No one here likes me!

[Lovely Latina]

Acceptance is something we, as humans, all need and crave. Some of us, due to low self esteem or other aspects of our individual personalities, tend to need it more than others, and exhibit this need to greater proportions whether we realize it or not.

There was an excellent post made by Mustang Sally in which she succinctly and accurately (IMO) sums up the dynamics of this board, and quite possibly, the feelings that every newcomer (and I'm sure even a good majority of old timers, as well) experiences during their time here:

For me, at least, part of the fun in coming here is encountering the familiar names and personalities of the Lit population. I want their acceptance, I want to be part of the "in" crowd.

Yes, I am free to say anything I choose, but not without the possibility of ridicule. In fact, ridicule is probably given more freely here than in face-to-face contact. And that ridicule, though maybe not coming from someone I know personally, can still hurt. Especially if I were sharing something personal that I wouldn't share with my RL friends.

We are still judged here, though not by the usual visual standards. Here, it is our ability with words, our grammar and punctuation (for some), and the personality we choose to display, among many other things, that determine others' opinions of us. And we aren't all equal.

There are various ways that people here have displayed their need for attention and acceptance. Excessive flirting, shit-stirring, whining that no one likes them or pays attention to them, kissing major ass-age, posting pictures of their ass (lol), consistent slamming of others, and constantly crying for help/sympathy are all ways that people try to get attention and gain acceptance. I've always thought that this board would make a most excellent (and humorous, at times) case study for anyone involved in the study of human behaviors.

It always amazes me when someone will make a statement such as, "I don't give a fuck what anyone here thinks of me," and then proceeds to prove otherwise through their posts that nothing could be further from the truth. Of course, there are those here who are very secure with themselves and really don't place too much stock in what others here may say or think about them...and with them it clearly shows.

Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)
--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Any other observations or opinions on the subject are welcome.

Always and ever,

LL


(P.S.--The use of the word "clique" is completely forbidden in this thread. To do so will result in...ummmmm...something not good. Thank you so much for your cooperation. )

 

[Magic Merlin]

--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

It is of little importance. Of course that is primarily because I have chosen not to spend a great deal of time here. If I did and became closer to people, then I imagine it might be of greater importance to me.


--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

Getting a positive response to a post I place. Whether it be a laugh, a smile, or something more emotional.


--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

At this time, No. However, initally it was a destraction for me during a difficult time in my life. And the interaction of the members amazed me at the time. Certain people made me laugh when I needed to, made me smile, and occasionally irritated me. There was always something that got a reaction, and that helped me return to come back to center in my life. So at one time, it may have served as a means to bolster myself. But mostly, the boost came from several friends I made off of the board.


--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

When people didn't respond to my first or second threads I started. I took it a little bit personal. But I took a look at why I reacted that way and decided that since none of these people knew who in the hell I was, I was allowing myself to feel neglected and that it was up to me to adjust my attitude and not get pissed off at others. So I kept posting, and of course once the first person on here acknowledged one of my comments, my head swelled to the size of a Halloween pumpkin and I became a posting fool for a while. Of course when the next thread I started after that went right down the flusher, without passing Go, or collecting $200,......well, you know the rest.

Being humble......hmmm, thats a hard one.

 

[Purple Haze]

Of course we all want to be accepted in one way or another, That's why we are here. I suppose we've all been flamed, or worse yet, ignored. I've clicked on a lot of threads that have little interest to me, but get a lot of responses from others. We certainly don't start a thread here hoping it gets ignored. I'd rather be flamed, myself. It seems like FlamingoBlue is taking it in the ass right now, and he deserves it.

Without over-analyzing too much, I think people come her to

A. read and write dirty stories
B. engage in serious discussions
C. engage in pointless discussions
D. stir the shit
E. all of the above

I come here because I'm a lunatic. Birds of a feather....

 

[Ezzy]

AcceptanceQuestions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)
--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

1) IMHO it is as important as we each make it to our selves,the acceptence or lack of it;impinges on each post we make. As does what kind of day we are having at the time.

2) A simple thank you most of the time.LOL

3) Yes ofcause but no more than it needs bolstering at any given point in my day.

4) Not unaccepted,but slowing the flow of good and interesting posts on threads that I had been enjoying.Yes.
I gave serious thought to making the move back to guest poster,and even posted a thread on the idea;some will say it was a cry for acceptence.
From my point of view it was to gain others opinions,as to the usefulness or waste of time posting,as either Ezzy or a guest.

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

[Edited by Ezzy on 09-24-2000 at 09:23 PM]

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
It is in a way, otherwise why have I spent so long on here?

--What is it that makes you feel validated here?
People actually responding to my posts, taking my humour as it is meant, and generally showing me that I can make people think about what is said.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
Nope... not at all but it is nice.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?
For about the first two months... until someone decided to ICQ me and tell me that yes people actually read my posts and thought I sounded nice and would like to talk to me.

(Nicole)... what I owe you!

Da chef

 

[KillerMuffin]

--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I've always considered it human nature to desire the acceptance of the group of people one is involved with, in whatever way. Would it make that much difference if I weren't accepted? I don't really know. There have been times when I've felt accepted, but most of the time I feel like I'm on the "fringe" population. One of those people allowed to stay around for amusement purposes. This, I think is mostly because of my posting habits. I post too much, I realize this, and have come to the conclusion that if it bothers people, then oh well. I don't have to pay attention to them, do I?

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

I like it when people agree with me and I like it when people acknowledge the threads I post positively, rather than negatively. I get all hot and bothered and very defensive when people don't agree with me. That feeling usually goes away after a few minutes, and I try very hard not to post when that happens. I don't need people telling me how wonderful I am to feel good about myself, nor do I need them to even acknowledge I exist. If I get ignored enough, I'll move on, no big deal to me. I went through all the "do they like me?" angst when I joined my first chatroom. I managed to "mature" a little bit, I hope.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to
bolster your self esteem?

Nope.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

I started a Batman thread... kind of a dumb reaction to a shut the fuck up newbie thread, but hey, its the way I deal with things sometimes. That nasty warped sense of humor where I have to irritate someone. I'm almost miffed that he didn't have the decency to be irritated. I don't even think he even really noticed, but I wasn't really paying attention.

 

[Never]

Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
The board is my safe haven. It's the only place where I can be myself. Where I can be honest about who I am. That talk about religion, politics, medicine, the meaning of life, listen to people's thoughts, interact with many, many personalities and not feel as though everyone is looking down on me for being me.

I wanted to cry when I found out I would not be going to college for another year this fall. I have a dark outlook on life in general and the more setbacks I face the more I feel like a failure. This place always sets me right - this place makes me think - makes me stretch my mind. I'm certain people would be surprise at how ravenously I devour their thoughts, words, ideas.
Yes, I'm an addict.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)
Hmmm, I'm not really looking for validation. I just want attention and the feeling that I'm communicating my thoughts. Wait.. that is validation, isn't it?

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
Oh boy. I wish I could be like the people who have already commented and say that I don't need this board and that I was secure enough in myself that I could do the 'fuck you' thing and mean it but, yes, I do use it to bluster my image of myself. Hey, every little bit helps and I'll admit it, the self esteem needs of bobtoad, Naked Hunny, dee_cole and every other attention seeker on this board combined would be the tip of the iceberg compared to mine.
See, look, I've written an a few paragraphs about myself. Anyone here surprised?

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?
When I first began I wasn't sure of myself, how people would treat me. If I looked like an fool.. well, I know I look like an fool because I am one at times but would people still like me and think I had something worthy to say.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I'm a fool. So now what?

 

[Alyrahh]

--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I think anyone who says they care nothing about the acceptance factor may not be outright lying, but perhaps they just don't realize they feel its importance. That's not to say those same people would stop posting if they weren't accepted, but I'm sure it would affect them in some way. So, sure I think being accepted holds a certain value.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

Personally, I don't need anyone to tell me how great I am, I'm already well aware of my shortcomings, so I would know they were either lying or waaay misinformed. Although it's nice when someone agrees with my point of view, it's not necessary for me to feel accepted. Ass kissing only interests me if it's done while I'm in restraints. Let's see, that leaves "people acknowledging your existence". Yeah, out of those choices that's the one I'd have to go with. There's nothing worse than feeling transparent.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

I don't feel I do. I like to think I use this board for entertainment,learning, and as a means to build friendships.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Not necessarily unaccepted, just unknown. As for the second part of that question, check back with me in a few months as I'm still in the process of "dealing" with it.

Great post LL, very enjoyable and thought provoking.

 

[April]

Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
It's very important to me, but it doesn't mean everything. Yeah, who doesn't want to be accepted. In that way, I'm no different than everybody else.

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)
I feel validated when people respond to a post or thread of mine. A joke, or attempted witticism. Of course, it's always nice when somebody agrees with something I've said, but I don't require it. And I don't think anybody's kissed my ass here. Shoot, it's not like I'm powerful or anything, so why would someone want to kiss it?

Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
You bet your sweet bippy I do! My self esteem sucks right now. I have no job, so I feel pretty useless these days. Hopefully, if I can find a job I like, I'll be coming here much less than I do now.

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?
There have been a couple of times when I have been ignored. It bummed me out a bit, but I figured that it was simply my turn. I've noticed that it happens to just about every one here at some time. Except for those really rampant posters who simply scream out for attention!


Now for further comments. I just wish that people would think twice before posting anything, especially things which might be hurtful to others. I mean, really, are you gonna just explode because you didn't get to call someone a doody head first?! There is enough unpleasantness in the world already. We don't need to go around adding to it without a damn good reason!

 

[Never]

April.. the best month of the year.
Even though it has no great holidays.
And it's usually rainy and muddy.
.. You know what?
I don't like April that much!

But I love April.

 

[Silverlily]

Interesting questions.

Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I would say fairly important. It isn't really much fun hanging around somewhere you're not wanted

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

I don't know about validated per say, but I definately got a kick out of being told my words should be carved in stone. As for ass kissing, it has its uses.

Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

No, as much as I love this place and the friends I've made here, it is a form of entertainment and a place to learn. I don't base my self-esteem on the television or the library either.

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

In the beginning mostly, but that's pretty normal for being a newbie. I dealt with it by staying out of certain threads.


April, e-mail me, we really should talk.

 

[April]

Never, you're sweet. You're just trying to validate me, aren't you? LOL

Kitten Eyes, you have mail.

 

[Mustang Sally]

Wow, talk about validation! Imagine my surprise... thank you, Lovely Latina, for your kind words. I'm so pleased to have helped inspire such an interesting thread.

Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I've been a member since July (posting as sallygirl until very recently). KillerMuffin, I would never consider you as part of the "fringe" population. That group is populated by people like me - lurkers, for the most part. As such, I feel more like an observer. I will never be part of the "in-crowd". I'm not much of a flirter, I'm not especially funny, and I have no other outstanding qualities. I'm content in that role. Don't get me wrong, it would bother me to be disliked or ignored, but I don't expect to win any popularity contests.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here?

Hey, I'm kinda tickled whenever my name appears in someone else's posts. It's nice to be acknowledged. If I say something witty or intelligent, I hope for a positive response. If I say something stupid, I hope someone will let me know. I hate being ignored.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

No. If that's what I was looking for, I'd have figured out by now it wasn't working! I come here for the discussions and the interaction.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

I haven't felt unaccepted, but I often feel ignored. How did I deal with it? It's made me a little reluctant to post new threads, even when I thought I had an interesting discussion topic. I did post a couple of cries for validation right before I changed my name. (Sorry about that!)

 

[SeXy ReDHeD]

!) Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

To me, it's not all that important, because I know that these people only know a part of me. They only know me, as Mustang Sally said, by my words, my grammar, my "style." They don't know my little idiosyncrasies, or the things that make me smile, or the things that make me sad. Admittedly, there is a part of me that wants the me that I present to be accepted, but again, I realize that any acceptance is pretty superficial. It might be different if I carried on relationships with anyone from here outside of the BB, but I don't... so...

2) What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

What is that makes me feel validated? I guess just a response... I don't need you to agree with me (indeed, I rather like being disagreed with), but just show that you know I'm there.

3) Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

No, I don't think so. As I said to question 1, I think that other people's views of me here are superficial. I admit that I am flattered at times, though

4) Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

There was a point that I felt unliked and very misunderstood (I don't know that "unliked" and "unaccepted" are quite the same thing) when I did the whole "WHY ARE ALL COPS SUCH ASSHOLES" thread. At first I was angry, and then I unplugged (literally) for a bit and realized, "Why do I care?? Do these people pay my bills? Do they really care about my situation?" etc. I realized that, No, they don't. I am here merely as a pass-time and amusement for them, so what do I care, you know?



Nice thread, LL Thanks for the thought provocation tonight!

[Edited by SeXy ReDHeD on 09-25-2000 at 12:14 AM]

 

[Lasher]

--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I was on the BB for 2 whole days before anyone acknowledged my presence. Butterfly was the first to indicate that I had posted something that made any sense, and that felt pretty damn good. I think it was the day after that when someone first told me I was full of shit, and that felt even better.

It's very easy to sit here and post LMAO after every post and have everyone like you because you only say nice things. It's pretty obvious to me that the vast majority of those that post here fall into that category. It's not something I've ever really understood. I don't know if it comes from a lack of something in your personal lives, or if it's just natural for some people to need to be liked by everyone. I suppose it's a little of both depending on the individual. But it's not something that's ever been important to me.

I've always said that when I post an opinion on this board, I expect at least 49% to 51% of the people to tell me I'm full of shit. I do my best not to bother to post to threads where the answers are obvious. Except for the occasional wisecrack, I do my best to avoid threads that exist solely for socialization. I think I crossed a line a while back and started arguing with people over personalities, and I do my best not to do that anymore. What I do enjoy are discussion, debate, and an honest and challenging difference of opinion (Oh, and these wonderfully thought provoking threads of yours, LL). That's what attracted me to this board in the beginning, and that's what I'm looking for from it now.

Whether anyone accepts me or not is unimportant. It's why I've never answered the various Fuck You, Lasher threads, and it's why I don't really acknowlege when anyone starts posting YAY! Lasher. And what really, really cracks me up is when people start whining because I don't acknowlege them. It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I guess I'm just trying to be consistent (and unlike some I just don't need my own personality cult).

--What is it that makes you feel validated here?

There are two people on this board who know enough about the person behind the Lasher persona that I want to know what they think of the things I post. When either of them tells me I've posted something that's well written, or made an incisive arguement, or posted something that's just plain damn LMAO funny, then I feel like I've accomplished something.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

I don't think too many people are going to answer this question honestly, LL (Btw, people, there can only be one!). Nearly everyone here wants to put the best possible face on their life away from the board in attempt to impress on each other the fact that they really don't need the BB and do have a life of their own. But if you look at just how important the board's social aspects (which remind me of Bender's description of the Chess club ...demented and sad, but social) are to everyone now, you'll see that it's really not true. I'm thinking that anyone who posts here regularly can't possibly answer this question honestly without saying yes (Except for bobtoad, of course. This board can't help but wreak havoc on what little self-esteem he may still possess). It may not be something they are aware of doing consciously, but I'm sure the motivation still exists.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

I think I already answered this question for the most part. I've never really been concerned with whether or not people accept me, and that makes it difficult to feel unaccepted. I'm confident in my opinions, and more than comfortable in expressing them, and if others find that difficult to deal with, that's not really my problem. I don't expect everyone to like me, and I don't normally expect everyone to agree with me.

The only way anyone in this world can hurt me is if I care about what they think. That's what makes it easy for me to be so outspoken on this board. The vast majority of the people here don't know anything about me, and have no idea who I am, which makes it very easy for me not to really care what they think. If I express an opinion, I expect people to respond to it honestly, and if that involves telling me I'm full of shit, so be it. Why should that upset me? It's exactly what I'm asking people to do when I do post an opinion.


Once again, another great thread, LL. I hope you're feeling very much accepted and completely validated from all the amazing responses you've received so far, LOL.



[Edited by Lasher on 09-25-2000 at 12:09 AM]

 

[Savage Kitten]

Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I don't know if being acknowledged and accept are the same thing. I know my presence is accepted here. (I haven't been told to leave yet, i guess thats a good sign haha)

--What is it that makes you feel validated here?

replies to my posts or threads make me feel good, let me know that i have caught someone's attention

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

sorta, when i reply with something that i think is really heart felt and/or intelligent i bolster my own self esteem.. it's like "Damn girl, you're good!"

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

yeah, it happens everyday. probally not cause anyone meant it but that is just my perception of things.. its another attention thing.. like some others here.. i need it and crave it.. it's like a drug... but i am also very prideful and i refuse to grovel for attention... to make myself look like an idiot for it.. when i feel left out .. or like maybe people are getting tired of seeing my name in the threads and stuff i usually log off and find something else to occupy my mind

 

[CreamyLady]

Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

Very.

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

All of the above.

Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

Yes.

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

Yes. Whining and sulking.

Any other observations or opinions on the subject are welcome.

Mmmm . . . perhaps not.

 

[Siren]

A great thread, as usual Latina...damn it !!!!

 

[ComfortablyNumb]

Okay, I am a Newb here...so I am not sure this forum is for me, but here goes.

--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
*Generally, I think it is important to everyone to feel accepted anywhere. And I am one of that particular general crowd. If I felt that I wasn't accepted here, I probably wouldn't come back on and partake in the posting of opinions or telling stories, etc. But then again, I might become someone who just sits back and reads posts if I ever felt I wasn't accepted, which isn't much fun now is it? So yeah, being accepted is pretty important to me. But, since I am fairly new, I won't know if I am accepted for awhile yet. Though I have met a couple pretty cool people here so far.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)
*I guess what makes me feel validated is just an acknowledgment on my post, be it an agreement, or an argument to what I have said. I haven't posted much here yet, but as in any other BB or chat, thats what makes what I have said count.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
*I use this board to find people that I can relate to, discuss and express opinions...but most of all, atleast recently. To keep me awake before I trudge off to work. So no, it isn't a self esteem issue.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?
*I haven't had that happen yet since I am still in my pupa stage here, so only time will tell. I am hoping I will take it on the chin and just keep going.

 

[•Quartz_Crystal•]

1:How important is it for me to feel accepted here?

Well, I think everyone would prefer to be accepted as opposed to not, but I'm used to being that one that never does quite fit in, and I feel comfortable posting my thoughts, ideas, opinions ect, if I think they will be acknowledged or not.

2:What is it that makes you feel validated?

Good question, but I validate myself. Or, to put it better....lets say I post a thread and no one replies to it(but about 200 ppl have VIEWED it) (by the way this HAS happened to me before *grumble grumble*), I feel fine because I know what I had to say was at least viewed. If someone doesn't have something nice to say, I appreciate the absense of their comment, but then again, if they want to argue, I can do that too.


3o I use this board to bolster my self esteem?
If I did that I'd be on unhappy little girl *laughs*

4:Has there been times where I have felt unaccepted here, and if so, how do I deal with it.

Yes, like when no one replies to my bloody threads....BUT....I would only feel like that on a bad day where perhaps I came here trying to fade out of my reality and let myself become engulfed in the people I find here.

All in all, I'm gunna stick around and reply to other people's threads if the mood strikes me to do so, and you can go on IGNORING me, but I'm not going anywhere!!

 

[Flagg]

Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I had to think long and hard about that question. I think what makes it so hard to answer is the word "accept". How exactly do we define being accepted? I know that I am accepted here in the sense that people realise that I post here and that at the end of the day no-one is going to stop me. If I wasn't accepted here, it would mean that I am constantly asked to leave. That particular treatment is only reserved to a small minority. For anyone posting here on a regular basis the answer would therefore have to be; yes I do need to be accepted. The occasional idiot comes along and appears to take pleasure in being hated by all other posters. But they never stay for long because ultimately they need acceptance to continue.

What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

I feel validated by the fact that every time we have a thread with lists of people we like/would have a drink with/meet up with, I get mentionned by a lot of the people I respect. I also feel validated by the fact that despite my constant rantings about americans I still get americans liking me. (You did ask me to be honest right?)

Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

Sorry lasher, but no I don't. Its always hard to say that you don't have self-esteem problems without coming across as an arrogant wanker. The thing is, I use the net not to bolster any social inefficiencies I may suffer from but rather because I find myself rather uninspired in my office - it passes the time. Outside office hours, I am constantly interacting with people and have an enjoyable and diverse social life. That doesn't make me an arrogant wanker. That makes me a happy person.

Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

It happened once. Funny really looking back on it. There was a thread about 6 months ago in which people were listing who they wanted to fuck. As someone who never flirts, rarely posts or emails other BB members, I really don't know what I was expecting. Of course I didn't get mentionned (I mean christ I had spent half of my time here as a friggin' woman for God's sake! LOL!) and when I made some post expressing (mock) disappointment at not being mentionned, the most popular guy here replied with a simple "Aw. Fuck you." Its strange because even though I realised it was just a random witty retort and that I didn't care whether some weirdo living on the other side of the world wanted to fuck me or not, I still felt pissed off by it. I guess I felt like an outsider all of a sudden. Needless to say I didn't return for a good three weeks, after which I returned to become the Flagg that everyone has learnt to love or hate or both.

 

[dusk2dawn]

[Questions for discussion:
--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?
--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)
--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?
--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

To be accepted here, is not that important for me. I do like to come here read and add input.

I would have to say that it would be nice once and awhile to have someone acknowledge that I am here, be it good or bad it still would be nice.

No I do not use this board to bolster my self esteem. If I did, I think that I would have more posts than I actually do.

Most of the time I feel unaccepted. I am still a "newbie" and usually keep to my self. I deal with it remembering that this is a BB and that what goes on here and is said here can not affect my real life. The knowladge that I am accepted by my friends and people I deal with on a daily basis is all that I take to heart.

LL great idea for a thread
Dusk

 

[Deborah]

I refuse to answer this question on the grounds it may tend to incriminate me.

LL, I'm going to get you for starting this thread. Click, click. Just put you in my new story entitled "The Panty Professor." The story is based upon a game called Scanty. Helen Gurley Brown wrote an article for "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL" quite a few years back about a game called Scanty that she and the other employees of the office where she worked played. Of course, this was before sexual harassment became a vendetta. The objective of Scanty was for the guys to chase the girls down the book aisles, catch them, and remove their panties. That's it, game over.

Anyway, in my story a group of college professors play Scanty with some coeds, including you and me. Slut Boy, a law prof with an incredible panty fetish, chases you down and pulls the little white 100% cotton panties off your sweet ass. I can only imagine the reaction when he reads the story, further enhanced by your pic. I suspect the answer to his very own thread about how often you masturbate will triple. Incidentally, I got a pic of Slut Boy in panties in case that might help you, well, 'uh, you know.

Incidentally, a dude whose name rhymes with "fag" chases me down.

Now, how can we get Lasher in the story? Click, click. He's the peeping tom type who runs the camcorder.

Did I answer your questions my Lovely?

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Is this why my hemmeroids have been...

killing me lately?? As one who has figuratively been "taking it in the ass", recently, I would offer the following response:

For as long as I can remember, I never really felt that I fit in anywhere. I could travel from group to group,but I never felt that I actually belonged. Now I know exactly where I belong, finally. I, folks, am a loner. Yep, that's me. Don't get me wrong; I like people. I just don't like 'em enough to be around them, a lot.

I can not tell you how long I wanted to be a part of this group or that, but when I finally "got in" I found that I didn't like the people or the organiztion. Ironic, isn't it?

A very wise person once said that I love mankind but hate man. That's quite an interesting statement and, for the most part, it is true. I just do not have the patience for most people--- and, amazingly, my wife is the same way. Its at the point in our lives that we actually live in seperate houses. But, I do love her and we are still married and verrry devoted to each other.

I am very close to my children and my mother, but we all keep a respectable distance from each other. Same with my friends, the ones who would be there for me at 3 a.m., and me for them.

So, with that in mind, it is only importatant for me that I accept myself and that I can be my own best friend. Clubs and groups are fine as are organized sports and big businesses. They're just not my cup of tea.

I am validated internally, not externally, although I look to my outward actions to see if I am acting in concert with my point of view. If not, then I make changes so that I am consistent with what I want out of life.

So, why do I engage some of you and pass on others. Simple. Some of you interest me and some don't. Nothing more to it.

At this stage of my life, I am ready to wind down my professional life and look elsewhere for stimulation. I am very fortunate that I can likely continue to work until I am 59 1/2 and spend very little real time "at the office" and still "get by". I am also very fortunate that the next "career I choose does not have to generate much income. ( I am actually thinking of being a writer and this place has helped me realize that).

How do I like to be treated?? I guess that has a lot do with where I'm at and who I'm with. Here, I expect to be treated with the respect that I have earned in the minds of those I interact with. Obviously, this varies from peson to person and from day to day. The true respect I crave is my own.

I think I grasped the essene of what this thread was all about. I was impressed with the thought that went into the thread and the replies. I hope that I shed a different light on the subject.

Fondly,

blue



[Edited by FlamingoBlue on 09-25-2000 at 10:42 AM]

 

[Boo]

Lovey Latina: Great thread! I've enjoyed reading the responses.

Questions for discussion:--Honestly, how important is it to you that you feel accepted here?

I'm Mostly a lurker here....have come here for ages but don't post all that often. I'm not a personality on this board but it does feel nice when someone responds to a post I've written. But, in terms of being accepted, I don't feel that. By the same token, I don't feel rejected either. I come here to lurk the boards and read the new stories regardless of whether anyone has responded to a post of mine.

--What is it that makes you feel validated here? (ie. people acknowledging your existence, people telling you how great you are, someone agreeing with you, someone kissing your ass, etc.)

I don't feel validated or invalidated here. It feels nice when someone acknowldges me, no one has ever told me how great I am here, I like agreement with me and intelligent disagreement with me equally, and no one has ever kissed my ass here. To me, this is a place to come and see what other people think about various issues, to absorb a cross section of modern culture outside of the realm of the medium sized town where I live and work. I'm different here than I am in my own life with face to face encounters, far less out going and much more of an observer. It is a part of me, obviously, or I wouldn't visit here as often as I do, but I don't look to this place for a sense of myself...which I think is what validation is all about.

--Do you feel that you use this board as a means to bolster your self esteem?

Honestly....no. Its too vague a guage but I beleive that about the internet in general. I like reading people's threads but I don't know the people who post and don't want to know the people who post except in the context of what they choose to reveal. That is different for me than in real life where if I'm interested in a person and develope a friendship, I draw them out. And since, my revelations are partial as well, it wouldn't seem to be a very accurate measure of my self esteem.

--Have there been times when you have felt unaccepted here? How did you deal with it?

There are times when I've posted what I considered an interesting thread or response to one and no one out there in bulletin board land has acknowledged it. It doesn't bother me. After all, I reason, I look at interesting threads every day that I don't bother to respond. However, if I leave a personal email to someone or a message on someone's answering machine or voice mail and they don't respond, I tend to take it a little more personally. But then that is a personal contact and that is different than posting on a bulletin board.

This place (is it really a place? I think about that sometimes) is important to me. But, to sum it up, since I don't get involved on a real personal level as I would in real life with the people I come into contact with on a regular basis, I take the positive from here and walk away from the negative without consequence.


Thanks for the discussion topic Lovely Latina, nice opportunity for me to think through and verbalize what I actually feel about his place.

Boo