No sleep, I'm gonna die tonight

BlueDaisy

Literotica Guru
Joined
Oct 8, 2002
Posts
8,126
I tried, oh how I tried, to nap. But I'm out of my sandman pills (and I'm a major insomniac) so I just couldn't sleep. My brain wouldn't shut off, thinking about my upcoming move (see major announcement in sig line below). Of course, that's why I have to take sleeping pills to begin with...no matter how sleepy I get, my brain just doesn't shut down enough for me to sleep. My psychiatrist understands it; wish I did.

ANYway, I have to go to work in a few hours. I'll be sooo sleepy that I'll be a walking, zombie. By the time 6 AM rolls around and I get off work, if I'm still standing upright it will be a miracle. The only thing that will save me, if they help, is that I have ADD and take Adderall for it. I'm hoping it will at least keep my brain functioning enough for me to get my job done and drive home without crashing into anything or anyone. *sigh* And after getting home, I have to stay up to get my son up for school and drive him there (scary thought in the condition I'll be in). The job, at least, ain't rocket science. I do Returns at a grocery store (no, not a bagger anymore; it got to be too hard on my wrist)....I put stuff back on the shelves that has been returned and is still in good condition, or stuff that never makes it past the register.....people change their mind at the last minute, or don't have enough money for everything in their cart. And the managers and stockers find things during the day and night that people pick up then decide they don't want and just put it down anywhere. Actually, those items and the things that don't get beyond the checkout make up the bulk of the Returns I put away. Actual returned items are probably less than half, maybe more like a third of the Returns. The job is rote, and usually boring, but sometimes I get in a weird mood and play around, like getting on the intercom and talking to the overnight stockers. One night I got on and chastised them because after talking to them during my rounds I discovered that not one of them on duty that night had ever heard of Simon & Garfunkle. Granted, most of them were in their early to mid 20's, and 2 were from Mexico, but one was 30! The three who are my age were off that night. So I got on the intercom and chastised them for not knowing about those particular musical legends or having heard any of their songs (in a lighhearted way, of course). The next night the youngest of the stockers was back on duty (he's 19) and I asked him if he knew of S & G. I knew he would, because he is a musician himself; he did. So I got back on the intercom and "tsk, tsk, tsk'd" the others...the youngest amongst them was the only one who knew. I told them they had lucked out because I hadn't figured out how to play my Simon & Garfunkle "Greatest Hits" CD over the intercom. lol Sheesh...if my boss ever gets wind of my intercom fun, I'm in deep doo doo. I hope none of the stockers decides to rat me out.

Another night, I was on one aisle and one of the guys was on the next one over. I've had a sinus infection and allergies (this was before I went on my 2 week sick leave) and had the sniffles. Well, another of the stockers was sick that night; had thrown up a couple of times and such. The stocker on the other aisle thought the sick stocker was the one with the sniffles. I heard a loud voice from the next aisle, "Who's that sniffling bitch?" (funny that he used the word "bitch" if he thought it was the guy). I waited a second then said, loudly, "EXCUSE ME?! Sniffling WHAT?" I heard a very shocked and embarrassed "OH MY GOD, L! I am sooo sorry! I didn't know that was you! I thought it was Richard, since he's been sick tonight! Oh, god, I'm sooo sorry". By that time I'd walked around to the end of his aisle and was just standing there, arms crossed, foot tapping, staring at him. He came down the aisle to me, apologizing profusely. I could barely keep from busting out laughing. I just stood there like that listening to him falling all over himself trying to apologize and get out of that faux pax. I finally said, "Val, you owe me. You owe me big time. And I'm taking it out in bloood" and gave a kind of wicked grin. He just kept saying he was sorry, he thought I was Richard. I got a lot of mileage out of that. Every time he saw me for the next few days he apologized and of course then he had to explain to whomever was around why he was so fervently apologizing to me, and of course then he got harrassed about it by them. Yeah, there are some fun parts to my dull job.

And we all holler at each other from one end of the building to the other, which we couldn't do during store hours, of course. Also, my being the only female there for the majority of the night brings out the macho in these guys; they like to brag about how many boxes of product they shelve in such and such short period of time, etc.

I'll have to tell them when I get to work that I didn't get any sleep so they'll have to keep me entertained to help me stay awake. And it is going to be doubly hard because I've been off work for almost 2 weeks, because I've been ill. I went in to the store late last night after they were already stocking but the store hadn't closed yet; almost each one I saw was glad to see me, said they'd thought I'd quit. That made me feel good, to realize I'd been missed.

OK...I've rambled on and on about not much of anything for long enough now, but you "oldies" (as opposed to "you newbies") know that I don't know how to write a brief, concise post. Sorry. But, all ya gotta do is stop reading (kinda like turning the channel when a show comes on that you don't want to watch...lol).

Now to set the computer off my lap, get my butt up off the bed, get my uniform together, get a shower, see if I have enough energy to put makeup on (if not, the guys will just get a shock tonight; they've never seen me without makeup...lol), decide if it is worth expending the energy to fix something to eat or just wait and grab a bag of trailmix and a banana at work. Then I have to find my stuff that I just dropped when I came home so sick almost 2 weeks ago...nametag, belt, coffee mix (instant coffee and instant cappuccino), bag of gum, candy and trailmix bars (to munch on as I work when I don't have time to sit down and take my break and actually eat something). My MP3 player and headphones, cell phone, shoes, and other assorted junk I throw in my backpack just for the hell of it. Then if I have time, I'll lie back down and vegetate until time to leave. God I hope the regular night manager is off. She doesn't like me (a long story to which I will not subject you! lol) and the almost 2 hours until she leaves is stressful for me.

Ok...I really am going to shut up now.

Have a good one and send wakeful thoughts and vibes my way tonight! lol

ZZzzzzz.........
 
Songcatcher said:
Sux 2 b u

LOL....yeah, ain't that the truth. I used to have a sig line that said "My life is like a Hoover...it sucks", but I tried to think a bit more positively and came up with the train one...*grin*
 
Emerald Eyed said:
i didnt read the whole thing..

but good luck sleeping

Thanks, EE. Um...could you wish me good luck in staying awake all night first, though, then in sleeping? lol

Hope you're doing ok these days. Good to see the familiar names and faces around after my long hiatus.
 
MinkSoul said:
May your night go well and your morning be safe. :rose:

Thank you; very much appreciated!

I love your avatar. What is that a picture of? Kinda reminds me of the top of the Reunion Tower in Dallas.
 
Songcatcher said:
That's ugly.

I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't write my sig lines for your opinions or those of anyone else. My sig lines are my own feelings and commentaries. Of course, You didn't seem to complain that I agreed with your comment about how it is to be me.

Have a nice night :)
 
Been there done that....did not sleep really other than one to two hours every third night for three months. It was due to the mis-management of a chronic disease but I won't go there.
You have to check yourself into a hospital...even a mental ward of a hospital as I had to do. Once there you have to spend time on getting your life back as you knew it. It takes time but you will hopefully recover.
Truly ....
Take Care
PW
 
try some vivarin, if they still make that stuff. I used it all the time when I worked third shift. just remember, that's a mistake you don't wanna make. ugh.
after awhile, it took almost a whole bottle just to feel anything, and then it just started making me sick. double ugh.

good luck.
 
are you able to meditate? self-hypnosis? i saw one person post in here that she masturbated until she passed out.. perhaps that could work for you too?
 
purewolf said:
Been there done that....did not sleep really other than one to two hours every third night for three months. It was due to the mis-management of a chronic disease but I won't go there.
You have to check yourself into a hospital...even a mental ward of a hospital as I had to do. Once there you have to spend time on getting your life back as you knew it. It takes time but you will hopefully recover.
Truly ....
Take Care
PW

Been in and out of psych hospitals several times for depression, suicidal "ideations" and attempts, and alcohol detox. I don't know if my insomnia warrants the psych ward, or the hospital at all. I hoped it worked for you.

My problem, as I think I understand it, has to do with my ADD. My brain is always on the go, even when I try to rest. Put me someplace for more than a few minutes without something to read or just about anything to keep my mind occupied and I about go crazy. I always have something with me...a book, magazine, spiral notebook, puzzle book, my PDA (these days it is usually that), anything to keep my mind occupied. I've always been this way, but the insomnia only came about after my sleep apnea was diagnosed and treated (yeah, I'm a doctors' nightmare or medical researchers' dream-come-true, I've got so many piddly things wrong with me....lol)
 
ADD is a BITCH when it comes to sleep. i usually do something physical until i am too exhausted to stay awake. of course my gf is being driven nuts.
 
mrtnmoon said:
try some vivarin, if they still make that stuff. I used it all the time when I worked third shift. just remember, that's a mistake you don't wanna make. ugh.
after awhile, it took almost a whole bottle just to feel anything, and then it just started making me sick. double ugh.

good luck.

Yeah, they still make it; our store sells it. I have a bottle of basically the same stuff, just cheaper. Doesn't work any better than coffee. Coffee doesn't faze me. Actually, I ought to have a cup or two when I try to sleep. It does tend to calm me. Didja know that some psychiatrists give some of their child ADHD patients caffeine as part of their treatment? It is a stimulant, and most of them are treated with stimulants.

Third shift...isn't that essentially the same as what I work (midnight to 6 AM)?
 
pa1ndru1d said:
are you able to meditate? self-hypnosis? i saw one person post in here that she masturbated until she passed out.. perhaps that could work for you too?

Doesn't work, and I can only orgasm once per "session", so that wouldn't work, either. But thanks for the ideas!

Sometimes listening to CDs of nature sounds helps. I need to get some better ones. I bought some that have music as well, and that is distracting.

But I've just got a week to go until I can get my prescription refilled then I'll be ok, back to sleepyland. I ran out early because when I was home sick I would pop a sleeper when I felt so lousy and couldn't sleep otherwise.
 
pa1ndru1d said:
ADD is a BITCH when it comes to sleep. i usually do something physical until i am too exhausted to stay awake. of course my gf is being driven nuts.

I don't have the get-up-and-go for that, physically nor emotionally. I'm lazy. I'm anemic. I'm depressed. I'm always tired. I'm darn good at coming up with excuses. lol

And I have to get off my butt and get out the door. I should be pulling into the parking lot at work right now.

Thanks for the replies, folks. If anyone else replies, I'll get back to you tomorrow...if I'm alive and/or awake *grin*
 
BlueDaisy said:
Third shift...isn't that essentially the same as what I work (midnight to 6 AM)?
yeah... the hours were a little different, but the same idea.

I also wanted to say I enjoyed that rambling stream of consciousness that was your first post. it brought back a lot of memories. I haven't had many jobs, but being on the stock crew in a grocery was probably the most fun. also embarrassing, at times, since our store was open all night.... like the time a female customer came around the corner and caught me playing air guitar in the aisle. :eek:
 
BlueDaisy said:
I don't have the get-up-and-go for that, physically nor emotionally. I'm lazy. I'm anemic. I'm depressed. I'm always tired. I'm darn good at coming up with excuses. lol

And I have to get off my butt and get out the door. I should be pulling into the parking lot at work right now.

Thanks for the replies, folks. If anyone else replies, I'll get back to you tomorrow...if I'm alive and/or awake *grin*

sounds alot like chronic fatigue syndrome as well...

depression sucks ass too.
 
BlueDaisy said:
I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't write my sig lines for your opinions or those of anyone else. My sig lines are my own feelings and commentaries. Of course, You didn't seem to complain that I agreed with your comment about how it is to be me.

Have a nice night :)
You enjoy being a sad cunt, don't you, Scarlett?
 
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