Nonconsent/incest story I want to tidy up

[MzDeviancy]

I'd appreciate some comments on the story, if anyone has the time and doesn't mind. Here's the link: http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=248926

Just to warn you, the story is a little heavy forcewise for some people. If violence against women sickens you even in fiction, I'd recommend you don't read it.

I'm interested in constructive criticism only.

Thanks.

 

[MTSTUDD]

Thought

 

[MzDeviancy]

LMAO Thanks darlin' ;op Any thoughts though? Stuff that disrupted the flow for you? hings that could've been done better?

 

[MTSTUDD]

12389

 

[S-Des]

Hope you didn't misunderstand mine

I already commented on this story when it was new. I think it's brilliant and hope you submit a 2nd chapter. My comment said it was creepy and good, but I meant that in the best possible way. I'm hoping that most of us would think of forced sex on our younger sister as disturbing. I thought the story was remarkably hot, but more than that, it made me think about the characters and the directions that their lives were taking. There was an element of sadness to it that made it feel very real. I don't think you need to tidy it up at all.

Too many stories in this category skip the messy emotional aftermath and move right on to more fun sex. Your's was perfectly balanced, even showing that the sister felt like she wanted it in some sick way. It's a subject that I find facinating and hope to someday write a story about. Shadowcatcher wrote a great NC story called 'Rachel Lets It Happen' where the heroine felt caught in a situation that was NC, but also found herself turned on by the attention and taboo nature of the situation. He ended it by showing that it affected her entire life, which has bothered me to this day (no happy ending for her). We need more of those stories to keep things balanced. I hope you ignore the morons who flamed you, you should see some of the crazy shit I've received in response to my first two stories, and they were happy endings (more or less).

Keep up the good work, and please feel free to contact me if you ever submit a Ch2. I'd really like to see where you take this.

....S-Des

 

[Darkest Lord]

Well written

Your story is well written, just not my particular taste when it comes to stories. For some reason NonCon/Reluctance stories do not really appeal to me. I like a story that is loving and tender, and this one was far from that, considering the category it was put in.

With that said, I would say on its merits the writing was well done. I did not find anything to complain about in terms of sentence structure or grammar. Overall, the story flowed well.

I hope that in some small way my remarks were helpful.

 

[hunterwren]

Ted Bundy would;ve loved it

 

[Sad Man]

I loved the story, too many stories rush into the sex and forget about the build up, this story on the other hand played it out at the perfect pace, took its time and was, unlike many other incest stories, plausable. I love a story to be realistic, you have to be able to imagine that it could really happen, that was one of many strengths that this submission had. It was a little dark in places but I thought the dark moments contrasted well with the passion and sex.

One little revision that I would have made is the part where he asks if she is on birth control, I understand that this is to show his coldness toward his sister but I would have lied it better if he had just got up and left her lying spent on her bed without asking, showing his complete disregard as to whether she might become empregnated. But thats just me.

Overall, great work I loved it.

 

[MzDeviancy]

Thank you guys very much ;o)

Except hunterwren. You can go fuck yourself. Troll.