newbie

[ekj]

Hi. I just recently discovered my intense interest in BDSM. I guess I am just looking for someone who can give me a kind of...BDSM 101. lol. This last week was the first time I ever had a look into this world and I love it...I just need some guidance.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Hi. I just recently discovered my intense interest in BDSM. I've done nothing with it yet but I have talked with a Dom whom I want to be my Master. We have talked about some of the things that I may like already and are planning on trying them the first chance that we have. I guess I am just looking for someone who can give me a kind of...BDSM 101. lol. This last week was the first time I ever had a look into this world and I love it...I just need some guidance.

The best advice you are going to hear is slow down. This is a big world full of passion and pain. If you run before you crawl you will miss the magic. Read everything BDSM related you can find. Enjoy.

and welcome ~~smile~~

 

[ReadyOne]

Read the stories, look for what excites you. Keep a short list, just a couple of keywords and the name of the story & author.

Separate out what you can do from what you can't. Some things are so wild or dangerous they belong only in your head. Others take some equipment you may need to accumulate or experience with rigging. Pick the little ones you can easily implement.

Talk to your partner about what intrigues you. Print out a story if it will help communicate or inspire them. Talk about safe, sane, consensual and get a couple of safe word. Discuss hard and soft limits.

Experiment. Go slow.

If it's complicated, a "practice run" might be worth it where all you both want to do is check the positions, equipment, etc. so when the time comes you can do it without so much fumbling around. Get a feel for things. For example, if you like a flogger take a couple of practice strokes on each other so you learn the effect and can judge how hard to swing it later.

Then pick a time and have so fun!

All this isn't to put a damper on spontaneity. Some scenes are well scripted. Others evolve. What you're doing is developing a repertoire from while you can assemble a good experience -- no reason it can't be different each time if you prefer not to know what's coming next.

Talk about it afterwards. A few minutes after you finish, spend one quick minute to level set. Tell what you liked, what you want to discuss later, mention things you want to remember. Many hours later, or the next day, talk about the experience in detail. Figure out what worked and what didn't. If a few changes would make something work better (or made to work), iron out the mechanics. Then before your next play, talk again.

Slowly feel your way though it all. After a bit, you won't need to talk near so much, and you can decide how much a part of our life style you want it to be. A few people live 24/7, some do some BDSM lots of the time, others save it for a special occasion several times a year.

You'll find what works for you. Remember these 3 things:
"Communication";
"Safe, Sane, Consensual";
The definition of BDSM is so wide that the difference between you and another can be like night and day.

 

[Etoile]

Hey there, ekj, welcome.

Yes, reading is essential. We have a Library section here in the BDSM Talk area.

It's also extremely important that you play safely. Are you setting up an online D/s relationship, or is this in real life? If it is IRL, please be extremely safe. The submissive's position is by definition a vulnerable one; make sure that you trust this person completely before you give consent to anything.