No More America?

dr_mabeuse

seduce the mind
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New Poll Finds 86 Percent Of Americans Don't Want To Have A Country Anymore

March 13, 2006 | Issue 42•11

WASHINGTON, DC—A Gallup/Harris Interactive poll released Monday indicates that nearly nine out of 10 Americans are "tired of having a country."

Among the 86 percent of poll respondents who were in favor of discontinuing the nation, the most frequently cited reasons were a lack of significant results from the current democratic process (36 percent), dissatisfaction with customer service (28 percent), and exhaustion (22 percent).

"I don't want to get bogged down in the country anymore," Wilmington, DE accountant Karie Ashworth said. "I'm not up in arms or anything, I'm just saying it'd be a lot easier for everyone if we just gave it up."

Of those who were against maintaining an American nation, 77 percent said they believe that having a country is "counter to the best interests of Americans." Twelve percent said "the time and effort citizens spend on the country could be better spent elsewhere," and 8 percent said they just didn't care.

Roughly 3 percent said we ceased to have a country years ago, and explained that they had been stockpiling weapons to protect their independent compounds.

According to study organizer David Griffith, poll respondents were surprisingly uniform in their opinion that the nation is too much of a hassle.

"I already belong to a health club, a church, and the Kiwanis Club," Tammy Golden of Los Angeles wrote. "I'm a member of the Von's Grocery Super Savers, which gets me a discount on certain groceries. These are all well-managed organizations with real benefits. None of them send me a confusing bill once a year and make me work it out myself, then throw me in jail if I get it wrong."

Olympia, WA student Helen Berg expressed frustration with the country's voting process.

"I was gonna vote, but it rained," Berg wrote. "It wasn't for the president anyway, so what difference does it make? The president is the only one that matters, and you don't even get to vote for him."

Most citizens said they did not wish to abandon such American traditions as parades, fireworks, and national holidays.

"I'm for saluting flags and pledging allegiance to them, but nothing beyond that," Tampa, FL mechanic and former Marine Doug Pauls said. "I like singing the anthem before the game, but I can't keep up with the news every day. I have three kids."

Pauls added: "I love America, but what's that got to do with having a country?"

Some critics, including the leadership of both parties, have attacked the methodology of the poll, saying that questions like "Do you want a country anymore?" are poorly worded. Casey Mark, a fellow at the Brookings Institute, characterized the question as leading.

Said Mark: "What you must consider is that respondents often don't have the time or energy to devote to answering five questions about their country, which they consider themselves to be remotely involved with, at best."

Griffith pointed to Cheyenne, WY banker Jeff Wheldon's response.

"I think we've come far enough as a nation that we don't need to have one anymore," Wheldon wrote. "It's not like we're Somalia, where the warlords run everything, or Russia, where it's all organized crime. We've had over 200 years of being Americans. I don't think we still need the United States of America to show us how to do it."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46227
 
"I already belong to a health club, a church, and the Kiwanis Club," Tammy Golden of Los Angeles wrote. "I'm a member of the Von's Grocery Super Savers, which gets me a discount on certain groceries. These are all well-managed organizations with real benefits. None of them send me a confusing bill once a year and make me work it out myself, then throw me in jail if I get it wrong."

God bless the Onion!
 
My daughter now reads The Onion (she's 11) to the consternation of my rabid right-wing sis and brother-in-law.


The missiles are flying.

Halleluiah.
 
If I may express a pesonal opinion: The people who don't want to have a country are nuts!!!

I don't like having to pay the IRS on April 15 each year, but if I don't pay for an army, I will be a slave in some dictatorship.

I don't agree with all of the laws in the USA, but I don't find anyplace I could live where the laws are any better. In a LOT of other countries, the laws are much worse, in many cases MUCH WORSE!

I don't like a lot of the ticky-tacky rules that my local governments enforce, but I would like a lot of the rules that my foreign owner would impose a lot less.

If people don't like it here in the USA, have them find a better place to live and write if they get work!

[By the way, there are perhaps better places to live with lower taxes and less rules. The island of Tristan de Cunha comes to mind. However, the British government had to evacuate the residents when the volcano acted up. The residents went back as soon as they could, because London was WAY too confusing.]
 
OK. I don't find this 'news' surprising, in general terms it appears to be the headless pursuit of most developed nations. Europe is busy deconstructing itself into an amorphous collection of nation states. In the UK we have dismissed the idea of having a seperate English parliament - there remains an English identity distinct from Scots and Welsh (which each have their own parliaments) but we (English) don't want to be 'different'. I'm living in Portugal, a country pretty much a state of Spain in economic but not cultural terms. I blame the Internet, Sky TV - I could go on but my tongue has somehow got wedged in my cheek.
 
Roughly 3 percent said we ceased to have a country years ago, and explained that they had been stockpiling weapons to protect their independent compounds.

Well, that's interesting. I thought it would be higher. :rolleyes:


My question is... why did they conduct this poll? What was the goal, exactly?
 
SelenaKittyn said:
Well, that's interesting. I thought it would be higher. :rolleyes:


My question is... why did they conduct this poll? What was the goal, exactly?
erm... its sarcasm. The Onion is a satirical paper.
 
R. Richard said:
If I may express a pesonal opinion: The people who don't want to have a country are nuts!!!

I don't like having to pay the IRS on April 15 each year, but if I don't pay for an army, I will be a slave in some dictatorship.

I don't agree with all of the laws in the USA, but I don't find anyplace I could live where the laws are any better. In a LOT of other countries, the laws are much worse, in many cases MUCH WORSE!

I don't like a lot of the ticky-tacky rules that my local governments enforce, but I would like a lot of the rules that my foreign owner would impose a lot less.

If people don't like it here in the USA, have them find a better place to live and write if they get work!

[By the way, there are perhaps better places to live with lower taxes and less rules. The island of Tristan de Cunha comes to mind. However, the British government had to evacuate the residents when the volcano acted up. The residents went back as soon as they could, because London was WAY too confusing.]

Eeerrrrmmmmmmm.........Richard? You DO realise that article was ironic satire?? Don't you? Your response smacks of......realism. :confused:
 
matriarch said:
I wasn't sure.......until I got to the link at the end of Doc's post.
:)

That's what's so beautiful about it. The Onion is so good at that, writing things that are both totally stupid and absolutely true.

I mean, who wants America? The lefties don't. They think it's fascist. And the righties hate it too. They think it's a wimpy welfare state. So why bother anymore? Let's just forget the whole thing.

I mean, you've got to love it: "77% said the idea of having a country is counter to the best interest of Americans." Isn't that the truth?
 
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I challenge The Onion to try and top this:

"History shows that democracies do not make war."

~ George W. Bush at this week's press conference, explaining why we invaded Iraq.
 
Shereads - since you asked ...

Interestingly, I noticed that since the last time I looked at this page, the Onion seems to have changed their decision on what would lead the online issue. I could swear that this was the central "big picture" story - but now it's not.


Rumsfeld: Iraqis Now Capable Of Conducting War Without U.S. Assistance
March 17, 2006 | Issue 42•12


WASHINGTON, DC—Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said Monday that escalating violence in Iraq demonstrates that the Iraqi population is now capable of waging the Iraq war without outside military aid, and pronounced the American mission there "a complete success."


Rumsfeld lauds Iraqis' progress in making war.
"Over the last month, the Iraqis have been fighting like you wouldn't believe," said Rumsfeld in a press conference at the Pentagon. "New Iraqis are joining the war every day—so many, in fact, that we don't know where they all came from. It's almost as if they came out of nowhere."

"The scope and intensity of the combat in Iraq is such that I believe the presence of American forces in the country will no longer be required to help the Iraqi people plummet into meaningless violence," Rumsfeld added.

Rumsfeld had harsh words for what he called the "cowardly and small-minded opposition" to American involvement in the region.

"Critics of this war who said we couldn't inspire the Iraqi people to stand up and fight for themselves have been proven wrong," Rumsfeld said, gesturing toward a map displaying conflict across the entire nation. "There was the stubborn perception that after greeting us as liberators, the Iraqis had no fight in them, and couldn't effectively defend their interests. Without our presence on their soil, I doubt most Iraqis would ever have lifted a finger or picked up a gun at all. Now, there's almost no stopping them."

A Department of Defense analysis released Monday gave the Iraqi combatants high marks for morale, tenacity, and unit cohesiveness, and noted "outstanding improvement" in the following areas: improvised explosive manufacturing, roadside-bomb concealment, sniping, checkpoint attacking, civilian massacres, mosque destruction, and guerrilla-style ambush.

"The average Iraqi fighter has made remarkable progress and we are very proud," said Lt. Col. Bailey Whitman, a spokesman for coalition forces stationed in Baghdad. "In the past several weeks, people across Iraq have, in a systematic way unthinkable just three years ago, overrun both Shi'a and Sunni neighborhoods with devastating results. This is an out-and-out success by the standards of the modern American military."

The lieutenant colonel's remarks were cut short when a rocket-propelled grenade detonated outside his briefing room, spraying him with dust and pulverized glass. Brushing off his jacket, Whitman gestured to the jagged gash in the wall and smiled. "The Iraqis are doing just fine on their own."


Iraqi citizens, inspired by the U.S. military presence, prepare for war.
According to Commanding General George W. Casey, the Iraqi people are filling their role as models for independence in the Middle East. "We helped them get rid of a dictator, they held successful elections, they're writing a constitution, and, just like in our Civil War, brother has taken up arms against brother," Casey said. "After five to 10 years of unspeakable brutality and bloodshed, they'll be well on their way to a full-fledged democracy."

Rumsfeld, however, sought to reassure the Iraqi people that despite their rapid improvement, the U.S. would not abandon them.

"We've accomplished a lot," Rumsfeld said. "But there's still so much to take from the people of this rich country, and we're not going to pack up and leave just because they're doing so well on their own. We look forward to working very, very closely with Iraq, once there's a friendly government in place that we can do business with."

Added Rumsfeld: "We plan to be around for a long, long time."
 
Like mat, I was pretty sure it was a serious article until I got to the end.

The Onion serves the purpose of a court jester. It says to the king and courtiers the things that can't be discussed. Pity the king and courtiers aren't listening.
 
rgraham666 said:
Like mat, I was pretty sure it was a serious article until I got to the end.

The Onion serves the purpose of a court jester. It says to the king and courtiers the things that can't be discussed. Pity the king and courtiers aren't listening.

I'll add this - it doesn't cut the peasantry much slack either. That's what I like about the Onion - it nails insanity and stupidity wherever it sees them running loose. It reminds me of Swift railing against the English interests that dominated the Ireland of his day. If only, he suggests, the Irish people would band together and buy only Irish goods and invest their money in Irish concerns - and if only, he adds, the Irish shopkeepers and tradesmen would not then rise up as a man to cheat, defraud, and swindle every person in the nation. He had a grand eye for human nature, did Swift.

Oddly, I think my all-time favorite headline from the Onion was something like "Americans Long to Care About Stupid Pointless Crap Again." It was shortly after September 11th and ran over a collage picture of the mindless media puffs current on the 10th - Brittany Spears with a snake, etc. The Onion really showed its mettle on that one; I think they were about the only humor source I saw that handled it well. Private Eye was awful; it killed my pleasure in permanently.

Shanglan
 
My favourite Onion headline was "5,000 Brown People Dead Somewhere"

Again, it caught the tenor of its subject so perfectly.
 
BlackShanglan said:
Oddly, I think my all-time favorite headline from the Onion was something like "Americans Long to Care About Stupid Pointless Crap Again."

Amen.

Do you suppose that explains the fuss over Janet Jackson's nipple?

Other favorite headlines:

Jesus Christ Converts To Islam

and from an Onion edition of famous news stories as they should have been written,

"HOLY SHIT! MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON!"





For no particular reason, I also remember with fondness,

Area Girlfriend Has Never Seen 'Apocolypse Now'
 
rgraham666 said:
My favourite Onion headline was "5,000 Brown People Dead Somewhere"

Again, it caught the tenor of its subject so perfectly.

And it still makes me grin, which still makes me feel guilty - as it did the first time I read it.

There is an art to tasteless topical humor. Properly done, it makes us think, "That shouldn't be funny" instead of "That isn't funny."
 
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