she peered down. Mandy quickly took a peek, her eyes glazing over as she saw Dillon’s manhood. Anna couldn’t see his cock from her angle, but could see the reactions in the girl’s faces. This made Anna even more curious about his cock, she had never seen another man’s before, especially someone with a big cock. Anna then noticed her panties were a little wet. She was getting turned on by her thoughts and the show! “I’m a married woman, I’m MARRIED!” Anna thought as she started feeling guilt set in. “Have another shot dear and come over here!” Mandy shouted. Both Nadia and Anna looked shockingly at Mandy. “The alcohol must really be kicking in! Seriously though I’m fine watching over here” Anna shouted back. Mandy and Nadia both gave a disapproving glance towards Anna but then refocused on the main attraction.

“Perhaps I should come to you then?” Dillon spoke as he turned and started walking towards her. Anna tensed as she saw Dillon’s rather large cock come closer. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What you’ve never seen a cock this big? Most women haven’t, sorry to say. Husband’s have an average size cock…which there’s nothing wrong with.” Dillon’s words bounced off Anna as she was staring at the cock through the g-string. She could almost make it out, the outline of the shaft coming down to the left side of his leg and it looked like she could make out the shape of the head. Before she had time to react, Dillon was dancing close to her, his cock slightly grazing her thirty six D breasts. Dillon bent over and whispered into her ear. “I noticed you when you walked in. You aren’t like those other ladies. You’re a good girl, I can tell, and gorgeous to boot. You have a great body. Just seeing your breasts in that shirt is making my cock hard. I think you should take a look at it. Anna was shocked and turned on at the same time. She knew she was good looking but she never thought she would turn on a man like this!

Anna grabbed a shot of tequila, downed it, and jumped up and started dancing with Dillon. Her hands cautiously touched his chest and moved down to his abs. She stopped short of his g-string and moved up towards his arms. She felt herself blushing as she saw Nadia and Mandy both whispering and watching her intently. Her hands traced his shoulders and down to his triceps. She felt his bulging forearms and moved down to his hands. Then she took a depth breath as she noticed his hands were down on his cock, and her hands were now touching it. “Oh…Oh my God.” She mumbled as she felt the huge cock in her hand. “It’s not even hard…and…and it’s twice as big as my husband is hard!” She cooed. Dillon just smiled, then whispered in her ear again. “Would you like to see it? If you and your friends don’t mind I pull it out and let you touch it. Hell maybe you’ll see it get hard.” Anna was drunk and she could feel her pussy getting wetter from all this dirty talk, but then snapped into reality again.

“I’m…I’m married and…well I shouldn’t be doing this.” Anna removed her hands from Dillon’s cock and sat back down. Dillon said, “That’s okay, it’s just a show. I know you’re dieing to see my cock…I can see it in your eyes. I’ll do a quick nude dance for you, you can see what it looks like then you ladies can go back to the bar.” “DO IT!” Nadia shouted. Mandy was slumped over on the couch snoring lightly. “Lightweight.” Nadia giggled as she looked back over at Dillon and Anna. “Okay, I suppose a quick show won’t hurt.” Anna said, although she was also thinking that she wanted to see that big, fat cock. “Must be the alcohol” She murmured.

Dillon turned towards Nadia and away from Anna. He hooked his thumbs into his g-string and proceeded to slowly pull them down. Nadia’s eyes got big and she covered her mouth with her hand in shock as the g-string came down. Anna could only see Dillon’s muscular ass as his g-string came down, but then she noticed something dangling almost to his knee. “That can’t be….your cock!” She shockingly proclaimed. Dillon turned around to reveal a soft eight inch cock. “Yep, I’ve been blessed!” Dillon smiled as he started towards Anna again. Nadia soon circled over to get a closer look, gently shaking Mandy as she walked past, “You’re missing it!” Mandy mumbled something unintelligible but went back to snoring.

Dillon’s cock dangled in front of Anna. It was bigger than she expected, long with a thick head at the end. “If it’s this big soft, I wonder what it’s like hard” Anna thought to herself. Dillon, as if reading her mind asked, “would you like to see it get hard? I usually don’t do this kind of thing, but you’re really attractive and I don’t think you’re cops.” “Hell yes, get that thing hard” Nadia whooped. Anna thought or a moment, but then spoke “Okay, I’m game. It’s just a show right, like one of those girly mags my hubby is always checking out, right?” Nadia nodded. “bzzzzz”, Nadia jumped out of her seat. “Damnit, it’s the husband.” Nadia pulled out her cell and walked out of the room. ” Be right back, don’t start without me!” “Uh…we won’t” Anna said nervously as she knew it was just her, Dillon and a passed out bride to be in the room. She then turned her attention to Dillon’s cock.

Dillon took his cock in both hands and slowly stroked the shaft, turning his hand a little to stimulate the underside of his cock head. “You know what would help Anna? I noticed you have on some sexy panties and I bet your bra is hot too. You don’t have to get nude but if I could get a peek at your lingerie my cock would get rock hard in a second!” “Uh…probably not a good idea” Anna said as she looked down at her breasts. Dillon said nothing, but had a disappointing look on his face. Anna feeling a little drunk thought, “What the hell, I should live a little. Besides it’s not like I’m naked!”

Anna slowly lifted her shirt up to reveal her large breast almost busting out of a lacy pink bra. Her nipples were stiff, and she immediately noticed Dillon’s reaction as his cock jumped and started to thicken a little. “Exquisite.” Dillon said as he continued to stroke his growing cock. Anna noticed the reaction and it started to turn her on that she was having this reaction on such a hunk of a man. She felt her panties moisten even more, and decided she wanted to see Dillon’s cock fully erect. Anna’s hands traced down her breasts to the base of her skirt that stopped just above her knee. She laid back so Dillon could have a better view and slowly drew the denim skirt back until the pink thong panties shown. There was a large wet spot and the outline of her mound showed through. “Mmmm…nice.” Dillon murmured as he stroked his cock faster. Anna noticed she was really turning him on, his cock was now fully erect, probably ten inches now! She looked admiringly at his cock, memorizing the contrast of the smooth shaft interrupted by veins and blood vessels. The bulbous head was huge now, shiny and throbbing, engorged to what seemed like its breaking point. “You are so hot Anna, you’ve made my cock so hard!” Dillon exclaimed as he took his hand off his cock, which proceeded to point upward now fully erect. “Let me finish my dance for you, okay?” Anna simply nodded to Dillon, her pussy now tingling, her body fully aroused and turned on; betraying her mind’s better judgement.

Dillon approached her, his cock pointing up still. His leg slowly moved between hers, his knee brushing against her pussy. She felt shocks go up from her clit. Dillon’s balls started to drag up her right leg as seductively danced closer to her. His throbbing cock grazed her breasts, and Anna started to feel control slip away. Her thoughts said “I shouldn’t be doing this, I’m married”, but her hands were doing otherwise. They moved up Dillon’s legs, feeling each rock hard muscle and stopped short at the base of his cock. She slowly wrapped her hands on the base of his cock, noticing that they barely fit around it. She moved slowly up the shaft, it was hard as steel in her hands. Dillon moaned. When she reached the head she felt it like a curious schoolgirl, it was so large, hard and throbbing in her hands! “I’m so turned on right now, but I should stop.” She thought. Yet again she was betrayed by her thoughts, as she felt Dillon’s cock get closer to her she slowly reached out and kissed it. She felt it jump as the tip touched her lips. She pulled Dillon closer, and she felt her tongue touch the underside of his cock. “What the fuck am I doing!” she thought to herself, but she couldn’t resist. She felt Dillon’s hands reach down and cup her breasts. It was unusual ,yet erotic to have a stranger touching her breasts.

Anna stopped and realized Nadia had come back in and was watching from behind them. She pushed Dillon back and said, “We were just…uh…SHIT! Please don’t say anything.” Nadia looked a little shocked and then spoke, “Honey don’t worry about it. Holy shit look at his hard cock!” She said as she walked behind Dillon and peered around his shoulder. “Nice ass too.” She continued as she felt his firm buttocks. “I think you should continue dancing Dillon, after all I did pay you.” Dillon smiled at Nadia and then looked back at Anna. “We should really get Mandy home.” Anna said hesitantly. “Just a few more minutes Anna, for me since I missed the show!” Nadia begged. Anna looked over at Mandy, back at Nadia and then at Dillon’s massive cock. “Okay just another minute or two.” Anna hesitantly spoke.

Dillon moved close to Anna again dancing slowly ever closer to her. Nadia had removed her shirt and bra and was behind Dillon rubbing up against Dillon’s back. “What happens here,stays here right?” Nadia looked at Anna. Anna nodded. Anna was wondering just how far Nadia would go. Her thoughts went back to Dillon as he proceeded to massage her breasts through the bra. She felt his hands go underneath the fabric of her bra. She almost stopped him, but did not. Her body again was betraying her again feeling drunk and extremely horny. Dillon’s strong hands caressed her breasts, and she felt his fingers rolling over her hard nipples. It sent shocks to her pussy, and she could feel it getting wetter. Dillon slowly popped each of her breasts out one by one, and proceeded to lick around her nipples teasing her. Nadia was still behind him looking on, topless and feeling on his body still. Anna wondered how Nadia would let them go. She then thought “How far will I let him go?”

Another shockwave coursed through Anna’s body as she felt the large, throbbing head of Dillon’s cock graze against her clit through her panties. “This is…uh we shouldn’t…” Anna trailed off as Dillon’s cock continued to massage her clit. She could feel an orgasm getting closer. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she didn’t care anymore. Her body was in total control, and it wanted to cum. Her pussy started to throb as Dillon continued to suck on her nipples. She saw Nadia, still behind Dillon, reach around and grab his cock. She guided it toward Anna’s pussy. Anna and Dillon moaned loudly as Nadia rubbed Dillon’s cockhead against Anna’s panty covered pussy. Anna’s body slowly started to squirm, and Nadia rubbed Dillon’s cock side to side against Anna’s pussy, it caught the right side of her panties. As Nadia moved Dillon’s cock to the left, Anna’s panties also moved exposing her dripping wet pussy. Anna felt Dillon’s huge cockhead rub into her wetness, it was bigger than anything she’d ever felt against her opening. Nadia continued rubbing Dillon’s cock into Anna’s pussy, popping the head slightly into her pussy, then popping it out to smack her clit. Even though Anna’s body was in control, thoughts swam into her head. It felt so wrong but so good to have this big cock rubbing up against her pussy. “I’ll just cum while he’s rubbing me and then we can get out and pretend it never happened.” Her body again betrayed her thoughts as she reached up to feel Dillon’s ass. She felt Nadia’s hands on hers, and while Anna pulled Dillon closer Nadia pushed. Anna felt the giant head of Dillon’s cock enter her. “No…we can’t…we shouldn’t be doing this.” Anna said softly as she felt the cock start to enter her. Her pussy was filled with Dillon’s girth, and she loved it. “Oh fuck.” She heard Nadia whisper as she looked down to see Dillon’s cock a couple of inches inside Anna.

Nadia slowly moved away and sat back on the other couch. Anna didn’t care Nadia approved, she just wanted to feel that release of the building orgasm. She then noticed Nadia unbuttoning her jeans and pulling down her panties. She put her legs up like they were in stirrups and starting to rub her freshly shaved pussy. “Oh yeah, fuck her!” Nadia shouted excitedly. Dillon pressed on, moving his cock slowly inside of Anna inch by inch. “Oh…my…it’s…it’s too big.” Anna whispered as she felt 7 of Dillon’s ten inches inside her. Her pussy started to burn. Burn with pain at first…but then pain turned to pleasure as her pussy filled with Dillon’s cock. She could feel it throbbing inside her pussy, filling her like never before. Dillon continued to push deeper, and she felt his balls touch her ass. All ten inches of Dillon’s cock were inside her. She could fill his cock head bump her cervix. Nadia continued to rub her pussy as she watched. “Fuck yeah, give her all your cock! Oh my God I’m coming!!!” She yelled as her body started tensing in orgasm. Anna looked away from Nadia and moaned at Dillon “No, we shouldn’t be doing this…but your cock, your cock…I’ve never felt one so big, mmm…” These words excited Dillon even more and he started pumping his cock in and out. Slowly at first but then his speed picked up. Anna’s orgasm started to build towards climax. “You…you have to stop…I’m going to cum.”

“Me too.” Dillon panted. “No…no you have to stop, we can’t…I can’t…you can’t, pull out, don’t cum in me!” Anna shouted. Dillon continued drilling his cock into her, his balls slapping against her legs as he went deeper into her pussy. Anna felt herself starting to climax. “Oh…my…” Anna sighed. Dillon started to pull out his cock, “I’m about to cum too.” Anna’s body was betraying her again, she pulled him back, thrusting his cock all the way into her pussy. “Give me your cum, I want to feel it shooting inside me! ” Anna screamed. “No Anna he could get you pregnant!” Nadia shouted as she wiped her cum soaked fingers on her legs. “I don’t care, impregnate me, fuck me, use that huge cock to pump me full of your cum!” Anna screamed as her orgasming pussy started to pulsate on Dillon’s cock. This sent him over the edge, and he felt his back arch, his balls contract, and his dick pulse as he shot load after load of cum inside her womb. Anna grabbed his ass and thrust him in as deep as he could as he unloaded into her, she greedily wanted every drop of Dillon’s cum as deep inside her as she could.

“Holy shit Anna, you’re crazy, but that was intensely hot”, Nadia sighed as she started dressing. “Wow, you were amazing.” Dillon huffed as he pulled his cock out of Anna, dripping with the mixture of her moisture and his cum. He plopped down on the couch next to her. “You ladies should come her more often!” Anna finally awoke from her orgasm, dress up around her waist, breasts hanging out of her bra. She slowly rose up, straightening her wardrobe as she stood up. She refused to look at Dillon. “Wake Mandy and let’s go.” She told Nadia. Nadia didn’t say a word. Mandy awoke in a stupor. Nadia and Anna picked her up and helped her out. Before they exited, Anna looked back at Dillon, smiled and gave a wink, then walked out.

Anna didn’t tell Troy about that night. The next few weeks went by and she tried to block it from her mind, although every now and then she caught herself remembering Dillon’s cock, and she would fantasize and masturbate. One morning while Troy was out golfing, Anna started dreaming about Dillon and his cock again. She started touching her pussy…then all of a sudden she felt sick to her stomach. She ran to the bathroom to throw up. “Must’ve been the Mexican food last night” She thought, and then she gasped as a thought crossed her mind. She rummaging through some drawers in her bathroom until she found what she was looking for. “Still one left.” She thought, as she tore open the package and began to sit down on the toilet. A few minutes later she looked at the stick.

“Oh….Oh no…it’s blue.”

The end.
 
DrPhilxxx,

I offered to send this privately, but you said:
feel free to make them public, I'm not shy!
Please remember this is not a proper edit; it is just first pass thoughts.

GENERAL COMMENTS

1. Always start a quoted speech with a capital letter.
2. Don’t be afraid to put lots of sentences in one paragraph. Nevertheless, every piece of direct speech spoken by a different person from the preceding one should be in a separate paragraph. Similarly a change of main actor, scene, or the passage of time, should cause a new paragraph.
This makes the reader’s mind hesitate for a fraction of a second, which smooths the transition from one person, place, or time to another. Keeping the reader reading, without making him(her) re-read a part of the story (however small) is the main aim of paragraphing, and the sole purpose of punctuation. A reader who thinks, ‘What was that?’ is as likely to hit the {BACK} button as to re-read the paragraph.
3. I prefer to see direct thoughts in single quotes, rather than double quotes as speech.
4. Spelling has been checked using Microsoft’s US English dictionary.
5. The punctuation of direct speech is open to interpretation, but it is generally agreed that if a man says:
First thing. Second thing. this is written: “First thing,” he said. “Second thing.” I have, therefore, put commas in the appropriate places. In some places you have observed this convention. If you want to use some other convention, please do so, but BE CONSISTENT throughout the story. The same rules apply to direct thoughts, but usually with single quotes.
6. The punctuation mark at the end of a section of direct speech is ALWAYS placed inside the final quotation marks.
7. The use of numerals in a piece of fiction is not decorative. It makes the story read like a laboratory report or a hastily composed news story.
Obviously there are some exceptions (eg. ‘a ·22 rifle’; ‘1600, Pennsylvania Avenue’).
8. You write “she thought to herself.” To whom else, except in SciFi, could she be thinking?

Those changes not covered by these comments, plus odd suggestions are in the text below.
Deletions are in red; insertions are in blue.

“Seven p.m. honey, better get ready,” Troy yelled to his wife Anna. “Don’t want to be late for your best friend’s bachelorette party.”

Anna smirked as she finished dabbing on her last bit of make-up. Anna felt more comfortable at home curled up on the sofa, watching a movie with her hubby, Troy, than at the bar with friends. I can’t miss my best friend’s party though … she thought to herself.

Anna and Troy had Pluperfect (past perfect) needed met in college at a frat party. Anna was 18 eighteen and innocent, only having a couple of boyfriends in high school and never doing more than some kissing here and there. Troy was her first and she immediately knew she would marry him. Occasionally she wondered what it would have been like to be with another man, but she usually dismissed those thoughts as quick as they entered her mind. Anna and Troy were married a few years after college and have had been happily for the last ten years. Mandy, That makes Anna, and presumably Mandy, 18+”a few years”+”ten years” old = say 33. A bit old for a bachelorette party? Anna’s best friend; was now taking her turn at the altar and decided to have a girls night with her close friends to celebrate.

“What to wear?” Anna tapped her lip as she rummaged through her closet.

“Wear those nice pink thong panties I bought you!” Troy hooted.

Anna giggled. Troy was such a man, he only thought of one thing! Sexy clothes were strangers in Anna’s conservative wardrobe. “What the heck!” Anna said as she grabbed the pink thong panties and matching bra. Although daring in her choice of undergarments, she chose to wear a simple green t-shirt and denim skirt, and some flip flops. “All set!” she triumphantly proclaimed as she walked up to Troy who was sitting on the couch drinking a beer.

“You look great honey!” The channels on the TV changed in flurry as Troy didn’t even look up from his bottle of beer.

Anna arrived at Mandy’s house. “Ready to party tonight?” Mandy asked her Word not neededAnna and her other friend Nadia who was a little on the conservative side, at least until you got some booze into her. They arrived at the first bar, Clickety Clickers, and sat around talking about their marriages and relationships, taking a few shots of tequila with each funny story. Anna started to feel the effects as the buzz of tequila and rum kicked in. Nadia was the wildest of the bunch, she was heading back from the bar with five more shots of tequila. “Let’s hit Blaster’s!” she half slurred.

“The male strip club?” Mandy and Anna both shockingly questioned.

Nadia laughed. “You girls need to loosen up! C’mon it’ll be fun.”

Anna gave a half smile to Mandy and half heartedly voiced, “Whatever you want, it’s your day.”

Mandy slammed her shot and yelled, “Let’s do it!”

“We should call a cab; I’m not feeling [color-red]to [/color] Word not needed] designated to drive!” Anna chuckled.

The cab stopped in front of a bright red and purple neon sign. “Blaster’s Female Entertainment” the neon sign glowed. Nadia threw a couple bucks to the cabbie and they slowly staggered from the cab. The alcohol was starting to kick in as they stumbled to the door. They slowly followed Nadia in like innocent schoolgirls going to their first dance.

“Let’s sit in the back Nadia.” Anna pleaded, “I don’t want anyone I know to see us.”

Nadia laughed, “I’m sure if they’re here enjoying the scenery they won’t care what you’re doing!”

Anna half smiled, as she looked around for a good table. When she turned her head, she saw a tall, tan stripper with long dark brown hair walking past them. He was almost nude, save for his g-string. She gulped as she noticed the rippling chest and abdominal muscles and almost gasped out loud as her eyes traveled lower. She noticed an extraordinary large bulge in the stripper’s g-string. “That can’t be real can it?” She she whispered to Mandy.

Mandy checked out the package in question. “Yeah probably, but that’s gross. Nice butt though ”..”

“Yeah that is pretty icky”, Anna said, although she kept staring as he walked off more fascinated than anything. Troy had an average size cock; it was short but had girth, although Anna didn’t know any different since she had never been with another man. She tried to picture it in her mind, but she kept thinking of different versions of Troy’s cock.

“Down the hatch ladies!” Nadia whooped as she sat set Wrong word down three
more shots of tequila for each lady.

Anna was already starting to feel drunk, but she saw Mandy down the shot so she
proceeded to follow suit. It burned as it went down her throat and hit her stomach. “Oh I hope I don’t get sick!” Anna slurred unusually loudly. Mandy and Nadia just giggled.

“Let’s get some action over here!” yelled Nadia as she pulled out a wad of one dollar bills.

Had ‘Did Pluperfect (past perfect) not needed Nadia planned plan to come here tonight? thought Anna. Anna looked over as the tall stripper she noticed earlier made his way over.

“I think we have a winner!” shouted Nadia. Mandy and Anna both started to noticeably blush as the handsome stripper strolled up next to them.

“Good evening ladies, you are some of best looking gals I’ve seen in here in awhile! My name is Dillon; would you like a lap dance or perhaps a better show in the private rooms?”

Mandy and Anna both smiled and continued to blush embarrassingly as they tried
not to stare at Dillon’s crotch.

“This young lady has decided to settle down!” Nadia whispered to Dillon as she felt on his bicep.

“Congratulations, it’s too bad someone is taking you off the market. It’s twenty for a lap dance and fifty for ten minutes in the private room.”

Nadia pulled Dillon close, whispered something in his ear, and handed him a wad of cash. He looked puzzled at first, but looked down at the cash and said, “Okay it’s your money.”

Dillon reached two hands outward to Mandy and a shocked Anna. “C’mon ladies, you’re getting a private show.” Mandy gave a quick glance to Anna, but just as quickly turned back and grabbed Dillon’s forearm.

Anna was hesitant, she was a married woman after all, but she thought, “It’s just a dance, and maybe I’ll get a peek at that monster in his g-string”. She burst out in a short laugh then grabbed Dillon’s other hand.

Dillon led all three ladies to a room close to the back of the club It was quite nice for a club, much less a strip club. The room was dimly lit, save for a few candles. There were two big fluffy red love seats in the room, on one Wrong word which Nadia and Mandy plopped down on. Anna decided she would be safer away from the bride since she figured all the action would be happening there. She tried to slowly sit down on the fluffy seat and clumsily fell backwards into it. “Whoa!” Anna’s legs flew into the air as she did a funny gymnast roll backwards pulling up her skirt and exposing her pretty pink thong.

“Looks like I’m getting a show too!” Dillon said jokingly as he reached over and pulled Anna up.

How embarrassing Anna thought as she sat up on the fluffy couch. She felt her cheeks turning red.

“Don’t worry about it sweetheart. You are a gorgeous woman I wish I could see those panties every night!”

She smiled as Dillon said this. She could feel her embarrassment start to subside, and she actually felt a little turned on that another man got a view of her panties.

The music started playing, it was some pop-rock song that Anna heard on the radio a million times but never remembered the name of the song or who sang it. Dillon started over towards Mandy and Nadia. He started moving slowly with the music, muscles oiled up, rippling in the dim candlelight. Mandy and Nadia were both giggling as they took another sip of their drinks. “Okay ladies here are the rules. Rule number one; feel free to touch but no grabbing my cock or balls. Rule number two; speaking of cock and balls, they don’t come out of the g-string, club rules. Now if you happen to get a peek while putting a dollar or two in there…” Dillon smiled as he trailed off.

Nadia had already leapt out of her seat and was open palming Dillon’s rock hard ass. Mandy on the other hand, was a little more reluctant. She slowly reached up and touched Dillon’s abs.

“It’s okay sweetie, you can touch more!” Dillon smiled again as he started thrusting his pouch towards her, monster cock rocking back and forth in the g-string.

Anna sat quietly to the side and observed Dillon’s movements. She watched his back arch, muscles contract, ass squeeze, as he thrust back and forth. She noticed the power in each thrust, and she closed her eyes and started wondering if he would fuck someone with the same power as he danced. She quickly popped into reality as she heard Nadia’s voice. “Holy shit! Anna, you have got to see this cock, it’s enormous!” Nadia was stuffing a couple of ones in Dillon’s open pouch as she peered down. Mandy quickly took a peek, her eyes glazing over as she saw Dillon’s manhood.

Anna couldn’t see his cock from her angle, but could see the reactions in the girl’s faces. This made Anna even more curious about his cock, she had never seen another man’s before, especially someone with a big cock. Anna then noticed her panties were a little wet. She was getting turned on by her thoughts and the show! I’m a married woman, I’m MARRIED! Anna thought as she started feeling guilt set in.

“Have another shot dear and come over here!” Mandy shouted. Both Nadia and Anna looked shockingly shocked It is the two looking who have the shock, not the one looked at at Mandy.

“The alcohol must really be kicking in! Seriously though I’m fine watching over here,” Anna shouted back. Mandy and Nadia both gave a disapproving glance towards Anna but then refocused on the main attraction.

“Perhaps I should come to you then?” Dillon spoke as he turned and started walking towards her. Anna tensed as she saw Dillon’s rather large cock come closer. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What you’ve never seen a cock this big? Most women haven’t, sorry to say. Husband’s Husbands Plural, not possessive have an average size cock cocks Plural, many husbands, many cocks …which there’s nothing wrong with.” Dillon’s words bounced off Anna as she was staring at the cock through the g-string. She could almost make it out, the outline of the shaft coming down to the left side of his leg and it looked like she could make out the shape of the head. Before she had time to react, Dillon was dancing close to her, his cock slightly grazing her thirty six D breasts. Dillon bent over and whispered into her ear. “I noticed you when you walked in. You aren’t like those other ladies. You’re a good girl, I can tell, and gorgeous to boot. You have a great body. Just seeing your breasts in that shirt is making my cock hard. I think you should take a look at it.” Anna was shocked and turned on at the same time. She knew she was good looking but she never thought she would turn on a man like this!

Anna grabbed a shot of tequila, downed it, and jumped up and started dancing with Dillon. Her hands cautiously touched his chest and moved down to his abs. She stopped short of his g-string and moved up towards his arms. She felt herself blushing as she saw Nadia and Mandy both whispering and watching her intently. Her hands traced his shoulders and down to his triceps. She felt his bulging forearms and moved down to his hands. Then she took a depth breath as she noticed his hands were down on his cock, and her hands were now touching it. “Oh…Oh my God.,She she mumbled as she felt the huge cock in her hand. “It’s not even hard…and…and it’s twice as big as my husband is hard!” She she cooed.

Dillon just smiled, then whispered in her ear again. “Would you like to see it? If you and your friends don’t mind I I’ll Wrong word pull it out and let you touch it. Hell maybe you’ll see it get hard.”

Anna was drunk and she could feel her pussy getting wetter from all this dirty talk, but then snapped into reality again.

“I’m…I’m married and…well I shouldn’t be doing this.” Anna removed her hands from Dillon’s cock and sat back down.

Dillon said, “That’s okay, it’s just a show. I know you’re dieing dying Wrong word, she isn’t changing color! to see my cock…I can see it in your eyes. I’ll do a quick nude dance for you, you can see what it looks like then you ladies can go back to the bar.”

“DO IT!” Nadia shouted. Mandy was slumped over on the couch snoring lightly. “Lightweight.,” Nadia giggled as she looked back over at Dillon and Anna.

“Okay, I suppose a quick show won’t hurt.” Anna said, although she was also thinking that she wanted to see that big, fat cock. “Must be the alcohol,She she murmured.

Dillon turned towards Nadia and away from Anna. He hooked his thumbs into his g-string and proceeded to slowly pull them down. Nadia’s eyes got big and she covered her mouth with her hand in shock as the g-string came down. Anna could only see Dillon’s muscular ass as his g-string came down, but then she noticed something dangling almost to his knee. “That can’t be….your cock!” She she shockingly proclaimed.

Dillon turned around to reveal a soft eight inch cock. “Yep, I’ve been blessed!” Dillon smiled as he started towards Anna again.

Nadia soon circled over to get a closer look, gently shaking Mandy as she walked past, “You’re missing it!” Mandy mumbled something unintelligible but went back to snoring.

Dillon’s cock dangled in front of Anna. It was bigger than she expected, long with a thick head at the end. If it’s this big soft, I wonder what it’s like hard Anna thought to herself. Dillon, as if reading her mind asked, “would Would you like to see it get hard? I usually don’t do this kind of thing, but you’re really attractive and I don’t think you’re cops.”

“Hell yes, get that thing hard” Nadia whooped.

Anna thought or a moment, but then spoke “Okay, I’m game. It’s just a show right, like one of those girly mags my hubby is always checking out, right?”

Nadia nodded.

“bzzzzz”, Nadia jumped out of her seat. “Damnit, it’s the husband.” Nadia pulled out her cell and walked out of the room. Be right back, don’t start without me!”

“Uh…we won’t” Anna said nervously as she knew it was just her, Dillon and a passed out bride to be in the room. She then turned her attention to Dillon’s cock.

Dillon took his cock in both hands and slowly stroked the shaft, turning his hand a little to stimulate the underside of his cock head. “You know what would help Anna? I noticed you have on some sexy panties and I bet your bra is hot too. You don’t have to get nude but if I could get a peek at your lingerie my cock would get rock hard in a second!”

“Uh…probably not a good idea,” Anna said as she looked down at her breasts. Dillon said nothing, but had a disappointing look on his face. Anna feeling a little drunk thought, What the hell, I should live a little. Besides it’s not like I’m naked!

Anna slowly lifted her shirt up to reveal her large breast almost busting out of a lacy pink bra. Her nipples were stiff, and she immediately noticed Dillon’s reaction as his cock jumped and started to thicken a little.

“Exquisite.,” Dillon said as he continued to stroke his growing cock. Anna noticed the reaction and it started to turn her on that she was having this reaction on such a hunk of a man. She felt her panties moisten even more, and decided she wanted to see Dillon’s cock fully erect. Anna’s hands traced down her breasts to the base of her skirt that stopped just above her knee. She laid back so Dillon could have a better view and slowly drew the denim skirt back until the pink thong panties shown. There was a large wet spot and the outline of her mound showed through.

“Mmmm…nice.,” Dillon murmured as he stroked his cock faster. Anna noticed she was really turning him on, his cock was now fully erect, probably ten inches now! She looked admiringly at his cock, memorizing the contrast of the smooth shaft interrupted by veins and blood vessels. The bulbous head was huge now, shiny and throbbing, engorged to what seemed like its breaking point. “You are so hot Anna, you’ve made my cock so hard!” Dillon exclaimed as he took his hand off his cock, which proceeded to point upward now fully erect. “Let me finish my dance for you, okay?” Anna simply nodded to Dillon, her pussy now tingling, her body fully aroused and turned on; betraying her mind’s better judgement judgment Spelling.

Dillon approached her, his cock pointing up still. His leg slowly moved between hers, his knee brushing against her pussy. She felt shocks go up from her clit. Dillon’s balls started to drag up her right leg as seductively danced closer to her. His throbbing cock grazed her breasts, and Anna started to feel control slip away. Her thoughts said, I shouldn’t be doing this, I’m married ”, ,’ but her hands were doing otherwise. They moved up Dillon’s legs, feeling each rock hard muscle and stopped short at the base of his cock. She slowly wrapped her hands on the base of his cock, noticing that they barely fit around it. She moved slowly up the shaft, it was hard as steel in her hands. Dillon moaned. When she reached the head she felt it like a curious schoolgirl, it was so large, hard and throbbing in her hands! I’m so turned on right now, but I should stop.”,’ She she thought. Yet again she was betrayed by her thoughts, as she felt Dillon’s cock get closer to her she slowly reached out and kissed it. She felt it jump as the tip touched her lips. She pulled Dillon closer, and she felt her tongue touch the underside of his cock. What the fuck am I doing!” ? This is a question she thought to herself, but she couldn’t resist. She felt Dillon’s hands reach down and cup her breasts. It was unusual, yet erotic to have a stranger touching her breasts.

Anna stopped and realized Nadia had come back in and was watching from behind them. She pushed Dillon back and said, “We were just…uh…SHIT! Please don’t say anything.”

Nadia looked a little shocked. and then spoke, I deleted these because you have “she said” after the speech “Honey don’t worry about it. Holy shit look at his hard cock!” She [she said as she walked behind Dillon and peered around his shoulder. “Nice ass too.,She she continued as she felt his firm buttocks. “I think you should continue dancing Dillon, after all I did pay you.” Dillon smiled at Nadia and then looked back at Anna.

“We should really get Mandy home.” Anna said hesitantly.

“Just a few more minutes Anna, for me since I missed the show!” Nadia begged.

Anna looked over at Mandy, back at Nadia and then at Dillon’s massive cock. “Okay just another minute or two.” Anna hesitantly spoke.

Dillon moved close to Anna again dancing slowly ever closer to her. Nadia had removed her shirt and bra and was behind Dillon rubbing up against Dillon’s back. “What happens here, stays here right?” Nadia looked at Anna. Anna nodded. Anna was wondering just how far Nadia would go. Her thoughts went back to Dillon as he proceeded to massage her breasts through the bra. She felt his hands go underneath the fabric of her bra. She almost stopped him, but did not. Her body again was betraying her again feeling drunk and extremely horny.

Dillon’s strong hands caressed her breasts, and she felt his fingers rolling over her hard nipples. It sent shocks to her pussy, and she could feel it getting wetter. Dillon slowly popped each of her breasts out one by one, and proceeded to lick around her nipples teasing her. Nadia was still behind him looking on, topless and feeling on his body still. Anna wondered how far Missing word Nadia would let them go. She then thought, How far will I let him go?

Another shockwave coursed through Anna’s body as she felt the large, throbbing head of Dillon’s cock graze against her clit through her panties. “This is…uh we shouldn’t…” Anna trailed off as Dillon’s cock continued to massage her clit. She could feel an orgasm getting closer. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she didn’t care any more. Her body was in total control, and it wanted to cum. Her pussy started to throb as Dillon continued to suck on her nipples. She saw Nadia, still behind Dillon, reach around, and grab his cock. She and guided guide Reads better as one sentence with a sequence of actions it toward Anna’s pussy. Anna and Dillon moaned loudly as Nadia rubbed Dillon’s cock head against Anna’s panty covered pussy. Anna’s body slowly started to squirm, and Nadia rubbed Dillon’s cock side to side against Anna’s pussy, it caught the right side of her panties. As Nadia moved Dillon’s cock to the left, Anna’s panties also moved exposing her dripping wet pussy. Anna felt Dillon’s huge cockhead cock head Two words rub into her wetness, ; it was bigger than anything she’d ever felt against her opening. Nadia continued rubbing Dillon’s cock into Anna’s pussy, popping the head slightly into her pussy, then popping it out to smack her clit.

Even though Anna’s body was in control, thoughts swam into her head. It felt so wrong but so good to have this big cock rubbing up against her pussy. I’ll just cum while he’s rubbing me and then we can get out and pretend it never happened. Her body again betrayed her thoughts as she reached up to feel Dillon’s ass. She felt Nadia’s hands on hers, and while Anna pulled Dillon closer Nadia pushed. Anna felt the giant head of Dillon’s cock enter her. “No…we can’t…we shouldn’t be doing this .,” Anna said softly as she felt the cock start to enter her. Her pussy was filled with Dillon’s girth, and she loved it. “Oh fuck.,She she heard Nadia whisper as she looked down to see Dillon’s cock a couple of inches inside Anna.

Nadia slowly moved away and sat back on the other couch. Anna didn’t care Nadia approved, she just wanted to feel that release of the building orgasm. She then noticed Nadia unbuttoning her jeans and pulling down her panties. She put her legs up like they were in stirrups and starting to rub her freshly shaved pussy.

“Oh yeah, fuck her!” Nadia shouted excitedly. Dillon pressed on, moving his cock slowly inside of Anna inch by inch.

“Oh…my…it’s…it’s too big.,” Anna whispered as she felt 7 seven of Dillon’s ten inches inside her. Her pussy started to burn. Burn with pain at first…but then pain turned to pleasure as her pussy filled with Dillon’s cock. She could feel it throbbing inside her pussy, filling her like never before. Dillon continued to push deeper, and she felt his balls touch her ass. All ten inches of Dillon’s cock were inside her. She could fill his cock head bump her cervix.

Nadia continued to rub her pussy as she watched. “Fuck yeah, give her all your cock! Oh my God I’m coming!!!” She she yelled as her body started tensing in orgasm.


Anna looked away from Nadia and moaned at Dillon “No, we shouldn’t be doing this…but your cock, your cock…I’ve never felt one We know she has only ever felt one cock inside her before, so she would think, and hence say, this It’s so big, mmm…”

These words excited Dillon even more and he started pumping his cock in and out. Slowly at first but then his speed picked up.

Anna’s orgasm started to build towards climax. “You…you have to stop…I’m going to cum.”

“Me too.” Dillon panted.

“No…no you have to stop, we can’t…I can’t…you can’t, pull out, don’t cum in me!” Anna shouted.

Dillon continued drilling his cock into her, his balls slapping against her legs as he went deeper into her pussy.

Anna felt herself starting to climax. “Oh…my…” Anna sighed.

Dillon started to pull out his cock, “I’m about to cum too.”

Anna’s body was betraying her again, she pulled him back, thrusting his cock all the way into her pussy. “Give me your cum, I want to feel it shooting inside me!” Anna screamed.

“No Anna he could get you pregnant!” Nadia shouted as she wiped her cum soaked fingers on her legs.

“I don’t care, impregnate me, fuck me, use that huge cock to pump me full of your cum!” Anna screamed as her orgasming pussy started to pulsate on Dillon’s cock. This sent him over the edge, and he felt his back arch, his balls contract, and his dick pulse as he shot load after load of cum inside her womb. Anna grabbed his ass and thrust him in as deep as he could as he unloaded into her, she greedily wanted every drop of Dillon’s cum as deep inside her as she could.

“Holy shit Anna, you’re crazy, but that was intensely hot”,,” Nadia sighed as she started dressing.

“Wow, you were amazing.” Dillon huffed as he pulled his cock out of Anna, dripping with the mixture of her moisture and his cum. He plopped down on the couch next to her. “You ladies should come her here Wrong word more often!”

Anna finally awoke from her orgasm, dress up around her waist, breasts hanging out of her bra. She slowly rose up, straightening her wardrobe as she stood up. She refused to look at Dillon. “Wake Mandy and let’s go.,She she told Nadia. Nadia didn’t say a word. Mandy awoke in a stupor. Nadia and Anna picked her up and helped her out. Before they exited, Anna looked back at Dillon, smiled and gave a wink, then walked out.

Anna didn’t tell Troy about that night. The next few weeks went by and she tried to block it from her mind, although every now and then she caught herself remembering Dillon’s cock, and she would fantasize and masturbate.

One morning while Troy was out golfing, Anna started dreaming about Dillon and his cock again. She started touching her pussy…then all of a sudden she felt sick to her stomach. She ran to the bathroom to throw up. Must’ve been the Mexican food last night,’ She she thought, and then she gasped as a different Reads better thought crossed her mind. She rummaging through some drawers in her bathroom until she found what she was looking for. Still one left.” ,’ She she thought, as she tore open the package and began to sit down on the toilet. A few minutes later she looked at the stick.

“Oh….Oh no…it’s blue.”
 
Last edited:
Sorry if I should be posting this somewhere else but the size of this site is proving difficult to navigate especially on a mobile phone. I have a story I would like to submit but am a bit dubious about the volunteer editors that have replied to my enquiry. They have no posting history and their grammar leaves a lot to be desired. Can anyone give me some tips on finding a good editor or would posting it in a forum or just submitting it raw be preferable? I can't access all the articles etc. as I have virtually no privacy so please don't be too hard on me.
Many thanks.
 
Sorry if I should be posting this somewhere else but the size of this site is proving difficult to navigate especially on a mobile phone. I have a story I would like to submit but am a bit dubious about the volunteer editors that have replied to my enquiry. They have no posting history and their grammar leaves a lot to be desired. Can anyone give me some tips on finding a good editor or would posting it in a forum or just submitting it raw be preferable? I can't access all the articles etc. as I have virtually no privacy so please don't be too hard on me.
Many thanks.

I am also a Literotica newbie, and have written a few stories that I wanted to submit to a volunteer editor with a view to getting them published on the site. Unfortunately, the two volunteer editors I contacted chose to ignore my courteous requests and story synopses, so I am no further forward. It disturbs me, Thumbell, that the responses from volunteer editors reveal that their posting history and their standard of grammar leave a lot to be desired. There is a long list of volunteer editors; but it seems that this list needs to be weeded out as it is clearly not working as intended and its use can be quite discouraging for newbie writers as Thumbell has pointed out.

Has anyone else had a disappointing experience in contacting a volunteer editor? It could be worthwhile having this problem aired and, hopefully, sorted out to stop this sort of discouragement happening. :(
 
I can't help wondering what list Thumbell and sweetlizzy have been consulting. Snoopewrcharmbright's "Active Editors-June 2009" sticky is the only up-to-date listing of which I'm aware, and it's by no means a long list. Another possibility would be contact people who have posted in this forum recently. If you were looking elsewhere on this site, you may well have found listings for editors who have been MIA since the 17th century, or for "editors" whose only qualification is knowing where to find an Internet cafe.
 
I can't help wondering what list Thumbell and sweetlizzy have been consulting. Snoopewrcharmbright's "Active Editors-June 2009" sticky is the only up-to-date listing of which I'm aware, and it's by no means a long list. Another possibility would be contact people who have posted in this forum recently. If you were looking elsewhere on this site, you may well have found listings for editors who have been MIA since the 17th century, or for "editors" whose only qualification is knowing where to find an Internet cafe.

I agree. Though this forum doesn't have the volume of posts that others do, the "Active Editors" sticky shows people available each month.

Ask other authors you know who they use.

Look through the new stories and check who did the editing. PM them and ask if they are available, and if not, do they know someone that is.
 
Thanks for your replies everyone :) I'd read the volunteer editors list I was directed to after reading the FAQ and can confirm that this was a very long list.
Will check out the sticky thread now.
 
first thing you need to do is turn on Private Messages (PM), some editors don't post in the forum too much, they prefer direct contact.
 
To switch on your Private Messages, go to User CP (top left of this page) then click on Edit Options (in the left hand column) and then tick Enable Private Messaging in the second box down. Make sure that the next box down (Receive Private Messages only from Buddies and Moderators) is NOT ticked. Finally click Save Changes at the bottom of that page.

If you post on this forum looking for an editor you will get a better response if you make it a separate new thread. You should specify the genre of your story (eg romance, non-consent, incest, gay male, lesbian, etc.), the help you feel you need (e.g. grammar only, grammar and continuity, etc.), and its length (in words) as these factors play a large part in a volunteer editor's decision whether to offer help.

The official site list of Volunteer Editors (accessed through your login page or the FAQs) is hopeless. It collapsed about three years ago and was revamped. However, because there is no availablity check (a simple process to automate) it is again hopelessly out of date. Just one example is that I am on there under a user name which no longer exists and which points to an email address which also no longer exists! Because the user name is invalid I cannot remove the entry.
 
Like Thumbell, can I thank everyone for their comments on the volunteer editor arrangements. As I newbie, I was confused and a little hurt that my requests had not elicited a response, even if it was to say"sorry - I'm too busy right now".
I used the long list of volunteer editors for my first request, but then I saw the short list of active editors willing to look at submissions in June 2009, and wrote a pm to one of them, and this did not work of me either.

I understand that this is a voluntary arrangement, and that things can sometimes be difficult, and I don't want to offend anyone: I will be patient and try, again, in a little while when more editors might be available; but I think it was important to raise this issue, because the site is very popular and deserves the support people are able to offer. :rose:
 
Pm

Hi. Could someone please pm me to see if it works? No obligation to edit, flirt or even befriend I promise.
 
... I used the long list of volunteer editors for my first request, but then I saw the short list of active editors willing to look at submissions in June 2009, and wrote a pm to one of them, and this did not work of me either. ...
That is bad. You should pm the same editor again and point out that it is rude not to answer. If it was me you PMed, I didn't receive it.
 
Oh come on, man, didn't SCB do a good enough job for you? =)

As to the whole Find An Editor function on the main site, here's the fundamental problem with it that nobody's mentioned yet: it doesn't work, because a lot of the people who are listed as editors ignore any communication that comes their way. Instead, you're better off posting here at the forum. :)
 
Okay, got rejected a few times, anyone want to take the reigns on this one?

CW's right. What Snoopy did for you is pretty much what you get--just usually in private. If you want more, then you need to specify what you are wanting from an editor.

Good luck with your story. :rose:
 
Look through the new stories and check who did the editing. PM them and ask if they are available, and if not, do they know someone that is.

When I am asked if I want to be credited with editing a story, I decline. I also am not on the editor list, and haven't in the recent past contributed to the "Available Editors" list.

Why, you may ask? I have a group of writers I make myself available for, and they can sometimes keep me busy. If not, I also enjoy writing myself. Lately I've had little of either, so I've been coming to this forum to take a few more on. It's worked out well to this point, keeping busy while not becoming overwhelmed.

It appears I'll be finished with what I have on hand by the end of this weekend. I'd be willing to entertain a couple of edits that I can get to afterwards. I'll put your stories in line if you desire.

Being an impatient writer myself, I keep writers updated every few days of the status of their stories, where they are in line, when I plan to get started/finished, etc.

If you're still in need, and willing to wait a few days, PM me.
 
When I am asked if I want to be credited with editing a story, I decline. I also am not on the editor list, and haven't in the recent past contributed to the "Available Editors" list.

Why, you may ask? I have a group of writers I make myself available for, and they can sometimes keep me busy. If not, I also enjoy writing myself. Lately I've had little of either, so I've been coming to this forum to take a few more on. It's worked out well to this point, keeping busy while not becoming overwhelmed.

It appears I'll be finished with what I have on hand by the end of this weekend. I'd be willing to entertain a couple of edits that I can get to afterwards. I'll put your stories in line if you desire.

Being an impatient writer myself, I keep writers updated every few days of the status of their stories, where they are in line, when I plan to get started/finished, etc.

If you're still in need, and willing to wait a few days, PM me.

For the most part, I'm not listed as editor on stories either. That's my preference. The regulars I work with keep me plenty busy. There have been times I received a PM, or e-mail, asking if I have time to help. That varies, depending on what I have on my plate already.

I've added my name to the 'Available Editors' list before. However, I'm beginning college Monday, and I'm limiting what I accept. My focus will be on school for a while.
 
CW's right. What Snoopy did for you is pretty much what you get--just usually in private. If you want more, then you need to specify what you are wanting from an editor.

Good luck with your story. :rose:


I thought the editing was good, I have no earthly idea why they rejected it.
 
For the most part, I'm not listed as editor on stories either. That's my preference. The regulars I work with keep me plenty busy. There have been times I received a PM, or e-mail, asking if I have time to help. That varies, depending on what I have on my plate already.

I've added my name to the 'Available Editors' list before. However, I'm beginning college Monday, and I'm limiting what I accept. My focus will be on school for a while.

Great for you, ML! You go! This sets a great example for others (pointing finger away from myself). I wish you the best.

HUGGSS!
 
Hey everyone, love this place for years now and thought I'd throw my hat in the ring with a story. I'm no writer, just like erotica and wanted more stories like the one following.

Thanks in advance.

"Working Title"


“Seven p.m. honey, better get ready” Troy yelled to his wife Anna. “Don’t want to be late for your best friend’s bachelorette party.” Anna smirked as she finished dabbing on her last bit of makeup. Anna felt more comfortable at home curled up on the sofa, watching a movie with her hubby, Troy, than at the bar with friends. “I can’t miss my best friend’s party though…” she thought to herself.
Anna and Troy met in college at a frat party. Anna was 18 and innocent, only having a couple of boyfriends in high school and never doing more than some kissing here and there. Troy was her first and she immediately knew she would marry him. Occasionally she wondered what it would have been like to be with another man, but she usually dismissed those thoughts as quick as they entered her mind. Anna and Troy were married a few years after college and have been happily for the last ten years. Mandy, Anna’s best friend; was now taking her turn at the altar and decided to have a girls night with her close friends to celebrate.

“What to wear?” Anna tapped her lip as she rummaged through her closet. “Wear those nice pink thong panties I bought you!” Troy hooted. Anna giggled. Troy was such a man, he only thought of one thing! Sexy clothes were strangers in Anna’s conservative wardrobe. “What the heck!” Anna said as she grabbed the pink thong panties and matching bra. Although daring in her choice of undergarments, she chose to wear a simple green t-shirt and denim skirt, and some flip flops. “All set!” she triumphantly proclaimed as she walked up to Troy who was sitting on the couch drinking a beer. “You look great honey!” The channels on the TV changed in flurry as Troy didn’t even look up from his bottle of beer.

Anna arrived at Mandy’s house. “Ready to party tonight?” Mandy asked her Anna and her other friend Nadia who was a little on the conservative side, at least until you got some booze into her. They arrived at the first bar, Clickety Clickers, and sat around talking about their marriages and relationships, taking a few shots of tequila with each funny story. Anna started to feel the effects as the buzz of tequila and rum kicked in. Nadia was the wildest of the bunch, she was heading back from the bar with five more shots of tequila. “Let’s hit Blaster’s!” she half slurred. “The male strip club?” Mandy and Anna both shockingly questioned. Nadia laughed. “You girls need to loosen up! C’mon it’ll be fun.” Anna gave a half smile to Mandy and half heartedly voiced, “Whatever you want, it’s your day.” Mandy slammed her shot and yelled, “Let’s do it!” “We should call a cab; I’m not feeling to designated to drive!” Anna chuckled.

The cab stopped in front of a bright red and purple neon sign. “Blaster’s Female Entertainment” the neon sign glowed. Nadia threw a couple bucks to the cabbie and they slowly staggered from the cab. The alcohol was starting to kick in as they stumbled to the door. They slowly followed Nadia in like innocent schoolgirls going to their first dance. “Let’s sit in the back Nadia.” Anna pleaded, “I don’t want anyone I know to see us.” Nadia laughed, “I’m sure if they’re here enjoying the scenery they won’t care what you’re doing!” Anna half smiled, as she looked around for a good table. When she turned her head, she saw a tall, tan stripper with long dark brown hair walking past them. He was almost nude, save for his g-string. She gulped as she noticed the rippling chest and abdominal muscles and almost gasped out loud as her eyes traveled lower. She noticed an extraordinary large bulge in the stripper’s g-string. “That can’t be real can it?” She whispered to Mandy. Mandy checked out the package in question. “Yeah probably, but that’s gross. Nice butt though”. “Yeah that is pretty icky”, Anna said, although she kept staring as he walked off more fascinated than anything. Troy had an average size cock; it was short but had girth, although Anna didn’t know any different since she had never been with another man. She tried to picture it in her mind, but she kept thinking of different versions of Troy’s cock. “Down the hatch ladies!” Nadia whooped as she sat down three more shots of tequila for each lady.

Anna was already starting to feel drunk, but she saw Mandy down the shot so she proceeded to follow suit. It burned as it went down her throat and hit her stomach. “Oh I hope I don’t get sick!” Anna slurred unusually loudly. Mandy and Nadia just giggled. “Let’s get some action over here!” yelled Nadia as she pulled out a wad of one dollar bills. “Had Nadia planned to come here tonight?” thought Anna. Anna looked over as the tall stripper she noticed earlier made his way over. “I think we have a winner!” shouted Nadia. Mandy and Anna both started to noticeably blush as the handsome stripper strolled up next to them. “Good evening ladies, you are some of best looking gals I’ve seen in here in awhile! My name is Dillon; would you like a lap dance or perhaps a better show in the private rooms?” Mandy and Anna both smiled and continued to blush embarrassingly as they tried not to stare at Dillon’s crotch.

“This young lady has decided to settle down!” Nadia whispered to Dillon as she felt on his bicep. “Congratulations, it’s too bad someone is taking you off the market. It’s twenty for a lap dance and fifty for ten minutes in the private room.” Nadia pulled Dillon close, whispered something in his ear, and handed him a wad of cash. He looked puzzled at first, but looked down at the cash and said “Okay it’s your money.” Dillon reached two hands outward to Mandy and a shocked Anna. “C’mon ladies, you’re getting a private show.” Mandy gave a quick glance to Anna, but just as quickly turned back and grabbed Dillon’s forearm. Anna was hesitant, she was a married woman after all, but she thought, “It’s just a dance, and maybe I’ll get a peek at that monster in his g-string”. She burst out in a short laugh then grabbed Dillon’s other hand.

Dillon led all three ladies to a room close to the back of the club It was quite nice for a club, much less a strip club. The room was dimly lit, save for a few candles. There were two big fluffy red love seats in the room, one which Nadia and Mandy plopped down on. Anna decided she would be safer away from the bride since she figured all the action would be happening there. She tried to slowly sit down on the fluffy seat and clumsily fell backwards into it. “Whoa!” Anna’s legs flew into the air as she did a funny gymnast roll backwards pulling up her skirt and exposing her pretty pink thong. “Looks like I’m getting a show too!” Dillon said jokingly as he reached over and pulled Anna up. “How embarrassing” Anna thought as she sat up on the fluffy couch. She felt her cheeks turning red. “Don’t worry about it sweetheart. You are a gorgeous woman I wish I could see those panties every night!” She smiled as Dillon said this. She could feel her embarrassment start to subside, and she actually felt a little turned on that another man got a view of her panties.

The music started playing, it was some pop-rock song that Anna heard on the radio a million times but never remembered the name of the song or who sang it. Dillon started over towards Mandy and Nadia. He started moving slowly with the music, muscles oiled up, rippling in the dim candlelight. Mandy and Nadia were both giggling as they took another sip of their drinks. “Okay ladies here are the rules. Rule number one; feel free to touch but no grabbing my cock or balls. Rule number two; speaking of cock and balls, they don’t come out of the g-string, club rules. Now if you happen to get a peek while putting a dollar or two in there…” Dillon smiled as he trailed off. Nadia had already leapt out of her seat and was open palming Dillon’s rock hard ass. Mandy on the other hand, was a little more reluctant. She slowly reached up and touched Dillon’s abs. “It’s okay sweetie, you can touch more!” Dillon smiled again as he started thrusting his pouch towards her, monster cock rocking back and forth in the g-string.

Anna sat quietly to the side and observed Dillon’s movements. She watched his back arch, muscles contract, ass squeeze, as he thrust back and forth. She noticed the power in each thrust, and she closed her eyes and started wondering if he would fuck someone with the same power as he danced. She quickly popped into reality as she heard Nadia’s voice. “Holy shit! Anna, you have got to see this cock, it’s enormous!” Nadia was stuffing a couple of ones in Dillon’s open pouch as she peered down. Mandy quickly took a peek, her eyes glazing over as she saw Dillon’s manhood. Anna couldn’t see his cock from her angle, but could see the reactions in the girl’s faces. This made Anna even more curious about his cock, she had never seen another man’s before, especially someone with a big cock. Anna then noticed her panties were a little wet. She was getting turned on by her thoughts and the show! “I’m a married woman, I’m MARRIED!” Anna thought as she started feeling guilt set in. “Have another shot dear and come over here!” Mandy shouted. Both Nadia and Anna looked shockingly at Mandy. “The alcohol must really be kicking in! Seriously though I’m fine watching over here” Anna shouted back. Mandy and Nadia both gave a disapproving glance towards Anna but then refocused on the main attraction.

“Perhaps I should come to you then?” Dillon spoke as he turned and started walking towards her. Anna tensed as she saw Dillon’s rather large cock come closer. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What you’ve never seen a cock this big? Most women haven’t, sorry to say. Husband’s have an average size cock…which there’s nothing wrong with.” Dillon’s words bounced off Anna as she was staring at the cock through the g-string. She could almost make it out, the outline of the shaft coming down to the left side of his leg and it looked like she could make out the shape of the head. Before she had time to react, Dillon was dancing close to her, his cock slightly grazing her thirty six D breasts. Dillon bent over and whispered into her ear. “I noticed you when you walked in. You aren’t like those other ladies. You’re a good girl, I can tell, and gorgeous to boot. You have a great body. Just seeing your breasts in that shirt is making my cock hard. I think you should take a look at it. Anna was shocked and turned on at the same time. She knew she was good looking but she never thought she would turn on a man like this!

Anna grabbed a shot of tequila, downed it, and jumped up and started dancing with Dillon. Her hands cautiously touched his chest and moved down to his abs. She stopped short of his g-string and moved up towards his arms. She felt herself blushing as she saw Nadia and Mandy both whispering and watching her intently. Her hands traced his shoulders and down to his triceps. She felt his bulging forearms and moved down to his hands. Then she took a depth breath as she noticed his hands were down on his cock, and her hands were now touching it. “Oh…Oh my God.” She mumbled as she felt the huge cock in her hand. “It’s not even hard…and…and it’s twice as big as my husband is hard!” She cooed. Dillon just smiled, then whispered in her ear again. “Would you like to see it? If you and your friends don’t mind I pull it out and let you touch it. Hell maybe you’ll see it get hard.” Anna was drunk and she could feel her pussy getting wetter from all this dirty talk, but then snapped into reality again.

“I’m…I’m married and…well I shouldn’t be doing this.” Anna removed her hands from Dillon’s cock and sat back down. Dillon said, “That’s okay, it’s just a show. I know you’re dieing to see my cock…I can see it in your eyes. I’ll do a quick nude dance for you, you can see what it looks like then you ladies can go back to the bar.” “DO IT!” Nadia shouted. Mandy was slumped over on the couch snoring lightly. “Lightweight.” Nadia giggled as she looked back over at Dillon and Anna. “Okay, I suppose a quick show won’t hurt.” Anna said, although she was also thinking that she wanted to see that big, fat cock. “Must be the alcohol” She murmured.

Dillon turned towards Nadia and away from Anna. He hooked his thumbs into his g-string and proceeded to slowly pull them down. Nadia’s eyes got big and she covered her mouth with her hand in shock as the g-string came down. Anna could only see Dillon’s muscular ass as his g-string came down, but then she noticed something dangling almost to his knee. “That can’t be….your cock!” She shockingly proclaimed. Dillon turned around to reveal a soft eight inch cock. “Yep, I’ve been blessed!” Dillon smiled as he started towards Anna again. Nadia soon circled over to get a closer look, gently shaking Mandy as she walked past, “You’re missing it!” Mandy mumbled something unintelligible but went back to snoring.

Dillon’s cock dangled in front of Anna. It was bigger than she expected, long with a thick head at the end. “If it’s this big soft, I wonder what it’s like hard” Anna thought to herself. Dillon, as if reading her mind asked, “would you like to see it get hard? I usually don’t do this kind of thing, but you’re really attractive and I don’t think you’re cops.” “Hell yes, get that thing hard” Nadia whooped. Anna thought or a moment, but then spoke “Okay, I’m game. It’s just a show right, like one of those girly mags my hubby is always checking out, right?” Nadia nodded. “bzzzzz”, Nadia jumped out of her seat. “Damnit, it’s the husband.” Nadia pulled out her cell and walked out of the room. ” Be right back, don’t start without me!” “Uh…we won’t” Anna said nervously as she knew it was just her, Dillon and a passed out bride to be in the room. She then turned her attention to Dillon’s cock.

Dillon took his cock in both hands and slowly stroked the shaft, turning his hand a little to stimulate the underside of his cock head. “You know what would help Anna? I noticed you have on some sexy panties and I bet your bra is hot too. You don’t have to get nude but if I could get a peek at your lingerie my cock would get rock hard in a second!” “Uh…probably not a good idea” Anna said as she looked down at her breasts. Dillon said nothing, but had a disappointing look on his face. Anna feeling a little drunk thought, “What the hell, I should live a little. Besides it’s not like I’m naked!”

Anna slowly lifted her shirt up to reveal her large breast almost busting out of a lacy pink bra. Her nipples were stiff, and she immediately noticed Dillon’s reaction as his cock jumped and started to thicken a little. “Exquisite.” Dillon said as he continued to stroke his growing cock. Anna noticed the reaction and it started to turn her on that she was having this reaction on such a hunk of a man. She felt her panties moisten even more, and decided she wanted to see Dillon’s cock fully erect. Anna’s hands traced down her breasts to the base of her skirt that stopped just above her knee. She laid back so Dillon could have a better view and slowly drew the denim skirt back until the pink thong panties shown. There was a large wet spot and the outline of her mound showed through. “Mmmm…nice.” Dillon murmured as he stroked his cock faster. Anna noticed she was really turning him on, his cock was now fully erect, probably ten inches now! She looked admiringly at his cock, memorizing the contrast of the smooth shaft interrupted by veins and blood vessels. The bulbous head was huge now, shiny and throbbing, engorged to what seemed like its breaking point. “You are so hot Anna, you’ve made my cock so hard!” Dillon exclaimed as he took his hand off his cock, which proceeded to point upward now fully erect. “Let me finish my dance for you, okay?” Anna simply nodded to Dillon, her pussy now tingling, her body fully aroused and turned on; betraying her mind’s better judgement.

Dillon approached her, his cock pointing up still. His leg slowly moved between hers, his knee brushing against her pussy. She felt shocks go up from her clit. Dillon’s balls started to drag up her right leg as seductively danced closer to her. His throbbing cock grazed her breasts, and Anna started to feel control slip away. Her thoughts said “I shouldn’t be doing this, I’m married”, but her hands were doing otherwise. They moved up Dillon’s legs, feeling each rock hard muscle and stopped short at the base of his cock. She slowly wrapped her hands on the base of his cock, noticing that they barely fit around it. She moved slowly up the shaft, it was hard as steel in her hands. Dillon moaned. When she reached the head she felt it like a curious schoolgirl, it was so large, hard and throbbing in her hands! “I’m so turned on right now, but I should stop.” She thought. Yet again she was betrayed by her thoughts, as she felt Dillon’s cock get closer to her she slowly reached out and kissed it. She felt it jump as the tip touched her lips. She pulled Dillon closer, and she felt her tongue touch the underside of his cock. “What the fuck am I doing!” she thought to herself, but she couldn’t resist. She felt Dillon’s hands reach down and cup her breasts. It was unusual ,yet erotic to have a stranger touching her breasts.

Anna stopped and realized Nadia had come back in and was watching from behind them. She pushed Dillon back and said, “We were just…uh…SHIT! Please don’t say anything.” Nadia looked a little shocked and then spoke, “Honey don’t worry about it. Holy shit look at his hard cock!” She said as she walked behind Dillon and peered around his shoulder. “Nice ass too.” She continued as she felt his firm buttocks. “I think you should continue dancing Dillon, after all I did pay you.” Dillon smiled at Nadia and then looked back at Anna. “We should really get Mandy home.” Anna said hesitantly. “Just a few more minutes Anna, for me since I missed the show!” Nadia begged. Anna looked over at Mandy, back at Nadia and then at Dillon’s massive cock. “Okay just another minute or two.” Anna hesitantly spoke.

Dillon moved close to Anna again dancing slowly ever closer to her. Nadia had removed her shirt and bra and was behind Dillon rubbing up against Dillon’s back. “What happens here,stays here right?” Nadia looked at Anna. Anna nodded. Anna was wondering just how far Nadia would go. Her thoughts went back to Dillon as he proceeded to massage her breasts through the bra. She felt his hands go underneath the fabric of her bra. She almost stopped him, but did not. Her body again was betraying her again feeling drunk and extremely horny. Dillon’s strong hands caressed her breasts, and she felt his fingers rolling over her hard nipples. It sent shocks to her pussy, and she could feel it getting wetter. Dillon slowly popped each of her breasts out one by one, and proceeded to lick around her nipples teasing her. Nadia was still behind him looking on, topless and feeling on his body still. Anna wondered how Nadia would let them go. She then thought “How far will I let him go?”

Another shockwave coursed through Anna’s body as she felt the large, throbbing head of Dillon’s cock graze against her clit through her panties. “This is…uh we shouldn’t…” Anna trailed off as Dillon’s cock continued to massage her clit. She could feel an orgasm getting closer. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she didn’t care anymore. Her body was in total control, and it wanted to cum. Her pussy started to throb as Dillon continued to suck on her nipples. She saw Nadia, still behind Dillon, reach around and grab his cock. She guided it toward Anna’s pussy. Anna and Dillon moaned loudly as Nadia rubbed Dillon’s cockhead against Anna’s panty covered pussy. Anna’s body slowly started to squirm, and Nadia rubbed Dillon’s cock side to side against Anna’s pussy, it caught the right side of her panties. As Nadia moved Dillon’s cock to the left, Anna’s panties also moved exposing her dripping wet pussy. Anna felt Dillon’s huge cockhead rub into her wetness, it was bigger than anything she’d ever felt against her opening. Nadia continued rubbing Dillon’s cock into Anna’s pussy, popping the head slightly into her pussy, then popping it out to smack her clit. Even though Anna’s body was in control, thoughts swam into her head. It felt so wrong but so good to have this big cock rubbing up against her pussy. “I’ll just cum while he’s rubbing me and then we can get out and pretend it never happened.” Her body again betrayed her thoughts as she reached up to feel Dillon’s ass. She felt Nadia’s hands on hers, and while Anna pulled Dillon closer Nadia pushed. Anna felt the giant head of Dillon’s cock enter her. “No…we can’t…we shouldn’t be doing this.” Anna said softly as she felt the cock start to enter her. Her pussy was filled with Dillon’s girth, and she loved it. “Oh fuck.” She heard Nadia whisper as she looked down to see Dillon’s cock a couple of inches inside Anna.

Nadia slowly moved away and sat back on the other couch. Anna didn’t care Nadia approved, she just wanted to feel that release of the building orgasm. She then noticed Nadia unbuttoning her jeans and pulling down her panties. She put her legs up like they were in stirrups and starting to rub her freshly shaved pussy. “Oh yeah, fuck her!” Nadia shouted excitedly. Dillon pressed on, moving his cock slowly inside of Anna inch by inch. “Oh…my…it’s…it’s too big.” Anna whispered as she felt 7 of Dillon’s ten inches inside her. Her pussy started to burn. Burn with pain at first…but then pain turned to pleasure as her pussy filled with Dillon’s cock. She could feel it throbbing inside her pussy, filling her like never before. Dillon continued to push deeper, and she felt his balls touch her ass. All ten inches of Dillon’s cock were inside her. She could fill his cock head bump her cervix. Nadia continued to rub her pussy as she watched. “Fuck yeah, give her all your cock! Oh my God I’m coming!!!” She yelled as her body started tensing in orgasm. Anna looked away from Nadia and moaned at Dillon “No, we shouldn’t be doing this…but your cock, your cock…I’ve never felt one so big, mmm…” These words excited Dillon even more and he started pumping his cock in and out. Slowly at first but then his speed picked up. Anna’s orgasm started to build towards climax. “You…you have to stop…I’m going to cum.”

“Me too.” Dillon panted. “No…no you have to stop, we can’t…I can’t…you can’t, pull out, don’t cum in me!” Anna shouted. Dillon continued drilling his cock into her, his balls slapping against her legs as he went deeper into her pussy. Anna felt herself starting to climax. “Oh…my…” Anna sighed. Dillon started to pull out his cock, “I’m about to cum too.” Anna’s body was betraying her again, she pulled him back, thrusting his cock all the way into her pussy. “Give me your cum, I want to feel it shooting inside me! ” Anna screamed. “No Anna he could get you pregnant!” Nadia shouted as she wiped her cum soaked fingers on her legs. “I don’t care, impregnate me, fuck me, use that huge cock to pump me full of your cum!” Anna screamed as her orgasming pussy started to pulsate on Dillon’s cock. This sent him over the edge, and he felt his back arch, his balls contract, and his dick pulse as he shot load after load of cum inside her womb. Anna grabbed his ass and thrust him in as deep as he could as he unloaded into her, she greedily wanted every drop of Dillon’s cum as deep inside her as she could.

“Holy shit Anna, you’re crazy, but that was intensely hot”, Nadia sighed as she started dressing. “Wow, you were amazing.” Dillon huffed as he pulled his cock out of Anna, dripping with the mixture of her moisture and his cum. He plopped down on the couch next to her. “You ladies should come her more often!” Anna finally awoke from her orgasm, dress up around her waist, breasts hanging out of her bra. She slowly rose up, straightening her wardrobe as she stood up. She refused to look at Dillon. “Wake Mandy and let’s go.” She told Nadia. Nadia didn’t say a word. Mandy awoke in a stupor. Nadia and Anna picked her up and helped her out. Before they exited, Anna looked back at Dillon, smiled and gave a wink, then walked out.

Anna didn’t tell Troy about that night. The next few weeks went by and she tried to block it from her mind, although every now and then she caught herself remembering Dillon’s cock, and she would fantasize and masturbate. One morning while Troy was out golfing, Anna started dreaming about Dillon and his cock again. She started touching her pussy…then all of a sudden she felt sick to her stomach. She ran to the bathroom to throw up. “Must’ve been the Mexican food last night” She thought, and then she gasped as a thought crossed her mind. She rummaging through some drawers in her bathroom until she found what she was looking for. “Still one left.” She thought, as she tore open the package and began to sit down on the toilet. A few minutes later she looked at the stick.

“Oh….Oh no…it’s blue.”

The end.

Your first feedback basically covered the editing. I think you should send it in. Perhaps you can add that Anna bought a dildo that matched Dillion's size during those few weeks before the pregnancy test. If you want to a sequel or get enough replies saying they want more, maybe you can have Anna seeks out Dillion and telling him that she's pregnant with his baby or that it's possible that it's his if she slept with her husband. Dillion thinks nothing of it; in fact, he's thrilled but is concerned with Anna. In the meantime, he plans on fucking Anna some more and Anna resists but ends up fucking back and she . Whatever the baby looks like, she names it Dillion if it's a boy or

Another ending to this story is that she sees Dillion again and he seduces her for another round and the one after that she goes back to the club and pays for a private dance where they fuck again. When she gets sick, she's at his place or just left finishing a round.

The point is I don't think it should stop there.
 
Back
Top