PerpetualNotion
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2017
- Posts
- 104
I was going to post on ToSatisfyMyHusband's thread but I realised once I started typing that it would be a total hijack. 
I'm having the same dilemma.
I've been totally self reliant the whole of my adult life, because my mum had a degenerative illness. I'm an educated, intelligent, strident feminist. For me to even have these fantasies is completely ridiculous. I'm also a rape survivor, which complicates things somewhat. My partner is a wonderful, kind, caring man who puts up with my feminism - bordering on misandry at times - even when I'm vitriolic. Even when I'm in the wrong. If I ever do pluck the courage he's going to spend the rest of our lives laughing at me... But I guess that would be part of the fun.
We're pretty open about sex, so this is the only thing I'm really inhibited about. We already enjoy stuff like anal once in a while. A bit like LanguageOfLove's partner, I've lost my mojo the past couple of years. I've lost my mother, had an abrupt career change and then promptly whistleblown on multiple tiers of management in my new role... It's been very stressful and I've been really down.
And perversely, I've been having these masochistic fantasies more frequently.
There are a number of serious concerns I have about telling my partner.
He already knows I'm bi and that not all of my exes are male. Every once in a while he gets insecure about that and worries that I can't go the rest of my life without lesbian sex. I've told him more than once that bisexuality (for me at least) means not caring what biological sex your partner is, not a necessity to be sexually/romantically involved with both genders. I floated the idea of a threesome one night after a couple of bottles of wine. He said he was 'committed to me' and so he wouldn't have an interest in doing that. Then he said, 'just know that if you decide to go have fun with a woman, I won't be here waiting for you when you come back.'
Of course, the last thing I wanted to do was make him insecure. I was just trying a little light hearted banter to see where it went. So I've got no real confidence he'll be any more open about kink.
So yeah, that's where I'm at.
You thoughts are appreciated.
I'm having the same dilemma.
I've been totally self reliant the whole of my adult life, because my mum had a degenerative illness. I'm an educated, intelligent, strident feminist. For me to even have these fantasies is completely ridiculous. I'm also a rape survivor, which complicates things somewhat. My partner is a wonderful, kind, caring man who puts up with my feminism - bordering on misandry at times - even when I'm vitriolic. Even when I'm in the wrong. If I ever do pluck the courage he's going to spend the rest of our lives laughing at me... But I guess that would be part of the fun.
We're pretty open about sex, so this is the only thing I'm really inhibited about. We already enjoy stuff like anal once in a while. A bit like LanguageOfLove's partner, I've lost my mojo the past couple of years. I've lost my mother, had an abrupt career change and then promptly whistleblown on multiple tiers of management in my new role... It's been very stressful and I've been really down.
And perversely, I've been having these masochistic fantasies more frequently.
There are a number of serious concerns I have about telling my partner.
- He will feel obliged to be dominant, even if he has no interest in it or even finds it a turn off.
- He will think our current sex life 'isn't enough' or that he's currently lacking in some way, which he's really not.
- He will think I don't really enjoy vanilla sex, which is not the case at all.
- He's not in terrific physical shape right now and I don't want him to over-exert himself just to please me.
- If he says he's not interested in trying dominance, he will then spend the rest of our lives knowing he's denying me my fantasies.
He already knows I'm bi and that not all of my exes are male. Every once in a while he gets insecure about that and worries that I can't go the rest of my life without lesbian sex. I've told him more than once that bisexuality (for me at least) means not caring what biological sex your partner is, not a necessity to be sexually/romantically involved with both genders. I floated the idea of a threesome one night after a couple of bottles of wine. He said he was 'committed to me' and so he wouldn't have an interest in doing that. Then he said, 'just know that if you decide to go have fun with a woman, I won't be here waiting for you when you come back.'
Of course, the last thing I wanted to do was make him insecure. I was just trying a little light hearted banter to see where it went. So I've got no real confidence he'll be any more open about kink.
So yeah, that's where I'm at.
You thoughts are appreciated.
