New writer seeks feedback

[Heironymous]

Hi all!! I wrote my first story and submitted it, and it's doing quite well with the readers, but I'm not getting any feedback. I was hoping for emails regarding folks' thoughts on the subject matter, how it relates to their lives or fantasies, and how it affected them. The name of the story is:

Sunset Social Club

Link:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=14784

Love to hear from anyone either thru thread, but especially email: heironymous92@hotmail.com

Thanks!!!

 

[nitengale]

perfect!

Now for your efforts, I'll read and give you feedback!

 

[JUDO]

Good Job!

H-

Awesome! Lots of setup (unfortunate, but necessary) and a very different pace from the stuff I write (I'm usually too excited to go slow -- ah, well).

But like the slow comfortable screw we all know and love, your words and pacing were impeccable.

I liked the shock of the first sex scene. Very hot. But that is something that I like in stories. The characters are somehow inhibited to the sex they need and the situation causes them to give-in.

I can tell I liked it because my brain is still mis-firing (sort've like the goosebumps you get on your arms when you hear a really cool song, but transposed to thought).

Good job. Very descriptive and without the "Ooos" and "Ahhs" that I find necessary.

- Judo

 

[CelticsHeart]

Well done!

Your story was wonderful! I don`t really feel I can do the grammar comment thingy, but it gave me all the right feelings! I really enjoyed it, and more importantly I hope you write more soon
CH

 

[Heironymous]

Thanks for the feedback, writers!!!

Thanks all for the feedback..I've read all of your stuff and you guys are the best, CelticHeart, Judo & Nitengale. I originally wrote the Sunset Social Club piece for my wife. We had been printing up stories from Literotica and reading them to each other at bed time. One evening after the lights were out I mentioned something to her about Jack & Jill clubs, and she asked me what they were. When I explained, she became noticeably more excited!! We had toyed with the idea of me writing one especially for her, so I decided to make that my subject. I thought the result was pretty good, and felt very affirmed when she read it. Then I decided to post it, and I think the readers have liked it. So....by popular request (my wife is very popular!), I'm starting on the sequel. Think I'll still hold off on letting Jerry go, though. Thanks again for the great feedback!!!!! Nitengale, are you the Cat~~ that emailed me????

 

[CelticsHeart]

Poor old Jerry!

***Rotter Alert*** I think Jerry deserves just a little taster.

CH

 

[JUDO]

Poor Jerry

I think Jerry does, too, but isn't it wonderful the sexual subtext that goes along with Jerry not being allowed?

Who knows, if he's forced to 'just observe' again, maybe it'll prove to much for him and rather than be thrown out of the club he and his wife now crave by breaking rules, he'll have to sneak off and take matters into his own hands.

And if so, wouldn't it be so perfect, if Clarisse would be the one to catch the poor boy post climax. "Oh, that was you in the bath. Were you holding your breath the entire time?", asks Clarisse, "You look a little, ah, flushed."

- Judo

 

[CelticsHeart]

Hmmmmm.....

Cute idea Judo. However the perv in me thinks he needs just a taster! He could just be about to "get stuck in" when the little lady says no! Even better fun as she would then deserve a sound spanking when they get back home. You know - the kinda "DON`T YOU EVER" spanking. OK, back to my own lil fantasy world. I`m sure the original author has it covered already. Or do you H?

CH xx

 

[Heironymous]

Thinking Outside the Box!

Wow! Thanks, all. Those are ideas that take my thinking "outside my own little box". Opens up new realms of possibilities. First, I think I'm going to keep Jerry out of the action for one more episode. It's like when you're out of town for a function, and you've watched your partner bathe and shave, dress in her best clothes, and you spend all evening knowing that when you get back to the hotel, you are going to have a WONDERFUL time, but first you must go through the dinner, and the presentations, the conversations, etc. All evening long, you're focused on what's going to be happening later back in your room. It's the anticipation that makes it so sweet!!!

So I think a good idea would be for Jerry to not be allowed to participate, and maybe have it become a control issue for Greta. And then perhaps use CH's idea of a spanking in the next installment (I'm having too much fun to not keep writing), as a way for him to compete for control. Then at the end of the third installment have them find their common ground, and happiness at the Social Club.

Then as to setting for the next meeting....a large private yacht? A rented ballroom for a formal party? What else is outside the box???

Thanks again, all!!

 

[JUDO]

'Two Bunch Palms?'

Locale:

How about a very private resort? Something similar to 'Two Bunch Palms' featured in the movie, 'The Player?'

http://www.twobunchpalms.com

Rented for the meeting by the club. Members can stay overnight?

Definitely the kind of locale for a sensuous, heady experience.

- Judo

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Thinking Outside the Box!

Then as to setting for the next meeting....a large private yacht? A rented ballroom for a formal party? What else is outside the box???

A local version of Colonial Williamsburg? Someplace that they can rent during the off-season and use the stocks and pillory without all of the tourists getting offended?

 

[CelticsHeart]

Yummmmmmy!

Yes! Yes! Yes! And also, how does one get there?

CH xx