Non-Fatal Internet Attractions-Can We Let It Happen?

[TonyG]

I have been reading Stormy's Fatal Atraction thread and it has motivated me to ask this question.

Since so many people are concerned with stalkers how can someone have a true on-line relationship? What if you honestly want to be friends, or more, on-line with someone of the opposite sex? How can you convince someone that you ARE NOT a stalker or strangoid?

It's easy to say, just be yourself and over time if it's right it will happen. But if that initial thought exists in the other party's mind, that maybe he/she is going to do something weird if I agree to this attraction, will it not prevent the relationship from ever happening?

We all flirt here about sex and being with each other and most of us are comfortable with that fun time. But, if it goes a little further, how can one feel safe being the recipient of a on-line attraction? How can one feel 'not like a stalker' if you're trying to develop an on-line relationship?

 

[Iris]

For me it will never happen. I had an online stalker, someone of the same sex actually and it scared me too much to really make online friends again. No personal info ever, not even a first name. I might be missing out on some great people but at least I'm safe right?

 

[Angel]

Well basically don't behave in any of the ways we outlined out stalkers acting like? LOL. Put it like this. I would most likely meet a fair number of people off of this board in the proper public setting until a few of those meetings. Then it would be just like any other person I met.

Don't be too pushy, don't act insane if they disappear offline for awhile, don't demand all of their time, don't seek out personal info on the person other than what they already volunteered. (I had a guy look for my domain on whois lookup, get my address and send me flowers. It was harmless but it wigged me the fuck out. He had good intentions but he did it the wrong way)

In all the years I have been on the Net, I have trusted a total of 1 person with my full name, address and phone number, and it took awhile. But we're still great friends. I have exchanged phone numbers over the years and that has worked out fine as well. Just think..don't do something that would make YOU feel uncomfortable. Don't do anything you would think was odd if it was done to you.

 

[Mustang Sally]

Be aware of each other's boundaries and respect them. Take things slowly to allow trust to develop.

People have to balance trust and suspicion.
I lean too far to the "trust" side: I tend to believe people are good. I trust them until they give me reason not to. I'd be wise to throw in a little extra suspicion, but just a little. If you're too suspicious, you'll never get close to anyone, and you'll miss out on a lot of good things.

 

[Jake2001]

I think you're right Sally

I have been an online junkie for years and have met several people from the Internet in real life. One time I met a dozen or so people that I had 'chatted' with for a weekend at a major hotel in Austin. It was a blast. One was a real cuckoo (to put it nicely) but most of them were just plain old interesting people. I have close friendly relationships with three people from that group and we converse regularly, mostly through ICQ.

Maybe I am one of the lucky ones but I never had what I would term a bad experience from meeting someone from the Internet. I think that as long as you apply a little common sense, your chances of being burned are slim. Anyway, life is somewhat of a risk if you're going to enjoy it.

 

[Ticklish Girl]

People have to balance trust and suspicion.

I always lean too far one way or the other. I'm pretty straightforward in my IM conversations with people, and so I want to believe that the person on the other end of the IM is who he says he is. But when I have a weird or uncomfortable experience with someone, that pushes me over to the suspicious end of the spectrum. I guess the best thing to do is identify where things went wrong and just try not to repeat the pattern.

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Can we let it happen? I hope so, 'cause I'm meeting some really neat personas here. I have no idea if they are real or not but if they aren't I hope they can keep up the act. I'm protected from most of the RL concerns by distance. They are too I suppose, but they can't rely on my distance being real (it is, honest!) It means that the whole 'relationship' from stranger to friend happens in 'fantasy land.' The difficulty is knowing that people are suspicious, or should be because there are real reasons too. You don't want to stuff something up accidentally.

Originally posted by Mustang Sally
People have to balance trust and suspicion.

An issue in RL and here, and not an easy one either way.