New writer seeking constructive criticism for fantasy/nonhuman series

[HasdrubalClitomachus]

Just started writing for the first time in my life a couple of months ago. I’d be grateful for constructive criticism regarding any bad habits I may be displaying before I get set in my ways.

More interested in feedback on the most recent chapter if you don’t mind centaur/human:

The White Sheep

If that squicks you out, this one doesn’t have anything weirder than futa:

The Magic Shop

 

[PrincessArianrhod]

Tried The Magic Shop. Good intro and eloquent setting of surroundings and atmosphere. If it were me, I'd spend a little more time blending the personality of the MC into that atmosphere to create more empathy between her and the reader. Personally, I found the sexual descriptions were a slap in the face after all that carefully worded atmosphere; terms like 'cock and balls' 'dildo' and 'cockhead' were entirely incongruous with the narrative.

It may just be me since I'm not a fan of reverting to slang or vulgar words simply because something is sexual in nature but given the surroundings, the mystique of the setting and characters was off-set too much by that. Competent writing though and certainly novel.

 

[RoperTrace]

Tried The Magic Shop. Good intro and eloquent setting of surroundings and atmosphere. If it were me, I'd spend a little more time blending the personality of the MC into that atmosphere to create more empathy between her and the reader. Personally, I found the sexual descriptions were a slap in the face after all that carefully worded atmosphere; terms like 'cock and balls' 'dildo' and 'cockhead' were entirely incongruous with the narrative.

It may just be me since I'm not a fan of reverting to slang or vulgar words simply because something is sexual in nature but given the surroundings, the mystique of the setting and characters was off-set too much by that. Competent writing though and certainly novel.

I approve this advice.

 

[HasdrubalClitomachus]

Tried The Magic Shop. Good intro and eloquent setting of surroundings and atmosphere. If it were me, I'd spend a little more time blending the personality of the MC into that atmosphere to create more empathy between her and the reader. Personally, I found the sexual descriptions were a slap in the face after all that carefully worded atmosphere; terms like 'cock and balls' 'dildo' and 'cockhead' were entirely incongruous with the narrative.

It may just be me since I'm not a fan of reverting to slang or vulgar words simply because something is sexual in nature but given the surroundings, the mystique of the setting and characters was off-set too much by that. Competent writing though and certainly novel.

Thank you, I really appreciate the feedback.

Regarding the sexual descriptions, do you recommend any stories (your own or someone else’s) that give good examples of less jarring descriptions of explicit sex?

What sort of thing do you have in mind with ‘blending the personality of the MC into [the] atrmosphere?’

 

[HasdrubalClitomachus]

I approve this advice.

Thanks for the reply. Do you recommend any particular stories that do a good job of describing explicit sex without resorting to this kind of terminology?

 

[RoperTrace]

Just started writing for the first time in my life a couple of months ago. I’d be grateful for constructive criticism regarding any bad habits I may be displaying before I get set in my ways.

More interested in feedback on the most recent chapter if you don’t mind centaur/human:

The White Sheep

If that squicks you out, this one doesn’t have anything weirder than futa:

The Magic Shop

I tried The Magic Shop, and found it fun to read. I think you did a helluva job with characters' development and the visual imagery, but the story plot was a little difficult to understand. Maybe it's because it's in a genre that I seldom read. I thought it was superbly written, in spite of my lack of understanding the plot. For a new writer, you're doing a great job.

Thanks for the reply. Do you recommend any particular stories that do a good job of describing explicit sex without resorting to this kind of terminology?

Okay, I've now read The Magic Shop(see above), and thought the sex was done well. I'll try The White Sheep later on. RT

 

[PrincessArianrhod]

Regarding the sexual descriptions, do you recommend any stories (your own or someone else’s) that give good examples of less jarring descriptions of explicit?

You could have a look at one or two of my stories since they're literally exactly what I'm thinking of. I'm fairly niche though, you'd have to creatively translate to your sexuality of preference.

 

[HasdrubalClitomachus]

You could have a look at one or two of my stories since they're literally exactly what I'm thinking of. I'm fairly niche though, you'd have to creatively translate to your sexuality of preference.

I will do that. Thank you again for the feedback.

 

[HasdrubalClitomachus]

I tried The Magic Shop, and found it fun to read. I think you did a helluva job with characters' development and the visual imagery, but the story plot was a little difficult to understand. Maybe it's because it's in a genre that I seldom read. I thought it was superbly written, in spite of my lack of understanding the plot. For a new writer, you're doing a great job.

Okay, I've now read The Magic Shop(see above), and thought the sex was done well. I'll try The White Sheep later on. RT

Thanks! I probably just didn’t write it very clearly. Was the problem more in the part with the owner?

 

[RoperTrace]

Thanks! I probably just didn’t write it very clearly. Was the problem more in the part with the owner?

It may just be me, since I'm not much of a fantasy fan, but Sci-Fi is more to my liking. Maybe reading previous chapters would clue me in somewhat better. You're getting great ratings, so let that be your guide.