> In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
>United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
>over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
>humans."
>He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
>before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
>Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
>but no Ark.
>"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
>"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
>building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
>sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
>zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
>limitations. We had to go
>to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
>Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
>future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
>clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea
>would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
>in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
>that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
>When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
>They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
>argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
>to put so many animals in a confined space.
>Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
>environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
>I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
> how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
>Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of
> the people who want to work.
>The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
>Union workers with Ark-building experience.
>To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
>leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
>this Ark."
>Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
> across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not
>going to destroy the world?"
> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
>United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
>over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
>Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
>humans."
>He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
>before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
>Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
>but no Ark.
>"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
>"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
>building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
>sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
>zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
>limitations. We had to go
>to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
>Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
>future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
>clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea
>would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
>in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
>that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
>When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
>They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
>argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
>to put so many animals in a confined space.
>Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
>environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
>I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
> how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
>Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of
> the people who want to work.
>The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
>Union workers with Ark-building experience.
>To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
>leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
>this Ark."
>Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
> across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not
>going to destroy the world?"
> "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
