No need to reply, just sharing here...

[Cranberry_cola]

Ok, so I went for a date the other day. Well, I just didn't expect it to turn out that way.
Ok, this was what happened.

He called me up and asked if I would like to hang out. Before I could give him an answer, I had to receive an incoming call. Promised to call him but I forgot! Ok, then. I wasn't very keen on going out with him anyway. But after much persuasion from my friend, I called him and set the date. He didn't have the car so we decided to meet somewhere. I fetched him to a Coffee Bean outlet for an ice blended. I paid for our drinks. (fair enough)
We talked and came across the subject of a new hiarcut. I then suggested that he gets one. Before we knew it, it was done. I paid for the haircut. (ok, maybe because i was more excited about it than he is)
We then got a little bit hungry. Went for dinner. I paid for dinner. (huh?)
After the dinner, we went for a drink again. I thought, ok will he pay this time? Nooooooo...I paid for the darn drinks! (again!)
See, money is not a problem here but isn't it his turn? At least have the courtesy to offer!
And to top it all, I had to send him home. Took me almost an hour to his house and back to my place.....sigh

Ok, enough of blabbering. I just had to let it out and not have people laugh at me. The very friend who persuaded me to go had a jolly time laughing at me.
SIGH.....

cran

 

[Sammyjo]

YEP!!!

Not gonna go into details, but I do know exactly what you mean. *big hugs to you*

 

[MADDOG]

OK, being a guy, I would always pay. I wouldn't feel right about not paying. But what the hell do ladies really want?!

This guy sounds like a bit of a sponge, but if he'd insisted on paying for everything, would you (or the other women on the board) have posted a topic about how he thought he could buy you, or how he didn't respect your right to be independent?

So many guys are at a loss for how to behave around women these days. Should we pull out your chair, open doors for you and pay the bill? Maybe it depends on who asks out who? Some guidence on this would be really appreciated!

MADDOG

 

[Whispersecret]

Cranberry, I think he should have paid for his own damn haircut, even if it was your idea. If someone said to me, "Gee that dress looks great on you." I wouldn't expect them to pay for it.

Because there were four separate instances where the issue of who was going to pay came up, he should have offered to pay for AT LEAST one other thing. Further, because I'm old-fashioned, I think that, as a man, he should have been embarrassed to let you pay for every damned thing.

Maddog, I sympathize with the plight of men these days. There is no correct code of behavior for you. I worry about what I'm supposed to teach my sons when it comes to how to treat women. I suppose I will teach them the old fashioned ways with a couple of warnings about how showing respect to a woman can be construed as the opposite.

I think that, even if women are breadwinners now and many people have dual-income homes now, men are still judged by their ability to make money and support the woman. If I were on the dating scene now and a man I was dating let me pay for half of everything, I honestly wouldn't think of him as long-term material. But I am, as I said, a traditionally-minded woman and believe that SOMEONE should be home with the kids. Daycare does not a parent make. But that's a whole other can of worms.

If, on the other hand, a man opened doors for me, paid for everything, and pulled out my chair, I would be flattered and (if the rest of his behavior/demeanor matched) feel a very definite feminine satisfaction. That man would score big points with me and be a potential significant other.

I think that the well-meaning, die-hard feminists threw the baby out with the bath water, and that women AND men are now floundering with no real guide as to what constitutes proper/acceptable dating behavior.

 

[Never]

First, a song.

My best friend has a girlfriend and he hates that bitch,
Doin' lots of nothing all day.
I told him, 'Hey, buddy you know you ain't that rich.'
'So sit her down and here's what you say..'
I won't pay!
I won't pay!
Hey, no waaaayy!
Hannah, why don't you get a job?

Now. There are the old rules and the new rules. Old rules: guys always pay for everything. They also are the only ones allowed to set the date. Why? Because they might not have the money. Dating is expensive, as you found out.

The new rules: anyone can ask anyone else out but whoever asks has to pay.
Why? Because they set the date. They decide where the date happens and how much will be spent. Now, maybe you don't like that because it takes a bite from pocketbook. However, if this fellow doesn't even have a car that might suggest some financial hardships on his part.

Now. If you do not like either of the above then you can take what's behind door number three. Which is, you make your own rules. Moreover, that means both of you. You both talk and state clearly, what the financial obligations are. Not too romantic? Well, that is life in the new millennium I guess.
Personally, I always carry two hundred dollars and a Visa in my back pocket anyways.

And the next question is..
What about pulling out your chair and opening doors?
In a restaurant the gentleman always stand behind the his lady for the evening's chair and pulls it out, pushing it back in slightly as she sits. This also happens on other formal occasions such as: Christmas supper, company dinners, and the like.

Opening the door for another is a sign of respect. You open and hold the door for your elders, your date, your parents, and your boss. Oh, and your teachers, your mentors, people carrying things, basically anyone behind you if you're the first to reach the door. It's just a polite act.

 

[Shannon]

If this was a first date then you should not have paid. If you too were a couple then I could see you paying some of the time.

 

[Thephantomprincess]

Tradition Modern Woman - any oxymoron?

Cranberry -
He asked you out, he should have paid for coffee, and his own haircut. You should of perhaps split dinner, or he could of asked you to tip. Drinks should have been on him.

Then again, I have odd views. I believe the man should pay until you two are a serious couple, and then it's an even ratio. I like my doors opened and my seat pulled out etc. To me those are signs of gentlemanly respect and manners. Hey, I open my passenger car door for all those who ride with me first. Some of my guy friends feel really uncomfortable about it, but have ceased to argue with me, finding it fruitless. I've had several guys walk over to my side of the car, let me unlock it, and insist on opening my door for me. I find that sweet, and as a sign that someone is interested enough to care about those things.

Men with no manners score really low on my list. I like to be treated all prim and proper until we enter the bedroom. Then it's no holds barred. I am a Princess after all.

 

[Jeff726]

Bills Bills Bills

Dump that poofter, you deserve better!

 

[Siren]

 

[Thumper]

On Siren and Never's date....

I'm gonna mug Never and use the money to buy Siren some Carrots...big ones!

If a woman suggests a haircut for me....dates over

He should have paid for the haircut...and perhaps shared the cost of the refreshments...

We try so hard and these jerks ruin it for the rest of us...

 

[Cyra_3]

Yes but Siren you asked Never out, doesn't that mean you have to pay?

 

[Cranberry_cola]

I am not going out with him again, even if he looks like an Asian Tom Cruise.
By the way, thanks for your views.
You know what, he's getting his braces done this week. If putting on braces were as simple as a hair cut, I might have paid for that one too. Gosh...

smooches,
cran