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[Sultry_Sieren]

Ok I am not new to lit but I am new to the whole BDSM and Dom/Sub sence I seem to find it a turn on to be in a submissive role but have yet to find somone to put me there. If you have any advice I am more than willing to listen

 

[YourCaptor]

Gather information, ask questions, watch your stereotyping of what is BDSM (when we approach something new we tend to want to define it very precisely), do what seems natural, and be selective in your partner.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Ok I am not new to lit but I am new to the whole BDSM and Dom/Sub scene. I seem to find it a turn on to be in a submissive role but have yet to find somone to put me there. If you have any advice I am more than willing to listen

Advice for learning more about BDSM generally, and D/s specifically:

• Amble into the BDSM Talk forum (this forum's progenitor) and look at the topics at the top of the first page, find "Library," and read, read, read.
• Read a few dozen (hundred?) of the BDSM stories posted on Lit; just remember to take them with a shaker (not a pinch) of salt. Real life BDSM seldom comes close to matching the fantasies of the stories, which leave out a lot of the humdrum details of life that often interfere with people's ability to "do" BDSM 24/7.
• Read some of the back threads in the Talk section.
• Find a couple of the BDSM checklists and read through them, or even fill one or two out, looking up the terminologies with which you're unfamiliar.

In all those cases, make (at least mental) note of the topics and ideas that catch your interest the most, or most quickly, and read up on them some more. They're the most likely focus for your future activities.

Advice for looking into real life BDSM.

• Find a munch and/or support group within a reasonable distance of your home, and begin attending. Again, see what "catches your eye" and do some more research.
• Do not look for a BDSM or D/s partner immediately. Take the time to learn more about this culture, and the people in it, first. Partners, especially for unattached submissives, are pretty damn easy to find - just about any BDSM "corner" will have a bunch of them hanging out, leaning on the lampposts or playing pool in the neighborhood billiard parlor. When a good one (for you) comes along, you will better be able to recognize him/her, and better able to recognize ones who aren't good for you.
• Find out if there are any fetish/BDSM conventions coming up in your area. (Your local group or munch is likely to have information available on this topic.) Conventions are a great place to get exposed to a lot of information (classes, demos), people (attendees, class and demo presenters), and "toys" (vendors).

 

[WriterDom]

Good advice from SW as usual.

Educate yourself before you entertain any offers of "help" from a guy.

 

[midwestyankee]

Above all else, to your own self be true. Read as much as you can about D/s. Talk with as many people as you can find who will talk about D/s without any ulterior motives. Learn what flips your switches.

And then remember this: above all else, a D/s relationship is a relationship is a relationship. All other relationship-forming rules apply. Anything you know about finding and forming a successful relationship is going to apply to a relationship that has a D/s dynamic.

Though you're looking for a particular flavor of relationship, they're all still ice cream. And ice cream melts and will stain your clothes if you don't handle it wisely.

 

[DVS]

Ok I am not new to lit but I am new to the whole BDSM and Dom/Sub sence I seem to find it a turn on to be in a submissive role but have yet to find somone to put me there. If you have any advice I am more than willing to listen

You have recently submitted a BDSM categorized story. I haven't read the story as of yet, but you must have some idea of what you want, if you've written a story in the BDSM vein.

So, I'm assuming you have an idea of what you're looking for when you mention you wish "to find someone to put me there". If this is true, you just need to expand on that.

Of course, don't go too fast. The information you've already received on this thread is good. Take it from me, a single guy without a submissive. I'd like to find a nice naive submissive woman to tie up in my basement and use.

I'll tell you that up front, but there are more than enough men out there that won't tell you, but have the same intentions. Just watch your step, when meeting possible partners. Read about safe calls and other safety information in the BDSM library. Don't get mixed up with some wannabe or poser, because you are too naive to know any better.

Trust me...they are out there, and they are looking for fresh meat. Don't be their next meal.

 

[Sultry_Sieren]

Thank you all for the information you have given me so far I find it very useful and some of it renfources some of my previous notions thank you again

 

[naxalite0906]

Just look before you leap! Don't be afraid of digging out info for yourself and establishing your own opinions of things. Most people here are a friendly bunch, but your personal thread might attract a lot of unwanted attention so be sure to work out more about that person before establishing a relationship.

Welcome though

 

[Harmony_1985]

Your local munch can often be very helpful. The organiser of my local munch is so helpful it's unreal, he'll do anything to help anyone getting into the scene with any aspect no matter what.