I don't have the attention span to sit and spend hours watching the NFL draft, but I usually check to see who my team got. With that said, here's a list of: NFL Draft Picks Whose Names Sound Like Porn Stars:
Grey Zabel (Seahawks). I can picture some dude in tiny boxers and a skimpy unbuttoned shirt saying in a sultry voice, "Hey. Put it in your mouth..."
Ashton Jeanty (Raiders). "Ashton" sounds like some hot slutty rock blonde chick. Maybe she'll make a video with Grey Zabel (hopefully after the Raiders lose to Grey's team.)
Derrick Harmon (Steelers.) I think there actually was some TV star called Derek Harmon back in the 8s.
Carson Schewesinger (Browns) Sounds like "Schwarzenegger." Which makes him cool.
Jack Bech (Raiders) "What's up babe, I'm jack. I got your jack right here..."
Ashton Gillotte (Chiefs) What's up with dudes named "Ashton?" At least this guy had the good luck not to get drafted by the fucking Raiders...
Dillon Gabriel (Browns.) I could picture this dude in a cowboy hat and chaps getting it on with some slutty country chick, too bad the Cowboys didn't get this guy...
Upton Stout (49ers) The jokes just write themselves, don't they.
So with that, I give you:
The following NFL Draft Picks whos Names Sound Like Part of a "Key and Peale" Sketch:
Maxwell Hairston, Bills.
Quinshon Judkins (Browns)
Aireontay Ersery (Texans)
Owuluafemi Oladejo (Titans)
Princeley Umanmielen (Panthers) I swear to God a lot of these guys probably had normal names until those Key and Peale sketches came out...
Grey Zabel (Seahawks). I can picture some dude in tiny boxers and a skimpy unbuttoned shirt saying in a sultry voice, "Hey. Put it in your mouth..."
Ashton Jeanty (Raiders). "Ashton" sounds like some hot slutty rock blonde chick. Maybe she'll make a video with Grey Zabel (hopefully after the Raiders lose to Grey's team.)
Derrick Harmon (Steelers.) I think there actually was some TV star called Derek Harmon back in the 8s.
Carson Schewesinger (Browns) Sounds like "Schwarzenegger." Which makes him cool.
Jack Bech (Raiders) "What's up babe, I'm jack. I got your jack right here..."
Ashton Gillotte (Chiefs) What's up with dudes named "Ashton?" At least this guy had the good luck not to get drafted by the fucking Raiders...
Dillon Gabriel (Browns.) I could picture this dude in a cowboy hat and chaps getting it on with some slutty country chick, too bad the Cowboys didn't get this guy...
Upton Stout (49ers) The jokes just write themselves, don't they.
So with that, I give you:
The following NFL Draft Picks whos Names Sound Like Part of a "Key and Peale" Sketch:
Maxwell Hairston, Bills.
Quinshon Judkins (Browns)
Aireontay Ersery (Texans)
Owuluafemi Oladejo (Titans)
Princeley Umanmielen (Panthers) I swear to God a lot of these guys probably had normal names until those Key and Peale sketches came out...
