To look over my story and let me know if it stands up!
Very Brief Synopsis
Two 18yr old girls on holiday. Very close friends. One wakes up with a penis (magic, but not explained as such). Erotic smoking, hand job, blow job, sex to climax. Very slight hint of incest.
Hi,
First time poster here on Literotica. I would like to here from an editor who can read my story and let me know if there are any major (or niggling minor) problems with it. I guess I'm really looking for feedback before posting it to remove any rough edges.
Here's the first four hundred or so words...
*****
It was the middle of the night. Angela and Gwen were sharing the bed as they had done on countless sleep-overs since both were children. The only difference that night was that it was a sleep-over on the holiday island of Fuerteventura and Gwen's parents hadn't been able to come out that year due to other commitments. Angela and Gwen had had the choice of any of the beds in the timeshare apartment. Habit had decided that they would share a bed, and practicality had decided on the largest bed in the apartment.
Angela rolled over onto her front. That's strange, she thought at the unexpected discomfort she felt between her legs. In her mostly asleep state she simply figured that she was lying on Gwen's hand or something, so Angela shifted in the bed once more.
No, it couldn't be any part of Gwen she was lying on - Gwen was sleeping peacefully a few feet away. Angela rolled over onto her back and the odd feeling followed her. It was like a light weight on her and she pulled back the sheets to have a look. What she saw there made her leap out of bed.
"What's wrong?" asked Gwen, waking sleepily in response to her friend's sudden movement.
"Oh my Goddess!" cried Angela, looking between her legs.
"Is that what I think it is?" asked Gwen incredulously, coming awake completely at the sight of Angela standing in the moonlight.
Angela couldn't reply. She could do nothing except stare at the thing between her legs. Finally, she looked up at her friend and whispered a plea for help.
"Well, I don't know what help I can be right now," said Gwen. "How about... Hmm, maybe a nice cup of tea will give us time to think about this!"
"T-T-Tea?" stuttered Angela. "Tea, at this time?"
"Do you have any better ideas?" asked Gwen. "It's not like either of us will get back to sleep any time soon! Come on, tea will make you feel better."
Gwen slipped a nightdress over her head and waited for a response from Angela. Angela had a deer in the headlights look about her and it took a few minutes for her to make up her mind.
"Tea... Okay," she said. Angela pulled a dressing gown on and tied the belt securely around her waist.
"At least I don't have to look at it," she continued. "Ugh, I can still feel it there."
*****
If you've read so far, the completed version is just over three thousand words and is part of a series I have planned in my head. The series will later touch on beach nudity/mild exhibitionism, lesbian sex, watersports/golden showers, incest, forced feminization.
Thanks for reading and considering, and I hope to hear from an interested editor soon!
The Evelyn
Very Brief Synopsis
Two 18yr old girls on holiday. Very close friends. One wakes up with a penis (magic, but not explained as such). Erotic smoking, hand job, blow job, sex to climax. Very slight hint of incest.
Hi,
First time poster here on Literotica. I would like to here from an editor who can read my story and let me know if there are any major (or niggling minor) problems with it. I guess I'm really looking for feedback before posting it to remove any rough edges.
Here's the first four hundred or so words...
*****
It was the middle of the night. Angela and Gwen were sharing the bed as they had done on countless sleep-overs since both were children. The only difference that night was that it was a sleep-over on the holiday island of Fuerteventura and Gwen's parents hadn't been able to come out that year due to other commitments. Angela and Gwen had had the choice of any of the beds in the timeshare apartment. Habit had decided that they would share a bed, and practicality had decided on the largest bed in the apartment.
Angela rolled over onto her front. That's strange, she thought at the unexpected discomfort she felt between her legs. In her mostly asleep state she simply figured that she was lying on Gwen's hand or something, so Angela shifted in the bed once more.
No, it couldn't be any part of Gwen she was lying on - Gwen was sleeping peacefully a few feet away. Angela rolled over onto her back and the odd feeling followed her. It was like a light weight on her and she pulled back the sheets to have a look. What she saw there made her leap out of bed.
"What's wrong?" asked Gwen, waking sleepily in response to her friend's sudden movement.
"Oh my Goddess!" cried Angela, looking between her legs.
"Is that what I think it is?" asked Gwen incredulously, coming awake completely at the sight of Angela standing in the moonlight.
Angela couldn't reply. She could do nothing except stare at the thing between her legs. Finally, she looked up at her friend and whispered a plea for help.
"Well, I don't know what help I can be right now," said Gwen. "How about... Hmm, maybe a nice cup of tea will give us time to think about this!"
"T-T-Tea?" stuttered Angela. "Tea, at this time?"
"Do you have any better ideas?" asked Gwen. "It's not like either of us will get back to sleep any time soon! Come on, tea will make you feel better."
Gwen slipped a nightdress over her head and waited for a response from Angela. Angela had a deer in the headlights look about her and it took a few minutes for her to make up her mind.
"Tea... Okay," she said. Angela pulled a dressing gown on and tied the belt securely around her waist.
"At least I don't have to look at it," she continued. "Ugh, I can still feel it there."
*****
If you've read so far, the completed version is just over three thousand words and is part of a series I have planned in my head. The series will later touch on beach nudity/mild exhibitionism, lesbian sex, watersports/golden showers, incest, forced feminization.
Thanks for reading and considering, and I hope to hear from an interested editor soon!
The Evelyn
