New writer with a question...

flavortang

Literotica Guru
Joined
Oct 20, 2005
Posts
1,030
I recently submitted a story but it's been five days and it still shows as 'pending'. Is it possible to just start a thread with a link to my story?

If this isn't allowed, I apologize. Any help on this subject would be appreciated.
 
flavortang said:
I recently submitted a story but it's been five days and it still shows as 'pending'. Is it possible to just start a thread with a link to my story?

If this isn't allowed, I apologize. Any help on this subject would be appreciated.

Your story will likely be accepted in the next few days, (or rejected). There is no link to it as of yet, but if you want a review, you can post a .doc file here and we can read it for critique purposes.

Patience is a virtue oft overlooked, but frequently rewarded.
 
The opening Chapter, was the most difficult part to read, the writing is a bit basic and lacks the flavour which says "read me, I'm a novelette". I would like to see the break up a bit spicier, some hint of emotion. Kevin just says, "ah, the woman I love is humping someone else, I think I'll leave."

Why if Kevin has a good job, owns a condo, and has money, is he moving away from all of it and leaving it to his cheating girlfriend? How is he to work if he moves 3 hours away from his job?

----

The middle (meeting katie).

The dialogue is good, interesting and realistic, if a little unexciting.

------
sex/encounters- Good enough, again nice dialogue, realism good enough, nothing that turned me off.

-----
ending.

Should please most readers. Ditch the "to be continued" at the very end, no value in telling people this.

------

Problems.
A lot passive voice, and far too many infinitives.
Overuse of the words Really, quickly, gently, softly, slowly.

some quirky sentence structures and some basically just bad ones in places.

----

Rating - I think it should be accepted as it is by Lit, I see no major problems that should prevent acceptance. I cannot say I would rate it "5.0" but it certainly deserves a 4.5.

It could use a final edit and probably about a 5% trimming of words, to help flow and content.
 
I have to agree. It would've helped if I actual gave it an edit pass. lol This is my first erotic story but there's still no excuse for some of the glaring flaws. I think I'll go over the whole story and make the appropriate revisions.

I think part of the reasons for Kevin's reaction to her infidelity was because I've been in his shoes and I reacted the same way. lol He and I just aren't the wildly, outwardly emotional type, I suppose.
 
Last edited:
flavortang said:
I have to agree. It would've helped if I gave it an edit pass. This is my first erotic story but there's still no excuse for some of the glaring flaws. I think I'll go over the whole story and make the appropriate revisions.

Mind, it is good as it is. I think you can leave the dialogue much as it is, and stick to working on word and sentence structure in the first 20 paragraphs (or so).

If you turn on PMs, I'll send some suggested changes for the first few paragraphs.
 
Back
Top