No advice needed I'm just spewing

[alltherage]

I am sitting here at 1 am trying to stay awake because i am afraid to sleep. My little girl broke her arm today. My hands are still shaking and I am waiting for even the faintest call of mommy. I sit here and read, and post some, and my mind is literally 15 feet from me in a little girls bed. I search in vain for ways to take the hurt away. To find a time machine and take back that damn moment. Of course i cannot.

I like to think that I am many things. A teacher, student, sometimes writer, a lover, and someone in touch with the world. I enjoy my opinions and expressing them adds something to my sometimes fragile ego. All of this and so much more goes into making me me. But in the end what am I?

Today and everyday I am mommy. God i love and hate that. I love what they give me and their undenialable need. I hate that there is no way to protect them from this sick and cruel world. I want to. With all my heart i want to. I know i can't. To many of you a broken arm must seem a little thing. She is 6. I can only say it is not. It may be inevitable. Pain it seems always is. Knowing that is no comfort. Tonight I am crushed. She will never know just how much. The Mom in me won't allow that. Mommies you see are supposed to make things better. Fix it mommy. Make it stop mommy. I just wish i could.

 

[girl]

Hello

I know you said you didn't need advice, but I just wanted offer a bit of sympathy and let you know some of us are at least listening to what you're saying.

Just as an aside, you're not superhuman...you can't protect her from the hurt...but you can arm her for it. Uhm...no pun intended, of course. I would imagine she's handling the broken arm a bit better than you are. And think how cool she'll be at school with this big ol' cast on her arm everyone will want to sign. Teach her that even tho bad things happen, she can find the brightness in it, even if it just means getting out of gym class. Tho, I guess at 6, gym class is still pretty fun.

Good luck and keep your chin up, mom
girl

 

[PowerOfOne]

Alltherage, I am a mommy also and I know how you feel. We cannot keep our children from all pains and disappointments awaiting them in the world. What we can do is arm them with knowledge, love, compassion, tolerance and wisdom to be able to deal with what the future holds for them.

You asked, "What am I?" You are the sculpter shaping the life of your child. You are comfort, you are wisdom, you are the portal of her future, you are the most powerful person on earth. Just ask her, she will tell you. She will be fine!

She has a great hero in you and she has love. There is nothing else she could need that you are not already providing. You are hurting more than she is. Relax, you are PARENT and there is no better person than that. She will forget this pain more quickly than you do. *HUG* I am with you as well as most all parents are. You will survive and she will also.

 

[poohlive]

I am a 20 year old man, who doesn't even have a girlfriend, let alone a wife, or kids, or anything that I would claim full responsibility too.
I do sympathize for you though. In this site, people all get swept up in the sex and the persona, it's nice to see some human emotion behind that. We aren't all dicks and pussy's looking at a porn site.
That aside, I felt something like this a while ago. I had just gotten a new kitten, and she was all mine. One day I was lying down, and she was laying down on my chest, purring softly as I petted her. I felt so happy, and then thoughts came to when she was going to grow up, and some ass of a tom cat is going to smell her one day and then pile himself on her like some cheap cat whore.
I know it's kinda stupid,but I felt so powerless right there. Like I just wanted to hold her in my loving arms forever and make all the bad things go away from her.
It can never compare to having a child, or being a mother. I know even though I want to, I can never fully understand what you're going through. I just want you to know...
Another person out there is thinkin about ya.
(hee hee)
Hi!

 

[alltherage]

Thank you all. It is nice to know that someone heard and understood. She is sore this morning but wants to go to school so i feel a little better. She slept and thats a good thing. Now all i have to to is find me a big spool of bubble wrap and a bodyguard and everything will be just wonderful.

Thanks again.

 

[jinnysub]

We're not omniscient, omnipotent, nor omnipresent.

But that doesn't make us feel any better when something like this happens.

Hug her, hold her, read to her, and indulge her. She'll remember those things much longer than the physical pain.

And love you all the more for it.

 

[looking4fun]

I feel your pain. Several years ago my son (he's now 8) had a pretty bad spill on his bike. I felt helpless setting in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to come. Ended up with a broken nose & a split lip that took stiches to close up.

When I told my mom about how I felt in the ER she told me something I will never forget. Which was, that being a parent isn't always about protecting our children, but always being there to comfort because life is full of bumps.

 

[Eroticus]

Your post hit a nerve. I am a dad first foremost and always. There is no one else in the world you will ever be truely bonded to like your children. Thier pain is your pain, their joy your joy. When they fall down you want to pick them up and say its okay. When they fail you forgive them and hug them and tell them it's okay, even when it's not.

I come here for escape, to allow the real world to pass me by for a brief period of time that is mine and only mine. Whatever we are here, whatever we become we leave here and know we can return whenever we have a need. The real world always looms nearby and threatens to pull us away at a moments notice. Our kids are the most visible reminder of this reality.

 

[Babydoll5272]

I am sorry

It is a big deal when us "Mommies" can't make the hurt go away, or prevent the accident from happening in the first place. I know exactly how you feel. My daughter (5 years now) was 3 years old when she started having a real bad chest cold, the cold got so bad I had her sleep on my chest because I was so afraid she would stop breathing.

When normal remedies did nothing to help my child breathe easier, I resorted to taking her to the doctors. When we arrived they rushed her in as they heard her wheezing, they did a pulse ox on her (Checks the level of oxygen in your body) first off and found it at 84. This is extremely low when a normal healthy child should be 98-100 %. They had to immediately through ambulance admit her to the hospital. I sat there and felt like a failure as a mom, I had tried all the cold meds. And I had brought her into the doctor's office two days prior. Now she was being admitted into the hospital and I felt responsible. For 6 days I sat side by side with her as we gradually got her breathing back to normal and realized that my daughter would probably be an active asthmatic child for her life. Now we live with a Neualizer breathing machine at home, inhalers at school, in my purse, in my car and at home.

But it never fails every time she has an attack; I sit back and feel so bad. Feeling I should have seen it coming on to prevent. Now logically I know even though we are mommies, we are not super heroes and cannot stop all accidents and illnesses. But it does not help elevate the guilt we can feel.

I know tonight was a stressful, hard and trying time, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. Wishing for a speedy recovery!

Happy Holidays
DOLL

 

[alltherage]

To all of you who wished me and my daughter well a heartfelt thanks. Babydoll, thank you so much for sharing that. My thoughts are with your little girl and you. You will be in my prayers. I would like to let you know that the child outshined her mother on this one. She is feeling better, has turned her cast into a picaso painting, and is sleeping as i write this. I got frantic, did not sleep, cried like a damn fool, and worried all day.

It helped to come here and read kind words and know that what i felt had been felt by others. Who says the cyber world is impersonal. bah. Thanks once again.

 

[Babydoll5272]

Your welcome

I am glad to hear everything is going smoothly for the both of you! I hope you enjoy a very Happy Holiday Season!

DOLL

 

[SilverVeil]

Just have to stick my nose in too ....


There is nothing on this earth that can bring us to our knees faster than our children hurting.

And if we want healthy, well adjusted children to grow up into healthy well adjusted adults, there is nothing we can do to keep them from getting hurt in some way on their journey through life.

Scraped knees, skinned hearts, tears and runny noses bring out the best in us. That deep down primal instinct called " Mommy and Daddy ". Even those of us who are not parents, have this instinct inside. The desire to protect a child from harm.

You ask "What am I ?"

Very simple.

You are Mommy. Now and forever to this person. Tall order huh ? But judging from your words in your post... you are more than capable to fill this role.

Because you love this child, and while love will not protect the child from everything... Love will be there waiting when called on.

Love is a fantastic resource. Never ending, always sustaining, accepting and unconditional. Your child is so lucky to have you as her Mommy who loves her.

 

[alltherage]

Just have to stick my nose in too ....


There is nothing on this earth that can bring us to our knees faster than our children hurting.

And if we want healthy, well adjusted children to grow up into healthy well adjusted adults, there is nothing we can do to keep them from getting hurt in some way on their journey through life.

Scraped knees, skinned hearts, tears and runny noses bring out the best in us. That deep down primal instinct called " Mommy and Daddy ". Even those of us who are not parents, have this instinct inside. The desire to protect a child from harm.

You ask "What am I ?"

Very simple.

You are Mommy. Now and forever to this person. Tall order huh ? But judging from your words in your post... you are more than capable to fill this role.

Because you love this child, and while love will not protect the child from everything... Love will be there waiting when called on.

Love is a fantastic resource. Never ending, always sustaining, accepting and unconditional. Your child is so lucky to have you as her Mommy who loves her.

Thank you and happy holidays. She turned out much better than I did in this whole thing and in the process once again taught me that panic serves no purpose. I am the one that is lucky. To have someone to love as I love my kids gives new meaning to the word grounded.