Newbie seeking advice

[everythinggoes]

Hi guys, i'm new here, but i have been an avid reader for a very long time. I read most categories, and i try to encompass all of these in my own writing. I have just post two chapters (the first of which is now available) and the second is waiting to be approved. It is called Rebecca's Road To Satisfaction, and i will warn people who find a certain genre "sick" to give it a miss, or begin reading with an open mind. I would really appreciate feedback, as i hope to write more chapters in the near future. With your help, i believe i can develop my writing skills to create an excellent erotic story that most will enjoy. Thanks in advance

 

[tickledkitty]

You need to give us a link if you want feedback.

You try to encompass all categories into your work? That must be quite a challenge. I think it's much better to just write a story how ever you see it and then pigeonhole it later.

 

[everythinggoes]

ok, well maybe a slight exaggeration, but this series will include elements of BDSM, incest, lesbian, erotic couplings, toys and masterbation, and they are just categories i have planned to include in this series. I admit it's a gamble, but at the moment, i'm experimenting, and i will hopefully realise after this which category im best at and stick to that, but in the meantime, i'm going to carry on as i intended.

Oh and by the way, here's the link for my first post, the second is waiting to be approved

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=372029

 

[elfin_odalisque]

everything, congrats on losing your lit virginity and posting.

Jenny J, who doesn't haunt this corner these days, would have been incandescent and, although my feeling is to be harsh - I will try to be as positive as I can.

First, you totally upend all convention on on story development and flow. You should start at the beginning, develop the conflict, then resolve the issues. You jump about with action, backstory and stuff so much that I don't know whether I'm supposed to like or hate your heroine.

This needs serious work on proofing - stop using exclamation marks and never use them with question marks. Your first paragraph is a grammatical nightmare and you get your tenses muddled up throughout.

Stop worrying about writing in a thousand categories and just try to get the basics right. By the way, though you dropped it in Erotic Couplings, this should have been in First Time - or else the virginity stuff is irrelevant.

I think you can write, but I feel you overrate your creative writing ability at this point. The priority is to tell a story - however sex-filled - and you just don't get us to care about the protags.

Elle

 

[The_Fractal_King]

Paragraphs should max out at six lines on a computer screen. Exclamation marks must be used sparingly, I had a grammar teacher who suggested no more than one per Word sized page. There seem to be a few general problems with grammar, phrasing and comma use.

Don't tell us the story let it happen. Unless it's critical to understanding the narrative you shouldn't explain too much in the narration or thoughts. If it comes up so much the better but a sixteen line paragraph about how they met is excessive and, frankly, not particularly interesting. little bit of time cleaning

I couldn't get into the story but that is likely more a problem of mine than of yours (not enough sleep you see).

Congratulations on submitting your first story. It's a big step and I'm sure you'll enjoy it here. Spend some time cleaning up the way you write and show people what kind of stories you have to tell.

 

[litchipking]

Welcome

Hey, welcome to Lit. Submitting the first one is the hardest.

My big suggestion is read. I know you have most likely read many stories on this site but I think you may benefit from paying a little more attention to structure, flow and character development. There are many wonderful authors here. Learn from them.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with beginning a story somewhere in the middle and providing flashbacks to fill in the gaps but I have to agree with elfin that your story ends up quite disjointed and confusing.

Your punctuation needs some polish and, just like the rest of us, your work would benefit greatly from a good editor / proofreader.

Lastly, it seems that you try very hard to include different categories in this story; even to the point of forcing some situations. Again, there is nothing wrong with a story that bounces around in many varying cats, but it is best to tell the story you want to tell and let the action lead where it may. Your story seems far too directed and makes the action a bit unbelievable.

Sorry if I was harsh. You did ask. I think you show the potential to improve from the comments here and I hope you submit another story soon. Good luck and keep writing.

 

[everythinggoes]

Thanks for all the feedback, and i will take it on board. In response to one comment, it's a journey of sexual discovery, and so the reason i have tried to include many possible scenarios is to reflect this journey. I was hoping to narrate the rest of her backstory in future chapters so the readers gain a better understanding of the character. In a way, i wanted to build up a complex character with many layers, how on the outside she may seem nothing more than a dirty little slut, however on the inside she longs for love. I didn't want to create a simple character who people all agreed on. As for my grammatical errors, i agree i should maybe seek an editor's help. All in all, i guess i have probably created some problems myself, in trying to start with such a complex story, however, when i was writing it, it seemed right. Anyways thanks again, all your advice has been noted, and i hope to eradicate these errors in fiture installments/stories.

 

[everythinggoes]

Ok, the second part is up on the site now, and people may think i ignored the feedback, i didn't, i had already posted the second part. I am asking for feedback again, but although it does suffer from the same grammatical errors, i would like people to focus more on the story, and whether they like the storyline, whether it is sexy or not. Comments, negative or positive will be welcomed, and i will take a break from writing the next part whilst i take your comments into consideration. Thanks in advance again

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=372665

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Hey, welcome to Lit. Submitting the first one is the hardest.

My big suggestion is read. I know you have most likely read many stories on this site but I think you may benefit from paying a little more attention to structure, flow and character development. There are many wonderful authors here. Learn from them.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with beginning a story somewhere in the middle and providing flashbacks to fill in the gaps but I have to agree with elfin that your story ends up quite disjointed and confusing.

Your punctuation needs some polish and, just like the rest of us, your work would benefit greatly from a good editor / proofreader.

Lastly, it seems that you try very hard to include different categories in this story; even to the point of forcing some situations. Again, there is nothing wrong with a story that bounces around in many varying cats, but it is best to tell the story you want to tell and let the action lead where it may. Your story seems far too directed and makes the action a bit unbelievable.

Sorry if I was harsh. You did ask. I think you show the potential to improve from the comments here and I hope you submit another story soon. Good luck and keep writing.

I suggest you begin by reading litchipking's still on-going series:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=935058&page=submissions.

He's an amazing writer and has inadvertently created a wonderful "How To" for new writers. I should know, I'm his editor, and very proud of his fine work. He's made me earn my pay on oocasion <wink> but I'm proud to be involved in this project.

 

[everythinggoes]

The third part is up, even though it is called chapter 2, but i have took all of your advice, and have attempted to apply most of it to this chapter. If people could take a short while to read and feedback or comment, that would be much appreciated. After this chapter, things are going to start to get sinister, and the main storyline will come into play, this was all kind of build up for the main event. Hope you all enjoy, and many thanks for the advice received so far.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=374288

 

[litchipking]

I have gone over your latest chapter and would love to get it to you. If you turn on your Private Messaging we can talk.

Just go to the User CP and enable Private Messaging. Then send me a PM.