Newbie in Forum Alert!

[Morgana the Fey]

Oh god, I'm greener than the very hills of Ireland in here. I write strange fantasy stuff that does not cater to the mass market. Any other fellow weirdos out there I would greatly appreciate any feedback and in turn I'll give you feedback on yours. Interests include historical fiction, fantasy and BDSM. Here is my latest humble offering.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=117190

 

[Sabledrake]

Welcome to the monkey house, Morgana!

Sabledrake

 

[Rainbow Skin]

This tells the story well in a short compass: the balance between the stories in each time is right, and the transitions clear. The language is evocative, and varied.

(I wouldn't normally read this sort of thing so I don't know how it comes across to someone who does.)

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It's a cool little story and I think you tell it well. The writing's strong and the language is evocative.

I don't read much fantasy anymore because I began to find it all started to sound alike. Fantasy is a genre, and it has its own conventions, its own style and language, and if the author's not careful it can slip rapidly into cliche. All the blasted heaths and foggy moors and haunted moons start to blur together. You avoid cliche for the most part, but there are times when you come a bit close for my tastes, flirting with the melodramatic for melodrama's sake.

There's a lot of material here to cram into so short a story, and I think you do it well, as RainbowSkin points out. You tell most of the story in broad strokes and then zoom in for the supernatural parts. The part that's missing from the story is her own reaction to what's happening to her. Surely she must have some doubts or fears about it, but I don't know if you could include these without greatly expanding the story. In any case, she's very complaisant about the whole thing.

As I say, fantasy's not really my thing anymore, at least not this kiond of fanmtasy, but i thought this was pretty neatly done.

One things more:
"Ethlinn..." he croons my name as his big hands expose my breasts and suckle at them, pushing them down between my willing legs and conjuring up the wildest, wickest feelings inside."

He pushes your breasts down between your legs? I know: you meant his hands, but it needs to be clarified. (Picky, picky.)

Nice story, and welcome to Lit.

---dr.M.

 

[Morgana the Fey]

Thanks for the welcome Sabledrake and thanks also Rainbow Skin for the complimentary remarks. And as for you Dr Mabeuse (smiling), your criticism was much appreciated and constructive. Having just read a few of your own stories though I am now headed for the nearest cliff to throw myself off! Newbie meets guru, feels overwhelmed and inadequate and consequently tops herself scenario. But to be serious for a sec you are right in what you say however I admit I'm a lazy writer and sit tapping at the keys while quaffing wine and thinking lewd thoughts much of the time.

There was another thread I was reading the other night about how the veterans can be unkind to new people. Personally speaking I have so far found this place and its regulars to be a delight. Look forward to speaking to you all more in the future.

Morgana